Please help me review this essay and give my comment...

tina_aya

Can someone help me review this essay?  Is this good or not.  ls everybody advise comment to me.  Thks everyone help....^^

  In no more than five sentences, please describe the professional environment in which you envision yourself one year after obtaining your MBA. Please be as specific as possible, including job title/description, industry and if possible, firm.

Internationalization is a current trend. After one year MBA course, it will increase my business knowledge of ability and more depth international concept. Compared with the same age business people, my English communication skill is better and has better competition capability. When I come back to our company, I believe upon my ability that after had trained by your MBA course I will push our company to an international stage and being a more important role in company and earn more money.

tina_aya

谢谢各位的意见,下面是我重改的内容,我知道我的写作不好,需要各位的帮忙,谢谢

After having graduated, I will come back to Giftex Corporation Ltd. to continue its development. Using the knowledge and skill to achieve my company the greatest efficiency with the smallest amount of resources and labor and expand out operations into the world. After having plentiful textile expression, I wish to join a renowned haberdashery brand name company. With my specialization in garments and marketing skill, I believe that I will be able to understand more about the company's image, helping the company to create a marketing strategy in line with its brand name and to make tailor-made and suitable clothing.