重开一个作文贴

浅吟天

看懂了，有些语法是我想错了。讨论紫色部分

To 浅吟天：
哈哈，咱差不多，都是新来的，一起。有些地方跟你讨论下。【主要是蓝色部分】
8.4 独立

For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Nowadays more and more people will（为什么是将来时，和后面is不配啊） question that which is more important for future career success, relating well to other people, or studying hard at school? （果然开头引题！）About the answer to this question, while someone believes that nothing is more important than owning a skill, others may think that even if you study hard at school, you can achieve nothing without a good human resources（单复数）. In my opinion, while relating well to others is beneficial for your future career, studying hard at school and possessing a real skill is more important.

There is no doubt that studying hard at school is very important, and in some cases, even if you relate well to others, without a real skill, you cannot get a job. In order to own some skills, you should study hard at school. For example, if you want to be a computer programming engineer, however, you cannot even understand the sign in the programming, how can you qualify the occupation? Even if you can relate to your boss and coworkers well, the boss won’t hire an employee that cannot make any profits for him（这里再点破一下更好，因为他没自己的能力，不然逻辑不强,【我觉得对于一个员工cannot make any profits就是没能力了】我知道你的意思，考官不一定想推，只是觉得你写出来不就更清楚了吗。and also, the other employees won’t help you to do your job just because they have a good relationship with you（why?这句有点突兀，再阐述下就更好了）. Thus to some extent owning a real skill is the key to acquire a job.

It is true that relating well to other people has some business with your future career success since cooperation is more and more important in this society and if you relate well to others, you may get more chances to succeed in your future career. Just think about Ma yun, who is an excellent leader in business area（残句哇，谓语）.【think about不是谓语么】Without people who are willing to work for him, and if he cannot relate to business partners well,building （恩，这个要跟你讨论下，我觉得后面这句的主语不对啊，应该是ma yun) 【这句话动作是马云做的，但是这个是单独的句子，所以用了动名词?作主语。】such a powerful electronic commerce company may be just a dream.

As a matter of fact, relating to others well can help you succeed in your future career, however, having a real skill can decide how bright your future will be. As the case of Mayun talked above, we can see that without the skill of insight in business,（不用skill，有点啰嗦） Ma yun may not be able to think out a concept of electronic commerce(EC). Without the people who have many different kinds of skills such as computer skills work for him（这句话稍微削弱了上面的陈述，建议，逻辑就有点乱了）【我这一段想说明的是技能才是关键，上面说了马云的商业技能，这句是说员工的操作技能】哦，我懂了！你这个意思啊，我看的觉得是马云有很好的人际关系，大家愿意为他工作，若不为他工作，那个idea就出不来。所以我就觉得削弱了。我觉得lz还是避免歧义的好，虽然你的意思我懂了,the concept of EC can be hard to be put into practice. Thus in essence, the skill is the key to Ma yun’s success.

All in all, studying hard at school to own some real skills（很好啊，讲清了两者关系） should be more important to relate well to others for your future career. Of course, if you can do both things well, you can succeed more easily than those who only has either of them.

)

恩，我觉得你的思路很好，都很切题，看到你给我改的我深刻意识到这个问题。不过我觉得没必要中间每段都先抑后扬，后面直接来吧，这样观点更强些！我红色改的东西欢迎讨论讨论

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/6 16:34:03)

GWinner

8.7 独立
精彩错误修改提议综合提议
In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As a famous Italian historian said, "since the human nature does not change[感觉为了强调可以把does not改成never...不知道这句话是否就是该谚语的原文...是的话我就不侵权篡改了哈], then history,[这里感觉应该加个逗号,要不就把后面的逗号去掉~] which records the past of human behaviors, can help people to forecast the future and contrast the present.[这里contrast的用法错误,contrast后面必须加A and/withB或者with sth]" Admittedly, to some degree, it exaggerated the positive effect of knowing about the past since the situations today are more complex. However, it cannot be denied that knowing about the past can be beneficial for[beneficial的用法错误, 应该是be beneficial to sth/sb,这里其实直接可以用benefit]our understanding of something which may be important for our making decisions.[这里直接decision making就好了哈,另外应该是be important to]
[开头用谚语引出感觉不错~观点鲜明 也挺简练 挺好的^^就是注意细节哈]

