Birdie 的作文贴，战胜拖延症，打破24魔咒！！！

birdie089123

重新看了定冠词的用法，还是没有弄的太明白，大概写下来，供大家一起学习：
定冠词用法：
A. 可数名词单数首次出现，通常先用不定冠词，第二次在提到就改用 定冠词。
B. 如果有关各方(作者、读者)都知道指何人何物，尽管第一次出现，仍然用定冠词。
C. 特指某一个某一些。
D. 专有名词前面the表示独一无二的事物

birdie089123

10.17综合 .... 求狠批。大致记了下模版依然写的很别扭。

The reading passage and speaking passage have a conflict ofopinion about the authority of one of Rembrandt's pantings. The author believes that it should be a fake painting, providing three reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.

To begin with, the reading passage points out that an inconsistent thing existed in this paint, it was that a servant woman wore a linen cap as well as had a luxurious fur collar. The lecturer, however, holds an opposite position, he claims that the fur collar was added over the painting finished 100 years after in order to increase the value of the painting.

Furthermore, the author states that the light and shadow elements do not make sense. According to the lecture, after removed the black fur collar, there was a light color collar original, which is fit in these rules of light.

Finally, the author asserts that the painting is consists of several pieces of wood, which was never found ever in Rembrandt’s work. In contrast, the speaker maintains that the original painting is just only center part. Other parts of painting glued together were about to make more grand. What's more, the researchers have found that the woody material of this painting and Rembrandt's another painting comes from the same tree.

dreamcece

The reading passage and speaking passage have a conflict of opinion about the authority of one of Rembrandt's pantings. The author believes that it should be a fake painting, providing three reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.



开头不错

To begin with, the reading passage points out that an inconsistent thing (建议：inconsistency) existed in this paint, it was that a servant woman wore a linen cap as well as but had a luxurious fur collar.前后对立，用as well as一般表示前后相似的事物
The lecturer, however, holds an opposite position, he claims that the fur collar was added over the painting finished 100 years after建议重写这句，最好拆开分成短句，因为这句话里面要表述的东西有点多，表达的不够清楚 in order to increase the value of the painting.


注意时态的连续性。

Furthermore, the author states that the light and shadow elements do not make sense你想说什么？而且这个表达太口语化，建议换成do not fit together. According to the lecture, after removed removing the black fur collar, there was a light color collar original, which is fits
in fit做动词 或者做形容词 be fit for these rules of light. 听力部分的细节少了，因为原来的颜色是Light的，所以illuminate the face of the girl, therefore there is no shadow painted by Rembrandt.





Finally, the author asserts that the painting is consists of several pieces of wood, which was never found ever in Rembrandt’s work.
In contrast, the speaker maintains that the original painting is just only center part.
Other parts of painting glued together were about to make more grand.
What's more, the researchers have found that the woody material of this painting and
Rembrandt's another painting comes from the same tree.
楼主的综合写作结构很好，每段总结原文的要点paraphrase得很不错。
瑕疵在于有点舍本逐末，重点在于听力的细节和听力的论据支持，不过我相信楼主肯定能注意到这点
总的来说，整个文章很流畅，如果能规避一些小的语法错误就更完美了。

birdie089123

The reading passage and speaking passage have a conflict ofopinion about the authority of one of Rembrandt's pantings. The author believes that it should be a fake painting, providing three reasons, which are undermined by the following lecture.



开头不错

To begin with, the reading passage points out that an inconsistent thing (建议：inconsistency) existed in this paint, it was that a servant woman wore a linen cap as well asbut had a luxurious fur collar.前后对立，用as well as一般表示前后相似的事物
The lecturer, however, holds an opposite position, he claims that the fur collar was added over the paintingfinished 100 years after建议重写这句，最好拆开分成短句，因为这句话里面要表述的东西有点多，表达的不够清楚 in order to increase the value of the painting.


