重开一个作文贴

ykhjy

To 浅吟天：
哈哈，咱差不多，都是新来的，一起。有些地方跟你讨论下。【主要是蓝色部分】
8.4 独立

For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Nowadays more and more people will（为什么是将来时，和后面is不配啊） question that which is more important for future career success, relating well to other people, or studying hard at school? （果然开头引题！）About the answer to this question, while someone believes that nothing is more important than owning a skill, others may think that even if you study hard at school, you can achieve nothing without a good human resources（单复数）. In my opinion, while relating well to others is beneficial for your future career, studying hard at school and possessing a real skill is more important.

There is no doubt that studying hard at school is very important, and in some cases, even if you relate well to others, without a real skill, you cannot get a job. In order to own some skills, you should study hard at school. For example, if you want to be a computer programming engineer, however, you cannot even understand the sign in the programming, how can you qualify the occupation? Even if you can relate to your boss and coworkers well, the boss won’t hire an employee that cannot make any profits for him（这里再点破一下更好，因为他没自己的能力，不然逻辑不强,【我觉得对于一个员工cannot make any profits就是没能力了】and also, the other employees won’t help you to do your job just because they have a good relationship with you（why?这句有点突兀，再阐述下就更好了）. Thus to some extent owning a real skill is the key to acquire a job.

It is true that relating well to other people has some business with your future career success since cooperation is more and more important in this society and if you relate well to others, you may get more chances to succeed in your future career. Just think about Ma yun, who is an excellent leader in business area（残句哇，谓语）.【think about不是谓语么】Without people who are willing to work for him, and if he cannot relate to business partners well,building （恩，这个要跟你讨论下，我觉得后面这句的主语不对啊，应该是ma yun) 【这句话动作是马云做的，但是这个是单独的句子，所以用了动名词?作主语。】such a powerful electronic commerce company may be just a dream.

As a matter of fact, relating to others well can help you succeed in your future career, however, having a real skill can decide how bright your future will be. As the case of Mayun talked above, we can see that without the skill of insight in business,（不用skill，有点啰嗦） Ma yun may not be able to think out a concept of electronic commerce(EC). Without the people who have many different kinds of skills such as computer skills work for him（这句话稍微削弱了上面的陈述，建议，逻辑就有点乱了）【我这一段想说明的是技能才是关键，上面说了马云的商业技能，这句是说员工的操作技能】, the concept of EC can be hard to be put into practice. Thus in essence, the skill is the key to Ma yun’s success.

All in all, studying hard at school to own some real skills（很好啊，讲清了两者关系） should be more important to relate well to others for your future career. Of course, if you can do both things well, you can succeed more easily than those who only has either of them.

)

恩，我觉得你的思路很好，都很切题，看到你给我改的我深刻意识到这个问题。不过我觉得没必要中间每段都先抑后扬，后面直接来吧，这样观点更强些！我红色改的东西欢迎讨论讨论

ykhjy

To GW：
有几个地方讨论下  蓝色部分。
The lecture mainly talks about an example of a company to prove that having a team of people to perform a project is not so beneficial as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, the advantages of having a team of people[这里句式和上句重复了 可以换换避免单调哈] attacking a project is groundless and unconvincing.

First of all, what contradicts to the reading passage, [不知道这个what句放在这里是怎么个用法捏? 感觉可以改成the first point the lecrturer contradicts to the reading passage is that...]【我觉得这里的what指代的就是后面我所要说的内容，我看过一篇高分文章，好像这个用法是可以的】the attitude of the people in the team to the group process is not as predicted in the reading passage. The lecture points out [+that it is]just because the team members feel that they cannot get personal pride in the team that they will not make any real contributions. Thus taking part in a group process may be not so rewarding for members of the team as the reading passage mentions.

What’s more, the lecture indicates that it always takes long time for team members to reach consensus, hence highly creative solutions to problems and issues may be not quickly found out  as the reading passage suggests.
[感觉这里听得少了点 内容有点单薄了 需要丰富呀~]【是的！我主要是搞不清楚point】
Last but not the least, according to the reading passage, it is because that a group is more likely to make risky decisions that there will be many creative solutions coming. However, the lecture suggests that managers in the team might be influential and even a highly idea comes, some members may question about it and it will be finally dropped.[表示木有看懂这句话想表达的意思members想question的it指代的是什么呢? 我有G后遗症> <....]【是question about a highly idea 哈。。这样用会歧义么？】Therefore creative solutions [does]not always comes as the reading passage says.

感觉LZ的听力还不够给力哈...我也是同样问题 所以在写综合的时候各种YY...感觉综合不是看的语言而是只看听力听到了多少~所以咱们都在听力环节多练习吧~更加丰富文章内容!!!

