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fairyfinger

独立写作为主，二战T主攻作文。加油！=^_^+
各位看官尽管狠拍～

fairyfinger

7月23日 2010.3.12NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children do well at school, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

People watch television for different purpose. Some are addicted to soap operas, TV series and films, while others prefer to watch everyday news, interviews and educational programs. For most children, televison is a way of entertaining as it offers various TV dramas and cartoons. And parents have to control children's time spended on television programs since children themselves are not self-disciplined enough to turn off the television at a proper time.


To some extent, it is true that spending less time on television can result in a better performance in one's study. This is because the time wasted on watching meaningless soap operas and other entertaining programs could be better used in other self-promotional activities like reading books and doing homeworks. For people who are addcited to televsion series, they would wonder about what happened next in the story and therefore could not easily concentrate on their study. Thus, the effectivness of learning will soon deteriorate. My personal experience told me that television not only waste my time when I watches the uselss programs, it exxerts long-existing bad effect on a whole day's work as well. My friends and I, after watching a tv entertaining program or drama, discuss the plot and movie stars all day long, even in the class. Therefore, televison diffuse our attention on studies as well as cost much of our time on meaningless entertaining and chatting, which lead to a discounted performance in school.

However, if children watch educational and informational programs, parents should allow them to finish the program since they could broaden children's horizons and inform them with current issues happening around the world. Programs like introduding a business leading figure, interviewing with an successful artist, reporting the story of an excellent senoir student and explaining the history of the country with abundant video and pictural informations are a good source of extra learning besides school education. As a result, children would be inspired by the success of the figures in TV interviews or be enriched with plentiful knowledges, which will benefit their study at school. Therefore, parents should let children finish these programs. Still, if a student use too much time on watching these programs that they have no time to finish homeworks, parents had better ask them to turn off the televsion.

Regardless of whether children wacth meaningful TV programs or not, a reduced time-spending on televison does not necessarily lead to a good performance at school. The fact is that watching television and studying are not the only two activities children can do. In other words, apart from time costed on television shows, children may also waste their time on other entertaining like computer games, sports games, shopping, sleeping and aimless chatting.

In sum, generally parents should limit children's television watching for the reason that TV programs will reduce time and distract concentration on learning. And they should ask their children to transfer the time wasted on tv to that on learning in order to make them do well on campus. Yet admittedly, some programs are educational and beneficial, and thereby could help children do better in school.

易雨水巷

绿色为总结 蓝色为建议或意见  红色为错误 高亮为精彩

7月23日 2010.3.12NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children do wellat school, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV.Use specific reasons to support your answer.

People watch television for different purpose（purposes 复数比较好吧）.Some are addicted to soap operas, TV series and films, while others prefer towatch everyday news, interviews and educational programs. For most children, televison (television) is a way of entertaining as itoffers various TV dramas and cartoons. And parents have to control children'stime spended (spent) on television programssince children themselves are not self-disciplined enough to turn off the television at a propertime.


To some extent, itis true that spending less time on television can result in a betterperformance in one's study. This is because the time wasted on watchingmeaningless soap operas and other entertaining programs could be better used inother self-promotional activities like reading books and doing homeworks (homework). For people who are addcited (addicted) to televsion(television) series, they would wonder about what happened next in the story（纯属建议in the following story）andtherefore could not easily concentrate on their study. Thus, the effectivness （effectiveness）of learning will soon deteriorate. My personalexperience told me that television not only waste my time when I watches the uselss (useless) programs, it exxerts (exerts) long-existing bad effect on a whole day's work aswell. My friends and I, after watching a tv (去掉即可) entertaining programor drama, discuss the plot and movie stars all day long, even in the class.Therefore, televison (television) diffuse our attention onstudies as well as cost much of our time on meaningless entertaining andchatting, which lead to a discounted performance in school.

However, if children watch educational and informational programs, parentsshould allow them to finish the program since they could broaden children'shorizons and inform them with current issues happening around the world.Programs like introduding (introducing) abusiness leading figure, interviewing with an successful artist, reporting thestory of an excellent senoir (senior) studentand explaining the history of the country with abundant video and pictural informations  (information)are a good source （我觉得用复数 good sources 比较好）ofextra learning besides school education. As a result, children would beinspired by the success of the figures in TV interviews or be enriched withplentiful knowledges (knowledge), which willbenefit their study at school. Therefore, parents should let children finishthese programs. Still, if a student use too much time on watching theseprograms that they have no time to finish homeworks (homework),parents had better ask them to turn off the televison (television).

