【求批改马上考了】Issue 1 老题目了，求对比一下哪些地方写得不好

alzralzr

好像也不能悬赏…求大家都来看看，拍拍砖啥的

1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


506 words
Recent years have seen science and technology developing in an explosive manner. This has also brought great changes to human life tremendously. However, many have the concern that people's ability of independently thinking would deteriorate since they rely more and more on technological methods to solve problems. Serious as it seems to be, the problem should not, in its essence, be judged by the superfacial phenomena.

Admittedly, technology, especially the artificial intelligence, has changed our lifestyle entirely, leading us into an information-dependent era. People are achieving many things they once thought crazy on the one hand, they are relying on these technological products more and more synergically. Students writing a research paper could retrieve an ocean of references through the online database of their library, but if prohibited to use a computer, never would one finish through searching the literature archieve page by page however late the deadline would be set. This only happens in the past two decades, and technology has truly changed it irreversbly. Technology has truly freed us from the time-consuming and belaboring work in many aspects and people are living, actually, on the basis constructed by technological improvements in every details of personal life and the society, thus the reliance is not a groundless judge.

However, it is also a fact that technology is not taking all places of human mind, but mainly undertaking the laborious or repetitive jobs to accelerate the pace of these tasks, which is also correspondent with the examples mentioned above. The algorithms, inevitably, is predtermined by the mathematicians, the programmers, and engineers developing the tools, even though they could largely expand the range we are previously unreachable. That is to say, the human thinking has, from the fundamental viewpoint, not only never lost its role, but enhanced by the technology to think in new ways once thought impossible. This should not be seen as deterioration.

Additionally, with the technologies advancing, people's mind are in fact taking more novel and challenging roles it has never been faced with. Since the improvement of technology has propelled the society in every aspects, the synergic effect is that advances in one fields might cause both the need and supports of another, thus people working in any fields are facing the challenge of innovating and optimizing the technology, which needs abundant knowledge of it and combination of different areas to enhance it as a system. This is the "B-side" of the reliance: the challenge of innovation.

In sum, since the granted excellence of humanity beyond advanced mammals is the ability of making and using tools, it is unwise to see the relationship of technology and human mind in the static way, where we focus on the reliance but ignore the new standpoint they help us reach and the new challenges they give us. The society and the technology are developing, consequently our viewpoint should also be dynamic. Only in this way would we catch the pace of the booming advancement of the world, and keep up in the frontend of the time.