第二份作文,求拍,谢谢!

terminator8

At present, a university wants to build a research center in my country. Some people believe that an agricultural center should be built. However, as far as I am concerned, a business center will bring us more advantages. Afterwards, I would explain my opinions about it. 

The most persuasive point is that we are in badly economic condition at present. Homeless rummage trash cans for food, laid-off people have an inadequate income and can not meet their rents, and even the educated people have troubles to find proper work, because the employment rate in my country is outrageously low. The appearance of the business center may most likely resolve this difficulty. After analyzing all kinds of data systemically, the business research center can tell us some useful methods depend on which we can stimulate our economy and then can rejuvenate the economic. From this point of view, we can say that the it is a wise choice to build a business center.. 

Furthermore, farmers in my country are good at cultivating, so the agricultural center is not necessary. As things stand now, the products of agricultural in my country is enough, so a large part of the surplus grain will sell to the foreign country which can not provide enough cereal to its people. Seldom can farmers earned enough money by exporting their products to foreign country if they do not have enough economic knowledge. The business center can teacher farmer practical economic knowledge. Using that knowledge, farmers can bargain with foreigner and obtain the profits that they deserved. 

Finally, the area needed by the business center is much smaller than the agricultural center. The agricultural demand an extensive range of land to sow many kinds of vegetable, otherwise, the business center, only calls for just several rooms. Because land is extremely scarce in my country, building the business is the sensible option.  

Taking into account all the factors, business center can improve the economy condition, help people earn money, and does not need a large rang of land like agricultural center does. I strongly favor constructing a business center.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-4-15 8:09:53编辑过]

terminator8

第二天自己再看,果然发现好多错误哦,呵呵.

还请高手发表意见哦,谢谢!

terminator8

非常感谢tomatohead的修改!

认真看了,很有道理

还想问一下tomatohead,是不是这篇文章里的大多是逻辑错误,语言错误不多?

因为我写的时候光主意语言了.

谢谢!