婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

5.3 综合 改改后
The topic is whether the dinosaurs were endotherms. The reading gives considerable evidences to prove they were,(;) however(婷婷这儿要注意哈~~however是介词，不能连接两句话的，所以要么前面的逗号改成分号，要么插入一个but), the listening casts doubt on it.

To begin with, the author holds that dinosaur fossils discovered in polar regions indicates(indicate) that dinosaurs were endotherms. On the contrary, the speaker refutes this view. He stresses that polar areas may be warmer in the past, and dinosaurs can migrate to other places (or hibernate这加一个，当时没有听到 )when it turns cold.Thus, dinosaurs did not need to maintain a(the) temperature. So, they were not necessary to be endotherms.

Moreover, the lecturer contrasts the point in the passage that the position and movement of the legs shows(show) the dinosaur being endotherm. To explain this, the lecturer adds that legs under the body do not mean the ability to run. Instead, since the dinosaur generally grew to a large size, this leg position and movement was(could be) used to support more weight. So, the leg position and movement also has little thing to do with endothermy.

Furthermore, the writer(passage)（这个感觉没有太大关系的）demonstrates that dinosaur bone dense with Haversian canals agrees that dinosaurs were endothermy. Conversely, the lecturer is skeptical about this. He emphasizes: that 感觉这儿用冒号还是用that引导从句比较好) as dinosaurs grew slowly when it was cooler,(前后关系挺紧密的，所以建议还是吧逗号去掉) and faster when it was warmer, there is little relations between endothermy and bone structure. Additionally, the fossil bone also contains another substance: the grocerine(growth rings)(这边有个小细节，dinosaurs grew slowly when it was cooler是growth rings体现的，所以additionally的内容要放到前面去哟~~~ 建议婷婷在听一下音频~~~)

完全没有听到growth rings，还以为是什么专有名词……
这一段重写

Furthermore, the writer demonstrates that dinosaur bone dense with Haversian canals agrees dinosaurs to be endotherms. Nevertheless, the lecturer holds that the growth rings of bone thicken dinosaur's growth. These growth rings are evidence of periodic growth which is the characteristic of crocodiles. Conversely, the endotherms keep growing even if when it is cooler.Therefore, the dinosaur can not be endotherm.



To sum up, the author believes that dinosaurs are endotherms, while the lecturer refutes it by explaining three reasons in depth.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

In the contemporary society, people have enough nutrients to grow, hey(鹤鹤不理解婷婷想表达什么意思？不过hey这个词语太口语化，一般不出先在正规的作文中哈~~~) will not feel cold in winter with a heater, and(婷婷一定一定一定一定一定要注意哈~~连接两个句子的必须是连词，或者就直接分号，所以这儿补充一个and上去~~)they can reach remote places with a car. Thus, a multitude of people realize the convenience and high quality of urban life. I can not agree more, and my opinions are as follows.

To begin with, living in the city enables people to live(have)(前面几步路就有个living站在那儿啦~~所以为了避免重复，这儿可以让have来露个脸~~) a more convenient life. As a good number of 24-hour drugstore are available in the city, citizens are able to buy some medicines(我脚得嘛，加个s表示各种各样的药可能会跟好点哟~~) in the midnight when the child catches(children catch, 和前面的citizens单复数对应) a severe cold. Besides, since various restaurants are accessible to workers, these busy men or women does(do) not need to cook at home, which spares them a great deal of time. Furthermore, the public transportations such as bus and subway make it possible for residents to reach any far places within less time at a relatively low price.

Moreover, it is likely that people who living in the city will more easily to get good jobs, thus people live a higher quality life. Take my gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she(She) is a extraordinary businesswoman who works in a international company. As sheget(is,首先是单数名词，谓语动词要单数；其次后面又有一个get，所以用is避免重复) highly paid, she gets her money well used. She is a member of Health Center and she comes to the gymnasium everyday after supper. Thus, she can not only relax herself from heavy working pressure, but also keep good physique. On weekends, she participates in the piano class, which cultivates her in the aspect of art. Above this, Jenny really lives a good life. So, the city life undoubtedly contributes to a high quality life.

I concede that countryside is also suitable for people to live to some degrees as it is quieter and less polluted. But,(前面这句话和这句话在逻辑上是明显的转折，所以补上一个but，使逻辑关系更加清晰) to overcome the noise of city, people can find a similar place in the city such as the house near a park. People could go fishing with their close friends and appreciate the fascinating nature. What is more, the government has made some laws to limit environment pollutions. For instance, many paper industries which do harm to the river have been forced to close.

