婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

4.4 独立改后
4.4
Architects are trying to create morefashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, peopletend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government shouldemphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us tocultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructionsare built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China.Confucius, who created a shoolschool (school) of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinarythinker andphilosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people inChina, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he wasexpelled byeachmanycountries(many countries). But he did not lose heart,(断句比较好) instead,(Instead,) Instead, he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is of great significance topreserve the temple(说成责任有点奇怪，可以说it’s of great significance to preserve the temple), for wecan shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Everybuilding witnesses theaffairsevents(还是用events比较好)(events)happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace inBeijing, it is a place to get people consideredactivate evoke introspection (consider? reflect反思比较好) how weak (+in international power) Chinese were before.Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens'painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previousproperty. Also, the Liberty Statuethe Statue of Libertywhich stands in the middle of New York City,claims the exciting moment of the(the)Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make peoplememorizecherish(memorize一般用在知识性文字性的记忆吧，cherish比较好珍视过去) thepast, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures. (这段举例很棒啊，用三个简洁的语言举了三例，显得很丰满)

In addition, people can also develop(develop)asense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as anexample, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of milesfrom the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The GreatWall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As thebuilding is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wallsubconsciouslyhas a proud feeling tofeels proud of this (feels proud of) the(his)country. In this situation, the old historic buildingsreally play a vital role in the nation's coherence, (so)so we must maintain them for a longer time(这句话好土啊) permanently (continuously是不断地，感觉应该是永久的) (continuously).

Considering all analysis above, the old historic building(不用特指) isindispensable for us to obtain good morality,patriotismas well as(这为什么要改呢？不明白)(and) remind people of the past issues,(.) (Therefore,)Therefore, thegovernment is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. Ibelieve, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.

婷婷connie

4.7 独立改后
As a skyrocketing(这个单词是迅猛上涨的意思，不仅是价格，速率、数目，花费都能用)这个我只查到了价格飞涨的意思？ number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must换个中性一点的词更好哦 get to know how toattendcope with/manage(果然，貌似我记错了)？这个搭配查不到啊， relationship between each other and the machine.这个句子蛮奇怪的，是想说和其他人以及更熟悉设备的使用吧 Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files一个在报刊工作的人擅长打印文件，并且他很可能比其他人健谈and he is likely to be more talkative than others.为什么呢？感觉这个例子没有很好的develop这个观点，和后面的这个总结句关系也很孱弱a part-time employee at the press is good at conversationas he has more chance to talk with others. Besides,  for he usually needs to type documents, he is likely to preponderate in working efficiency. So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.  

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concepts. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Thosebucksdollars换个正式一点的词，像直接用dollars会更好一点哦enable the children to pursue their own thingsdesires 稍稍觉得这里有点中式英语，是不是改成desires更好？, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, the去掉 children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after school. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.例子很好，很丰满

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every kidchild正式词正式词 will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with a wise time arrangement the practice of part-time jobs.个人以为最后一句应强调part-time job 的好，而这里强调的是时间规划对工作的好处

婷婷connie

TPO3改后
Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, whilehowever, the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of re-examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.首段还是分开写把，reading的观点，however，speaker的观点



To begin with,  the author castsdoubt on the inconsistency on the woman's dress（cast doubt on the inconsistency of the woman's dress）. However, the lecturer argues that is(删) because the fore-colorfur color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of the paintingit换成it to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after the paintingitwas made.（这一句话4个painting， 可以少 两个）


Besides, the writer suspects that(这里的suspect不是及物动词吗？直接接的skill，of 后面是skill的修饰)the skill of  handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored cruffclothwhich reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.



Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains that it dues (这里感觉有错误)to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.听力里面的内容还要细节，语法上注意宾语从句的that一定不能省

婷婷connie

4.12 独立
4月12日101009 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

In contemporary society, an increasing number of people tend to move into metropolises. Someone casts the doubt that whether people living in cities are able to attend their families? In spite of the complexity of the city, I hold the point that citizens could take better care of their family members. And my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, the life in cities enjoys more convenience than that in rural areas. Since the rapid progress of urbanization, 24-hour stores, kindergartens and parks are all available, which grant those city workers a great deal of liberty to undertake business tasks as well as look after their families. For instance, with the help of kindergarten, their children are likely to get thoroughly educated by informed teachers. And this early education lays a firm foundation for children's future career. Besides, a park is a good place to carry on some family activities, such as tennis or dancing. City workers can bring their children and parents to these places after supper. Consequently, their family members receive excellent care mentally and physically.    

