婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

xf76

Nowadays, giant(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening （the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to make company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others that he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is.
Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates how successfully the company can reach a project（a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰） competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.  

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writing（aptitudes）, promotes the ratewhich a company developes, every leader（chief）of films（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue first（primarily）. I even can predict （加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.







1.没有显示出词汇量

1. 我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。
   
2. 三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。
   
3. 整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。
   

婷婷connie

Nowadays, people are engaged in works which demand longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges. Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise. I hold the second point.

Initially, physical exercise guarantees for people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grant a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? At most situation, it does not. For instance, a hobby as watching movies. It is common accepted that coming to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead, when running or playing tennis  on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate collective physical activities to acquire new friends different fields connected. Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team and compete to get a goal. This activity is related closely with cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connected.

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves for heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smile shine us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the  nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people with health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.

婷婷connie

4月1日 独立修改  再修改紫色
4月1日 独立修改  再修改紫色

Nowadays,increasing/skyrocketing(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' capacities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which enhances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority over(?)（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening the（the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to makethe company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud haughty/arrogant(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks/assignments（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train/instruction（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others thatthan he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(这是根本的意思)(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is, thus create more interest for his or her company.


Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report（改成：a worker's capacity to write a extraordinary report）（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates how successfully the company can reach a projectthe project's progress of that company (a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply(simply是副词)（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is agreat（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰）furious competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? As the writing skill plays an essential role during this project competition, the company's profits largely  depends on writing skill.

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writingaptitudes(skills,abilities,aptitudes都是复数吗？)（aptitudes）, promotes the ratewhich a company developes, every leader（chief）of firms（写错了，是firms）（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue firstprimarily(primarily）. I even can predict that（加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

My own conclusion1.词汇不过关，缺少出彩的点

               2.每段结尾照应开头TS

                3.尽量使用get,不用there be




1.没有显示出词汇量




1 我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。

2 三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。

3 整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。

婷婷connie

4.3 独立
仅为写文方便，不是个人观点，我真正还是觉得让大家都开心才是王道！
As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.



To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laugh at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.  



Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then comfort encourage his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bear more than others.  



In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person get to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend love flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game,then exposes his teeth in the air. Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.



To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happy in sake of many purposes:. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

Crystaljoy

4月2日 110709NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different what they do at work.

Nowadays, people are engaged in works（work工作；works 作品） which demand （for词组）longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges (emerge). Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise. I hold the second point. (感觉怪怪的，My opinion goes to the latter.)

Initially, physical exercise guarantees for（删掉） people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grant（grants）a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? At (In词组) most situation,(however,) it does not. For instance, a hobby as watching movies.(不能单独成句。，a hobby such as w t或者直接w t for instance.) It is common(commonly) accepted that coming(going 词组) to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead, when(删除) running or playing tennis on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate（in 词组） collective physical activities(？) to acquire new friends （from）different fields connected (?). Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team and (to) compete to get a goal. This activity is related closely with(relate to建议calls for strong ) cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connected. (?)

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves for(from) heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smile shine(shines) us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the  nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.
这段还不错！比较顺！

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people with(删除) health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.


结构很清晰。但是语法错误太多了，以至于看完后意思都支离破碎了。搭配还要多多积累地道的。加油啦！

婷婷connie

4.4 独立

Architects are trying to create more fashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, people tend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government should emphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us to cultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructions are built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China. Confucius, who created a shool of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinary philosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people in China, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he was expelled by each country. But he did not lose heart, instead, he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is our duty to preserve the temple, for we can shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Every building witnesses the affairs happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace in Beijing, it is a place to get people considered how weak Chinese were before. Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens' painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previous property. Also, the Liberty Statue which stands in the middle of New York City, claims the exciting moment of te Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make people memorize the past, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures.

In addition, people can also develope a sense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as an example, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of miles from the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The Great Wall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As the building is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wall subconsciously has a proud feeling to the country. In this situation, the old historic buildings really play a vital role in the nation's coherence, we must maintain them for a longer time.

Considering all analysis above, the old historic building is indispensable for us to obtain good morality, patriotism as well as remind people of the past issues, the government is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. I believe, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.

婷婷connie

4.3 综合 tpo24
第一次写，很水，请狠狠地批吧
The writer shows us a dinosaur fossil contains material about blood vessels, red blood cells and collage matrix. However, the lecturer hold an opposite point:that dinosaur fossil cannot reveal these reality as it is not able to keep those materials.



First, the writer deliver that the leg bone has some blood vessel, while the narrator believe that evidence is not necessary to prove the existence of veins instead of something else. As much bacteria.. live inside the bone, such as hollow and channels, they are probably made by the bacteria.



Second, the reading part supports that microscopic examination test out blood cells. When it comes to the listening, we know those red spheres do not mean blood cells. Though those spheres contain the element of iron, there is great chance that reddish may be some kinds of minerals existed in the nearby place, such as iron.  



Last, the reading material believe that the test on the leg bone found collagen. Nevertheless, the speaker do not accept the findings of that collagen. He insists such biochemical substance can not make it to survive for 17 million years. Besides, he suggests exploration on skin is better.  

婷婷connie

4.2 TPO23 综合
The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believe at present there is none of those hypothesises such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change, is completely right.

First of all, the writer put forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer agues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks.

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed on both main land and island. However, there is not bear available on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not mean the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer as a cause due to the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomena that the Yellw Cedar in the higer place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change make the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

夏雨霏霏

The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believes at present there is none of those hypothesises such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change,(hypothesis 后面跟这几个名词，不对啊，应该是句子，我觉得开头直接说lecturer直接把reading 否了就好，下面在展开) is completely right.

First of all, the writer putS forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer argues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks(it is unlikely that 吧).

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed（不被动啊）on both main land and island. However, there is not bear available（好怪，不要了吧） on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not mean（leads to）the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer as a cause due to(cause，due to重复啊，cause of ) the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomena（这个是复数形式） that the Yellow Cedar in the higher place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change makes the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

Herisson0509

As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.

To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laughs(主语还是everyone) at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.  

Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then comfort encourage（这里去掉一个词吧） his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bears more than others.  

In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person gets to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend loves flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game, then exposes his teeth in the air.（不知道是神马意思啊） Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.

To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happy in sake of（这样用对吗？我只见过这个for the sake of）many purposes. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

婷婷· 你有木有发现一个特有意思的东西
咱俩每次都是对立的观点 呼呼

觉得你每次都能写出好多字 羡慕死了
作文水平已经不错了 整体挺严谨的 论点很鲜明
就是得注意些小细节 比如单复数 时态神马的