To sum up, since everyone benefits a lot from diverse stores and exercise centers in the city, the urban life is more convenient and higher qualitied. What we can do is to find a idea place(idea place?鹤鹤好像没见过这种用法，不知道婷婷是不是想打 ideal place？。。。) there and enjoy our life.

我觉得婷婷其他都不错的，就是在细节上要稍微仔细一点点哈~~~诸如手误打错之类的小错误要避免哈~~~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

5.3综合婷婷重写的最后一个点
Furthermore, the writer demonstrates that dinosaur bone dense with Haversian canals agrees dinosaurs to be endotherms. Nevertheless, the lecturer holds that the growth rings of bone thicken dinosaur's growth. These growth rings are(The growth ring is, 这儿用单数好了，省得和后面的evidence单复数不对应) evidence of periodic growth which is the characteristic of crocodiles. Conversely, the endotherms keep growing even if when it is cooler.Therefore, the dinosaur can not be endotherm.

To sum up, the author believes that dinosaurs are endotherms, while the lecturer refutes it by explaining three reasons in depth.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

5.2 综合
There are various opinions on whether the painting is a work by Rembrandt. The writer gives some evidences to prove it is fake, while the lecturer argues that work is indeed painted by Rembrandt. (开头很好，简洁明了！)

First of all, the writer casts doubt on the inconsistency of the way the woman is dressed. On the contrary, the lecturer stresses this paint is true and she demonstrates:that(还是用that比较正式一点) examination of X-rays shows the fore color is not the part of the original painting(这儿如果不加original，逻辑上说不过去。因为那个现在确实已经在画上了，已经成为了话的一部分;只是并不是一开始就有。。。). This fore color was added after a hundred years to increase the value of the paint. People wanted the woman in the painting to look like a formal rich lady.

Besides, the lecturer refutes the view given by the writer that there are some errors in dealing light and shadow. To explain this, she emphasizes that since the fore color is removed, people can get to the original painting. It is not difficult to find the woman actually wears a simple white cloth which illuminates the light of that woman's face. So, the painting is realistic, and Rembrandt did not make mistakes of the balance between light and shadow(这儿应该把balance作为一个名词使用).

Moreover, the writer believes the picture was painted on a panel made ofseveral pieces of wood glued together. Conversely, the lecturer contrasts this. She holds that the glued pieces of wood were used to enlarge the painting, then the painting is more grand and valuable, just like the fore color. Additionally, the test has showed that this wood is exactly the same wood of Rembrandt's another painting: his self portrait with a hat.

这篇文章很OK！细节全部到位~~ 嗯！Perfect！

婷婷connie

4.28 综合，迟来的修改 求原谅

In the passage, the writer holds that an animal fossil named T. rex might contains（contain） remains of the actual tissues of the animal.  However, the lecturer thinks it unbelievable (没有think it adj吧， believes it adj), and his view (wiews) are as follows.

To begin with,  the speaker disproves the presence of actual blood vessels which is asserted by the writer. The writer(写反了吧？) argues that those branching channels inside may be something else such as some traces left by bacteria, since bacteria may colonize its hollows in the bones when the animal was dead.

Moreover, the author stresses the existence of the red blood cells of T. rex. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on this opinion. He puts that scientists have also found reddish materials in some primitive animals which had no blood cells when they were alive, around the T. rex. Thus, the lecturer believes those reddish materials may be pieces of reddish minerals instead of red blood cells.

Furthermore, the writer shows that the T. rex contained collagen matrix. While the lecturer is skeptical about this, as the collagen matrix cannot last for 17 million years' time. To explain, he says that the collagen may come from a recent source. Specifically, the collage matrix belongs to  a researcher's skin, who is handling the bone recently.（这两句都有点短了，后面这个句子可以简化成上句的一个同位语：，specially，the skin of researchers who are handling the bone）

To sum up, the professor refutes the （+ points concerning the 感觉refute的对象是观点比较合适）remains of the actual blood vessels, red blood cells and collagen matrix, exactly opposite to the writer. （插入professor与refutes之间更好，因为这是修饰professor的，不要离得太远了。）





总结：写的很好~要点，结构，逻辑都很不错啊！

语言方面略逊色，比如表示观点的综合写作词汇可以积累一些多一些。例如Think (that): hold the (opinion/ belief/ position/stand point/idea) that, assume, believe, deem, argue, maintain, suppose, conceive, insist, be convinced

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/5/2 22:38:51)

谢谢鸟儿~多积累一些模板中的词，耶

超级无敌小鹤鹤

5.2 独立，批改中~
In the contemporary society, companies are facing more fierce competitions ranging from material sources to human resources. When it comes to investments for a company, some people believe that the investment on employees' skill enjoys the first priority. However, I am skeptical about this.

