阿伦艾佛森的作文

阿伦艾弗森

10月3日独立作业
It seems that human now face a life which has a fast pace. Everything needs to be done in a high rate. So many people think that it is useless for us to have patience to deal with issue. However, I think that being patient can help us get rid of risk, make a better choice and cultivate our inner peace.

Firstly, making a decision at once always brings us some bad effects. Without a deeply thinking, we often make mistakes. For example, once one of my aunt’s colleagues told my aunt and her friend to buy stocks because they can make profit through this way. My aunt’s friend was so exciting and used 10000 dollar to buy them immediately. Yet, my aunt took a consideration and analyzed the market and finally decided not to buy them. Two weeks later, bear trap, the friend of my aunt lost nearly half of her money. If she was patient and took a deep thought before she bought them, she would not lose her money.

Moreover, patience can help us make a better choice before we take an action. My sister is a girl who is smart and brilliant in her study. She always got number one in her school and her teacher advised her to study aboard one day. She wanted to go aboard too so she told my mother about her thoughts. My mother not replied her at once but allowed her to attend a summer campus in Harvard University. Half of the month later when she came back home, she told my mother that she didn’t want to study aboard anymore because she had problems to deal with the relationship with her partner and she really missed home. Had my mother decided to send her aboard without patient thinking, my sister would have stayed there just half a month.

Thirdly, in Kongfu Panda2, inner peace becomes key words for Paul finally defeats that peacock. However, in reality, cultivating inner peace is not an easy thing for us to achieve when we can’t use our patient heart to think about our problems. Panda defeats the peacock because he finally slows down his pace and thinks about his goal for several times. Using this patience helps him become the hero and a real master. We should learn this patient spirit from him and then we can reach our own peaceful harbor of our heart.


10月3日综合写作作业                                                                
according to the reading, we know that the writer illustrates an issue about selling fossils is not a good development and uses three opinions to prove his argument. The professor in the lecture deals with the same question, however, in different ideas.

Firstly, the reading thinks that fossils collected by private will make it harder for us to see and decline our interests in fossils. Yet the professor argues that commercial using of fossils can help us have more opportunity to see them because when the schools purchase the fossils they will display them.

Secondly, the reading tells that scientists will lose access to fossils and they will miss some important finding about extinct life forms. However, the professor says that this opinion is not true because scientists should verify the fossils at the first time before fossils sell to the individual and every detail can pass through their hands so they will not miss the important part of the fossil.

Thirdly, the writer thinks that private collector will not carefully treat the fossils because of their commercial use. Nevertheless, the professor says that it is more important to find those fossils than completely undiscovered.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

不要重复开帖。。。小分队作业统一发在一个帖中。。。
我把你的还有一篇作文也放这个帖子了，那个帖锁了。。。

wsywsy1

我是过来瞄瞄的～阿伦童鞋～
我现在在外面。。中午才能给你评哦～因为我现在是用手机上的～～

wsywsy1

It seems that human now face a life which has a fast pace. Everything needs to be done in a high rate. So many people think that it is useless for us to have patience to deal with issues. However, I think that being patient can help us get rid of risk, make a better choice and cultivate our inner peace.

Firstly, making a decision at once always brings us some bad effects. Without a deeply thinking, we often make mistakes. For example, once one of my aunt’s colleagues told my aunt and her friend to buy stocks because they can (could) make profit through this way. My aunt’s friend was so exciting(excited) and used 10000 dollars to buy them immediately. Yet, my aunt took into a consideration and analyzed the(我觉得加个situation会不会好点~变成 the situation of) market and finally decided not to buy them. Two weeks later, bear trap, the friend of my aunt lost nearly half of her money.(ms 有点问题，改为being trapped,因为是被骗了) If shewas patient and took a deep thought before she bought them, she would not lose her money.