Moreover, it seems that people, living in cities earn more, have the capacity to deal with emergencies. According to the China Finance Institute(CFI), a person who lives in the city gets salary bout 50% higher than a man whose house in the countryside does. When it comes to the family affairs, money's function is emphasized. Take my brother Tom as an example, he lives with his parents in a Chinese modern city. Once, he was verified that he caught a bad heart disease needing a big operation right away. Luckily, his parents held a good habit of getting extra money saved regularly in the bank as they both were highly payed in that city. In the end, Tom survived the severe heart disease. Thus, it is obvious that citizens are capable to give better care of their families.

I concede that individuals living in the rural areas, to some degree, obtain the prominence on aspect of spare time over ones who live downtown. However, analyzing into a deeper situation, people may find out the ignorant fact that most of these rural people are just too meager to cover the family's expenditure as the rural areas have not catch up the tempo of economic development, not mention cautious care to their family members. Conversely, when those city-living men make up a rational time arrangement which lists working hours and family hours, they would get a well management of busy work and the family , resulting in the happiness of children and parents.  

Considering analysis on convenience and economy, we can easily figure out that people who live in modern cities are likely to give better care of their families.

婷婷connie

4.12 综合 TPO8
The reading material casts doubts on the accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir. Conversely, the listening part insists that his memoir is authentic and reliable. And  the professor's arguments are as follows.

To begin with, the writer suspects that the Chevalier did not seem to be wealthy while living in Switzerland. However, the lecturer explained that the Chevalier did get a large amount of loan from parties and gamblings. One possible situation was he did not carry adequate cash with him, therefore, he had to borrow from others.

Moreover, the author is skeptical that the Chevalier can not remember the exact contends of his conversation with Voltaire, a famous writer. On the contrary, the narrator says, as the Chevalier held a good habit of  writing down the conversation after each night he talked with Voltaire, it is likely for him to show the real talk via the sortment work of  notes after so many years.

What is more, the reading questions the memoir's account of the Chevalier's escape from a prison. Then the listening gives a response:  since  some individuals who were more powerful than him did not make it to get out of the prison,  the Chevalier can hardly be sent free through a bribe. By the way, according to the document,  the prison where he stayed, once had been repaired after his escape. Thus, it is obvious that his experience of escape from the Venetian prison is convinced.

晨依Jacqueline

TPO8综合修改
The reading material casts doubts on the accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir. Conversely, the listening part insists that his memoir is authentic and reliable. And the professor's arguments are as follows. （第一段写得真好！！！）

To begin with, the writer suspects that the Chevalier did not seem to be wealthy while living in Switzerland. However, the lecturer explained that the Chevalier did get a large amount of loan from parties and gamblings. One possible situation was he did not carry adequate cash with him, therefore, he had to borrow from others.

Moreover, the author is skeptical that the Chevalier can not remember the exact contends of his conversation with Voltaire, a famous writer. On the contrary, the narrator says, as the Chevalier held(kept) a good habit of writing down the conversation after each night he talked with Voltaire, it is likely for him(he was likely to...) to show the real talk via the sortment(?) work of  notes after so many years.

What is more, the reading questions the memoir's account of the Chevalier's escape from a prison. Then the listening gives a response: since some individuals who were more powerful than him did not make it to get out of the prison, the Chevalier can hardly be sent free through a bribe. By the way(建议不要用太口语化的表达), according to the document, the prison where he stayed, once had been repaired after his escape. Thus, it is obvious that his experience of escape from the Venetian prison is convinced.



婷婷的这篇文章写得真的棒极了~！基本上没有什么错误，句式的变换灵活多样，彰显出很高的英语水平，要点也都有了，建议再听得细致一点点就更好啦！（晨依有很多地方理解的都出了问题、、、向婷婷学习，尤其是模板句子我很喜欢！加油~~）

猪兔兔

In contemporary society, an increasing number of people tend to move into metropolises. Someone casts the doubt that whether people living in cities are able to attend their families? In spite of the complexity of the city, I hold the point that citizens could take better care of their family members. And my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, the life in cities enjoys(查了下朗文，这词用的好高级啊) more convenience than that in rural areas. Since the rapid progress of urbanization, 24-hour stores, kindergartens and parks are all available, which grant those city workers a great deal of liberty to undertake business tasks as well as （这里用不用加to 啊，语法都忘了）look after their families. For instance, with the help of kindergarten, their children are likely to get thoroughly educated by informed teachers. And this early education lays a firm foundation for children's future career. Besides, a park is a good place to carry on（这个事什么用法啊，求解释~~~）some family activities, such as tennis or dancing. City workers can bring their children and parents to these places after supper.（这几句话连着都是短句，我觉得可以把其中的一些连起来，这样长短交错一点~~~）Consequently, their family members receive excellent care mentally and physically.    

