gre呀gre的作文~ 非NN~请不要大意的狠拍吧！

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误

To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.

When it comes to the argument that education quality can be improved by giving professor a higher salary, some may support （两个谓语动词的了吧）is based on the reason that money may be the best encouragement for the professor under such economy crisis circumstance. However, it seems that they fail to take stress brought by money into consideration. (读完整篇文章我确定这句话没起到什么作用了，开头段最好和下面对应)Hence, as far as I am concerned, I hold an opposite view that spending more money on salary for professor may not improve the quality of education for three reasons listed as follows.

To begin with, without the higher standard equipment, professors cannot teach students in a direct and efficient way. Some equipment such as the big screen may help students to understand what the professor was taught more easily. To take my school as an example, it provides us with the wifi covering the whole school so that we can search what we like wherever. Thanks to the wifi, we have recorded many ideas sparking in the brain for a second （既然是可以查询你想要的东西，就不应该是停留几秒吧cultivate the primary ideas to blossom ）and have got some awards because of the new idea. In contrast, my friend in another school could not even finish his paper because of the bad network.

In addition, comparing（compared 这个主语没法主动比较吧） to the high salary, a survey may work since the knowledge is not that accessible owing to the teaching style (这句话想表达什么，没看懂). A professor may have no idea about whether the way he spreading knowledge （by）is popular among his students. It is the importance of a survey that tells every professor that which style is welcomed in teaching a certain subject. Just image the difference between the professors（+s） who always reads （去掉s）books without a connection with his students and the professor who teaches actively with some experiment and practice.（这个句子太长了）Judging from the comparison, I cannot emphasize the importance of a survey building a bridge between professor and student any more.
我觉得这段写的不好，楼主的意思是要把钱投入到调查师生关系中去，开头没有表达清楚，段落中句子过长，不明晰
What is more, the more time professor spend on the education, the higher quality of education the university will have. Considering the concerns mentioned above that professors are encouraged much with a higher salary, professors may have the pressure to come up with more papers and decrease the time to educate students. On the contrary, given by more time instead of more money, professors will teach the students themselves without teaching assistant （这个不能这么说吧，rather than ask assistant to replace them）. Statistics from China Daily shows that, in China, over 80 percent professors hire a teaching assistant and more than 40 percent of whom have never taught students a class just for the reason that professors spend most of their time on research. （这个例子貌似不太准确，你看及时不增加工资教授还是忙于研究，不教学生）所以可能还要在深入一点

To draw a conclusion, I insist that spending more money on salary for professor may not result in a improvement of education quality in a university due to the lack of equipment, connection, and the time for the professor to teach in person.

gre呀gre

8.12 独立
When it comes to the argument that it is better to finish projects one by one than work on several projects at the same time, some may hold an opposite view that working on several projects is more efficient, which is needed in the rapid developing society. However, as far as I am concerned, such statement is flawed. Hence, I totally stand by the argument for three reasons listed as follows.

To begin with, concentrating on only one project can save the time that transferring the worker’s thinking since there always lays a gap between two different works. The requirement on different tasks varies; some work asks for a logical thinking while others demand an inner depth of emotion, which is usual in a single work. It is a waste of time that transferring the thought from one to another. Just image a man asked to finish a report about an analysis about a certain market, which contains both analysis based on statistics and the copywriting to touch the consumers. Rather than work on the two tasks at the same time, he would better finish them one by one in order to save the time of transferring.

What is more, even the projects with some similarities cannot be handled at the same time owing to the confusion. Considering the concern mentioned above that the rapid society force people to be efficiency, they may fail to take time to figure out the confusion into consideration. To take my final paper about the cultural tourist resort as an example, I did some research about several cities and weighed the pros and cons. However, I only got a low mark for the reason that, in the paper, I mixed two cities’ advantages together and did not drawing a clear conclusion based on the confused statistics. That is the reason why similar projects cannot be coped with together.

In addition, focusing on only one project will help a person to do the brainstorm and some ideas may spark on the brain in the process of the project for the reason that he put all his attention on only one tasks. In this way, it is much likely for the man to come up with some excellent and unique ideas, which helps to make his result outstanding. However, the attention will be shared by several projects and each will get a little. As a consequence, each project may be ended up with an average level. Statistics in a survey from the magazine Vista shows that over 80 percent employees complain that they cannot burden so many projects at the same time and admit that they complete these projects cursorily.

In a nutshell, I maintain that it is better to finish a project completely and then begin a new one than work on two or more projects at the same time due to the saved time of transferring thought and confusion and a distinguished achievement.

