Birdie 的作文贴，战胜拖延症，打破24魔咒！！！

birdie089123

连续2次都是24（G+F）= =！，这次一定冲破24。
同时有一个问题：这次只剩14号的，是一进来就可以参加 还是参加从15号开始的下一期？

birdie089123

综合写作 TPO24    

和24 太有缘了。= =```    n久没写， 综合作文感觉造句好难，改作文的童鞋请做好心理准备，烂的一塌糊涂。

正文：
The reading and listening passage has a conflict point of view about a fossil with some remains of living material. The author suggests it would be  remains of actual tissues of the Tyrannosarurus rex by pointing out three main reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.

To begin with, the author states that some branching channel in fossilized leg would be related to the blood vessel of T. rex.  The lecturer, however, disagrees and claims that the hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died long and soft substance may be not from T.rex, it is likely the trace and organism left by bacterias once lived there after T.rex dead.

Futhermore, the reading material points out that the extence of iron material is the proof of the red blood cells. In contrast, the speaker argues that the iron material has been found in some other fossils of primitive animals which do not have blood cell. Therefore, this red material is likely anything but remains of red blood cells.

Last, the author indicates that collagen, a kind of  fibrous protein in  T.rex,  was found in that fossil. However, according to the professor, he refuses by saying that the collagen can not survive more than 100,00 years. Because of the fossil is about 3 million years ago, which  contradicts the author's opinion,  the collagen might be from human skin of handler of the bone.

-----------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

要给互改的同学还没写完, 先自己看看自己的,改的同学先无视掉，等你改完再帮我看看自改版。

首段：

the author suggests it... it 指代有问题，直接改成 the author suggests this dinosaur fossil contains remains of the actual tissues of T. Rex.

2段：

hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died long 错错错

ðHollow channels are probably the empty areas in bonces bacteria conlonies once lived.

trace and organism => trace of organic material

3段：is theproof of 不知道表达对不对

这段spheres 一直听成”fields”in the same place这个点没体现出来

4段：两个数字写错的一塌糊涂 survive这个词值得商榷用last可能更好，bone handler 不如直接researcher

birdie089123

10月14号 独立写作

写的没有例子,最后想到tpo听力里面的一个，瞎编的。

大概提纲：
不同意
1薪水不决定老师教学质量
2老师不决定教育质量
3提高薪水的负面影响
不知道这样的逻辑有没有问题？？ 理由先后顺序求给建议

The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers ‘salaries’.

Education is  the most important aspect of person's life. Therefore the quality of education is always caused wide public concern. Some specialist proposes that increasing the teachers salar would be the most satisfied way to solve this problem. Even though higher salary would improve teachers' enthusiasm and devotion which will contribute to education,  it should not the  best silver bullet for the problem of improve educational quality.

To begin with, teacher salaries can not define their performance. Admittedly, a high income would attract more brillant people to  enroll in school and  become a teacher. It is well known that teacher is a special profession, which goal is not the profits like business man, their functions are  imparting knowledge and help childen to master the way of learning in order to on the right direction of lifelong study. According to most teachers, teaching has intrinsic value for them will bring them unique happiness and satisfied feeling which can not from any other occupation. Take my college teacher, Professor wang, as an example. He once told us that the collage teaching bring him a modest income and he could make more money doing other thing such as to be a software engineer in Google. The reason he will still teach in our department even if do not get paid is that he like stay with student which are naive and creative and enjoy this feeling of teaching method and respect comes along. He told me his many colleagues also share the similar opinion with him. Therefore money to teacher is not the kitchen knife of chef, but kind of unnecessary things.

Futhermore, the quality of education is  related to many factors. Educational problems are complicated. A dean considering how to improve the educational quality must weigh any number of factors, from the areas of library to advanced equipments in the laboratory or the number of faculty.  all of them determinate the final quality of education. If change the single factor, there is not obvious effect on the whole quality.

Besides, it is reasonable that rasing teachers' pay will make education more expensive add less affordable to students. The reason is that some schools might raise tuitions in order to pay their teachers. Therefore, the  cost of education will go up significantly so that many students especially from underpriviledged family will drop out of school. Sacrificing precious opportunities of education of many student to improve teachers' income to a unneccessary level, it is definitely not the sign of educational quality of improvement in the whole country.