As the development of times, situations are naturally more and more complex[more and more这个结构还是少用,感觉这几年被中国人用烂了..可以改用increadingly~另外complex这个词在前面一段出现过 可以考虑换换避免单调哈 比如说different或者large variety神马的], and it seems that knowing about the past has no effect to help people to make important decisions. In political field, by knowing about the past political system of a nation, it seems hard to make a decision[这个也出现的有点多了,改用it is hard to decide之类的都可以] what the political system would be the most suitable for a nation now since situations about the amount of population, people's requirement and so on are very different from the past[have changed a lot from the past]. In economic field, by knowing about the past economic situations such as the old economic policies, it seemed hard for China[这个China出现的有点突兀, 建议前面可以铺垫一下~take China for example]to make an important decision[还是出现过多> <..important这个词也可以换换 essential, significant之类的] whether [+to] join in the WTO at that time. In cultural field,by knowing about the past cultures, it seems unuseful for us to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts.
[这里可以直接用一个although来表达,否则显得有点简单句堆叠了, although...(去掉however)直接加后面的it is]
However, it is undoubtful that knowing about the past would help people to understand something, and it may be beneficial for people to make important decisions. As the examples above [+illustrate (as好像后面是要有动词的)], in political field, although the condition of China in the middle of 20 centry concerning the population, the economic situation and so on were so different from Qing dynasty, by knowing about the extinction of Qing dynasty and the failure of domination of Zhong Hua Min Guo, at that time, [这个修饰语不知道是修饰谁的...两边都加逗号会产生歧义]China made an important decision to build a new China[new China感觉很奇怪, 不如用new society好了] carrying out the political system of dominated by people since knowing that it was not suitable to carry out the political system of dynasty or capitalism. In economic field, by knowing[这个结构也用的太多啦...可以直接改变句式, 感觉这里的句式也很单一,用用...can tell us that ...之类的都行] the past economic situations, it seems the trend of globalization progress is inevitable, thus although China had never experienced such a complex economic situation which required skills to deal with relationships between countries to make more profits, China made an important decision to join in the WTO which is beneficial for Chinese economy in the long run. In cultural field, although it seems unuseful to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts by knowing about the past cultures, from another aspect, we can know the original reason of differences between cultures, thus it helps us to accept the different cultures more easily, and the cultural conflicts would be more easily to be impeded as[as表因为感觉不太好, 可以直接用because of] our respecting for every culture.
[这一段从三个方面来分开论证, 思路不错...但显得很冗长, 可能是因为单调的词汇循环的缘故,建议不要重复用词in...field可以换成from the ...aspect, by knowing from也不要重复太多...毕竟外国人不动咱们的排比句 貌似他们会更欣赏内容而不是词汇上的排比句~另外, 感觉前面已经有一轮economic, political和cultural了, 后面又重新举例子这样让人看起来感觉内容重复 容易失去兴趣...最好把两部分合并 或者把后面距离的部分精简]

In addition, knowing about the past can be beneficial for[重复啦,而且应该是to哈.可以用be helpful to] people to inspect some social or moral problem more adequately. For instance, by knowing about the past concerning that filial piety is the first, we condemn a man who is able to take care of his old mother however he abandoned his mother, leaving her alone to begging for herself.[这句话显得有点乱,可以精简一点: Chinese nation's fine traditions tell us the importantce of being filial. Therefore we would blame and punish the man who left his old mother to beg for a living even if he had the ability to take care of her.]Otherwise, if we don't know about the past, we cannot even find any basis to judge what is right and what is wrong[tell right from wrong], thus we may inspect[judge] a matter only through feeling which may cause numerous social problems.
[这段内容没有问题 例子也举得到位, 就是词汇还是要注意别重复别单调...语言也要精简才是]

In conclusion, based on the past, we can get a lot information to understand something useful,[这里另起一句] thus it seems wise to review the past to solve the problem of the present and the future.