To begin with, since employees' working environment plays a vital to enhance the efficiency, the company should spend money on this aspect. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF),(啊哈哈！这个例子好！鹤鹤偷走了鸟~~~)over 85% of workers confessed that their working efficiency largely depends on working surroundings. Specifically, a reputed scientist(婷婷，这儿我记得应该用 a scientist of repute) once carried an experiment on two group of businessman(businessmen). One group was placed in a narrow pot with lights, and the other was made to work in a relatively broad room with sunlight. Both of the two groups were asked to finish a project plan. Consequently, it took the second group 4 hours to accomplish while the first spent twice of the time. There, we can find that working environment is of great significance to enhance the efficiency. Thus,as employees spend more than half their day hours in offices, companies are necessarily supposed to offer a more comfortable working environment.

Furthermore, closed welfare to the employees' family also counts much when considering a investment. Since each employee has his or her parents and children, they may not fully concentrated on their work(这儿前后的单复数不一致哈~~ 然后婷婷有没有发现如果前面用了he or she，后面就又得一次，所以索性就用复数：Since employees all hvae their parents and children, they......). When an individual is sitting in a conference room, he may can not(may can在一起好像不行吧？) help thinking that how is everything going with his child: does his little man catch a cold? A good strategy to tackle this concentrationinattentionon work is a welfare policy to their(his) family. For example, a company could appoint a certain person to attend its employees' family once a week and give a feedback to let the employee know that his family is well. As a result, the employee would sincerely thank the company and pay more energy and time on the company's issues.

Admittedly, I concede that investment for a company is of great importance to some degree since a company's operation is related to its employees' capacities. Nonetheless, it is not the duty for the company to pour money on the trains. Every exceptional employeeshave(has) the obligation to improve their abilities in case of the replacement by others. In this situation, the company could put part of investment on the training programs, and the company should pay more attention to encourage its employees to move actively and positively. Only in this way will the workers benefit from both the personal improvement and the company's prosperity.

To sum up, for the aim to improve the employees' efficiency and concentration, the company also needs to put the employees' working place and welfare of their family(families) into its investment plan, besides(Besides), the employees could obtain higher skills on their own as well, so(这儿还是老问题呢~连接句子必须有连词或者分号) the most important investment should not(should not是不是太绝对了？改may not need to) placed on improving skills of its employees.

哈哈，一连改了婷婷五篇文章~~~
总的来说还是很ok的！这篇文章相对前面几篇，因为粗心引起的小错误少了一些，但是还是要仔细哈~~
逻辑上和内容很完美啦，词的多样替换页把握的很到位！
不过最后在啰嗦一句啦~~ 连接两个句子必须用连词或者分号隔开哈~~~切记切记！

婷婷connie

5.4 综合
In the passage, the writer pitches three competing theories about the use of Chaco buildings. However, the lecturer casts doubt on these hypothses, and he believes none of them is convincing. The lecturer's views are as follows.
To begin with, the author assumes that the Chaco structures were purely residential. On the contrary, the speaker refutes this point. According to him, though the building outside looks like the native house, the inside of this building does not agree the author's point. Additionally, since these structures each housed hundreds of people at that time, it is supposed to have many fire places for cooking. Unfortunately, the stucture indeed has few fire places, so it can not used for housing people.  
Moreover, the professor disproves the second theory given by the writer. From the professor's part, he ascertains the ideal that Chaco structures were used to store food supplies is unpersuasive. To explain this, he stresses that there are little grain maize on the floor or  maize containers in the structures. So we could figure out that the Chaco structures may not the store places for food supplies.
Besides, the passage demonstrates that houses were used as ceremonial centers. Conversely, the lecturer is skeptical about this. He emphasizes that material such as sand and stone found in mound may come from the constructions or pots which were used to cook meal. Therefore, we safely arrive the point that the Chacos houses were not the exact places for special ceremonies.