Regardless ofwhether children wacth meaningful TV programs or not, a reduced time-spendingon televison (television) does not necessarilylead to a good performance at school. The fact is that watching television andstudying are not the only two activities children can do. In other words, apartfrom time costed (过去分词直接用cost就可以) on television shows, childrenmay also waste their time on other entertaining like computer games, sportsgames, shopping, sleeping and aimless chatting.

In sum, generallyparents should limit children's television watching for the reason that TVprograms will reduce time and distract concentration on learning. And theyshould ask their children to transfer the time wasted on tv （TV）to that on learning in order to make them do well on campus. Yetadmittedly, some programs are educational and beneficial, and thereby couldhelp children do better in school.

To fairy:
1.注意单词拼写问题&一些名词诸如homework、knowledge、information的可数不可数问题
2. 雨巷梳理了一下脉络：
第一段提出了观点：应该控制时间
 第二段：论述了为什么要控制时间
 第三段：讲了有些电视节目还是比较好的，父母应该让孩子们看完
 第四段：看电视时间的长短并不直接影响孩子在学校的表现
 第五段总结：父母应该限制看电视的时间，但是部分节目还是很好的。
然后，我觉得fairy的结构其实可以采用常用的五段式方法的。
第一段提出论点
第二、三段分别用分论点分别论述论点（就是说fairy可以将第二段扩展为两端，分别提出两个分论点来支持为什么要限制时间，而不是有点儿大杂烩式的放在一整段里）
第四段让步，也就是可以讲讲可以看一些有教育意义的电视节目之类的吧
第五段总结一般来说是要紧靠主论点的。
又或者说fairy是想写两边倒的文章？这个雨巷就不能给出自己的意见了，因为雨巷从来写过，也不太懂。
总之，一般来说，独立一般是采用五段式的结构，fairy可以看一些文章之后，总结一下。
加油哦\(^o^)/~

fairyfinger

To 雨巷：
看到你的认真批改和留言，让我干劲十足！！Thank u sooo much!!!

我觉得我思维太跳跃了..所以每段想表达的东西可以能有点模糊掉了..以后要注意：）

唉可能是GRE作文写多了。看着看着就要挑题目的逻辑错误..托福作文不看重这个？？

凹，我想表达的太多了，结构木有安排好，谢谢雨巷的很好的建议！！我会改进的哈哈！！一起加油也

fairyfinger

7月25日
110304NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problemsin today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.


What is the most important problems in today’s world? Different people have varied views on that issue. For economists, the most disrupting problem may be the financial crisis, while for doctors it may be curing cancers. In terms of astronomy, the greatest concern may focus on sending people to live in other planets, whereas when it comes to politics, better policies and governmental administration are urgently needed. Despite all the differences, I hold that all these important problems in today’s world would not be solved in this era.

In the first place, the limitiation of intelligence and materials restrain the present generations in solving the most important problems. Although with the fast development of technology, our life have changed into a more effevtive and fascinating one compared with the past, we still want to have more. For instance, medicians are trying to colon people in the way they replicate animals; doctors try hard to invent elixir which could extend people’s life spance; atronomers takes great effort in living in space which have thin oxygen and little water supply. All those dreams seems impossible to ahceive due to our limited technology and knowledge, yet it may come true after we die. Just like Da Vinci failed in his flying machine experiment, but Wright brothers accomplished the task by inventing the areoplane.

Additionaly, more time is needed in order to evaluate the principles we practice nowadyas. Consider one of the most controversial issue in politics: will socialism benefit the country and live long? Is capitalism a better choice? Max thought it would be the best social structure, yet he himself could not see the real result. The fact is many things people are now using and practicing are new,  it's hard to see the possible result of them. Therefore, the problems raised by things which are still at the primitive stage requires time to solve.

