argument113求批改

竹林中人

indicated to improve ？ｉｎｄｉｃａｔｅ后面需要加ｔｈａｔ。
第一段，第一句话就下了结论，而后面的两句又没有提供足够的支撑。个人觉得，有必要在首段中先概括下题目的结论和依据，然后再表明自己因为什么原因（这题根据题目的要求是因为有些没有说明的前提或者假设）而认为题目结论靠不住。
 The first ground of the argument is that theauthor cited examples that many other companies have recently stated thathaving their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatlyimproved productivity.这句话如果重新组织下会更好，避免连续地用ｔｈａｔ，ｅｇ．The first ground of the argument is the examples the author cites that beacuse of taking the ERSRC the productivity of the employees in many other companies have greatly improved.尽量把句子的中心内容放在前面。
I have to ask is it reliable in such companies 这句话中it指代不明，另外，句子的语序也不对。如果换成I strongly question the reliability of the examples for ……

竹林中人

Then, isit representative even if it is true above.既然是句话，就应该是陈述句语序，而非一般疑问句的语序。
how many is the ‘many’这个说法是很不地道的，不如直接说，the saying is too vague for we do not have specific numbers and comparison。
was lack with？
first ground of the argument revealed 怎么还是first
The implication is that is ？？
But the problem is: firstly, the considerable benefits was listenedfrom others. The truth was not attested. Secondly, it would be a waste ofemployee`s time instead if the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course could not reachthe anticipated effect. 这种表述太随意了。

竹林中人

不知道LZ是先准备考托福呢还是GRE，无论怎样，我建议LZ先学习下托福作文，尤其是满分作文，从准确地语言表达到有逻辑地组织，这是写好GRE作文的一个基础。接下来再提高GRE作文对内容和结构上的要求。AW作文的要求是critical和specific，如何做到critical，体现在你的论述和分析前后衔接自然，逻辑性强，严密，而不觉得有什么漏掉的，尤其是我们认为那些比较显然的东西，更是不能省，整个的就是要把我们的那个严谨的推理分析过程写出来，而不在于你的结论。specific在于你的论述和分析不停留在抽象的说理，而能通过的具体的事例或者数据来支撑你的分析。所以LZ还需继续努力，语言准确是前提，才能知道你写了什么，再提高。

竹林中人

But the problem with ths evidence is that the benefit from the course is not explicit for it lacks   comparison woth others who may read faster or rise to a higher position which lead to the course‘s usefulness and even a waste of time 你看怎么样，更好的表述还需LZ多多读一些比较好的文章，体会并积累