414夏雨霏霏的作文贴，求恨拍

夏雨霏霏

402 综合
The lecturer rejects the three theories presented in the passage about why the population of yellow cedar has been declining for over a hundred years.

First of all, the lecturer casts doubt on the theory stated in the passage that it is the insects, especially the cedar bark beetle, cause the decline. However, according to the lecturer, since healthy cedars are able to release a chemical that is poisonous to the beetles, the beetles can only be harmful to the already damaged cedars. So the first hypothesis provide by the passage cannot be true.

Additionally, the lecturer points out that the brown bears should not take the responsibility for the overall decline of the population of the yellow cedar. The reason is that the decrease of the population of the yellow cedar happens all across the area, not only in the mainland but also on the islands. However, there is no brown bear on the islands. In this way, we should not blame the brown bear.

Finally, the fact adopted by the lecturer to refute the third hypothesis is that most yellow cedars have died in the lower elevation, where is much warmer than the higher elevation.

By contrast, the passage suggests that the cold weather that damage the surface roots may cause the decline.

晨依Jacqueline

TPO23 综合修改
The lecturer rejects the three theories presented in the passage about why the population of yellow cedar has been declining for over a hundred years.

First of all, the lecturer casts doubt on the theory stated in the passage that it is the insects, especially the cedar bark beetle, cause the decline. However,(此处我觉得however有点奇怪了，前面说的是演讲人质疑了文章的观点，然后说然而，据演讲者说……这里其实是没有“然而”的转折关系的，应该去掉。) according to the lecturer, since healthy cedars are able to release a chemical that is poisonous to the beetles, the beetles can only be harmful to the already damaged cedars. So the first hypothesis provide(d) by the passage cannot be true.

Additionally, the lecturer points out that the brown bears should not take the responsibility for(responsible这个词确实在文章中出现了多次，但是个人认为这里用take the responsibility并不合适，更侧重于“承担责任”的意思，所以还是用be responsible for比较好。) the overall decline of the population of the yellow cedar. The reason is that the decrease of the population of the yellow cedar happens all across the area, not only in the mainland but also on the islands. However, there is no brown bear on the islands. In this way, we should not blame (on)the brown bear.(这一段建议加上一句，说明听力反驳了阅读。)

Finally, the fact adopted by the lecturer to refute the third hypothesis is that most yellow cedars have died in the lower elevation, where is much warmer than the higher elevation.By contrast, the passage suggests that the cold weather that damage the surface roots may cause the decline.(我觉得还是最好可以点一下阅读和听力的关系)
【conclusion】霏霏的作文写得非常好，听得很认真，观点和细节基本具备，而且句型变化丰富。向你学习，继续加油吧~?

夏雨霏霏

谢谢，老这么夸我，我都不好意思了。就是我独立总写不好，很苦恼啊

婷婷connie

霏霏，sorry啊，我之前一直没有找到资源，今天刚写完的
The lecturer rejects the three theories presented in the passageabout why the population of yellow cedar has been declining for over a hundred years.

First of all, the lecturer casts doubt on the theory stated in the passage thatit is the insects, especially the cedar bark beetle, causes the decline. However(我也觉得这里说however不太对，变成递进关系呢？),(此处我觉得however有点奇怪了，前面说的是演讲人质疑了文章的观点，然后说然而，据演讲者说……这里其实是没有“然而”的转折关系的，应该去掉。)according to the lecturer, since healthy cedars are able to release a chemical that is poisonous to the beetles, the beetles can only be harmful to the already damaged cedars.（这个地方我木有听出来，太棒了） So the first hypothesis provide(d)by the passage cannot be true.

Additionally, the lecturer points out that the brown bears should not take the responsibility for(responsible这个词确实在文章中出现了多次，但是个人认为这里用take the responsibility并不合适，更侧重于“承担责任”的意思，所以还是用be responsible for比较好。)the overall decline of the population of the yellow cedar. The reason is that the decrease of the population of the yellow cedar happens all across the area, not only in the mainland but also on the islands. However, there is no brown bear on the islands. In this way, we should not blame (on)the brown bear.(这一段建议加上一句，说明听力反驳了阅读。)

Finally, the fact adopted by the lecturer to refute the third hypothesis is thatmost yellow cedars have died in the lower elevation, where is much warmer than the higher elevation.By contrast, the passage suggests that（这个that可以省吧） the cold weather that damage the surface roots may cause the decline.(我觉得还是最好可以点一下阅读和听力的关系)（第三段感觉是把阅读的信息放在重点了，一般来说开头先说阅读表达了什么观点，这样不对，然后听力是……，再给细节）

conclusion：三个细节都听出来了，听力好强，值得学习。

我查了一下，通常综合字数是在250左右，好好把握一下吧

夏雨霏霏

404
Along with the rapid development of national economy, many farmer laborers move into the city and make the problem of the shortage of housing even more sever. The government is facing the pressing need to build new housing to meet the demand of these emigrants. However, under the financial crisis, the budget of government is so much tighter than before that if the government set aside a larger amount of money for the construction of new housing, the fund needed for the preservation of the old historical building will be not enough. This confliction has been brought into public concern for a long time and we have not reached a satisfactory solution. In my opinion, it is more important to preserve old historic buildings.

