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刚看了一段，蓝色表示楼主的lapses，红色表示我添加的地方：

Parents are the first teachers for the children, and their behaviors affect children anywhere and anytime, so the parents’ influence on children is great. Facts present many examples as shown（如果as是打算作介词的话，怎么可以后接过去分词？介词后接名词、代词、动名词才是呀）:（冒号后面的例子太凌乱，用first、second...这样才条理清楚，而且貌似后面只有一个例子，所以前面和后面的一个地方不要用examples啦。） When I was young, my parents always encouraged me. If I did something well, such as getting a high mark on my test, or helping other people, my parents would reward me. (楼主用would表达，语气显得十分委婉，但语法上没有错误；但如果楼主在这里打算用虚拟语气的话，语法是有错误的，因为过去情况的虚拟条件句是从句：had+过去分词；主句：would have+过去分词。因为前面有When I was young，显然后面是用过去情况的虚拟条件句，而不是现在及将来情况的虚拟条件句。楼主自己斟酌吧。)If I did something wrong, such as fighting with neighbor’s kids, they would punish me. Therefore, I knew what should I（楼主得用陈述句的语序） do and what shouldn’t when I was a child. Don't you think that the examples quoted above are very persuasive?（这个有可能更好一点： The examples quoted above are extremely persuasive, aren't they?）

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-1-7 17:18:11编辑过]