文章有些小的语法错误LZ要注意一下哦~另外句式也可以在丰富一点 虽然综合不怎么看语言不过总是加分的~一个句式不要出现多于两次 也别太频繁哈~
谢谢GW同学的建议！ 的确是。特别是那篇文章我还不清楚几个point，听力就没重点，我很困惑 听力笔记怎么做  望指教啊

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误



The lecture mainly talks about reasons why the representation of the woman’s face may be not Rembrandt’s work in the reading passage are groundless(貌似不对吧，我看了一下听力原文讲的是在add pigment to the fur collar ). According to the lecture, the reasons in reading passage seem to be unpersuasive.

First of all, the reading passage indicates that there is something inconsistent about the way the woman in the portrait. However, according to the lecture, it should be attributed to fur collar.  After people discover the original painting through x-rays and analysis of the pigments in the paint, there is nothing inconsistent. Thus it disputes what the reading passage says.（这句话表达的不对，original painting has nothing wrong, but some pigments added to it makes it felt fake.）

看来楼主听得不对啊，这个听力要加强，虽然我也很水。
What’s more, the lecture points out that in the original painting, people can find that light and shadow is realistic just what people would expect from Rembrandt. It is because the light-colored cloth of fur collar reflects light that lead to the result that the face is not in partial shadow. Hence, the second problem mentioned by the reading passage is argued. 应该是还是加了色素的问题，楼主说的都是后面的说明，前面关键问题貌似没有提及。

Last but not the least, the reading passage suggests that Rembrandt would not use a panel glued together from several wood pieces. However, based on the lecture, the wood panel was enlarged with extra wood pieces glued to the sides and the original painting is （was）actually painted on a single piece of wood, as the way Rembrandt did.（细节和其他作品的panel一样） Therefore, the third problem in the reading passage is disputed.这个正确



文章的结构没什么问题，事态要注意一下，还有这个听力内容应该主要写反驳的原因，细节当然有是更好

hjl80959

我的那一片由于软件乱了，所以听得是tpo7 的，现在重新听了一遍麻烦你去再改一下吧～

听力的重点在于你要先概括阅读材料的内容，
这一篇就是 第一不和谐 那你就要听出来为什么不和谐 因为在领子上加了涂料
                  第二光影不对  原因：
                  第三 panel    原因    虽然不能保证你全部记下来所有的细节至少你的所有重要的点可以一一对上了

GWinner

To LZ
回应讨论~紫色highlight~
The lecture mainly talks about an example of a company to prove that having a team of people to perform a project is not so beneficial as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, the advantages of having a team of people[这里句式和上句重复了 可以换换避免单调哈] attacking a project is groundless and unconvincing.

First of all, what contradicts to the reading passage, [不知道这个what句放在这里是怎么个用法捏? 感觉可以改成the first point the lecrturer contradicts to the reading passage is that...]【我觉得这里的what指代的就是后面我所要说的内容，我看过一篇高分文章，好像这个用法是可以的】[总觉得应该是What...is that...哈 可能是比较高级的用法~LZ确定没问题就OK啦^^]the attitude of the people in the team to the group process is not as predicted in the reading passage. The lecture points out [+that it is]just because the team members feel that they cannot get personal pride in the team that they will not make any real contributions. Thus taking part in a group process may be not so rewarding for members of the team as the reading passage mentions.

What’s more, the lecture indicates that it always takes long time for team members to reach consensus, hence highly creative solutions to problems and issues may be not quickly found out  as the reading passage suggests.
[感觉这里听得少了点 内容有点单薄了 需要丰富呀~]【是的！我主要是搞不清楚point】
Last but not the least, according to the reading passage, it is because that a group is more likely to make risky decisions that there will be many creative solutions coming. However, the lecture suggests that managers in the team might be influential and even a highly idea comes, some members may question about it and it will be finally dropped.[表示木有看懂这句话想表达的意思members想question的it指代的是什么呢? 我有G后遗症> <....]【是question about a highly idea 哈。。这样用会歧义么？】[我好像有点明白了! 可能问题是出在中间那个and身上了哈...你是想表达"因为influencial所以有些idea就会被members ignore"嘛? 如果是那样的话,and应该没有表达因果的意义...改写成so influential that...这种形式表达因果你看会不会好一点?]Therefore creative solutions [does]not always comes as the reading passage says.

感觉LZ的听力还不够给力哈...我也是同样问题 所以在写综合的时候各种YY...感觉综合不是看的语言而是只看听力听到了多少~所以咱们都在听力环节多练习吧~更加丰富文章内容!!!