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误

When it comes to the argument that it is better to finish projects one by one than work on several projects at the same time, some may hold an opposite view that working on several projects is more efficient, which is needed in the rapid developing society. However, as far as I am concerned, such statement is flawed. Hence, I totally stand by the argument for three reasons listed as follows.
既然楼主这个模板已经定型虽然不怎么出彩，不过也没什么大问题
To begin with, concentrating on only one project can save the time that（或许这里用—比较好）transferring the worker’s thinking since there always lays a gap between two different works（学到了）. The requirement on different tasks varies; some work asks for a logical thinking while others demand an inner depth of emotion（这个应该和逻辑相对吧，这个情感深度貌似。）, which is usual in a single work. It is a waste of time that transferring the thought from one to another. Just image a man asked to finish a report about an analysis about a certain market, which contains both analysis based on statistics and the copywriting to touch the consumers. （这个例子和前面解释貌似重复了，我感觉读起来有点累赘，把前面直接去掉）Rather than work on the two tasks at the same time, he would better finish them one by one in order to save the time of transferring.

What is more, even the projects with some similarities cannot be handled at the same time owing to the confusion. Considering the concern mentioned above that the rapid society force people to be efficiency（这是名词）, they may fail to take time to figure out the confusion into consideration. To take my final paper about the cultural tourist resort as an example, I did some research about several cities and weighed the pros and cons. However, I only got a low mark for the reason that, in the paper, I mixed two cities’ advantages together and did not drawing a clear conclusion based on the confused statistics. That is the reason（that is）why similar projects cannot be coped with together. （reason 出现了好多遍 cause ）
挺好的这一段。Confusion 是什么要在一开始就解释清楚。
In addition, focusing on only one project will help a person to do the brainstorm and some ideas may spark（三篇文章出现了三次～） on the brain in the process of the project for the reason that he put all his attention on only one tasks. In this way, it is much likely for the man to come up with some excellent and unique ideas, which helps to make his result outstanding. However, the attention will be shared by several projects and each will get a little. As a consequence, each project may be ended up with an average level. Statistics in a survey from the magazine Vista shows that over 80 percent employees complain that they cannot burden so many projects at the same time and admit that they complete these projects cursorily.
换种方式说明，挺好的
In a nutshell, I maintain that it is better to finish a project completely and then begin a new one than work on two or more projects at the same time due to the saved time of transferring thought and confusion and a distinguished achievement.（这边这个and 有点多吧）

其实改了这几天的文章，我个人觉得其实楼主的用法语句没什么问题了，但是总觉得读文章的时候有点憋屈的感觉，今天想想貌似是文章不精炼，有些话颠倒过来说了好几遍，虽然文章看起来很多，理由也说明白了，但是不出彩，所以我觉得楼主还是要精简语句，有的时候好多从句套在一起。太多了

gre呀gre

8.13 独立

know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A

When it comes the argument that knowing about events happening around the world will not affect our lives, some may hold an opposite view that we cannot do a favor since it is too far away from us. However, it seems that they fail to take the distance between hearts into consideration. Hence, as far as I am concerned, I totally support the argument that having an understanding of the affairs arround us do affect our lives for three reasons listed as follows.

At the very beginning, the most accessable destination of have an aware of the masses is more and more common topics among friends. With it, one can make friends and broaden horizons and in this way, he will not be a narrow person. To set myself as an example, I used to be a girl caring about nothing and no one would like to play with me because of the long lasting silence. I had no idea what to talk with them and became easily to judge others owing to the differences between people. After spending an hour on scanning some news, I have turned to an accessable girl and can cope with others easily.

In addition, by knowing the news about how problems have been solved, experience can be accumulated and applied in the daily works, which is an efficient way to grow up. Just image a man just graduated from university and having no idea about how to act perfectly in the interview. By watching TV about the reason why Google rejects some applicant, he will pay much attention on his business etiquette and thus leave the boss an excellent impression.

What is more, considering the concerns that some accident happened too far to give them a hand, I have to say, it is quite a reasonable excuse for their indifference. Charity can be done anywhere by various kind of help. Statistics from the magazine Vista shows shows that more than 2 billion people from over 30 countries, after an earthquake happened in 2008 in China, have showed their love by donating money and supplies, being a volunteer to rescue people in the ruins, or trying to have an psychological intervention via Internet. That is to say, only the distence in hearts, rather than in physical, can stop the love.