这篇文章整体的思路没有问题, 需要注重改善的是语言的简洁性和词汇的重复...有些词组中介词的搭配也需要注意 用的更地道一点才好~

ykhjy

8.8 独立  What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

“As a university professor, which should I place in the top priority, to educate students or to do research?” I believe every professor has his or her own answer. Some professors who want to gain some progress in their own field may think that doing research is more important. Other professors who want to provide more talented persons to the country may believe that their main role is to educate students. Although every professor has his or her own choice, from a social duty prospective, in my opinion, a university professor should try their best to educate students.


A university professor, first and foremost, is a teacher. What is the basic mission for a teacher? The answer is obvious: to educate students. Whatever the country is, there must be a sentence regarding one of teachers’ duties mentioned in the teachers’ rules, namely, put their heart to educate students. Just image that a teacher, only cares about his or her salaries, and is always unwilling to answer students’ questions about study, just because he or she is off work, how can he or she be a good teacher? Of course they cannot, since they cannot even accomplish their basic duty. Thus, in order to be a good teacher, a university professor should clarify their top duty: to educate students.

In addition, it seems more valuable for a university professor to educate students rather than do research. On one hand, through educating students, with their professional knowledge and skills professors can teach students all they know and it is possible for them to find something important when they are doing research due to their students’ questions about something. On the other hand, professors have a chance to cultivate students to be creative individuals who can make contributions to the country via educating students.

I concede that there are some benefits for professors to do research such as gaining some reputation in their own area. And it seems more apparent whether the professor has made some contributions through investigating the result of researches is valuable or not, while cultivating a talented person may spend the professor much more time and whether the student he or she teachers finally becomes a useful person or not also needs time to prove.

In conclusion, it is true that developing students to be creative individuals cost much more energy, a university professor should make it clear that educating students is their top duty and there are more benefits to place educating students in the first priority than to do research not only for themselves but also for the country.

ykhjy

8.8 综合 TPO 6

The reading passage indicates that the communal online encyclopedias are less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias. However, the lecture refutes the statement in the reading passage thoroughly as following reasons.

First of all, the lecture points out that no matter which encyclopedia, the communal online or traditional one, both may contain some errors. Plus, compared to traditional encyclopedias, it is easier for the communal online encyclopedia to correct its faults. Thus it disputes the first point listed in the reading passage.

What’s more, what contradicts to reading passage, the communal online has its way to protect their articles from hackers. There are two ways: one is to use read-only format, and the other is using special editors to monitor all changes. Hence, the second point said in the reading passage is argued.

Last but not the least, according to reading passage, the communal encyclopedias will create a false impression of important things. However, the lecture argues that whether something is important or not should be judged by people’s interests. While the academics cannot accurately reflect what people are interested in, online encyclopedias offers a variety of topics that can represent different users’ interests. Therefore, it rebuts the third point mentioned in the reading passage.

GWinner

8.7  综合 TPO5
精彩错误修改提议综合提议
The lecture mainly talks about why the tree[three] theories which determine how the Chaco structures were used listed in the reading passage are all unconvincing. There are some reasons in the lecture as follows.

First of all, the lecture points out that while the outside appearance of the buildings was similar to the “apartment building” for hundreds of people living for centuries, there were not enough fireplaces for so many people to use and there were not enough rooms for so many families living in it.[汗...这里我听的是那么少的fireplace但是有很多room可以住,所以这两个数量不匹配....我的听力太惨了] Thus the first theory that the Chaco structures were residential said in the reading passage is disputed.

What’s more, the reading passage indicates that the Chaco structures were used to store maize. However, the lecture suggests that if it was really used for storing maize, it is questionable that there was no any trace of maize or maize containers .[这里表述的挺清晰..我这儿又没听懂...] Therefore, the second theory in the reading passage is argued[换成is refused吧].

Last but not the least, the lecture argues that the mound is just a trash heap of something that not used when a house was being built. And there are many other materials such as broken pots which not be expected from ceremonies at Pueblo Alto. [这里我还听到了说那写broken pots是吃剩下的...可以说的更细一点哈~]Hence the theory that Chaco structures were ceremonial centers believed in the reading passage is unconvincing.[结尾简单明了 很好~]

ykhjy

嗯。我改下会不会好点。这个色

看懂了，有些语法是我想错了。讨论紫色部分

To 浅吟天：
哈哈，咱差不多，都是新来的，一起。有些地方跟你讨论下。【主要是蓝色部分】
8.4 独立

For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Nowadays more and more people will（为什么是将来时，和后面is不配啊） question that which is more important for future career success, relating well to other people, or studying hard at school? （果然开头引题！）About the answer to this question, while someone believes that nothing is more important than owning a skill, others may think that even if you study hard at school, you can achieve nothing without a good human resources（单复数）. In my opinion, while relating well to others is beneficial for your future career, studying hard at school and possessing a real skill is more important.