The historic old buildings are not only the architectures built in the ancient time but also the bond between us and our ancestors. It is the historic old buildings that enable us to learn about what our ancestors’ attitudes toward life. For example, the private gardens, such as Zhuozheng garden, built in Ming Dynasty in Suzhou show the owners’ wish to get rid of the politics , live in a peaceful life and build a close relationship with nature. Historic old buildings offer us a precious opportunity to know, understand and learn from other ancestors. If they are serious damaged, we may lose an essential connection with our ancestors, a lose that no one can afford. In short , to preserve the historic old building is urgent , important and necessary.

Another significant benefit we can obtain from historic old buildings is that so attractive as they are to the tourists, the historic old buildings are able to flourish our nation’s tourism. It is universally acknowledged that every year, the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and Beihai Park are visited by millions of tourists from different countries all around the world. The prosperous tourism has provided a larger number of jobs , greatly easing the intense shortage of job positions in Beijing, and brought about huge economic benefits to the government. The money we earn from the tourism can be used to build new housing.

Of course, the preservation of the historic old buildings is not an easy task, which requires a lot of labor and costs a large amount of fund every year. However, the money we get from the tourism created by historic old buildings is much greater than we spend on the preservation and can be used for the construction of new housing. In this way, both the problems I mentioned above are properly solved.

As something that we inherent from our ancestor, something of historical significance, something that give rise to much economic benefits, we should pay more attention to the preservation of the historic old buildings rather than the construction of new housing.

晨依Jacqueline

4月4日独立修改
Along with the rapid development of national economy, many farmer laborers move into the city and make the problem of the shortage of housing even more sever.(severe) The government is facing the pressing need to build new housing to meet the demand of these emigrants(感觉像是移民出国的感觉，建议能换一个词语). However, under the financial crisis, the budget of government is so much tighter than before that if the government set aside a larger amount of money for the construction of new housing, the fund needed for the preservation of the old historical building will be not enough. This confliction has been brought into public concern for a long time and we have not reached a satisfactory solution. In my opinion, it is more important to preserve old historic buildings.(文章开头的背景引入非常棒！就是稍微长了一点点~)

The historic old buildings are not only the architectures built in the ancient time(这里读得有点奇怪，像是“buildings不仅是古代的建筑还是连结我们与祖先的桥梁……”我觉得这个地方应该用递进的表达，这个不是很并列的成分，霏霏可以斟酌一下~)but also the bond between us and our ancestors. It is the historic old buildings that enable us to learn about what our ancestors’attitudes toward life. For example, the private gardens, such as Zhuozheng garden, built in Ming Dynasty in Suzhou show the owners’wish to get rid of the politics , live in a peaceful life and build a close relationship with nature.(很好的example！)Historic old buildings offer us a precious opportunity to know, understand and learn from other ancestors. If they are serious(badly/seriously/severely/heavily) damaged, we may lose an essential connection with our ancestors, a lose(loss) that no one can afford(这个半句连不到前面，可以单独写成一句啊And no one could afford the loss). In short , to preserve the historic old building is urgent , important and necessary.

Another significant benefit we can obtain from historic old buildings is that so attractive as they are to the tourists, (这里感觉有点怪怪的，我不知道到底对不对呢，觉得直接so attractive 那里有点怪~)the historic old buildings are able to flourish our nation’s tourism. It is universally acknowledged that every year, the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and Beihai Park are visited by millions of tourists from different countries all around the world. The prosperous tourism has provided a larger number of jobs , greatly easing the intense shortage of job positions in Beijing, and brought about huge economic benefits to the government. The money we earn from the tourism can be used to build new housing.

Of course, the preservation of the historic old buildings is not an easy task, which requires a lot of labor and costs a large amount of fund every year. However, the money we get from the tourism created by historic old buildings is much greater than we spend on the preservation and can be used for the construction of new housing. In this way, both the problems I mentioned above are properly solved.

As something that we inherent from our ancestor, something of historical significance, something that give rise to much economic benefits,(As后面应该跟的是句子~！) we should pay more attention to the preservation of the historic old buildings rather than the construction of new housing.