In conclusion, salary can not determine the quality of teacher, neither the quality of teacher. if you are about to increase the quality of education, many efforts needed to do, not only about the physical factors, but also about the psychology factors.

birdie089123

10月15日 独立写作
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
这篇真是难写， 各种抄段子，感觉怎么写理由都不充分。多帮我注意逻辑问题，谢谢
大概提纲
different 较好
1，different 容易 创新 ， 创新容易成功
2，即使一些看似相同的成功模仿，也是different 其关键作用
3，让步， 相同也有好处
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
正文

10.15
Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone

It is well known that truth often lies in a small number of hands. It is common that only a few person get the final success. Therefore, just following others or becoming replica of others is unlikely to gain a excellent achievement. In order to succeed, compared to purely imitation ,original thinking or method would be more helpful.

Innovation always comes right with unique idea and method, which will lead to an enormous success. The Apple Company, the most admired company in the world , is famous for its creativity and innovation. Its success is greatly attributed to its founder Steve Jobs who bristle with creativity or is decribed as a "master of innovation".  When he was 21, Steve Job assembled the first Apple computer in his parents' garage with his friend Wozniak. Later, he launched the Macintosh, the first commercially successful personal computer with a mouse and a graphic user interface. After he return as new CEO of the company in 1997, the Apple finally achieved widespread success with its iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad productsm which introduced innovations in mobile phones, portable music players and personal computers respectively. The success of apple make jobs become the richest entrepreneur in the world and recognized as a charismatic pioneer of the digital revolution. It is being different that make him successful.

Some successful products come from emulation, but the essential factor for these success is make different in detail. Bill Gates is famous for his ability of improving on existing ideas and making the most of them to defeat his rivals. MS-DOS was an improvement on the DOS. Windows operating system borrowed a great deal from the Macintosh of Apple. And the Internet Explorer was the copy of the Nescape. All of products are similar to contemporary but finally replace all of them is due to their differences or improvement inside which made people use more conveniently.

Admittedly, staying unique dose not means never be the same. In some case, following some rules of thumb or imitating similar process will ensure you on the right direction and make less mistakes. However, a person who only following others without any critical and independent thinking seems impossible get success.

In conclusion, I cannot ensure to say that being different with others necessarily lead to success, but one thing I can make sure is that most success person always separated themselves from the crowd and unique is the basic character for them.

AnthonySummer

综合写作 TPO24



和24 太有缘了.= =``` n久没写, 综合作文感觉造句好难,改作文的童鞋请做好心理准备,烂的一塌糊涂.



正文:

The reading and listening passage has a conflict point of view about a fossil with some remains of the living material. (The reading passage points out three evidences that indicate the existence of actually tissue in dinosaur fossil. 建议找个模板看看)The author suggests it would be remains of actual tissues of the Tyrannosarurus rex by pointing out three main reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.



To begin with, the author states that some branching channel in fossilized leg would be related to the blood vessel of T. rex. The lecturer, however, disagrees and claims（claim就行了~）that the hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died a long（a longtime ago?） and soft substance may be not from T.rex, it is likely the trace and organism left by bacteria once lived there after T.rex dead.



Furthermore, the reading material points out that the extence (existence) of iron material is the proof of the red blood cells. In contrast, the speaker argues that the iron material has been found in some other fossils of primitive animals which do not have blood cell. Therefore, this red material is likely anything but remains of red blood cells. (最后一句什么意思？感觉前面都提到了有些多余~)



Last, the author indicates that collagen, a kind of fibrous protein in T.rex, was found in that fossil. However, according to the professor, he refuses by saying that the collagen cannot survive more than 100,00 years. Because of the fossil is about 3 million years ago, which contradicts the author's opinion, the collagen might be from human skin inhandling of the bone.（researcher’s skin tissue）



-----------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



要给互改的同学还没写完, 先自己看看自己的,改的同学先无视掉,等你改完再帮我看看自改版.



首段:



the author suggests it... it 指代有问题,直接改成 the author suggests this dinosaur fossil contains the remains of the actual tissues of T. Rex.



