悬月清辉的原创作业贴~好好写作 天天向上！

悬月清辉

JanetYellen 发表于 2014-3-24 23:42
3-23独立批改完成
---------------------------

谢谢亲~ 以后会注意长难句与简单句结合滴~~

悬月清辉

20140324 独立写作
A\D Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today.

Generally speaking, learning the knowledge from our teachers is the first step for us to explore the world we are living. However, some voice in current wisdom claim that teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than today. An analysis of this argument would reveal how reasonable it is. As far as my proposition is concerned, I consent to this view to its best advantage.

Firstly, with the improvement of technology and internet on the contemporary society, students have plenty of methods of getting the knowledge, while they sometimes do not have to listen what teachers say. Under such circumstance, the reduction of teachers' value is the necessary consequence. The typical example occurs at school. Instead of learning what teachers impart to them, a great many modern students prefer searching the knowledge on the computer or by the smart phone in which also more available than teachers.

On the contrary, people in the past were not have such  multiple means of learning something, which purely showed the great values of teachers. If we would go back to 100 years ago, even just 20 years ago, the media for transforming the massage was extremely simplex. They did not have seasonable update of new development so  they thought teachers were the most eruditely persons. Besides, they even did not have convenient traffic by which they could go everywhere to widen their vision so that they had to go to school and read books. In the light of the aforementioned argumentation, can not we aware the reasons why teachers were admired in the past?

For another aspect, the lack of social morality, especially respecting teachers, also is a great element of this argument. It has been repeatedly mentioned in newspapers, academic articles that up to 70% of interviewees of students claim that they would not think teachers should be esteemed even though they have the good knowledge. However, check the traditional Chinese proverb,their was one proverb goes that"a teacher of one day is a father of lifetime." Might as well say the ancients had higher quality of morality, which improves the status of teacher at ancient social.

Weighing in mind the argument of whether teachers gather more worth or appreciation, all the evidence justifies an unshakable conclusion that teachers get higher status on social in the past than today. It is high time that government should pay more attention to the education and morality so that to get our social better.

Words:413

JanetYellen

悬月清辉 发表于 2014-3-25 15:06
20140324 独立写作
A\D Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than tod ...

3-24 独立批改完毕~
-------------------------------

悬月清辉

JanetYellen 发表于 2014-3-25 20:08
3-24 独立批改完毕~
-------------------------------

谢谢亲~~ 练了这几篇发现确实应该多留意小词的用法及时态，还有“I consent to this view to its best advantage.”是指我认为这个观点是最好的

悬月清辉

0401独立写作
A\D In twenty years from now, students will not use printed books any more.

With the idea of enjoying high-tech lifestyle seeping into the mind of every modernists, the relevant technology and condition concerning the new media of reading burgeon amazingly, which greatly impact the printed books. However, it is proposed by many experts that in twenty years from now, students will not use printed books any more. An analysis of this argument would reveal how fallacious it is. As far as my propensity is concerned, I can hardly approve of this assertion.

Indeed, we have to meticulously admit that the printed books on the education do have some negatives. The students have so many classes to take every day, which means they also need to take a lot of textbooks even some notebooks to school. The books bring them the additional load so that make them tired easily, which may affect their efficiency of study. If they just take the ipad to school, they would not worry about it. Besides, books which are printed do not have the newest information while the electric books on the internet refresh every moment. Some knowledge which have the new example or some knowledge which just be found cannot be shown at the textbooks so that students have to surf the internet instead of searching their printed books.

Yet, none of these are sufficient evidence to conclude that the printed books will disappear in the future. Might as well say this more belief purely magnifies the status of new media techniques of books, based on the fallacious idea that with the development of scientific technologies, the traditional skill will be replaced, which is often unwarranted. That is to say, the paper-manufactured books have individual character, such as the touch, that the ibook do not have. Imagine which condition would the students chose that if they want to search some knowledge they can put great number of books around the homework book or hardly select the different windows on only one screen. Under such circumstances, the excuse of getting lighter of the load would not be as valid as it seems.

Subsequently, reading e-books have the great damage of people's eyes especially of the students who have to read huge numbers books per day. Reliable statistics also elaborate the same principle: up to 70% of interviewees of students from different level and different school claim that when they keep reading the electronic books longer than 2 hours, their eyes would feel uncomfortable, even some students get shortsightedness or other eyes disease. On the contrary, experts suggest that a great hobby of reading the papery books would not hurt the eyes or make people feel uncomfortable. In the light of the aforementioned argumentation, isn't there ample evidence to justify that the e-books cannot replace the traditional papery books?

Weighing in mind the potential aftermath that people read the book only on screen, all the evidence justifies an unshakable conclusion that students also need the printed books in the future.

words: 490

悬月清辉

2014.4.2 独立写作
Young people today are more likely to give time and effortimproving the world than young people were at the past.

With the idea of making our life betterseeping into the mind of modern dweller, the aspect of improving the worldbecome increasingly divers. However, some voices in current wisdom claim thatcontemporary young people are more likely to give time and energy improving theworld than young people was at the past. After considering those opinions onthe margin and those in the mainstream, I consent to this proposition to itsbest advantage.

