刺猬加入『写作小分队』 真心想改掉拖延症 要坚持

瓜瓜不瓜

刺猬 第一次见面 多多指教
5.3 综合  红色为内容中的不足 绿色是表达上的不足 黄色底纹为亮点

The reading passage claims that there are considerable evidences that dinosaurs are, in fact, endotherms.In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that those arguments couldn`t prove that dinosaurs are endotherms.



The professor begins by pointing out that the polar regions where dinasours fossils were found were much warmer that(应该是笔误吧，than）today. The climate was not suit for endotherms to live. When the polar regions were cold, dinosaurs have migrated to warmer areas. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that dinosaur fossils have been discovered in polar regions with cold climates, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that actually the dinosaurs` legs are positioned underneath their bodies. And（这个and用在这里不是很好，个人觉得用therefore） dinasours’ body structure can support more weight, so they can grow to very large size. According to the reading passage, however, dinosaurs are endotherms due to their legs all underneath their body.Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that dinosaurs do have Haversian canals,（缺少连词） they also have growth rings. These growth rings are evidence that dinosaurs stop growing or grow more slowly during cooler periods. Different from endotherms, dinosaurs can not grow, grow slowly and rapidly grow（表达有点奇怪）.The point of view also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers dinosaurs are endotherms because they both fossilized are usually dense with Haversian canals.

刺猬很棒听力要点全写出来了，文章结构也很好。每段听力和阅读部分观点都表达很清楚。
用的词也很多样。只是表达上有一点点小瑕，加油！你是我综合写作的偶像哈哈哈

chasedreamabc

Nowadays(没有错误，就是大家都这样写，没什么亮点尤其是开篇), with the development of the quality of the life, many people would like to move to a new and better place for living（to do表示目的，这句话这GMAT的标准书面语法中是不对的）. Will they lose their old friends? People can give a variety of（一共就两个答案，用opposite吧）answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people demonstrate that the relationship can be weakened due to the long distance. While, as far as I an concerned, I don`t（do not）agree with the assertion that people who move to a new city or a new country will lose old friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.


First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance.（是表达友谊是足够坚韧,能抵抗远距离？这个有点中式，待求证） What is true friendship? True friendship is you are always best friends no matter what and where each of you is. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent people indicates that they don`t mind where their friends live because it does not affect their friendship. Hence, best friends can constantly keep his（前面是friends，their；或者可以直接改成friendship，去掉后面的friends ） friends in mind in spite of remote distance.

Moreover, the recent communication and transporation（transposition） are extremly（extremely）convenient alsoprovides adequate justification for my opinion（怎么感觉就是好奇怪，1.for，2.主从，so 找个英专的判断一下）. Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant （constant）, like  （ such as） Internet, telephone as such. They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around  （都不在一起的了，怎么see each other呢，语法上，like作为介词，后面出现be动词，那一句话就出现多个动词了吧）. Even in holiday, people also can travel to friend’ （friend's）home. All these ways can strengthen their friendship. Take me as an example, once one of my best friends is my neighborhood, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)later our family moved to a new city far away my old home. My friend and I often miss each other very much, so we chat by QQ or sending message, sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together. （这句没有表现本段的TS，沟通方式） Thus, the far distance plays an important role in promoting our relationship.

Admittedly, it may be true that distance has an a bit negative effect on friendship. However, this （严格说来，this，that都不能单独做主语的） alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people who are away from friends may lose old friends. Just get along with your friends well with your heart, you will not meet the prblem （我真的可以理解你太着急了，problem）that lose your friends.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that friends are always friends no matter where you are. Nothing can be the obstacle of the real friendship.



PS：
本来是想写点什么的，但是已经做的很好了，没什么可以提示的了。

易雨水巷

额 刺猬5.4的综合是还没写吧？

红色为错误  高亮为精彩 蓝色为意见或建议 绿色为总结
The reading passage claims that there arethree competing theories about how the Chaco Canyon were(was) used. In contrast, these statements are strongly questioned by thelecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none ofthree functions is convinced.

The professor begins by pointing out that theChaco Canyon looks like the apartment buildings, but inside there is a serious conditon (condition). Many people live in the bighouse need many fire places, whereas there are few fire places for only tenfamilies so that people often have difficuties (difficulties)in cooking. And the rooms are not enough for so many peple(people) to live. Thisevidence disagrees with the standpoint that the Chaco structures were (去掉 were吧)can contain each housing hundreds of people, as demonstrated in the readingpassage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage isthat actually the big house does not have containers.Because the grain maize are on the floor of the house, not（换成 instead of？）in the containers. Acoording (According) to the passage, however, thesize of the Chaco structures is very suitable for storing grain maize. Therefore, the lecture goesagainst what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issuethat there are other matericals (materials) for buiding (building) the big house besides broken pots,such as stone, sand and so on. The discoverable broken pots may be not used upwhen the house was built up. Meanwhile, the pots in the meal may be rubbishthat carelessly be put. Thepoint of view also casts doubt on the concents (contents)of the reading ,which considers the broken pots utterly provide evidencethat people gathered at Pueblo Alto for special ceremonies.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in thereading are totally disputedby the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions aboutthe theories about the functions of the Chaco Canyon.

