GWinner的写作作业^^求一路进步! 求各位NN前辈们不吝拍砖赐教!!

GWinner

8.1开始准备8.26二战!!! 求25+!!!!!!

以下开始作业贴~求各位NN前辈们不吝拍砖赐教!!

ChaseDreamer们感谢申请备战一路有你~~~~~^^

GWinner

8.1 写作小分队作业
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging，OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.
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思路:

[第一段:支持]Writing可以不受情绪干扰, 理性面对争议

E.g. 反面例子支持, 宿舍舍友一起做group work的时候用meeting的形式不仅导致作业延迟上交, 还影响了舍友之间的友谊

[第二段:支持]Writing可以表达口头上不好表达的一些东西

E.g. 写信给爸爸鼓励父母和好, 口头上表达会容易尴尬, 也容易造成冲突

[第三段:让步]Verbal更及时的传递信息, 但是以信息的精准度和悦耳度下降作为牺牲

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Whether people should use the writing method by e-mail or text messages or the verbal way by telephone to solve controversial problems with others is relatively a subject of discussion as writing can provide us time to consider use of attitude and words whereas through a telephone people can reach the person who they want to persuade as quickly as possible. To agree or disagree with the statement that problems can be better solved by either way is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she may prefer to write as I do.

The foremost reason for me to support the writing way is that writing can prevent people from being affected by the emotion produced during the discussion. If one chooses to directly talk to the opponent, he or she might feel difficult to stay concentrate on the controversial issue but easily focus on the victory of verbal fighting either because they loose the control of their own emotion or as a result of being badly influenced by the attitude of the opponent. One of my personal experiences of this is a discussion in my dormitory. We are assigned a report to finish it together. However, each of us held different opinion to distribute the task. After several group meeting with no agreement reached but only dispute, not only our final report missed the deadline, the friendship between room members is also destroyed. By contrast, e-mails and messages can avoid your worry of dispute and losing of concentration. Writers are provided with enough time to consider his or her expression and use of words without others’ disturb. Therefore the exchange of opinions and views can be protected to be more effective and accurate.

Another factor that should not be ignored is that it is easier for people to express themselves through writing. That is, compared with words, verbal communication is sometimes limited because of potential embarrassing. Most of the time, people will feel more relaxed and comfortable to express themselves and understand others’ opinions through words. This point reminds me of the letter I wrote to my dad when he quarreled with my mom. To show my feeling of their carp and also to show my respect to him, I carefully selected the words used in the letter and implicitly encourage him to make an apology to my mom. Sooner after the deliver of my letter, my parents became reconciled. Till now, I still cannot image what the disaster would be like if I chose to talk to my father directly at that time without the letter’s help, since I am really not good at orally expression myself.

At last, I have admitted that it can not be deny that telephone and other voice-methods benefit people in some cases. For instance, when manager in a company has some tasks requiring immediately resolved, the best way for him to inform and assign the task is through telephone, because e-mail and text messages is unavoidable to delay and whether receivers can get the mail in time can not be ensured. In this case, verbal method is necessary to guarantee the reach of information and therefore can boost the working efficiency. However, the accuracy and the comfortable expression of the information are sacrificed for exchange.

Taking into account all these factors that have been discussed above, I am fully convinced that writing is relatively a better way when suffering controversial problems with others at most situations. Consequently, in order to smoothly reach the final agreement, it seems highly advisable for disputants to carefully list their points and modestly read others’ views on paper.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Whether people should use the writing method by e-mail or text messages or the verbal way by telephone to solve controversial problems with others is relatively a subject of discussion as writing can provide us time to consider use of attitudes and words whereas through a telephone people can reach the person who they want to persuade as quickly as possible.(感觉这句太长还是分开一下的好) To agree or disagree with the statement that problems can be better solved by either way is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she may prefer to write as I do.