To draw a conclusion, I maintain that people should care about what happened around them due to the common topics with friends, the accumulated experience, and the help to give to the people in suffer.

gre呀gre

哎哎哎谢谢你的总结！但是我已经想不粗来什么能出彩的方法了，求把文章变骚包的方法啊！！！

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误

When it comes （to）the argument that knowing about events happening around the world will not（这个not应该去掉吧） affect our lives, some may hold an opposite view that we cannot do a favor since it is too far away from us. However, it seems that they fail to take the distance between hearts into consideration. Hence, as far as I am concerned, I totally support the argument that having an understanding of the affairs arround us do affect our lives for three reasons listed as follows.
读了三天的when it comes to，我发觉这个开头还是换一下的好，尽管省事，但不引人入胜。
At the very beginning, the most accessable destination of have an aware of the masses is more and more common topics among friends.（开头一定要简单明了，你可以有比较长的定语从句，但那只是修饰吧，所以主句要突出）With it（in eyes of it）, one can make friends and broaden horizons and in this way, he will not be a narrow person. To set myself as an example, I used to be a girl（你这个是真话么？我怎么觉得你不是妹子，用男孩子这个例子照样举嘛。。）caring about nothing and no one would like to play with me because of the long lasting silence（还不如直接 because of my introversion）. I had no idea what to talk with them and became easily to judge others owing to the differences between people（这句话不仅有语法问题我还不知道跟前面有什么关系，没有话题跟判断人有什么关系？）. After spending an hour on scanning some news, I have turned to an accessable girl and can cope with others easily.
我感觉虽然方向正确，不过这个文章水平退步了，有点乱写的意思，还有点chinglish
In addition, by knowing the news about how problems have been solved, experience can be accumulated and applied in the daily works, which is an efficient way to grow up. Just image a man just graduated from university and having no idea about how to act perfectly in the interview. By watching TV about the reason why Google rejects some applicant, he will pay much attention on his business etiquette and thus leave the boss an excellent impression.
这段不错，可是没有突出around the world 这个主题，尽管及举了外国公司的例子。。
What is more, considering the concerns that some accident happened too far to give them a hand, I have to say, it is quite a reasonable excuse for their indifference （这个例子是要什么意思，远距离献爱心？那和影响生活有关系么。。这个有待商榷）. Charity can be done anywhere by various kind of help. Statistics from the magazine Vista shows shows that more than 2 billion people from over 30 countries, after an earthquake happened in 2008 in China, have showed their love by donating money and supplies, being a volunteer to rescue people in the ruins, or trying to have an psychological intervention （recovery）via Internet. That is to say, only the distencein hearts, rather than in physical, can stop the love.（这个倒是呼应开头了）

To draw a conclusion, I maintain that people should care about what happened around them due to the common topics with friends, the accumulated experience, and the help to give to the people in suffer.

长句过多了！！还有你这个也有点偏题，或者就是没表达清楚

我觉得吧know about the events that happens around the world affect our live

我的思路是影响人们的生活影响人们的未来影响人们的风尚

是的确有点偏了

把我们的观点组合一下

使得我们和朋友直接有话题 since more and more foreign cultures step into our society, our generation care more about the gossips of foreign stars.

外国的事情也影响中国人民生活可以举伦敦奥运会人们开始更积极地去运动

使我们具有全球视野，好找国际大公司工作。

gre呀gre

8.14 独立

Have you ever met a traffic jam and imaged to get your seat in company in a second? Have you ever lost your way and finally found the direction through the help of the GPS? Have you ever admired the equipment used by Hawking that can both input and output what you are thinking? If you have never experienced such situation, there is no doubt that you would admit that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place despite the development of science and technology, which can be flawed based on my views listed as follows.

To begin with, with the science and technology developing, the people’s demond is also upgrading. In the past, people separated in a distance had the desire that the postman could run faster and faster without a thinking of putting their letters in cables, in a word, the email. Just as a coin has two sides, hi-tech brings both convenience and troubles such as the traffic jam. Stuck in a car, people will surely come up with the hope that what if they had the ablity to fly or to move to the destination in a second, which cannot be fulfilled nowadays and may come true in the future.

In addition, some destination is what you can never touch it but access it closer and closer, such as speed and convenience. That is to say, there only exits more convenient object instead of the most convenient. To take the cell phone as an example, people use the cellphone from the period of just dailing and texting messsages to the present when they can use it in various ways as long as there has an app in the market such as the GPS and the map, a game like the angry bird, or some other apps. As for me, I deeply expect that if the market is not able to offer me the suitable app, I can make it by myself without a related knowledge, which can be more convenient than the present.

What is more, although some achievements have been invented, they have not been promoted to ye public yet. I cannot emphasize the importance of promotion any more for the reason that only when the common people’s living standard has been improved, does a certain invention wins. Statistics from the magazine Vista shows that the average time of an invention spreading to the public is about 20 years while it is 10 years in Japan, which is the fastest. It means some significant improvements of our lives are still waiting for us in the lab such as the magical equipment serving Hawking.