注意时态的连续性。

Furthermore, the author states that the light and shadow elements do not make sense你想说什么？而且这个表达太口语化，建议换成do not fit together. According to the lecture, after removed removing the black fur collar, there was a light color collar original, which is fits
in fit做动词 或者做形容词 be fit for these rules of light. 听力部分的细节少了，因为原来的颜色是Light的，所以illuminate the face of the girl, therefore there is no shadow painted by Rembrandt.





Finally, the author asserts that the painting is consists of several pieces of wood, which was never found ever in Rembrandt’s work.
In contrast, the speaker maintains that the original painting is just only center part.
Other parts of painting glued together were about to make more grand.
What's more, the researchers have found that the woody material of this painting and
Rembrandt's another painting comes from the same tree.
楼主的综合写作结构很好，每段总结原文的要点paraphrase得很不错。
瑕疵在于有点舍本逐末，重点在于听力的细节和听力的论据支持，不过我相信楼主肯定能注意到这点
总的来说，整个文章很流畅，如果能规避一些小的语法错误就更完美了。

-- by 会员 dreamcece (2012/10/18 0:27:16)

感谢CECE改的这么仔细。
发现自己主要几个问题：
1. 刻意的改写和写长句， 应该遇到不肯定的句子或者用词，直接用原文的反而更好，长句说不清楚还是用短句。“he claims that the fur collar was added over the paintingfinished 100 years after”
改成he claims that the fur collar was not original part of the painting. It was painted over the original painting about 100 year after the painting finished in order to increase the value of the painting.
2. 写综合作文没有提纲也容易犯“跳跃性思维的错误”， 对于反驳还是要步步推导。
3.对于笔记不仔细看， 还是主要靠脑子记得写，所以会造成细节少。如“第二段笔记中记下realistic ”之类的还是应该写出来
the presentation of light and shadow was realistic and accurate.

再次看发现 authority 不恰当 应该用 authenticity !

birdie089123

10.19独立作文

没记时间，貌似写的太多了500+，我这渣手速考试肯定达不到。
大概提纲：
agree
1. 在家更自由，跟有利于工作效率
2.在家更环保，同时节约路上时间（这段环保的字数可能多了，删减可能删这的，评阅的人帮我参考一下）
3，让步，办公室的好处。但是在家相比貌似好处更大。

10.19 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your
home than work in your company's office.


There is a growing tendency for people to finish their works in their own study instead of in the cube farm. Even though some specialists assert that traditional work style is able to creative a favorable situation which makes people focus on their work, innovation way of working seems enjoy more advantages, such as more freedom and more ecological.

Firstly, working at home gives people a flexible schedule according to their own preference. They do not have to sit in their cubicle from 9 to 5 o'clock and wear the uncomfortable uniform to attend some unnecessary meetings. This new work style enables them to get up in the afternoon or even lay in the bed to work. There is less pressure or distraction for them to worry. All they have to do is focus on their work stuff. What's more, flexible time schedule enables persons to choose their own prime time. A recent study in the Lancet has found that various people have a unique efficient period of work or study. Take my experience for an example, I always barely stay awake in the morning. Therefore, having a class or work early than 10 o'clock is not a good choice for me. By contrast, I often solve the most complex problem at the mid-night, at that time, my brain would run as flying. As a result, a flexible schedule is essential for me to work more efficiently.

Furthermore, the working style at home is more favorable for the environment and humanhealth. It is commonly known that most of the people need to drive the car to their workplace. Traffic jam happened almost everyday, especially in the big city. Despite of this transport problem, many cars cause other more serious problems, such as global warming and acid rain.Increasing number of cars means more fossil fuels to burn, which will release dioxide. The carbon dioxide will aggravate the Green House effect lead to raising of the global temperature. The sulfur dioxide will contribute to acid rain which will destroy the balance of the ecosystem. However, if you working at home, these problems would be alleviated since large amount of car is not used for running on their work way. Where they live in, where they work at. Besides, it seems to help people save more time which wasted on waiting bus or parking car, they will have more time to take part in exercise or enjoy with friends.