The foremost reason for me to support the writing way is that writing can prevent people from being affected by the emotion produced during the discussion. If one chooses to directly talk to the opponent, he or she might feel difficult to stay concentrate on the controversial issue but easily focus on the victory of verbal fighting either because they loose the control of their own emotion or as a result of being badly influenced by the attitude of the opponent. One of my personal experiences of this is a discussion in my dormitory. We are assigned a report to finish it together. However, each of us held different opinions to distribute the task. After several group meeting with no agreement reached but only dispute, not only our final report missed the deadline, the friendship between room members is also destroyed. By contrast, e-mails and messages can avoid your worry of dispute and losing of concentration. Writers are provided with enough time to consider his or her expression and use of words without others’ disturb. Therefore the exchange of opinions and views can be protected to be more effective and accurate.

Another factor that should not be ignored is that it is easier for people to express themselves through writing. That is, compared with words, verbal（这里不知是有误还是我理解错了，audio？） communication is sometimes limited because of potential embarrassing. Most of the time, people will feel more relaxed and comfortable to express themselves and understand others’ opinions through words. This point reminds me of the letter I wrote to my dad when he quarreled with my mom. To show my feeling of their carp and also to show my respect to him, I carefully selected the words used in the letter and implicitly encourage him to make an apology to my mom. Sooner after the deliver of my letter, my parents became reconciled. Till now, I still cannot image what the disaster would be like if I chose to talk to my father directly at that time without the letter’s help, since I am really not good at orally expression myself.

At last, I have admitted（这个直接用I admit不好么） that it can not be deny（这里用过去式？） that telephone and other voice-methods benefit people in some cases. For instance, when （a 或者直接用复数）manager in a company has some tasks requiring immediately resolved, the best way for him to inform and assign the task is through telephone, because e-mail and text messages is unavoidable to delay and whether receivers can get the mail in time can not be ensured. In this case, verbal method is necessary to guarantee the reach of information and therefore can boost the working efficiency. However, the accuracy and the comfortable expression of the information are sacrificed for exchange.（这里强调一下upsetting or controversial 的topic来突出下主题会更好了）

Taking into account all these factors that have been discussed above, I am fully convinced that writing is relatively a better way when suffering controversial problems with others at most situations. Consequently, in order to smoothly reach the final agreement, it seems highly advisable for disputants to carefully list their points and modestly read others’ views on paper.
你独立都是GOOD了，多练综合才好啊。独立能写这么多字都不错了啊。

GWinner

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Whether people should use the writing method by e-mail or text messages or the verbal way by telephone to solve controversial problems with others is relatively a subject of discussion as writing can provide us time to consider use of attitudes and words whereas through a telephone people can reach the person who they want to persuade as quickly as possible.(感觉这句太长还是分开一下的好) To agree or disagree with the statement that problems can be better solved by either way is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she may prefer to write as I do.

The foremost reason for me to support the writing way is that writing can prevent people from being affected by the emotion produced during the discussion. If one chooses to directly talk to the opponent, he or she might feel difficult to stay concentrate on the controversial issue but easily focus on the victory of verbal fighting either because they loose the control of their own emotion or as a result of being badly influenced by the attitude of the opponent. One of my personal experiences of this is a discussion in my dormitory. We are assigned a report to finish it together. However, each of us held different opinions to distribute the task. After several group meeting with no agreement reached but only dispute, not only our final report missed the deadline, the friendship between room members is also destroyed. By contrast, e-mails and messages can avoid your worry of dispute and losing of concentration. Writers are provided with enough time to consider his or her expression and use of words without others’ disturb. Therefore the exchange of opinions and views can be protected to be more effective and accurate.

Another factor that should not be ignored is that it is easier for people to express themselves through writing. That is, compared with words, verbal（这里不知是有误还是我理解错了，audio？） communication is sometimes limited because of potential embarrassing. Most of the time, people will feel more relaxed and comfortable to express themselves and understand others’ opinions through words. This point reminds me of the letter I wrote to my dad when he quarreled with my mom. To show my feeling of their carp and also to show my respect to him, I carefully selected the words used in the letter and implicitly encourage him to make an apology to my mom. Sooner after the deliver of my letter, my parents became reconciled. Till now, I still cannot image what the disaster would be like if I chose to talk to my father directly at that time without the letter’s help, since I am really not good at orally expression myself.