To sum up, considering in depth about the use of Chaco building, the speaker shows hesitation on these three competing theories presented by the writer.

婷婷connie

惨了，水文了
5.4 独立（所举事例信手捏来，请勿当真，哈哈）
10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.



There are a good number of reasons to hunt a job: some people take the job for money; others put the first priority on the social status; and someone choose his or her career because of the interest. As far as I am concerned, the main goal for people to pursuit a job is social status, and my points are as follows.



Fist of all, since high social status jobs usually is accompanied with good salary and respect, this job encourages everyone to stive for it. Take my example, my gregarious uncle works as a doctor in a famous hospital, and he gets well paid via those operations. Besides, since he could save the patient's life in a certain emergency, he is respected by us. Thus, my dream is to be a doctor like my uncle for the sake of both wealth and respect. This goal helps me subconsciously work hard. During my school period, I always got up early and went to bed late. Luckily, I become a doctor after my graduation. Thus, we safely arrive the point that the job with social status enhances people to struggle for it.    



In addition, the job with social status also plays an essential role to cultivate the sense of achievement. Every individual tend to be insteemedesteemedby others through their painstaking work. And the Beijing Olympic games throbbed me that much. Once I was anxious for losing the direction to get to the right match. Then a little volunteer came to me and offered me a map. Furthermore, he even guided me to the place. At the gate of the match thanked him a lot. At this moment, the little volunteer smiled which brighted me, he said, he just felt so great for doing me a favor. I am impressed by this volunteer's sense of achievement. So, we figure out that the job with social recognition contributes to one's sense of achievement.  



Admittedly, I concede a comparative multitude of people take the job for money to some degree, those people are not able to enjoy the real happiness. Take the rural migrate workers as a good case, this group of people moves into towns to seek ways to make money. But as they are lack of specific skills or experiences, they are just placed on the jobs which demands formidable labor work. In this way, these rural workers become exhausted each day but receive less money as well as admiration, not mention happiness.



To sum up, considering in depth, since a job with social status gives people much money, respect and sense of achievement, people are supposed to spare no effort to chase these jobs. Therefore, I believe the main purpose of workers is for social status.        

婷婷connie

In the contemporary society, people have enough nutrients to grow, hey(鹤鹤不理解婷婷想表达什么意思？不过hey这个词语太口语化，一般不出先在正规的作文中哈~~~) will not feel cold in winter with a heater, and(婷婷一定一定一定一定一定要注意哈~~连接两个句子的必须是连词，或者就直接分号，所以这儿补充一个and上去~~)they can reach remote places with a car. Thus, a multitude of people realize the convenience and high quality of urban life. I can not agree more, and my opinions are as follows.

To begin with, living in the city enables people to live(have)(前面几步路就有个living站在那儿啦~~所以为了避免重复，这儿可以让have来露个脸~~) a more convenient life. As a good number of 24-hour drugstore are available in the city, citizens are able to buy some medicines(我脚得嘛，加个s表示各种各样的药可能会跟好点哟~~) in the midnight when the child catches(children catch, 和前面的citizens单复数对应) a severe cold. Besides, since various restaurants are accessible to workers, these busy men or women does(do) not need to cook at home, which spares them a great deal of time. Furthermore, the public transportations such as bus and subway make it possible for residents to reach any far places within less time at a relatively low price.

Moreover, it is likely that people who living in the city will more easily to get good jobs, thus people live a higher quality life. Take my gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she(She) is a extraordinary businesswoman who works in a international company. As sheget(is,首先是单数名词，谓语动词要单数；其次后面又有一个get，所以用is避免重复) highly paid, she gets her money well used. She is a member of Health Center and she comes to the gymnasium everyday after supper. Thus, she can not only relax herself from heavy working pressure, but also keep good physique. On weekends, she participates in the piano class, which cultivates her in the aspect of art. Above this, Jenny really lives a good life. So, the city life undoubtedly contributes to a high quality life.

I concede that countryside is also suitable for people to live to some degrees as it is quieter and less polluted. But,(前面这句话和这句话在逻辑上是明显的转折，所以补上一个but，使逻辑关系更加清晰) to overcome the noise of city, people can find a similar place in the city such as the house near a park. People could go fishing with their close friends and appreciate the fascinating nature. What is more, the government has made some laws to limit environment pollutions. For instance, many paper industries which do harm to the river have been forced to close.