Admittedly, working in the office will provide us an opportunity to communicate with our colleagues face to face, which is seems more convenient and help us to meet more friends. Notwithstanding, many people always too shameful to express their criticism or opposite opinion to others' faces. They prefer to write it down through email or leave a message indirectly. What's more, fewer opportunities for us to meet local colleagues but we would gain more chances to work with people behind the screen from all over the world, which widely broadens our circle.

It is therefore my view that working at home through computer or telephone is not only good for our work, but also for our world. I am strongly sure that it is the trend of future working method.

AnthonySummer

粉红色拼写错误(直接修改了)橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）



10.19独立作文



没记时间,貌似写的太多了500+,我这渣手速考试肯定达不到.

大概提纲:

agree

1. 在家更自由,跟有利于工作效率

2.在家更环保,同时节约路上时间(这段环保的字数可能多了,删减可能删这的,评阅的人帮我参考一下)（的确扯远了）

3,让步,办公室的好处.但是在家相比貌似好处更大.



10.19 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your

home than work in your company's office.

There is a growing tendency for people to finish their works in their own study instead of in the cube farm. Even though some specialists assert that traditional work style is able to creative a favorable situation which makes people focus on their work, innovation way of working seems enjoy more advantages, such as more freedom and more ecological.



Firstly, working at home gives people a flexible schedule according to their own preference. They do not have to sit in their cubicle from 9 to 5 o'clock and wear the uncomfortable uniform to attend some unnecessary meetings. This new work style enables them to get up in the afternoon or even lay in the bed to work. There is less pressure or distraction for them to worry. All they have to do is focus on their work stuff. （这段前面太多简单句了显得啰嗦，用个which什么的从句吧）What's more,(后面也有一个，使人感觉结构单一)flexible time schedule enables persons to choose their own prime time. A recent study in the Lancet has found that various people have a unique efficient period of work or study. Take my experience for an example, I always barely stay awake in the morning. Therefore, having a class or work early than 10 o'clock is not a good choice for me. By contrast, I often solve the most complex problem at the mid-night, at that time, my brain would run as flying. As a result, a flexible schedule is essential for me to work more efficiently. （逻辑不错，写得很切题）



Furthermore, the working style at home is more favorable for the environment and human health. It is commonly known that most of the people need to drive the car to their workplace. Traffic jam happened almost everyday, especially in the big city. Despite of this transport problem, many cars cause other more serious problems, such as global warming and acid rain. （空格）Increasing number of cars means more fossil fuels to burn, which will release dioxide.And more dioxide to release.The carbon dioxide will aggravate the Green House effect lead to raising of the global temperature. The sulfur dioxide will contribute to acid rain which will destroy the balance of the ecosystem. （全球变暖这个感觉扯得有点远了，点到为止即可，反而我感觉浪费在交通拥堵上更实际）However, if you working at home, these problems would be alleviated since large amount of car is not used for running on their work way. Where they live in, where they work at. Besides, it seems to help people save more time which wasted on waiting bus or parking car, they will have more time to take part in exercise or enjoy with friends.



Admittedly, working in the office will provide us an opportunity to communicate with our colleagues face to face, which is seems more convenient and help us to meet more friends. Notwithstanding, many people always too shameful to express their criticism or opposite opinion to others' faces.（when they face to others你这个属于chinese English了） They prefer to write it down through email or leave a message indirectly. What's more,Fewer opportunities for us to meet local colleagues but we would gain more chances to work with people behind the screen from all over the world, which widely broadens our circle.



It is therefore my view that working at home through computer or telephone is not only good for our work, but also for our world. I am strongly sure that it is the trend of （a）future working method.

总体感觉语言修辞方法不够丰富，写的比较简单，所以不容易出错，改不出什么问题，简单易懂。如果写的更精彩高分更有把握吧！加油吧！