At last, I have admitted（这个直接用I admit不好么） that it can not be deny（这里用过去式？） that telephone and other voice-methods benefit people in some cases. For instance, when （a 或者直接用复数）manager in a company has some tasks requiring immediately resolved, the best way for him to inform and assign the task is through telephone, because e-mail and text messages is unavoidable to delay and whether receivers can get the mail in time can not be ensured. In this case, verbal method is necessary to guarantee the reach of information and therefore can boost the working efficiency. However, the accuracy and the comfortable expression of the information are sacrificed for exchange.（这里强调一下upsetting or controversial 的topic来突出下主题会更好了）

Taking into account all these factors that have been discussed above, I am fully convinced that writing is relatively a better way when suffering controversial problems with others at most situations. Consequently, in order to smoothly reach the final agreement, it seems highly advisable for disputants to carefully list their points and modestly read others’ views on paper.
你独立都是GOOD了，多练综合才好啊。独立能写这么多字都不错了啊。

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/8/2 10:53:58)

一个fair一个good应该不止22分才对 估计是独立这个good比较水 还需要再练练才行> <...
虽然字数多 可是感觉语句神马的实在不够精炼 也没有什么感觉写的很出彩的句子 所以还需要积累才是~

GWinner

8.2 写作小分队作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
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思路:
[第一段:让步]远距离有时确实会对友情又不好的影响
                         E.g. 女孩儿通过一起shopping来增进感情, 而远距离不能做这些互动, 所以会影响感情
[第二段:反对]技术发展有利于友情的维系
                         E.g.高科技使得通讯得到发展, 如QQ,Skype等, 便于朋友们交流感情
[第三段:反对]新的环境可以结交新的朋友
                         E.g.原来不喜欢摇滚, 后来接触到了喜欢摇滚的朋友, 对此有了了解, 也逐渐喜欢了
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Whether moving to a new city would have a negative effect on one’s social circle and old friendships is relatively a subject of discussion, as such a long distance could act as a huge threaten to friendship, whereas it seems nothing can destroy a solid friendship. To agree or disagree with the title statement is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she might disagree with the opinion as I do.


At the very beginning, I have to admit that an extremely long geographical distance can more or less affect a relationship. Many interactive activities between friends can act as an essential role in enhancing the emotion between people. For example, girls are all interested in shopping, which is one of the main compositions of friendship between girls. Through shopping together, girls cultivate common dressing style and communicating during the shopping can even bring them common value. As a result, girls usually shopping together will have similar treatment towards things around them, have more common interest to talk with, and therefore, their friendship are cultivated and enhanced. Long distance can be a obstacle for people to do any interactive activities and thereby prevent the growth of friendship.


However, the development of high-technology makes this kind of challenging for the friendship a little bit different. Birth of mobile phone, common use of computers, and the fast advancing transportation narrow the physical distance between friends and enable them to contact with each other more frequently. Take the people who go abroad for example. Several years ago, communication cross the national border is not that convenient. E-mail and long-distance telephone were the fastest way for people in different countries to communicate. The delay of email and the expensive cost of phone mean that connecting every day was only a dream. Different from the past, nowadays there are many methods that are available for people to choose. Online communicator such as Skype and QQ, variable mobile phone software using free wifi, and the convenient and low priced transportation all benefit those long-distance friends and lovers a lot. They are enabled to share each other’s feelings without delay, and can even work out solutions when one of them gets in trouble. The distance is almost likely to be eliminated!



Another factor that should not be ignored is the building of new social circle. If a person rejects to move to a new place because of worrying his or her old friends, he will loose the opportunity to extent his own networking and meet some new friends. There is a saying goes that “every friend is a teacher for you.” Finding more new friends, therefore, usually bring you new skills, new attitude and new values towards the world and profound your vision as well. Friends’ interest can always affect each other and finally become the common interest of the two people. For instance, I used to have little interest in the rock music. After entering the university and met Swally, who is a fan of rock & roll, I began to listen to songs in this category and find the fascination inside them. I am half a rock fan now. Sometimes I even scream and jump for some rock group together with Swally!