There is no doubt that studying hard at school is very important, and in some cases, even if you relate well to others, without a real skill, you cannot get a job. In order to own some skills, you should study hard at school. For example, if you want to be a computer programming engineer, however, you cannot even understand the sign in the programming, how can you qualify the occupation? Even if you can relate to your boss and coworkers well, the boss won’t hire an employee that cannot make any profits for him（这里再点破一下更好，因为他没自己的能力，不然逻辑不强,【我觉得对于一个员工cannot make any profits就是没能力了】我知道你的意思，考官不一定想推，只是觉得你写出来不就更清楚了吗。and also, the other employees won’t help you to do your job just because they have a good relationship with you（why?这句有点突兀，再阐述下就更好了）. Thus to some extent owning a real skill is the key to acquire a job.

It is true that relating well to other people has some business with your future career success since cooperation is more and more important in this society and if you relate well to others, you may get more chances to succeed in your future career. Just think about Ma yun, who is an excellent leader in business area（残句哇，谓语）.【think about不是谓语么】Without people who are willing to work for him, and if he cannot relate to business partners well,building （恩，这个要跟你讨论下，我觉得后面这句的主语不对啊，应该是ma yun) 【这句话动作是马云做的，但是这个是单独的句子，所以用了动名词?作主语。】such a powerful electronic commerce company may be just a dream.

As a matter of fact, relating to others well can help you succeed in your future career, however, having a real skill can decide how bright your future will be. As the case of Mayun talked above, we can see that without the skill of insight in business,（不用skill，有点啰嗦） Ma yun may not be able to think out a concept of electronic commerce(EC). Without the people who have many different kinds of skills such as computer skills work for him（这句话稍微削弱了上面的陈述，建议，逻辑就有点乱了）【我这一段想说明的是技能才是关键，上面说了马云的商业技能，这句是说员工的操作技能】哦，我懂了！你这个意思啊，我看的觉得是马云有很好的人际关系，大家愿意为他工作，若不为他工作，那个idea就出不来。所以我就觉得削弱了。我觉得lz还是避免歧义的好，虽然你的意思我懂 了, without different kinds of skills such as computer skills, the concept of EC can be hard to be put into practice. Thus in essence, the skill is the key to Ma yun’s success.

All in all, studying hard at school to own some real skills（很好啊，讲清了两者关系） should be more important to relate well to others for your future career. Of course, if you can do both things well, you can succeed more easily than those who only has either of them.

)

恩，我觉得你的思路很好，都很切题，看到你给我改的我深刻意识到这个问题。不过我觉得没必要中间每段都先抑后扬，后面直接来吧，这样观点更强些！我红色改的东西欢迎讨论讨论

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/6 16:34:03)

-- by 会员 浅吟天 (2012/8/8 0:09:36)

ykhjy

To GW：
哈哈，多谢啊 给我改了这么多， 我的确是语言不行 因为之前练GRE作文 就一直忽略语言方面了。想问下，语言平庸点会不会很大程度影响分数啊？

8.7 独立
精彩错误修改提议综合提议
In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As a famous Italian historian said, "since the human nature does not change[感觉为了强调可以把does not改成never...不知道这句话是否就是该谚语的原文...是的话我就不侵权篡改了哈], then history,[这里感觉应该加个逗号,要不就把后面的逗号去掉~] which records the past of human behaviors, can help people to forecast the future and contrast the present.[这里contrast的用法错误,contrast后面必须加A and/withB或者with sth]" Admittedly, to some degree, it exaggerated the positive effect of knowing about the past since the situations today are more complex. However, it cannot be denied that knowing about the past can be beneficial for[beneficial的用法错误, 应该是be beneficial to sth/sb,这里其实直接可以用benefit]our understanding of something which may be important for our making decisions.[这里直接decision making就好了哈,另外应该是be important to]
[开头用谚语引出感觉不错~观点鲜明 也挺简练 挺好的^^就是注意细节哈]