文章有些小的语法错误LZ要注意一下哦~另外句式也可以在丰富一点 虽然综合不怎么看语言不过总是加分的~一个句式不要出现多于两次 也别太频繁哈~
谢谢GW同学的建议！ 的确是。特别是那篇文章我还不清楚几个point，听力就没重点，我很困惑 听力笔记怎么做  望指教啊

表示我的听力很弱> <而且这篇文章Reading和Lecture感觉Points对不上似的 灰常诡异....可能是我听力太弱的缘故.....

看到你的批改里面列的那三点我觉得挺对的~

恳请大牛来指教听力笔记的问题T T之前有看到过一个NN的帖子 说记Reading笔记的时候就留出三个大空来 等到听力的时候直接往空里写 这样有助于对主题的把握神马的...可是对于这种point不清的文章这种方法感觉就不太给力了...

fairyfinger

昨天在外面一整天啊，楼主我改晚了。。对不住。。
8.5 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Do movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave? While someone believes that it is not the truth since young people can widen their eyes from the movies and television, others think that compared to the benefits from the movies and television, the negative aspects have larger impact on young people. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter one for the following reasons.

First of all, as is known, more and more young people intend to commit a crime（commit crime就可以了）. Actually,  according to a survey conducted by national investigation organization, this social phenomenon is something business with the movies and television programs they watch. For example, Li Ming, who is 15-year old, he abduced his neighbour, who is just 这个句型前面刚用了，可以换一个a little girl. When asked why he did that, he says that there is some guy in a motive（movie） doing this, and he feels it is cool. From this case, we can learn that some violent scenes in the movies and television really have a large negative impact on the way young people behave since young people are not mature enough and they may tend to copy those behavior that they should not imitate.

In addition, there is a new word that always heard by people,这里不要这个也许更好（因为我会想知道这个new word是什么。。楼主是想表达宅人么）怕国外人看不懂，直接讲后面这个： especially describing those people who are addictive to watching movies and television and not willing to be outside. As a matter of fact, 90 percent of those people are young people. Since they are obsessed with the motives and television, they watch them all the time, thus most of them resist going outside to do some sports and their health are even not so good as their parents. With the advance of technology and higher living standard, those young people always download what they want to watch into Ipad, and they even watch it in class thus it to great extent distracts their attention from the class. 这一点和前面是两个点了，应该分段。

I concede that there are some benefits for young people to watch motives and televisions such as broadening their eyes. For example, when I was a child, my parents always kept company with me, and introduced some television programs such as the animal’s world to me. I really learned a lot from that program and I understood some habits of hundreds of animals.  

In conclusion, In my opinion, the native impact may be larger than the influence for young people since young people are not mature enough. Only if there is a proper guide of parents, motives and television, under this circumstance, can have positive effect on the way the young people behave.

感觉LZ行文流畅，就是分段老问题还是要注意一下，不过比之前进步很多了～～加油！！
观点什么的也很好，就是例子可以精简一些

ykhjy

8.7 独立

In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As a famous Italian historian said, "since the human nature does not change, then history which records the past of human behaviors, can help people to forecast the future and contrast the present." Admittedly, to some degree, it exaggerated the positive effect of knowing about the past since the situations today are more complex. However, it cannot be denied that knowing about the past can be beneficial for our understanding of something which may be important for our making decisions.

As the development of times, situations are naturally more and more complex, and it seems that knowing about the past has no effect to help people to make important decisions. In political field, by knowing about the past political system of a nation, it seems hard to make a decision what the political system would be the most suitable for a nation now since situations about the amount of population, people's requirement and so on are very different from the past. In economic field, by knowing about the past economic situations such as the old economic policies, it seemed hard for China to make an important decision whether join in the WTO at that time. In cultural field, by knowing about the past cultures, it seems unuseful for us to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts.

However, it is undoubtful that knowing about the past would help people to understand something, and it may be beneficial for people to make important decisions. As the examples above, in political field, although the condition of China in the middle of 20 centry concerning the population, the economic situation and so on were so different from Qing dynasty, by knowing about the extinction of Qing dynasty and the failure of domination of Zhong Hua Min Guo, at that time, China made an important decision to build a new China carrying out the political system of dominated by people since knowing that it was not suitable to carry out the political system of dynasty or capitalism. In economic field, by knowing the past economic situations, it seems the trend of globalization progress is inevitable, thus although China had never experienced such a complex economic situation which required skills to deal with relationships between countries to make more profits, China made an important decision to join in the WTO which is beneficial for Chinese economy in the long run. In cultural field, although it seems unuseful to decide how to slove the cultural conflicts by knowing about the past cultures, from another aspect, we can know the original reason of differences between cultures, thus it helps us to accept the different cultures more easily, and the cultural conflicts would be more easily to be impeded as our respecting for every culture.