Taking all these factors discussed above into discussion, I am fully convincing that the worry of friendship being affected by the long distance is no longer necessary. Consequently, it is even highly advisable to suggest that, at the same time to enhance old friendship, people should also grasp the chance and pay attention to cultivate new relationship when moving to a new environment in order to improve themselves.

GWinner

W1998大神通过QQ帮忙改了作文 感激涕零 收获甚多！ 贴在这里以明志！！！

<第一段模板 第二三四段中国式英语>灰常中肯 以后还许多多积累！！
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Whether moving to a new city would have a negative effect on one’s social circle and old friendships is relatively a subject of discussion, as such a long distance could act as a huge threaten(这个是动词） to friendship, whereas it seems nothing can destroy a solid friendship. To agree or disagree with the title statement is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she might disagree with the opinion as I do.

At the very beginning, I have to admit that an extremely long geographical distance can more or less affect a relationship（一般第一句开始直接就可以表明自己观点，如果你想说距离是问题的话不要用have to，我换成个句子，admittedly, long physical distance may cause individuals much inconvenient to communicate with each other than face to face. ）. (Many去掉)(such interactive activities between friends is a way that can act as an essential role in enhancing the emotion（emotion怎么加强？我认为可以用communication，或者别的，friendship等） between people（individuals）. For example, girls are all interested in shopping, which is one of the main compositions of（这个没看懂在讲什么，我觉得这个词用的不是很好。） friendship between girls. Through shopping together, girls cultivate common dressing style and communicating during the shopping can even bring them common value. As a result, girls usually shopping together will have similar treatment towards things around them, have more common interest to talk with（interest 不能用 talk with）, and therefore, their friendship are cultivated and enhanced. Long distance can be a obstacle for people to do any interactive activities and thereby prevent the growth of friendship.

However, the development of high-technology makes this kind of challenging（challenge of把for 去掉） for the friendship a little bit different. Thanks to the Birth of mobile phone, common use of computers, and the fast advancing transportation which offset the problems caused by the physical distance （narrow the physical distance） between friends and enable them to contact with each other more frequently. Take the people who go abroad for example. Several years ago, communication cross the national border is not that convenient. E-mail and long-distance telephone were the fastest way for people in different countries to communicate. The delay of email and the expensive cost of phone mean that connecting every day was only a dream. Different from the past, nowadays there are many（作文中最好不要用many，换成 a variety， 或者numerous） methods that are available for people to choose. Online communicator such as Skype and QQ, variable mobile phone software using free wifi, and the convenient and low priced transportation all benefit those long-distance friends and lovers a lot. They are enabled to share each other’s feelings without delay, and can even work out solutions when one of them gets in trouble. The distance is almost likely to be eliminated!

Another factor that should not be ignored is (that moving to a new place can offer us much more opportunities to construct new relationships with others这样说比较舒服）. If a person rejects to move to a new place because of worrying about the relationship between his or her old friends（本句你想表达的是关系，而不是纯粹的担心朋友的安慰吧？）, he will loose（lose） the opportunity to extent his own （networking？这个networking啥意思？关系网么？） political patronages or financial assistance from friends play a crucial role in the future on the way being successful . There is a saying goes that “every friend is a teacher for you.” Finding more new friends, therefore, usually bring you new skills, new attitude and new values towards the world and profound（widen） your vision as well. Friends’ interest （can always用can用的太多就不好了，你直接用also挺好） affect each other and finally become the common interest of the two people. For instance, I used to have little interest in the rock music. After entering the university and met Swally, who is a fan of rock & roll, I began to listen to songs in this category and were addict to the songs（find the fascination inside them去掉）. I am half a rock fan now. Sometimes I even scream and jump for some rock group together with Swally!

Taking all these factors discussed above into discussion（consideration）, I am fully convincing that the worry of friendship being affected by the long distance is no longer necessary. Consequently, it is even highly advisable to suggest that, at the same time to enhance old friendship, people should also grasp the chance and pay attention to cultivate new relationship when moving to a new environment in order to improve themselves.