Moreover, it seems that people, living in cities earn more, （这个定语从句是earn是谓语，living in cities 是状语吗？）have the capacity to deal with emergencies. According to the China Finance Institute(CFI), a person who lives in the city（可以适当地用city dweller替换下） gets salary about 50% higher than a man whose house(这个说法感觉不太好) in the countryside does. When it comes to the family affairs, money's function is emphasized（我感觉用indispensable更好一点）. Take my brother Tom as an example, he lives with his parents in a Chinese modern city. Once, he was verified that he caught a bad heart disease needing a big operation right away. Luckily, his parents held a good habit of getting extra money saved regularly in the bank as they both were highly payed in that city. In the end, Tom survived the severe heart disease. （这里我觉得可以扩充一下，说，想象一下，如果他们住在农村，没有这些钱，会有怎样的后果呀blabla…）Thus, it is obvious that citizens are capable to give better care of their families.(总结一般是概括本段主旨的吧，那你应该在这句话中加一下，considering本段论点，所以blabla…)

I concede that individuals living in the rural areas, to some degree, obtain the prominence on aspect of spare time over ones who live downtown. However, analyzing into a deeper situation, people may find out the ignorant fact that most of these rural people are just too meager to cover the family's expenditure as the rural areas have not catch up the tempo of economic development, not mention cautious care to their family members. Conversely, when those city-living men make up a rational time arrangement which lists working hours and family hours, they would get a well management of busy work and the family , resulting in the happiness of children and parents.  

Considering analysis on convenience and economy(这个词用的不太恰当，他多指国家经济，指个人一般都是说节约吧), we can easily figure out that people who live in modern cities are likely to give better care of their families.



感觉总体写的还是很好呢，用词丰富，句式多样，结构逻辑清晰~~~恩恩，都挺好的~~~

不像我啊，最近越扯越多，考场上肯定写不完，要好好想出个固定的结构来呢~~~

猪兔兔

一起加油，哦也！！！

婷婷connie

4月13日 110226 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.

In contemporary society, an increasing number of people are aware of the importance of the youth. Though, most of they still rely partly on their parents, it is crucial for people to regard the young group as the main force to contribute to the future society. And my standpoints are as follows.

To begin with, the body-building decision made by the adolescence is of salient significance in the future society. It is commonly supported that the fundamentality of maintaining health plays a dispensable role in both current and following society. However, since the advent of computer, young individuals gradually form a negative sedentary lifestyle which may lead to poor health. Then, people should call for the young to make a correct decision towards exercise. Only in this way will the country benefit from the whole nation's health in the future. So, it is obvious that young man nowadays effect on the decisions which are connected with the future of the society.

Besides, the virtues and morality the youth hold in his mind determines how the society develops in the future. Take a Chinese thinker and social philosopher Confucius as a good example. When he was young, Confucius had made a firm decision of being devoted to the country. Therefore, he cultivated a good habit of reading books as well as analyzing governmental policies, which enables him to put forward some convincing arguments. Hence, he was valued highly by the king and he did make exceptable(exceptional) contribution to the county. Thus, we can figure out that a young man's thought just means the process of the future society.  

I concede that mid-age individuals count on the social issues to some degree. But how come when they get too older to manage these complex affairs in 30 years? During this period of 30 years, young people who amass adequate experience have already got well prepared for their tasks. In this sense, young men take over their predecessors' place and become mainly involved in those vital events of both domestic and international events, such as signing a contact with foreign countries, or operating a giant international company. So you see, the young people nowadays exert great influence on the decisions which related to the future society closely.

Considering all analysis above, for young people nowadays make some certain decision on their physique and thought, besides they will become the main stream of the social river, it is neccesary for people to emphasize the priority of their minds.

miss绿光

婷婷亲~初次见面请多指教！
我的独立写完啦~附上链接一枚^^
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-700995-3-1.html