As the development of times, situations are naturally more and more complex[more and more这个结构还是少用,感觉这几年被中国人用烂了..可以改用increadingly~另外complex这个词在前面一段出现过 可以考虑换换避免单调哈 比如说different或者large variety神马的], and it seems that knowing about the past has no effect to help people to make important decisions. In political field, by knowing about the past political system of a nation, it seems hard to make a decision[这个也出现的有点多了,改用it is hard to decide之类的都可以] what the political system would be the most suitable for a nation now since situations about the amount of population, people's requirement and so on are very different from the past[have changed a lot from the past]. In economic field, by knowing about the past economic situations such as the old economic policies, it seemed hard for China[这个China出现的有点突兀, 建议前面可以铺垫一下~take China for example]to make an important decision[还是出现过多> <..important这个词也可以换换 essential, significant之类的] whether [+to] join in the WTO at that time. In cultural field,by knowing about the past cultures, it seems unuseful for us to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts.
[这里可以直接用一个although来表达,否则显得有点简单句堆叠了, although...(去掉however)直接加后面的it is]
However, it is undoubtful that knowing about the past would help people to understand something, and it may be beneficial for people to make important decisions. As the examples above [+illustrate (as好像后面是要有动词的)], in political field, although the condition of China in the middle of 20 centry concerning the population, the economic situation and so on were so different from Qing dynasty, by knowing about the extinction of Qing dynasty and the failure of domination of Zhong Hua Min Guo, at that time, [这个修饰语不知道是修饰谁的...两边都加逗号会产生歧义]China made an important decision to build a new China[new China感觉很奇怪, 不如用new society好了] carrying out the political system of dominated by people since knowing that it was not suitable to carry out the political system of dynasty or capitalism. In economic field, by knowing[这个结构也用的太多啦...可以直接改变句式, 感觉这里的句式也很单一,用用...can tell us that ...之类的都行] the past economic situations, it seems the trend of globalization progress is inevitable, thus although China had never experienced such a complex economic situation which required skills to deal with relationships between countries to make more profits, China made an important decision to join in the WTO which is beneficial for Chinese economy in the long run. In cultural field, although it seems unuseful to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts by knowing about the past cultures, from another aspect, we can know the original reason of differences between cultures, thus it helps us to accept the different cultures more easily, and the cultural conflicts would be more easily to be impeded as[as表因为感觉不太好, 可以直接用because of] our respecting for every culture.
[这一段从三个方面来分开论证, 思路不错...但显得很冗长, 可能是因为单调的词汇循环的缘故,建议不要重复用词in...field可以换成from the ...aspect, by knowing from也不要重复太多...毕竟外国人不动咱们的排比句 貌似他们会更欣赏内容而不是词汇上的排比句~另外, 感觉前面已经有一轮economic, political和cultural了, 后面又重新举例子这样让人看起来感觉内容重复 容易失去兴趣...最好把两部分合并 或者把后面距离的部分精简]

In addition, knowing about the past can be beneficial for[重复啦,而且应该是to哈.可以用be helpful to] people to inspect some social or moral problem more adequately. For instance, by knowing about the past concerning that filial piety is the first, we condemn a man who is able to take care of his old mother however he abandoned his mother, leaving her alone to begging for herself.[这句话显得有点乱,可以精简一点: Chinese nation's fine traditions tell us the importantce of being filial. Therefore we would blame and punish the man who left his old mother to beg for a living even if he had the ability to take care of her.]Otherwise, if we don't know about the past, we cannot even find any basis to judge what is right and what is wrong[tell right from wrong], thus we may inspect[judge] a matter only through feeling which may cause numerous social problems.
[这段内容没有问题 例子也举得到位, 就是词汇还是要注意别重复别单调...语言也要精简才是]

In conclusion, based on the past, we can get a lot information to understand something useful,[这里另起一句] thus it seems wise to review the past to solve the problem of the present and the future.

