[求助]作文TWE0014请修改 谢谢

德克的猪

怎么还有nowadays这样的词·······

德克的猪

currently

先看看我的修改集合吧

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-31 17:43:34编辑过]

德克的猪

Nowadays(Currently), the development of our society sparks various ways for people to obtain knowledge. With this comes a nationwide(不要随便的就写nationwide) debate that whether a student should be compelled(注意:compel和require是两个不通的概念,这里用ask也不错,但是最好还是不用compel) to come to classes. I regarded(regard这里应该是现在时态) attending classes as optional for two reasons. First, there is a large amount of ways(不要重复前面的用词,这里用method/avenue) to gain knowledge now, not only in classes. Also, it is not applicable for students of all levels to be present in classes.

(我个人觉得开头的模版味道比较的重.特点是:开头一个<现今>,然后是一句重复题目的废话,接着发表自己的观点…其实在body部分适用模版是可以的,但是开头部分我不建议适用模版,因为这样给阅卷人的印象不好,会对后面的有影响)

 

University students have different(用diverse这个词我认为可以更好的支持你的观点) ways(method/avenue) to acquire knowledge. Books from libraries provide them with knowledge of all subjects such as mathematics, physics and biology; computers and internet websites offer them everything they want to know fast and conveniently(这里虽然没有重复provide这个词,但是概念却是重复的,都是某物提供给某人什么什么东西,这个可以稍微改一下:Via the help of the powerful media-internet, students can easily find what they want fast and conveniently); programs on TV are also available. Thus, going to classes is no longer the only way to attain knowledge. Suppose that one student, with ample books(book) supplies, rarely attends classes. He stays in the dormitory and studies all by himself. Whenever he has problems, he just surfs the internet to find the answer. Undeniable he can well achieve knowledge(achieve knowledge这样的说法我没有见过) in this way. In conclusion, students, with numerous other approaches, are able to(be able to换为can) gain knowledge outside classes.

 

What is more, being present in classes may not suit students of all levels. Every class is likely to involve talented students as well as incapable(incapable指的是weak and stupid或者unable,这里最好不这样用,稍微委婉点:average or even some not very clever) students. The superior ones need advanced knowledge and solutions to difficult issues. The inferior(average) students, on the other hand, demand basic points of a certain subject and detailed explanations of simple(some) examples. As a result, no matter which aspect teachers focus on, part of their students will not be satisfied in that they did not acquire what they want. People go to university to obtain knowledge, and only when students are not required to attend classes can this aim be well achieved.

 

Nevertheless, people who consider attending class as compulsory still hold onto their belief. They argue that if students enter classes on their own, authority of the university will find it more difficult to administer. Reasonable as this reason might be, they ignore the fact that students come to university to acquire knowledge, and they will achieve knowledge more effectively if attending classes is optional. Nothing can be compared with the attainment of knowledge.

 

In brief, with plenty of ways to attain knowledge and different needs of different ranked students, students should be allowed to attend classes on their own.       

 

总体还是很不错的,后面基本没有什么好改的了.表达很清楚,文章的脉络很清晰.不过,LZ的表达重复还是比较多,有的时候可以换一种方式来表达同一个意思.还有就是

德克的猪

这个是我花了20分钟写的一篇作文,题目和你的一样,大家可以交流交流.

Communication makes better ourselves.

Freedom is what young adults are chasing day in and day out. Always, I believe that the atmospheres in current universities are fairly free. Nevertheless, in recent years, some of us have become less gratified with the current level of freedom which I deem as a modest one. They begin to argue that students should be given the power to decide whether to attend class or not. Well, such a plan might be an appealing one but I believe not a good one.

 

 

 

For one thing, I would like to mention that it is to some degree difficult for a multitude of students who are not strong-minded enough to resist the diverse lures from the outside world-if they are granted to the right of not attending classes, I believe, some of them will inevitably dissipate their precious time on things, say, video games, hanging out with friends and countless parties, of course. In the light of such a concern, really, I could not espouse the proposition that students can attend or miss classes at will.

 

 

 

To such a paramount reason, another must be added. As a matter of fact, students, no matter how preeminent or talented, are young adults whose knowledge is, to a certain extent, limited and some of whose ideas are not correct or kind of partial, hence the importance of teachers’ guide in their academic study. As no doubt, most of us are equipped with the fundamental capacity of independent learning which means we can acquire the knowledge or expertise given in classes by teachers all by ourselves. However, teachers, when compared with us students, are certainly more experienced and wiser-their opinions and experiences are of great value-via learning from them, one will indubitably obtain more new things in their domains than simply immersing himself/herself in books. And those things will help the students in many ways sooner or later.

 

 

 

As time is so limited, I have to come to this end now, but the two factors I have just mentioned, as far as I am concerned, will suffice to support my perspective-students should be required to attend classes.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-2 10:46:20编辑过]