GWinner

8.3 综合作文 TPO1
上次考综合只得了Fair..求各位狠批！！！
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The lecture and the reading passage give contradictory opinions on the whether a policy which requires companies to allow their employees to schedule their own working time, five-day work or four-day work with a lower salary. The author explains that implementing the policy will certainly benefit both the company and employees, while the lecturer provides several counterarguments to this view.

The professor refutes the first point of the author that giving employees the option would boost the profit of the company. He points out that this planning can be actually more costly instead. Firstly, as the lower of working time per employee would bring a larger number of new comers, the company will face an expensive cost to provide training for them. What’s more, more employees also means the increasing demand of computers and other office equipments, which will also cause a higher expend.

The lecturer also doubt whether the implement of the policy will result in a lower employment rate, which, however, is strongly believed by the author. The professor reasons that, when working time is shorter, managers will feel that their present labors are not enough to assist the company to achieve the business goal. When tasks can not be finished, they will force the employees to work overtime. As a result, employees’ expectation will not be matched, and they will still work 4 hours instead of 5.

The author’s third opinion, which demonstrates that the policy is better for individual employees, is not supported by the professor either. What the lecturer believes is that, since the choice of those employees who decided to work four hours everyday does not please their superior, this group of employee would become the first ones who loss their job as well as the last ones who get the chance of promotion. Therefore, the stability of their job can be lowered, which will result in a higher risk and a lower quality of their life.

GWinner

8.3 独立作文
[这篇是以前写过的 没有谨遵W1998大神教诲..仍然生拉硬拽的用了开头模板...继续求狠批> <!!!]
Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently
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思路:
[第一段:让步]通过帮助孩子,父母可以更好的了解孩子的学习情况并及时实施措施
                  E.g. 父母可以及时看到孩子的写情况, 并且决定是不是要及时给孩子买字帖
[第二段:反对]只能解近渴不能解远忧, 制造作业优秀的假象, 其实影响孩子的学习和智力发育
                  E.g.姐姐的丈夫总是帮助孩子完成作业, 结果孩子的考试成绩和作业成绩相差甚远
[第三段:反对]影响孩子的独立生活+思考能力
                  E.g.母亲总为孩子包好鸡蛋, 结果孩子远行不会吃鸡蛋
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Whether parents should help their children finish their home work is relatively a subject of discussion as with parents’ help children would get a higher grade of their work whereas the help can also weaken children’s ability to be independent. To agree or disagree with the statement is a matter of balancing between its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she might agree with the title statement as I do.

To begin with, I have to admit that it might be true that parents can know their children better about what and how they are learning by helping them with their work. Checking home works, for example, can enable parents to find out how their child’s handwriting is and whether they need to buy child some exercise books to improve their writing. Besides, they can also point out some mistakes form child’s work and talk with their child about them, by which parents can locate the problem and difficulties of child’s learning and help solve in time.

However, helps of homework may attribute to solve the present problem, but does little to solve future ones. In the first place, if children get used to asking their parents for help of their work, they may become weak of thinking and solving problems independently, which is harmful to their absorb of new knowledge, and further, their mental growth. Take the children of one of my older sisters for example. Because the husband of my sister always sits next to their son when he is doing home works, their son has never finished works by himself. The result is easily to imagine. As this boy can not get help form his father during examinations, the results of his exams are surprisingly poor, which are striking contrast with his home work grade.

What’s more, if children get used to seek for help from their parents, their ability of independence would be limited. Many years later, they may grow to be people who are always hesitating in making decision without others’ suggestion and persuasion. Take an exaggerate story for example. There is a child whose mother helps him peel eggs every time. When he grows up and leaves his mother to a removed place, he find that eggs there are all hard and he does not know how to eat them! This example might be too exaggerated to be realistic. However, every child will leave their parents one day. In order to ensure that they can take care of themselves, parents should do some thing, actually avoid to do some thing, to cultivate their children’s ability of thinking alone. Rejecting to help with their home work might be a good start.