这篇文章整体的思路没有问题, 需要注重改善的是语言的简洁性和词汇的重复...有些词组中介词的搭配也需要注意 用的更地道一点才好~

-- by 会员 GWinner (2012/8/8 17:18:30)

浅吟天

真巧~总共我还没写几篇，又是互改。
红色 错误 绿色 批注 黄色 好的+模板
8.8 独立 What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

“As a university professor, what can I do that I can help students to greatest extent?” I believe that most university professors will think about this question. Someone believes that the university professor should eliminate as many choices as possible to offer students（加个a) clear direction. However, in my opinion, what the main mission of the university professor is to encourage students to make their own decisions.

First of all, it is important for college students to have the ability to make their own decisions, such as （我记得只能加名词的）should I choose the field that have a plentiful jobs but I am not interest in? As a matter of fact, there are many choices for college students to make and it is impossible that the university professor can help them every time especially after they finish their college. It is hard to image  how can a college student who cannot make decisions by himself adapt to the society. Thus the university professor should develop their ability to make their own decisions.
（lz 我看了两遍第一段！又去对了两遍题目，题目是写教师的main role是育人还是科研啊！！你觉得呢。我下面的只能改语法问题了。ps 开头问句好）
In addition, encouraging students to make their own decisions is a part of education that developing students’ thinking ability, which is of great importance in their daily life. The terminate goal of education should be to cultivate students to be creative individuals who own the ability to solve problems. We have to face different kinds of problems everyday and there is not such a way that can solve all the problems. Encouraging students to make their own decisions could push students to think independently thus thus(改成，which把，你这句有两个动词了)can help students to develop their own thinking system which is beneficial for students to deal with various problems. For example, if the professor push students to make a decision that will they enter a field（这句话肯定是奇怪的，但我不知道改成make a decision on whether they will enter…对不对）that full of jobs but they are not interested in. At first, students may get confused since they have no direction. However, if students have developed a habit to consider comprehensively. Students may take many aspects into consideration, such as the family expectation, the occupation competition and so forth. And finally they will find their own answer. From this we can see that once students have their own way of thinking, they can finally solve problems.
不管跑题，就按你的思路说吧，我觉得这两段内容感觉差不多。读下来没有清晰的第一点第二点的感觉.第二段还是在讲它重要
I concede that sometimes college students are lack of ability to make their own decisions and under some circumstance, they need professors’ instructions. For example, when chemistry students are doing a(an)experiment which is a little dangerous if making some mistakes, professors should give them some warnings.The same thing can be said of students who major in artist（art), professors should instruct them when they are leaning some basic principles.

In conclusion, the university professor should try their best to provide sufficient resources for students to encourage them to be creative individuals.
结尾扣题了（扣你理解的那个）。不过个人感觉中间有点跑，讲了make their own decisions的重要性却少联系了这与教授main role的关系。
老样子，我们讨论！

浅吟天

嗯嗯 那样改就没问题了

GWinner

我的理解哈 托福毕竟还是语言类考试 所以他更注重的应该还是句子和词汇的华丽性 当然逻辑也重要 不过只有逻辑应该是不行的....注重一下好细好句积累吧~LZ是GRE选手 词汇神马的肯定不是问题^^

To GW：
哈哈，多谢啊 给我改了这么多， 我的确是语言不行 因为之前练GRE作文 就一直忽略语言方面了。想问下，语言平庸点会不会很大程度影响分数啊？

8.7 独立
精彩错误修改提议综合提议
In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As a famous Italian historian said, "since the human nature does not change[感觉为了强调可以把does not改成never...不知道这句话是否就是该谚语的原文...是的话我就不侵权篡改了哈], then history,[这里感觉应该加个逗号,要不就把后面的逗号去掉~] which records the past of human behaviors, can help people to forecast the future and contrast the present.[这里contrast的用法错误,contrast后面必须加A and/withB或者with sth]" Admittedly, to some degree, it exaggerated the positive effect of knowing about the past since the situations today are more complex. However, it cannot be denied that knowing about the past can be beneficial for[beneficial的用法错误, 应该是be beneficial to sth/sb,这里其实直接可以用benefit]our understanding of something which may be important for our making decisions.[这里直接decision making就好了哈,另外应该是be important to]
[开头用谚语引出感觉不错~观点鲜明 也挺简练 挺好的^^就是注意细节哈]