In addition, knowing about the past can be beneficial for people to inspect some social or moral problem more adequately. For instance, by knowing about the past concerning that filial piety is the first, we condemn a man who is able to take care of his old mother however he abandoned his mother, leaving her alone to begging for herself. Otherwise, if we don't know about the past, we cannot even find any basis to judge what is right and what is wrong, thus we may inspect a matter only through feeling which may cause numerous social problems.

In conclusion, based on the past, we can get a lot information to understand something useful, thus it seems wise to review the past to solve the problem of the present and the future.

ykhjy

8.7  综合 TPO5
The lecture mainly talks about why the tree theories which determine how the Chaco structures were used listed in the reading passage are all unconvincing. There are some reasons in the lecture as follows.

First of all, the lecture points out that while the outside appearance of the buildings was similar to the “apartment building” for hundreds of people living for centuries, there were not enough fireplaces for so many people to use and there were not enough rooms for so many families living in it. Thus the first theory that the Chaco structures were residential said in the reading passage is disputed.

What’s more, the reading passage indicates that the Chaco structures were used to store maize. However, the lecture suggests that if it was really used for storing maize, it is questionable that there was no any trace of maize or maize containers . Therefore, the second theory in the reading passage is argued.

Last but not the least, the lecture argues that the mound is just a trash heap of something that not used when a house was being built. And there are many other materials such as broken pots which not be expected from ceremonies at Pueblo Alto. Hence the theory that Chaco structures were ceremonial centers believed in the reading passage is unconvincing.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

What is CPI? What is GDP? As for high school students, those basic knowledge of economics seems not so important for them since it is not necessary for them to support the family and what they should do is try their best to get a entrance ticket to a famous college. However, in my opinion, economics is so important that everyone should have some knowledge about it.（开头不错额）

There is no doubt that having some basic knowledge of economics will be beneficial for high school students to learn further （learn是及物动词的就要加个宾语的）after they enter the college. As we know, whatever your major is, every college student needs to learn something about economics. If students have learned some basic knowledge in high school, it will be easier for them to get the new knowledge of economics. Thus we can see it is important for school students to have some basic knowledge of economics in high school.

In addition, owning some knowledge of economics, high school students can develop their own financial management skills which has a positive effect on their future life. Actually, I believe that basic economics are practical knowledge so that it can help students much in their life. For example, if they have learned that some knowledge of the relationship between price and demand of substituent goods, when the price of pork goes up, they can know the demand and the price of chicken may go down, thus they can advice their mom to buy chicken instead. From this we can see that knowing some basic economics can be beneficial for them to make a contribution to their own family by their own way and it is possible that once they are habituated to think like this, they can develop their financial management skills well .

I concede that education should be humanism and it seems unfair for those students who are not interested in economics. For those students, requiring them to take such courses will be load for them and maybe just a waste of time. It is also possible that just because of low score of this subject, some students who are good at any other subjects lose a chance to go to a famous college.

In conclusion, lean some basic knowledge of economics can not only help high school students on further study, but also is beneficial for them to develop financial management skills. Yet in order to make it really give a favor for students, I advice that such courses can be an optional ones.

整体找不出错的了，只是最后一段的总结optional 在前面并木有提到额

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecture mainly talks about reasons why dinosaurs were not endotherms. According to the lecture, the reasons listed in reading passage to prove dinosaurs were endotherms are groundless and unpersuasive.

First of all, the reading passage explains that there are many dinosaur fossils found in Polar Regions where is very cold and only endotherms can live in such a environment. However, the lecture points out that the climates of Polar Regions at that time were much warmer and many animals who were not endotherms lived there. Thus it disputes the the first reason of reading passage. （这里就是听力的内容少了点，比如他们可以迁徙和冬眠什么的）

What’s more, the lecture indicates that the position and movement of the leges may be accountable that the body structure supports more weight so dinosaurs can grow very large size. And it may be nothing business with whether dinosaurs were high energy endotherms built for allowing running as the reading passage mentioned. Hence another reason listed in the reading passage is disputed.这个倒是不错

Last but not the least, what contradicts to the reading passage, the speaker suggests that the growing pattern of dinosaurs proves that they were non-endotherms. It is because besides Haversian canals, dinosaurs also had growth rains which helped their growing（这里不是help的，是生长造成的growth rings）. Therefore, the third reason in the reading passage is argued.

只需要把听力的内容加进就好了