Indeed, we have to meticulously admit thatthere were many people who made the contribution when we oversee the history.Take James Watt, the great inventor in the period of industrial revolution, fora good example. Watt was the person who remembered by others so far, which ismainly ascribed to the improvement of steam engine. It is the creative researchthat let him take the time and effort continually until the success of the machine.

Yet, none of these are sufficient evidenceto conclude this argument and there are ample evidence establishes thesignificant point that the modern people have more passion to change oursocial. In contemporary society, the connection between countries get closerand closer so that the countries' competitiveness get more and more important,which encourage young people get more sense of social responsibility thanbefore. Under such circumstances, people would like to spend longer time ormore effort on science, economy, medical or other technologies in order tooptimize the world we leave.

Besides, comparing with the world ancientpeople leaved, nowaday citizens have more requirement of the better lifestyle,which also stimulate modernist to transform the earth become better. If we goback to the age of Neolithic Period, the tremendous numbers of surveys fromexperts shows that the ancient persons did not have the awareness about leavinginto a greater house or get more relax in their lifetime and what they thoughtwere just the essential problems. On the contrary, the modernists pursuehealthy, convenience or even environmental life instead of where to leave orwhat to eat. That is to say, nowaday people have to pay more attention to theimprovement of the world to satisfy their wish.

In the light of the aforementionedargumentation, isn't there evidence to justify that nowadays human attend totake more time and force to optimize our world? It is high time that our youngpeople should continue the tendency of inflicting the development of the world.

words:405

JanetYellen

悬月清辉 发表于 2014-4-1 17:08
0401独立写作
A\D In twenty years from now, students will not use printed books any more.

The essay has been revised. Please see the attachment.

sweetyecho

蓝色错误或者疑惑 红色修改意见

With the idea of making our life betterseeping into the mind of modern dweller, the aspect of improving the world become increasingly divers. However, some voices in current wisdom claim that contemporary young people are more likely to give time and energy improving the world than young people was（were） at the past. After considering those opinions on the margin and those in the mainstream, I consent to this proposition to its best advantage.


Indeed, we have to meticulously admit that there were many people who made the contribution when we oversee the history.Take James Watt, the great inventor in the period of industrial revolution, for a good example. Watt was the person who remembered by others so far, which is mainly ascribed to the improvement of steam engine. It is the creative research that let him take the time and effort continually until the success of the machine.


Yet, none of these are sufficient evidence to conclude this argument and there are (is) ample evidence establishes （这句话有问题：there be句型不能和实意动词放在一起，所以there is ample evidence establishing blablabla）the significant point that the modern people have more passion to change our social（society）. In contemporary society, the connection between countries get closer and closer so that the countries' competitiveness get more and more important,which encourage young people get more sense of social responsibility than before. Under such circumstances, people would like to spend longer time or more effort on science, economy, medical or other technologies in order to optimize （从我的理解，optimize不能搭配world，因为optimize通常是优化一个过程，一个操作步骤）the world we leave（我猜你是想用live吧。。。）.


Besides, comparing with the world ancient people leaved, nowaday citizens have more requirement of the better lifestyle,which also stimulate modernist to transform the earth（to let it） become better. If we go back to the age of Neolithic Period, the tremendous numbers of surveys from experts shows that the ancient persons did not have the awareness about （of）leaving into a greater house or get more relax in their lifetime and what they thought were just the essential problems. On the contrary, the modernists pursue healthy, convenience （这三个词词性要一样，所以改成convenient）or even environmental life instead of where to leave or what to eat. That is to say, nowaday people have to pay more attention to the improvement of the world to satisfy their wish.


In the light of the afore mentioned argumentation, isn't there evidence to justify that nowadays human attend to take more time and force to optimize our world? It is high time that our young people should continue the tendency of inflicting the development of the world.

总结一下，亲的语言、句式都没啥大问题，但我读着总感觉吃力，不能很好地catch到你的point。我想了一下，是不是因为你没有在每一段都很明确清晰地提出完全契合这个topic的观点：或打擦边球，或有逻辑的gap。For example，倒数第二段，你举的新石器时期和现在对比的例子，你只提到了那个时代的人们只考虑essential problems，而现在的人会有更高的追求，所以现代人会更努力。而可能在我认为，考虑怎么解决essential problems也是在improve the world呀，而且，他们不见得在这方面花费的时间和精力比现在的人少啊。所以，你可能还需要再补充一些东西来证明观点。这只是我的愚见，还不知道对否？希望能和亲进一步交流一下~

sweetyecho

太sorry了，今天太忙了，看不下去东西，明天回家给你改，行不？真的太不好意思了~希望能原谅我。泪。。。

悬月清辉

sweetyecho 发表于 2014-4-3 22:28
太sorry了，今天太忙了，看不下去东西，明天回家给你改，行不？真的太不好意思了~希望能原谅我。泪。。。 ...

没事没事~晚安！