2段:



hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died long 错错错



ðHollow channels are probably the empty areas in bonces bacteria conlonies ??? once lived.



trace and organism => trace of organic material



3段:is the proof of 不知道表达对不对



这段spheres 一直听成"fields"in the same place这个点没体现出来



4段:两个数字写错的一塌糊涂 survive这个词值得商榷用last可能更好,bone handler 不如直接researcher

AnthonySummer

综合写作 TPO24



和24 太有缘了.= =``` n久没写, 综合作文感觉造句好难,改作文的童鞋请做好心理准备,烂的一塌糊涂.



正文:

The reading and listening passage has a conflict point of view about a fossil with some remains of the living material. (The reading passage points out three evidences that indicate the existence of actually tissue in dinosaur fossil. 建议找个模板看看)The author suggests it would be remains of actual tissues of the Tyrannosarurus rex by pointing out three main reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.



To begin with, the author states that some branching channel in fossilized leg would be related to the blood vessel of T. rex. The lecturer, however, disagrees and claims（claim就行了~）that the hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died a long（a longtime ago?） and soft substance may be not from T.rex, it is likely the trace and organism left by bacteria once lived there after T.rex dead.



Furthermore, the reading material points out that the extence (existence) of iron material is the proof of the red blood cells. In contrast, the speaker argues that the iron material has been found in some other fossils of primitive animals which do not have blood cell. Therefore, this red material is likely anything but remains of red blood cells. (最后一句什么意思？感觉前面都提到了有些多余~)



Last, the author indicates that collagen, a kind of fibrous protein in T.rex, was found in that fossil. However, according to the professor, he refuses by saying that the collagen cannot survive more than 100,00 years. Because of the fossil is about 3 million years ago, which contradicts the author's opinion, the collagen might be from human skin inhandling of the bone.（researcher’s skin tissue）



-----------------------------------------------------------分割线---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



要给互改的同学还没写完, 先自己看看自己的,改的同学先无视掉,等你改完再帮我看看自改版.



首段:



the author suggests it... it 指代有问题,直接改成 the author suggests this dinosaur fossil contains the remains of the actual tissues of T. Rex.



2段:



hollow channel is likely something formed after the T.rex died long 错错错



ðHollow channels are probably the empty areas in bonces bacteria conlonies ??? once lived.



trace and organism => trace of organic material



3段:is the proof of 不知道表达对不对



这段spheres 一直听成"fields"in the same place这个点没体现出来



4段:两个数字写错的一塌糊涂 survive这个词值得商榷用last可能更好,bone handler 不如直接researcher

蝴蝶渡海

10月14号 独立写作

写的没有例子,最后想到tpo听力里面的一个，瞎编的。

大概提纲：
不同意
1薪水不决定老师教学质量
2老师不决定教育质量
3提高薪水的负面影响
不知道这样的逻辑有没有问题？？ 理由先后顺序求给建议

The best way to improve the quality of education is toincrease teachers ‘salaries’.

Education is the most important aspect of person'slife. Therefore the quality of education is always caused wide public concern.Some specialist proposes that increasing the teachers salar(salary) wouldbe the most satisfied way to solve this problem. Even though higher salarywould improve teachers' enthusiasm and devotion which will contribute toeducation,  it should not the  best silver bullet for the problem of improveeducational quality.

To begin with, teacher salaries(单复数不同型吧) cannot define（define有决定的意思么） their performance. Admittedly, a high incomewould attract more brillant（brilliant，而且brilliant这个单词具有明显的口语化，换个词吧） people to  enroll in school and become a teacher.（become a teacher 的逻辑主语是a high income不对应） It is well known that teacher is a specialprofession, which goal is not the profits like business man, and（这里没有and连接词将是典型的语病啊） their functions are  imparting knowledge and help childen（children） to master the way of learning in order to onthe right direction of lifelong study. According to most teachers, teaching hasintrinsic value for them will bring them unique happiness and satisfied feelingwhich cannot from any other occupations. Take my college teacher, Professor wang, asan example. He once told us that the collage teaching bring（bring这里的单复数是不对的，而且是你的老师once said that后面应该为过去时态吧） him a modest income and he could make moremoney doing other thing such as to be asoftware engineer in Google.（such as后面接名词，不能接不定式吧） The reason he will still teach in our departmenteven if do not get paid is that he like stay with student which are naive andcreative and enjoy this feeling of teaching method and respect comes along.（一开始咋一读着句子就感觉特别绕口，很多词的意思可以很简单的表明了，我已开始的改动是删除了一些句子，后来又问了同学，这么写是不是更好些呢The reason he will teach in our departmentwithout payment is that he likes to stay with students who are creative andunsophisticated and enjoys the feeling of teaching students and gainingrespects
）Hetold me his many colleagues（his many colleagues这么说有些中式了吧） also share the similar opinion with him. Therefore money to teacher isnot the kitchen knife of chef, but kind of unnecessary things.