To draw a conclusion, I maintain that the the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have not already taken place and never will be due to the upgrading of people’s needs, the unaccessable destination and the inventions in the lab.

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误

Have you ever met a traffic jam and imaged to get your seat in company in a second（或许用法平行起来更好，直接imaged to arrive the company）? Have you ever lost your way and finally found the direction through the help of the GPS? Have you ever admired the equipment used by Hawking that can both input and output what you are thinking? If you have never experienced such situation, there is no doubt that you would admit that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place despite the development of science and technology, which can be flawed based on my views listed as follows. （这句话可以不要了，这个定语从与反而混淆了论点，现在你以这样写我还真不知道是同意还是不同意了）貌似是不同意，但是这个转折脱得太久了

这个开头赞一个！

To begin with, with the science and technology developing, the people’s demond is also upgrading（augmenting ）. In the past, people separated in a distance had the desire that the postman could run faster and faster without a thinking of putting their letters in cables （这句话意思不对，你自己看看吧，完全反了）, in a word, the email. Just as a coin has two sides, hi-tech brings both convenience and troubles such as the traffic jam. Stuck in a car, people will surely come up with the hope that what if they had the ablity to fly or to move to the destination in a second, which cannot be fulfilled nowadays and may come true in the future.
例子我觉得说的不太对，前面说人的要求也增加，后面怎么是事物有两面性，不对不对
In addition, some destination（objects） is what you can never touch it but access it closer and closer（what you can get close to but never grasp ）, such as speed and convenience. That is to say, there only exits more convenient object instead of the most convenient. （the more convenient technology presented to us，the more satisfactory we feel ）To take the cell phone as an example, people use the cellphone from the period of just dailing and texting messsages to the present when they can use it in various ways as long as there has an app in the market such as the GPS and the map, a game like the angry bird, or some other apps. （这个句子拆开来吧，太长了）As for me, I deeply expect that if the market is not able to offer me the suitable app, I can make it by myself （删去）without a related knowledge, which can be more convenient than the present.

What is more, although some achievements have been invented（gained made）, they have not been promoted to ye public yet. I cannot emphasize the importance of promotion any more for the reason that only when the common people’s living standard has been improved, does a certain invention wins. Statistics from the magazine Vista （哈哈，这个杂志真的是全能了～）shows that the average time of an invention spreading to the public is about 20 years while it is 10 years in Japan, which is the fastest. It means some significant improvements of our lives are still waiting for us（不叫等待我们吧，staying ） in the lab such as the magical equipment serving Hawking.

To draw a conclusion, I maintain that the the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have not already taken place and never will be due to the upgrading of people’s needs, the unaccessable destination and the inventions in the lab.

这个是比昨天好一点了，不过第一个理由不太好，文章的长句子还是太多，让人读起来费力
这个是你30分钟写出来的？有点牛逼的说。

gre呀gre

8.15 独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Have you ever succeeded in cooking a meal all by yourself? Have you ever tried to live alone without an accompany? Have you ever found a new way to solve a problem? If you have never experienced these, on no account will you understand the importance of learning from your own mistakes.

At the very beginning, since some experiences cannot be get directly from books, such as cooking,  accumulating experience from one’s own mistakes means a lot. To set myself as an example, my parents always allow me to make mistakes when I am interested in something. When I tried to cook a fish and almost burnt it, my father just smiled to me and help me to clean up. Ater trying again and over again, I figure out that the fish should be put into the oil when there is little smog around. Only by reading a book telling me that 150 centigrade of the oil is the right temperature, never can I be succeed since I cannot put my hand into the oil to feel it.

In addition, there is no denying that child learning from mistakes will be dependent and brave, especially when he handles the consequence well. Just image a man attending to collage that has to live on his own but is not able to owing to no chance for him to make mistakes when he was young. So less experienced is he that he is too afraid of making everything to mess to live alone. That is the reason why learning from mistakes is an important experience.

What is more, the advantage of learning from one’s own mistakes is to be creative. Learning from mistakes is not only about to accumulate experience to not to touch it but also about to come up with some idea to fix it. Without creativity, Edison could not upgrade bulb; Bel was not able to invent telephone; and the Apple could not have been a super successful company. That is to say, the more creative one is, the more colorful life he will enjoy.

To draw a conclusion, I cannot emphasize the advantage of parents letting children to make mistakes and to learn from them too much owing to more experience, more courage and more creativity.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

(ˉ▽￣～) 小困。。。 先去睡会，睡醒来给相公改！