To 刺猬：
除了单词拼写问题，很完美的模板，很完美的听力！赞赞赞赞
向刺猬学习！ 加油↖(^ω^)↗

Herisson0509

5.4 综合

The reading passage claims that there are three competing theories about how the Chaco Canyon were used. In contrast, these statements are strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of three functions is convinced.

The professor begins by pointing out that the Chaco Canyon looks like the apartment buildings, but inside there is a serious conditon. Many people live in the big house need many fire places, whereas there are few fire places for only ten families so that people often have difficuties in cooking. And the rooms are not enough for so many peple to live. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that the Chaco structures were can contain each housing hundreds of people, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that actually the big house does not have containers. Because the grain maize are on the floor of the house, not in the containers. Acoording to the passage, however, the size of the Chaco structures is very suitable for storing grain maize. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that there are other matericals for buiding the big house besides broken pots, such as stone, sand and so on. The discoverable broken pots may be not used up when the house was built up. Meanwhile, the pots in the meal may be rubbish that carelessly be put. The point of view also casts doubt on the concents of the reading ,which considers the broken pots utterly provide evidence that people gathered at Pueblo Alto for special ceremonies.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions about the theories about the functions of the Chaco Canyon.

Herisson0509

To 水巷 谢谢哦
我怎么那么多单词拼错啊
疯掉 疯掉
以后一定要检查

Herisson0509

真是头疼死我了啊 字数明显少啊 想不出来说什么 稀里糊涂的
5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.



What is the real purpose that people work for? Owing to individual value systems, some people demonstrate that they would like to gain social status from job. While, as far as I an concerned, I agree with the assertion that the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.



First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that many poor people work for money just want to satisfy basic demands of their families. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent migrant workers suggest that they work for money because they want to provide a normal life for their families. In remote areas, poor people often suffer hunger and cold. Many families can not afford the tuition for child. For instance, I once saw an article in a magazine. In the article, a kid died completely because of starvation. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of money too much.



Moreover, people can promote the quailty of life with more money also provides adequate justification for my opinion. To make my demonstration more profoundly and comprehensively, I would like to cite what one of my favorable celebrities has mentioned, “economic base determines superstructure”.With more money, they are able to buy better house, food and clothes. They also can travel to many places. And more advanced education money can offer are benefical for child’s growth.



Admittedly, it may be true that social status also has a strong appealing to people. However, this alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people need social status. Becsuse social status can not ensure substantial demands. In addition, sometimes more money can enable you to get a social status.



In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that it is sagacious that people who have a job prefer to pursue money rather than social status.

Herisson0509

紫色修改

Nowadays(没有错误，就是大家都这样写，没什么亮点尤其是开篇), with the development of the quality of the life, many people would like to move to a new and better placefor living（to do表示目的，这句话这GMAT的标准书面语法中是不对的）. Will they lose their old friends? People can give a variety of opposite（一共就两个答案，用opposite吧）answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people demonstrate that the relationship can be weakened due to the long distance. While, as far as I an concerned, I don`tdo not（do not）agree with the assertion that people who move to a new city or a new country will lose old friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance.（是表达友谊是足够坚韧,能抵抗远距离？这个有点中式，待求证）这样的表达不正切题麽 What is true friendship? True friendship is you are always best friends no matter what and where each of you is. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent people indicates that they don`t do not mind where their friends live because it does not affect their friendship. Hence, best friends can constantly keep his their（前面是friends，their；或者可以直接改成friendship，去掉后面的friends ） friends in mind in spite of remote distance.
Moreover, the recent communication and transporation（transposition）这里我是想表达通信和交通啊are extremly extremely（extremely）convenient also provides adequate justification for my opinion（怎么感觉就是好奇怪，1.for，2.主从，so 找个英专的判断一下）你画的蓝色部分是没有错的但also前面的有些错误我和鸟儿讨论了一下改成这样了the extreme convenience of recent communication and transporation also provides adequate justification for my opinion. Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant这个是交流啊（constant）, like（such as）Internet, telephone as such. such as 可以换like…as such用的.They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around（都不在一起的了，怎么see each other呢，语法上，like作为介词，后面出现be动词，那一句话就出现多个动词了吧）我少写了几个词把你弄凌乱了这样你明白了么They can talk happily and see each other through the Internet as if friends are around. Even in holiday, people also can travel to friend’（friend's）home. All these ways can strengthen their friendship. Take me as an example, once one of my best friends is my neighborhood, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)later our family moved to a new city far away my old home. My friend and I often miss each other very much, so we chat by QQ or sending message, sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together.（这句没有表现本段的TS，沟通方式）这句一开头就让你误会了sometimes in holiday we go to a place for gathering together.Thus, the far distance plays an important role in promoting our relationship.