To sum up, since everyone benefits a lot from diverse stores and exercise centers in the city, the urban life is more convenient and higher qualitied. What we can do is to find a idea place(idea place?鹤鹤好像没见过这种用法，不知道婷婷是不是想打 ideal place？。。。) there and enjoy our life.

我觉得婷婷其他都不错的，就是在细节上要稍微仔细一点点哈~~~诸如手误打错之类的小错误要避免哈~~~

-- by 会员 超级无敌小鹤鹤 (2012/5/4 9:26:28)

又改了一下
Modern society has benefit our lives a lot. Heaters give us warmth even in cold winter, cars make it possible for people to reach remote places easily, and nutrients let people stronger and healthier. Thus, a multitude of people realize the convenience and high quality of urban life. I can not agree more, and my opinions are as follows.

To begin with, living in the city enables people to live(have)have (前面几步路就有个living站在那儿啦~~所以为了避免重复，这儿可以让have来露个脸~~) a more convenient life. As a good number of 24-hour drugstore are available in the city, citizens are able to buy some medicines(我脚得嘛，加个s表示各种各样的药可能会跟好点哟~~) in the midnight when the child catches(children catch, 和前面的citizens单复数对应) a severe cold. Besides, since various restaurants are accessible to workers, these busy men or women does(do)donot need to cook at home, which spares them a great deal of time. Furthermore, the public transportations such as bus and subway make it possible for residents to reach any far places within less time at a relatively low price.

Moreover, it is likely that people who living in the city will more easily toget good jobs, thus people live a higher quality life. Take my gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she(She) is a extraordinary businesswoman who works in a international company. As shegetis (好多东西感觉错得好可惜啊)(is,首先是单数名词，谓语动词要单数；其次后面又有一个get，所以用is避免重复) highly paid, she gets her money well used. She is a member of Health Center and she comes to the gymnasium everyday after supper. Thus, she can not only relax herself from heavy working pressure, but also keep good physique. On weekends, she participates in the piano class, which cultivates her in the aspect of art. Above this, Jenny really lives a good life. So, the city life undoubtedly contributes to a high quality life.

I concede that countryside is also suitable for people to live to some degrees as it is quieter and less polluted.(But,(前面这句话和这句话在逻辑上是明显的转折，所以补上一个but，使逻辑关系更加清晰) to overcome the noise of city, people can find a similar place in the city such as the house near a park.) Nonetheless, citizens have made their way to eliminate some shortcomings. For example, to overcome the noise of city, people can find a similar place in the city such as the house near a park. In addition, People could go fishing with their close（intimate） friends and appreciate(enjoy)the fascinating nature. What is more, the government has made some laws to limit environment pollutions. For instance, many paper industries which do harm to the river have been forced to close. By doing so, our city will become much more beautiful.


To sum up, since everyone benefits a lot from diverse stores and exercise centers in the city, the urban life is more convenient and higher qualitied. What we can do is to find an idealplace(idea place?鹤鹤好像没见过这种用法，不知道婷婷是不是想打 ideal place？。。。) there and enjoy our life.

婷婷connie

5.5 综合
The passage demonstrates three problems existed on commual online encyclopedias. For the lecturer, though this new resource is not the pefect one,  it actually has many advantages.
To begin with, the lecturer refutes the idea that commual online encyclopedia has many errors. She stresses the fact that mistakes on the traditional encyclopedias can remain for decades, while such faults online are easily corrected. Thus, the communal online encyclopedia defeats the traditional one in the aspect of errors.
Besides,  the writer believes that some unscrupulous users or hackers may fabricate and corrupt the original texts of the online encyclopedia. Conversely, the lecturer holds a positive attitude. To explain this, the lecturer mentions two strategies to conquer it. On the one hand, the read-only format makes readers unable to change the contents. On the other hand, they have special worker to monitor the texts and delete something wrong. Thus, we do not need to worry about these hackers.
Furthermore,  the speaker diagrees with the writer's view that the communal encyclopedias focus too much on trivial and popular topics. According to him, the traditional encyclopedias fail to reflect the interests of all readers within their limited space. When it comes to the online encyclopedia, every individual is accessible to get what he wants as that advanced encyclopedia contains a variety of articles. Therefore, the  diversity of online encyclopedia has the significant advantage over that of the traditional one.
To sum up, the writer is hesitated about the use of commual online encyclopedias, while the lecturer is confident about it.