However, there are problems of great importance which can be solved in everyone’s lifetime. Of all ages, the nature of humans are the same. Therefore, difficult problems which happens frequently like divorce, disabusing children and betrayal of the beloved one, can be solved within one’s lifetime. Although it is a concurrent issue that the bad part of human nature like lust, jealousy, wrath drives people to commit huge mistakes, people of all eras can overcome them with the shining part in them, namely forgiveness, industriousness and persistence.

In the final analysis, the most important problems could not be sloved in our lifetime due to the restriction of technological and theoretical development. And the short span of a life time is not long enough for a comprehensive observation of some important issue, so they could only be solved in the following generations. Nevetheless, big problems concerning human nature can be overcomed in a lifetime.

易雨水巷

TO fairy
雨巷木有考过GRE，木有写过GRE的作文不太了解
但帮忙问了一下，托福作文不是ARGUE，就是说重点的考察不在于逻辑，至于挑题目的逻辑错误就更不用了吧
但文章本身的逻辑还是要有的，比如说分论点支持主论点，例子支持论点等等
一般来说就是两种写法：一、选择题目的一方面来说  二是两个都写 不过好像新东方的老师不建议第二种，大家也绝大多数选择第一种
其实我感觉，这个独立和口语第二题差不多了呵呵
加油哦

7月25日
110304NA
Do youagree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems intoday’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

绿色为总结 蓝色为建议或意见  红色为错误 高亮为精彩

What is (are) the most important problems in today’s world? Different peoplehave varied views on that issue. For economists, the most disrupting (disturbing?) problem maybe the financial crisis, while for doctors it may be curing cancers. In terms of astronomy,the greatest concern may focus on sending people to live in other planets,whereas when it comes to politics, better policies and governmentaladministration are urgently needed. Despite all the differences, I hold (+ theview?) that all these important problems in today’s world would not besolved in this era.

In the first place, the limitiation(limitation) of intelligence andmaterials restrain the present generations in solving the most importantproblems. Although with the fast development of technology, our life havechanged into a more effevtive(effective) and fascinating one compared with the past, (+ 连接词and或者另起一句，一句话不能有两个句子) we still want tohave more. For instance, medicians(medics) are trying to colon people inthe way they replicate animals; doctors try hard to invent elixir which couldextend people’s life spance; atronomers(astronomers) takes great effortin living in space which have thin oxygen and little water supply. (这句里的例子，尤其是 invent elixir的例子，fairy还是再考虑一下吧，感觉和important problems不是很相关) All those dreams seems impossible to ahceive(achieve) due to our limitedtechnology and knowledge, yet it may come true after we die. Just like Da Vincifailed in his flying machine experiment, but Wright brothers accomplished thetask by inventing the areoplane(aeroplane).

Additionaly(Additionally), more time isneeded in order to evaluate the principles we practice nowadyas(nowadays). Consider one ofthe most controversial issues in politics: will socialism benefit the countryand live long? Is capitalism a better choice? Max thought it would be the bestsocial structure, yet he himself could not see the real result. The fact ismany things people are now using and practicing are new, (+ 连接词and或者另起一句，一句话不能有两个句子) it's （it is托福里不能简写奥） hard to seethe possible result of them. Therefore, the problems raised by things which arestill at the primitive stage requires （require）time to solve. （雨巷认为至少还应该论述一下，这个more time是在our lifetime更长的时间）

However,there are problems ofgreat importance which can be solved in everyone’s lifetime. Of allages, the nature of humans are （is） the same. Therefore, difficult problems which happens (happen) frequently likedivorce, disabusing children and betrayal of the beloved one, can be solvedwithin one’s lifetime. Although it is a concurrent issue that the bad part ofhuman nature like lust, jealousy, （+and） wrathdrives people to commit huge mistakes ( 把 like lust, jealousy and wrath 放在句末会不会好一点儿额) , people of all eras can overcome them with the shining part inthem, namelyforgiveness, industriousness and persistence.

In the final analysis, the most importantproblems could not be sloved(solved) in our lifetime due to the restriction of technological and theoreticaldevelopment. And the short span of a life time is not long enough for acomprehensive observation of some important issue, so they could only be solvedin the following generations. （额 最后总结段，具体的例子是不是不用出现了）Nevetheless(Nevertheless), big problemsconcerning human nature can be overcomed(overcome) in a lifetime.