Admittedly, it may be true that distance has an a bit negative effect on friendship. However, this（严格说来，this，that都不能单独做主语的）鸟儿说可以你在哪里看的不可以给我看看吧alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people who are away from friends may lose old friends. Just get along with your friends well with your heart, you will not meet the prblem problem（我真的可以理解你太着急了，problem）谢谢理解很是手误that lose your friends.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that friends are always friends no matter where you are. Nothing can be the obstacle of the real friendship.

Herisson0509

5.5. 综合



The reading passage claims that the communal online encyclopedias have three important problems. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of these problems is convincing.


The professor begins by pointing out that traditional encyclopedias never be prefectly accurate. If you are looking for a work without any mistakes, you are not going to find it. The mistakes found in online encyclopedias are more easily corrected than traditional encyclopedias. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that contributors to a communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and make mistakes, as demonstrated in the reading passage.


Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict to the passage is that in order to prevent the hackers from attacking online encyclopedia, a format no one can change occurs, which can make sure the contents reliable. According to the passage, however, hackers often can fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.


Finally, the professor raises the issue that traditional encyclopedias provides a considered view of what topics to include or exclude due to the small space. But in online encyclopedia, the diversity of use in topics, which is one of their strongest advantages, can reflect one’s interest. The point of view casts doubt on the concents of the rading passage, which considers communal encyclopedias often creates a false impression of what is important and what is not.


In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professor have completely different opinions about the theories about the communal encyclopedias’ problems.

Herisson0509

5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.



Children are the precious to parents. Whereas, modern parents spoil their children too much, even help them to do homework. As far as I am concerned, I do not agree with the assertion that parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.



First of all, it is always the top of the list of my viewpoints that encouraging children to do homework by himself can develop their ability of thinking. According to the recent research performed by Social Community, the results indicates that children often do homework by themselves often get a better degree than those who can not finish their homework on their own. The reason is that they know nothing about the courses they learned and they can’t get help from parents when they are having an examination. Without the help of parents, children can make their efforts to solve the problems by its brain and hands. The more frequently they use brain, the more clever they are. For instance, I once had a classmate, who was often laughed at by other students. He was really ignorant because he often asked his parents to do his homework. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of encouraging children to do homework by themselves too much.



Moreover, the benefits of children’s growth that produce from encouragement can also provides adequate justification for my opinion. To children, parents always play an important role in educating. The main purpose of school assigns homework is to enable children to enhance knowledge. If children do homework on their own, they will get a better understanding of the courses. As we all know, children are often too lazy to do homework. So parents should encourage them to develop a good habit of finishing homework independently. This encouragement are extremely benefical to children’s future.



Admittedly, it may be true that parents should help children when they have difficuties in homework. However, too much help may bring child a sense of dependent. They will make a rule to do things by others’ hands. In the long run, parents should teach children to learn that how to do things by themselves.



In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that parents should prefer to encourage kids to do the work on their own instead of helping them to do.

瓜瓜不瓜

5.5. 综合
颜色老规矩哦


The reading passage claims that the communal online encyclopedias have three important problems. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of these problems is convincing.


The professor begins by pointing out that traditional encyclopedias never be prefectly accurate. If you are looking for a work without any mistakes, you are not going to find it. The mistakes found in online encyclopedias are more easily(to be)corrected than traditional encyclopedias. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint thatcontributors to a communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and make mistakes, as demonstrated in the reading passage.


Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict to the passage is that in order to prevent the hackers from attacking online encyclopedia, a format no one can change occurs, (这个表达不太好，occur一般表示的是没有预期的事情，而只读文本显然是针对这个现象而出现的）which can make sure the contents reliable. According to the passage, however, hackers often can fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.貌似少了一个点吧，我也不知道自己听得对不对哈，好像还提出了一个针对hacker的措施，和special editor有关。


Finally, the professor raises the issue that traditional encyclopedias provides （provide）a considered view of what topics to include or exclude due to the small space. But in online encyclopedia, the diversity of use in topics, which is one of their strongest advantages, can reflect one’s interest. The point of view casts doubt on the concents of the rading passage, which considers communal encyclopedias often creates a false impression of what is important and what is not.


In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professor have completely different opinions about the theories （theories的说法不太正确，瓜瓜觉得judgement更好）about the communal encyclopedias’ problems.

总体看刺猬的综合写得相当好了，听力要点把握很到位。表达也很丰富。
注意下表达就好。 ^ ^