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It seems faily good, but I'd like to put my comments for discussing. 1. the trail of template is evident. the rumour that ets destests this kind of writing may concern the writer when he/she needs a pretty good score in wte. maybe i am too sensitive since i read some books about toefl writing. 2. opening needs to be improved. whom we are facing in the test, the graders of wte, are those from colleges with professional training in english writing and solid, perhaps worse, the rigid typical psychology in english writing. i don't know the reason why most chinese writing classes offered their attendants the similar template, which is not my point here, but i am sure this kind of opening differs from standard opening of english way. you may have much more lively and interesting opening if you could go to library referring any kind of writing books by english people. please try. 3. the easy way to write this article is, take the con and refute the statement from at least two facts, one is appearance always fails to reflect the feign intrinsic traits of a person for most people don't be trained to professionally make up himself. Nor the judge before him. thus doing so brings about false result. second, artificial app. always distract you from the point, the true hidden purpose - app sometimes might be treacherous. of course, there is common sense by which people can judge a person, such the definitions as slattern, an untidy lady; playboy, an indulgent man, est -- this is the part compromising thus making your argument more cogent and persuasive. 4. take it easy. my opinion given is intent to give some help. I hate to say your writing not good or my writing is bad. good luck in toefl. | 
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发表于 2007-5-6 02:12:00