Moreover, patience can help us make a better choice before we take an action. My sister is a girl who is smart and brilliant in her study. She always got number one in her school and her teacher advised her to study aboard one day. She wanted to go aboard too so she told my mother about her thoughts. My mother not replied her at once but allowed her to attend a summer campus in Harvard University
.（个人觉得无关信息给得有点多了，简单交代一下背景就ok,突出重点嘛~）Half of the month later when she came back home, she told my mother that she didn’t want to study aboard anymore because she had problems to deal with the relationship with her partner and she really missed home. Had my mother decided to send her aboard without patient thinking, my sister would have stayed there just half a month.

Thirdly, in Kongfu Panda2, inner peace becomes key words（is crucial for这样也不错。~） for Paul which（会讲话的熊猫它算人还是什么。。如果是人就who了。。）finally defeats that peacock. However, in reality, cultivating inner peace is not an easy thing for us to achieve when we can’t use our patient heart to think about our problems. Panda defeats the peacock because he finally slows down his pace and thinks about his goal for several times. Using this patience helps him become the（a） hero and a real master. We should learn this patient spirit from him and then we can reach our own peaceful harbor of our heart.
（例子举得不错嗷~~鼓掌）

哈喽~我来改作文~改得不好，见谅哦~
简单说一下嗷~

亲的例子都能支撑观点~但是嗷，ms还少了一个结尾哦~还有无关信息给得太多了，尤其是Sister 出国那件事哦~简单交代一下，突出主题就OK了~



互相学习互相促进嗷~

阿伦艾弗森

知道了，不好意思哦~！谢谢你！

阿伦艾弗森

谢谢你的辛苦修改啊。~！我会努力修正我的问题的。！

vanessa923

黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误。

according（大写哦。。） to the reading, we know that（个人建议不用这个，因为你是要站在客观角度去分析的） the writer illustrates an issue about（that） selling fossils is not a good development and uses three opinions（额建议换个词） to prove his argument. The professor in the lecture deals with the same question, however, in different ideas.

Firstly, the reading thinks that fossils collected by private（private what？） will make it harder for us to see （see what？）and decline our interests in fossils. Yet the professor argues that commercial using of fossils can help us have more opportunity to see them because when the schools purchase the fossils they will display them.（建议加个thus, instead ...来论述文中的观点不对)

Secondly, the reading tells that scientists will lose access to fossils and they will miss some important finding about extinct life forms. However, the professor says that this opinion is not true because scientists should verify the fossils at the first time before fossils sell（are sold) to the individual and every detail can pass through their hands so they(指代不明） will not miss the important part of the fossil.

Thirdly, the writer thinks that private collector will not carefully treat the fossils because of their commercial use.（总结和文中重点有偏差） Nevertheless, the professor says that it is more important to find those fossils than completely undiscovered.（建议再加句话说“所以，这又和文章不合blahblah。。。）

总结：建议再加个结尾吧。综合很容易就练上来的，相信自己哈。。。一起加油！

阿伦艾弗森

10月4日独立
The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school.



It seems that we can learn much different kinds of knowledge in our school such as history, chemistry and so on so forth.  There raise a question: how we can learn these knowledge in a happy way? The best answer probably is that only by learning them outside and using these knowledge into a practical way, can we gain the interest.

First of all, emerging in pure nature can help us realize the knowledge effectively and interestingly. We can recognize different rocks and identify them in a real way not just through the pictures of our textbook; we can observe the habitat of the animals and watch insects dancing; we can also feel the smooth wind to increase our inspiration to draw pictures. Through these ways, our interests can be stimulated and we can learn more knowledge and understand more.

Moreover, learning outside can help students learn how to cooperate with others and cooperative work can help them finally get interested in subjects. Teachers always divide us into many groups before we go outside so that we can help each other and learn together. When we discuss with other students, we often have different interesting ideas about a same issue. We work together and learn together. Different student do different things. We divide the whole work into small parts and distribute them to many students. When they finish their work, they can feel satisfied and finally develop interest in this subject.