As the development of times, situations are naturally more and more complex[more and more这个结构还是少用,感觉这几年被中国人用烂了..可以改用increadingly~另外complex这个词在前面一段出现过 可以考虑换换避免单调哈 比如说different或者large variety神马的], and it seems that knowing about the past has no effect to help people to make important decisions. In political field, by knowing about the past political system of a nation, it seems hard to make a decision[这个也出现的有点多了,改用it is hard to decide之类的都可以] what the political system would be the most suitable for a nation now since situations about the amount of population, people's requirement and so on are very different from the past[have changed a lot from the past]. In economic field, by knowing about the past economic situations such as the old economic policies, it seemed hard for China[这个China出现的有点突兀, 建议前面可以铺垫一下~take China for example]to make an important decision[还是出现过多> <..important这个词也可以换换 essential, significant之类的] whether [+to] join in the WTO at that time. In cultural field,by knowing about the past cultures, it seems unuseful for us to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts.
[这里可以直接用一个although来表达,否则显得有点简单句堆叠了, although...(去掉however)直接加后面的it is]
However, it is undoubtful that knowing about the past would help people to understand something, and it may be beneficial for people to make important decisions. As the examples above [+illustrate (as好像后面是要有动词的)], in political field, although the condition of China in the middle of 20 centry concerning the population, the economic situation and so on were so different from Qing dynasty, by knowing about the extinction of Qing dynasty and the failure of domination of Zhong Hua Min Guo, at that time, [这个修饰语不知道是修饰谁的...两边都加逗号会产生歧义]China made an important decision to build a new China[new China感觉很奇怪, 不如用new society好了] carrying out the political system of dominated by people since knowing that it was not suitable to carry out the political system of dynasty or capitalism. In economic field, by knowing[这个结构也用的太多啦...可以直接改变句式, 感觉这里的句式也很单一,用用...can tell us that ...之类的都行] the past economic situations, it seems the trend of globalization progress is inevitable, thus although China had never experienced such a complex economic situation which required skills to deal with relationships between countries to make more profits, China made an important decision to join in the WTO which is beneficial for Chinese economy in the long run. In cultural field, although it seems unuseful to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts by knowing about the past cultures, from another aspect, we can know the original reason of differences between cultures, thus it helps us to accept the different cultures more easily, and the cultural conflicts would be more easily to be impeded as[as表因为感觉不太好, 可以直接用because of] our respecting for every culture.
[这一段从三个方面来分开论证, 思路不错...但显得很冗长, 可能是因为单调的词汇循环的缘故,建议不要重复用词in...field可以换成from the ...aspect, by knowing from也不要重复太多...毕竟外国人不动咱们的排比句 貌似他们会更欣赏内容而不是词汇上的排比句~另外, 感觉前面已经有一轮economic, political和cultural了, 后面又重新举例子这样让人看起来感觉内容重复 容易失去兴趣...最好把两部分合并 或者把后面距离的部分精简]

In addition, knowing about the past can be beneficial for[重复啦,而且应该是to哈.可以用be helpful to] people to inspect some social or moral problem more adequately. For instance, by knowing about the past concerning that filial piety is the first, we condemn a man who is able to take care of his old mother however he abandoned his mother, leaving her alone to begging for herself.[这句话显得有点乱,可以精简一点: Chinese nation's fine traditions tell us the importantce of being filial. Therefore we would blame and punish the man who left his old mother to beg for a living even if he had the ability to take care of her.]Otherwise, if we don't know about the past, we cannot even find any basis to judge what is right and what is wrong[tell right from wrong], thus we may inspect[judge] a matter only through feeling which may cause numerous social problems.
[这段内容没有问题 例子也举得到位, 就是词汇还是要注意别重复别单调...语言也要精简才是]

In conclusion, based on the past, we can get a lot information to understand something useful,[这里另起一句] thus it seems wise to review the past to solve the problem of the present and the future.

这篇文章整体的思路没有问题, 需要注重改善的是语言的简洁性和词汇的重复...有些词组中介词的搭配也需要注意 用的更地道一点才好~

-- by 会员 GWinner (2012/8/8 17:18:30)

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/8 17:35:06)