Tofairy
1.还是单词拼写问题&主谓一致问题。一定要重视啊重视！这个问题雨巷也很严重。就是预留一定的时间检查吧。或者自己用word检查。
2.结构来说比前一篇好多了。继续加油哦\(^o^)/~多研究研究大神们的作文我觉得比一些书的范围还用的。(*^__^*) ……
鸟妈汇总的一个帖子 可以去看看
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-723585-1-1.html
fighting！

fairyfinger

7.26

Do modern people get more opportunities to get educated than people in the past do? Some agree that people now learns more easily thanks to the development of society. Others hold that modern people are overwhelmed with too huge amount of informations to hold on to. As fat as I'm concerned, the present generations can, on the whole, study with less hindrance than in the past. And my reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, with the development of technology, more accesses of learning are available for modern people. In the past, books and teachers are the only sources possible for a student to learn. But nowadays, there are various ways for people to absorb knowledge, ranging from newspaper, online courses to television and summer schools. The fact is, attending college is no longer the only access for one to get educated: prestigious universities publicized their lectures towards online; television programs offer educational documentaries; universities provide summer schools with a wide range of majors. In the modern society, whatever one's age, annual income and intellectual level, he or she can have a chance to learn.

Besides, effective public policies of increasing the educational level of all the citizens has been widely adopted. As the world is facing a fast economic increase, the importance of intellectual capacity had been put forward as a way of measuring a big country. Therefore, a series of education-favored policies have been put into effect. For instance, the length of compulsory education has been extended several times, namely from primary school eduction to 12 years' long free education before the university entrance. In that way, students are given an equal opportunity of learning regardless of race, social status and economic strength.

However, it's hard for people to be concentrated on learning in the thought of the increasing accessibility of entertaining tools. The case is that modern people, though have more access to learning, are also more likely to be distracted by cell-phone games, computer games, chatting softwares and the like. For instance, one who studies online is likely to play online games or chat with his or her friends through social networks in the meantime, which will diffuse his or her concentration. Therefore, modern people are less likely to focus for a long period than people in the past do.

To sum up, with more favorable educational policies and a large amount of easily approachable educational sources, it's true that modern people are easily literated than those in the past. Still, an increasing number of entertaining tools lead to less efficiency in learning.

Vance1991

绿色为总结 蓝色为建议或意见  红色为错误 高亮为精彩


Do modern people get more opportunities to get educated than people in the past do? Some agree that people now learns(learn) more easily thanks to the development of society. Others hold that modern people are overwhelmed with too huge amount of informations(information不可数名词) to hold on to. As fat as I'm concerned, the present generations can, on the whole, study with less hindrance than in the past. And my reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, with the development of technology, more accesses of learning are available for modern people. In the past, books and teachers are the only sources possible for a student to learn. But nowadays, there are various ways for people to absorb knowledge, ranging from newspaper, online courses to television and summer schools. The fact is, attending college is no longer the only access for one to get educated: prestigious universities publicized their lectures towards(towards应该不用吧) online; television programs offer educational documentaries; universities provide summer schools with a wide range of majors. In the modern society, whatever one's age, annual income and intellectual level, he or she can have a chance to learn.

Besides, effective public policies of increasing the educational level of all the citizens has been widely adopted. As the world is facing a fast economic increase, the importance of intellectual capacity had been put forward as a way of measuring a big country. Therefore, a series of education-favored policies have been put into effect. For instance, the length of compulsory education has been extended several times, namely from primary school eduction to 12 years' long free education before the university entrance. In that way, students are given an equal opportunity of learning regardless of race, social status and economic strength.

However, it's hard for people to be concentrated on learning in the thought of the increasing accessibility of entertaining tools. The case is that modern people, though have more access to learning, are also more likely to be distracted by cell-phone games, computer games, chatting softwares and the like. For instance, one who studies online is likely to play online games or chat(chats) with his or her friends through social networks in the meantime, which will diffuse his or her concentration. Therefore, modern people are less likely to focus for a long period than people in the past do.