Taking all these factors that have been discussed above, I am fully convinced that parents should refute to provide any help when their children are doing school works. Further, it seems highly advisable for parents to encourage children to finish those works by themselves and pay attention to cultivate the independence from childhood.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecture and the reading passage give contradictory opinions on the whether a policy which requires companies to allow their employees to schedule their own working time, five-day work（感觉这里加一个逗号比较好，不然总觉得有歧义） or four-day work with a lower salary. The author explains that implementing the policy will certainly benefit both the company and employees, while the lecturer provides several counterarguments to this view.

The professor refutes the first point of the author that giving employees the option would boost the profit of the company. He points out that this planning can be actually more costly instead. Firstly, as the lower of working time per employee would bring a larger number of new comers, the company will face an expensive cost to provide training for them（还有一个就是买保险什么的了，然后就是医疗保险的费用是一样的）. What’s more, more employees also means the increasing demand of computers and other office equipments, which will also cause a higher expend.

The lecturer also doubts whether the implement of the policy will result in a lower employment rate, which, however, is strongly believed by the author. The professor reasons that, when working time is shorter, managers will feel that their present labors are not enough to assist the company to achieve the business goal. When tasks can not be finished, they will force the employees to work overtime. As a result, employees’ expectation will not be matched, and they will still work 4 hours instead of 5.（句式没有什么问题，就是听力的内容不是很完整和具体，嘿嘿）

The author’s third opinion, which demonstrates that the policy is better for individual employees, is not supported by the professor either. What the lecturer believes is that, since the choice of those employees who decided to work four hours everyday does not please their superior, this group of employee would become the first ones who loss their job as well as the last ones who get the chance of promotion. Therefore, the stability of their job can be lowered, which will result in a higher risk and a lower quality of their life.

整体没有什么问题，就是听力的要点加上就好一些。

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Whether parents should help their children finish their home work is relatively a subject of discussion as with parents’ help children would get a higher grade of their work whereas the help can also weaken children’s ability to be independent. To agree or disagree with the statement is a matter of balancing between its pros and cons. However, if one considers the following reasons, he or she might agree with the title statement as I do.

To begin with, I have to admit that it might be true that parents can know their children better about what and how they are learning by helping them with their work. Checking home works, for example, can enable parents to find out how their child’s handwriting is and whether they need to buy child some exercise books to improve their writing. Besides, they can also point out some mistakes form child’s work and talk with their child about them, by which parents can locate the problems and difficulties of child’s learning and help solve (these questions) in time.

However, helps of homework may attribute to solve the present problems, but does little to solve future ones. In the first place, if children get used to asking their parents for help of their work, they may become weak of thinking and solving problems independently, which is harmful to their absorb of new knowledge, and further, their mental growth. Take the children of one of my older sisters for example. Because the husband of my sister always sits next to their son when he is doing home works, their son has never finished works by himself. The result is easily to imagine. As this boy can not get help form his father during examinations, the results of his exams are surprisingly poor, which are striking contrast with his home work grade.(其实这个论点和例子结合的不是很好)

What’s more, if children get used to seek for help from their parents, their ability of independence would be limited. Many years later, they may grow to be people who are always hesitating in making decision without others’ suggestion and persuasion. Take an exaggerate story for example. There is a child whose mother helps him peel eggs every time. When he grows up and leaves his mother to a removed place, he find that eggs there are all hard and he does not know how to eat them! This example might be too exaggerated to be realistic. However, every child will leave their parents one day. In order to ensure that they can take care of themselves, parents should do some thing, actually avoid to do some thing, to cultivate their children’s ability of thinking alone. Rejecting to help with their home work might be a good start.

Taking all these factors that have been discussed above, I am fully convinced that parents should refute to provide any help when their children are doing school works. Further, it seems highly advisable for parents to encourage children to finish those works by themselves and pay attention to cultivate the independence from childhood.

楼主的作文已经很不错，接下来进一步的改进就好了额。另外就是例子要丰富一些，具体一些。