Futhermore（Furthermore）, the quality of education is  related tomany factors. Educational problems are complicated. A dean considering how toimprove the educational quality must weigh any number of factors, from theareas of library to advanced equipments in the laboratory or the number offaculty.  all（All） of them determinate the final quality ofeducation. If change the single factor（从句无主语）, there is not obvious effect on the wholequality.

Besides, it is reasonable that rasing（raising） teachers' pay will make education moreexpensive add less affordable to students. The reason is that some schoolsmight raise tuitions in order to pay their teachers. Therefore, the  costof education will go up significantly so that many students especially from underpriviledged（underprivileged） family will drop out of school. Sacrificingprecious opportunities of education of many students to improveteachers' income to a unneccessary（unnecessary） level, it is definitely not the sign ofeducational quality of improvement in the whole country.

In conclusion, salary cannot determine the qualityof teacher, neither the quality of teacher.（和前面重复了什么意思？） if you are about to increase the quality ofeducation, many efforts needed to do, not only about the physical factors, butalso about the psychology factors.

总结：1看了bird同学列举的提纲，思路是不错的。整篇文章有不少闪光点。但是很多复杂句的使用却不尽如人意，一些可以用简单句子说明的最好不要为了复杂句而特意写。
2最后的结尾我觉得不是很好，你只说了工资不能决定老师的质量，提高教育质量和许多因素有关，但是题目是提高老师的工资对于教学质量的提高有帮助么，你没有说工资的提高影响了老师在间接的影响或不影响学生。显然你没有提及，没有很多好的呼应。

birdie089123

3Q！！改的很好啊，真是只有别人看了才能发现存在很多问题，果然是当局者迷。（自己贴之前还检查了一遍，尽然还是那么多拼写错误。）
确实造句写着写着就混乱了。
最后一段其实想表示salaries 不能决定老师的quality 更加不能决定教育的quality。不知道怎么表达递进关系，不知道let alone 会不会太口语化。

AnthonySummer

Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone



It is well known that the truth often lies in a small number of hands. It is common that only a few persons get the final success. Therefore, just following others or becoming a replica of others is unlikely to gain an excellent achievement. In order to succeed, compared to purely imitation, original thinking or method would be more helpful. (感觉有些散)



Innovation always comes right with a unique idea and method, which will lead to an enormous success. The Apple Company, the most admired company in the world, is famous for its creativity and innovation. Its success is greatly attributed to its founder Steve Jobs who bristle with creativity or is described as a "master of innovation". When he was 21, Steve Job assembled the first Apple computer in his parents' garage with his friend Wozniak. Later, he launched the Macintosh, the first commercially successful personal computer with a mouse and a graphic user interface. After her return as the new CEO of the company in 1997, Apple finally achieved widespread success with its iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad production which introduced innovations in mobile phones, portable music players and personal computers respectively. Success of apple make jobs become the richest entrepreneur in the world and recognized as a charismatic pioneer of the digital revolution. It is being different that make him successful.



Some successful products come from emulation, but the essential factor for this success is made different in detail. Bill Gates is famous for his ability of improving on existing ideas and making the most of them to defeat his rivals. MS-DOS was an improvement on the DOS. Windows operating system borrowed a great deal from the Macintosh of Apple. And Internet Explorer was the copy of the Nescape. All of products are similar to contemporary but finally replace all of them are due to their differences or improvement inside which made people use more conveniently. (内容和例子还有结构不错)



Admittedly, staying unique does not mean never be the same. In some case, following some rules of thumb or imitating a similar process will ensure you on the right direction and make fewer mistakes. However, a person who only following others without any critical and independent thinking seems impossible get success.



In conclusion, I cannot ensure to say that being different with others necessarily lead to success. But one thing I can make sure is that the mostsuccessful person always separated themselves from the crowd and unique is the basic character for them.

整篇文章写得不错，很精简，但是又很到位。学习了！

birdie089123

感谢anthony 的批改，发现我的冠词用的很烂，得重新学习一下