Last but not the least, during our childhood we all had our hobbies. They are minute, but exist. We like to fly kites, climb the trees and sometimes “steal ” other person garden’s apples. If we now have opportunities to go outside, we may no longer do these funny things. But other children still do them. So if we can go outside and watch they do, then add our knowledge into these behaviors it will really be interesting. We can remind of the aerodynamics when we see someone flying kites; we can illustrate the knowledge of universal gravitation during someone climbing trees; we can also use our psychology knowledge to analyze so-called “stealing” behavior. By this way, we can really learn knowledge in an interesting way.  

In conclusion, going outside is an interesting way for us to learn more because contact nature, cooperate with others and put our knowledge in practical use are really interesting for us.

阿伦艾弗森

10月4日综合写作TPO14



The reading passage mainly provides us three benefits about salvage logging. The professor deals with the same issue, however, in different opinions.

Firstly, the lecture discuss that removing damaged trees is not necessary because the removal of the tree will make the soil lack of nutrient which differs from the main idea in reading that removing can help forests to grow up fresh trees.

Secondly, the professor made point that though dead trees will give a good habitat for some insects which is harmful to trees like spruce bark beetle, it will always provide a condition for some useful insects and birds. They will help the forest. By the way, the spruce bark beetle won’t damage the forest until they live more than hundred of years. The reading does not discuss this point.

Thirdly, the lecture supports the idea that though salvage logging has some benefit in economic, it will not last for a long time and carrying those woods will use many expensive facilities like helicopter. The jobs which the factories give are also temporary and they like to hire outside experienced workers more than local workers. This point disagrees with the point demonstrates in the reading.


In conclusion, the contends in the reading are contradicted by the professor and the professor has totally different ideas made in reading


（我综合写作超级弱，改我作文的同学费心了~！）

wsywsy1

It seems that we can learn much different kinds of(various也不错哦~) knowledge in our school such as history, chemistry and so on so forth. There raise a question: how we can learn these knowledges in a happy way? The best answer probably is that only by learning them outside and using these knowledges into a practical way, can we gain the interest effectively.

First of all, emerging in pure nature can help us realize the knowledge effectively and interestingly. We can recognize different rocks and identify them(个人认为有点点小啰嗦) in a real way not just through the pictures of our textbook; we can observe the habitat of the animals and watch insects dancing; we can also feel the smooth wind to(which may) increase our inspiration to draw pictures. Through these ways, our interests can be stimulated and we can learn more knowledge and understand more( 再加个名词会不会好些？).

Moreover, learning outside can help students learn how to cooperate with others，and cooperative work can help them finally get interested in subjects. Teachers always divide us into many（serveral也不错） groups before we go outside so that we can help each other and learn together. When we discuss with other students, we often have different interesting ideas about a same issue. We work together and learn together.Different students do different things（个人认为可以删，因为前面有相似的）So we can divide the whole work into small parts and distribute them to many students. When they finish their work, they can(will/might/may) feel satisfied and finally develop interest in this subject.

Last but not the least, during our childhood we all had our hobbies. They are minute, but exist. We like to fly kites, climb the trees and sometimes “steal ” other person garden’s apples（偷果这事还是别说了吧。。）小时候的事情是不是用过去时比较好。We used to …可以跟现在对比嘛. If we now have opportunities to go outside, we may no longer do these funny things. But other children still do them. So（删） if we can go outside and watch they do, then add our knowledge into these behaviors it will really be interesting. We can remind of the aerodynamics when we see someone flying kites; we can illustrate the knowledge of universal gravitation during someone climbing trees; we can also use our psychology knowledge to analyze so-called “stealing” behavior. By this way, we can really learn knowledge in an interesting way.

In conclusion, going outside is an interesting （ms interesting太多了）way for us to learn more because contacting nature, cooperating with others and putting our knowledge in practical uses are really interesting for us删去.



亲的例子不错看~But 我觉得偷果这事还是别说了嗷。

改得不好见谅嗷~