To sum up, with more favorable educational policies and a large amount of easily approachable educational sources, it's true that modern people are easily literated than those in the past. Still, an increasing number of entertaining tools lead to less efficiency in learning.

楼主写的很好啊.错误很少.举例论证的例子很精彩.很好.有很多精彩的短语和句子!
ps:作文写好了记得把"占座"改成链接,不然我以为你还没写好呢~

fairyfinger

7.27

The world is now facing a speedy development of technology and economy, which therefore makes modern life progress with quick pace. Most people are overwhelmed by huge volume of informations, and how to handle them becomes an urgent problem. How can we tell important informations from useless one? Which events should we concern and which should we ignor? As far as I’m concerned, it is not necessary to know things happened worldwide, which virtually exerts little influence on people’s daily life. My reasons are listed as follows.

To begin with, knowing things happened in other countries is not only of no use to daily work, but a waste of time as well. For instance, the knowledge of crazy Christmas shopping in USA or electronic failure in Beijing has nothing to do with one’s living in Shanghai. Therefore, events taken place in irrelevant areas are, to some extent, like stories written in fiction novels, which act like entertaining sources and which are of no sighinificance in real life. Instead of reading global news, we can spend our spare time on more beneficial activities like learning, playing with friends and doing sports.

What is more? It is very much likely that being acknowledged about events around world will stimulate one’s unnecessary negative emotions. Consider a person living in poor countries, reading articles about the advancement of the United States in education, political system and social welfare would result in disatisfaction of his own life or disillusion of his own country. Sequentially, that disappointing feeling will disvigorate him in his daily work. Impertinent informations are, in that way, reduce  efficiency and disperse concentration in one’s actual life.

Yet I concede that some international events reports does something more than just informing people: they play a role as a social moralist or an educator. Watching Olympic games online or on TV raises the patriotic sense of the public; Viewing photos taken in slums activates people’s sense of thriftness and benevolence; Knowing the huge number of ice melting in North Polar urges people to protect the environment. Thus, certain global issues cultivate one’s moral sense which will guide their in daily behaviors.

In sum, concerns on irrelevant events around the world is generally time-wasting and mentally disturbing. People should thereby focus on daily activities within their immediate environment, which will influence their life. Still, some seemingly distant issues can be guidances for routine life and so need due attention.

fairyfinger

7.28

Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character.

Will you judge a person through the clothes he or she wears? The answer of that question may diverge: some agree that clothing is a good symbol of one’s inner thoughts and characters; others holds that people do not actually wear what they really like. Regardless of the correctness of both sides, it is undeniable that first impression influence one’s opinion of others a great deal. And as for me, one’s clothes contribute to a large percent in my first judement of other people. And my reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, the clothes people are wearing is a reflection of their flavor, which can show their personality and inner concerns. When shopping, people will buy clothes which they think is beautiful. Yet the criteria of prettieness varies from person to person. Young kids love clothes with vivid color and cartoon figures; youth like to follow the latest trend when choosing clothes; adults prefer clothings that are more professional and elegant. That is because people at different stages of life have their varied concerns. In addition, people of the same age dress disparately according to their personalities. Introverted youth favor simple clothes with less exaggerative patterns, while youth who want to gain much attention tend to wear strange clothes. Therefore, clothing is a way helping people display their dispostions.

Secondly, the way people dress themselves indicates the kind of people they want to become in front of others. For instance, conservartive girls will not wear exposive clothes for the reason that they do not want to be regarded as flamboyant, and thereby boys will not try to flirt with her. It is the colthes one wears that tell other people his or her attitude and propensity. Therefore, how people dressed is a good indicator of their personalities and value system.

However, some people may hide their true selves behind their clothes. Many people, especially teens, are not condifent or satisfied with themselves, and so they follow the latest trend and dress like their idols or friends. In doing that, they are not revealing their characters. And the opposite is true: those people hide their real personalities behind the maskerades and pretend to be someone else. Thus, the way certain people dressed acts like a veil which blurred other’s recognition of them.

All in all, I believe that the clothes one dresses are a good way of telling his or her personalities and dispostions beacuse one chooses clothes according to his or her flavor, character and and value system. Yet in certain situations, people are apt to disguise with clothes.