(结尾也很不错~！霏霏的作文写的灰常充实，例子详细具体。继续加油吧~)

夏雨霏霏

谢谢晨依，我也发现我开头总是长，而且越来越长了。。。。。

夏雨霏霏

Friends are a group of people who are close to us, understand us and care about us. There is no doubt that no one can live without friends since friendship is an indispensable part of our life. Some people even say that by observing the type of friends the person has, one can learn a lot about the person. Others cast doubt on this opinion ,arguing that since everyone is unique and different from others, it is ridiculous to suggest that we can get to know a person by finding out the type of people he or she make friends with. When it comes to me, I fall in the first category for the following reasons.

Firstly, people always build up friendship with those whose characters are similar to theirs. In fact, similar characteristics are the basis of friendship It is hard to imagine a person who is outgoing and who enjoys to be the focus in the parties can be a friend of someone who prefers to stay alone in a quiet atmosphere rather than in some noisy and crowed places, such as clubs and bars.. Therefore, we can predict the characters of a person by knowing those of their friends.

Another more subtle point we cannot ignore is that people share the same interest are much easier to become friends. The reason is that sharing the same interest enables people to have more opportunities to meet each other. What’s more, owing to the common hobbies, people tend to have more topics to talk about and need less time to accept each other. Using myself as an example, I meet my best friends in the swimming club. Swimming offers us an precious opportunity to stay together, exchange our thoughts about swimming and get to know each other. The more we understand each other, the deeper our friendship is. Apparently, the type of friends the person has can reveal their interest and hobbies.

Besides the points I mentioned above, friends usually have the same goal. For example, most of singers and actors’ friends also work in the entertainment industry, most of the managers’ friends also work in the business area and as a student majoring in accounting, I realize that most of my friends learn accounting and finance as well. The same aim tends to shorten the distance between people so that they are more likely to become friends.

Since by observing type of friends a person has, we can get the information about a person’s character, interest and lifetime goals, it is really helpful for us to learn about a person.

stones4

不好意思啊，校园网断了，没有即使回复你。。。【插自己，倒地
Nowadays记得看论坛里的某篇心得说过，nowadays是中国学生的写作标志词出现会被打入中国学生的模版行列【虽然说的有点玄，但是还是改成currently吧, the intense social competition makes people live and works under great pressure. It is universally acknowledged that many people’s work bring about so much stress to them that they cannot endure.改成many people cannot endure under the working pressure 是不是更好一些？这里有点为了句式而写句式的味道，有点不流畅 The following result is that their health condition is keeping decline.Facing this situation, many experts advocate that we should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different what we do at work. Will this suggestion work? Many people doubt that. In my opinion, I think we should take this advice for the following reasons.开头很丰满，反问句使文章变得生动了起来，但是工作压力使人无法承受，所以要找和工作不同的事情做，似乎不是充要条件。作为事例是很好的，作为前提感觉逻辑有一点问题。

Firstly, let us think about whether it is efficient and healthy to work all the time without rest? According to a survey conducted by a research institution, it is impossible for a去掉 people to focus on one thing, for example their work, for a long time. The longer we work consistently , the less satisfactory outcome we will get. It is because our brain and body will definitely feel tired if we concentrate on one thing without a break. As the old saying goes ”All work no play will make Jack a dull boy ”. At this time, it is necessary for us to take a break and doing some hobbies and physical activities will be a good choice. Only in this way can our body and brain get a completely rest and be refreshed, a perfect physical condition needed by an efficient working. So we can say that in order to get our work done much better, we should take time to do some hobbies and physical activities that are different from what we do at work.这里论证的只是要放松，而很牵强的说明了为什么要选和工作不一样的事情。如果工作本身是轻松有趣的，这个观点就站不住了。
Another merit of doing hobbies and physical activities we cannot ignore is that those activities can offer us extremely precious opportunities to meet people from different areas. 这个论点很好Meeting and communicating with people from different areas enable us to develop our interpersonal skills,which we should attach great importance to in the plural and fast-changing society. What’s more, we also get a chance to expand our horizon through this kind of communication. Using myself as an example, I meet a friend in a hiking club, who’s a manager of a sports- wearing company. We always hike together, talk to each other and share interesting experience. In this way, we have learned a lot from each other and when we are sharing thoughts, I can also obtain some valuable inspiration about life. This is a fantastic experience that we cannot get from work.
As something that can release us from the heavy work, something that enables us to develop social skills and make friends,something that provides us countless fun and joy that beautify our life, we have no reason to refuse to do the hobbies and physical activities that are different from our work.



总结一下，夏雨同学应该也是背了一下35句的娃【我猜的

文章总体很丰满，思路流畅，也没什么语法错误。

开头论述的东西和第一段是类似的，而且个人感觉第一段论述的有点跑偏了。

证明的时候一个句子扣一个句子写的很好。连接的时候再自然一点就更棒了。



以上，

请多指教

夏雨霏霏

你猜对了，不仅35句阿，200句我也背阿