拜托大家帮我看看,TWE137

SarahGao

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinions.

With the growing prosperity of our society, we have walked into a world that is full of diversities. Accordingly, there is an expanding need of people who master different skills. This increasing tendency leads to various courses that are provided by schools. Recently, however, there is a public controversy about the issue that whether high schools should allow students to study the courses that students want.

Basic to the perseverance and insistence is students’ interest in the subject. The interest is to a people’s career what the engine to a machine. The enforcement of learning a class will bring a boring feeling and even hate. For instance, when I was in high school, I disliked math very much, but still I have to study it everyday because it was compulsory. In retrospect, those days were really miserable to me. Spending such a long time to deal with the math problems made me insane. In contrast, I cannot still get a good mark on it. And this phenomenon happened to most all my classmates. It is so difficult to good at something if one doesn’t enjoy it form the bottom of the heart.

What’s more, sometimes, it is a wide range of knowledge that determines whether we have competitiveness in the world filled with fierce competition. The information between various realms can expand people’s horizons and increase self-confidence. At times, a student is particularly popular and respected by classmates if he is knowledgeable. An exporting company, Say, wants to employ a stuff, a man with knowledge of both economic and law apparently has much more privilege than somebody who just masters one. And

Taking into account all these factors, as far as I am concerned, it is essential for schools to allow students to study the courses they want to study. This will give them greater opportunities to enhance themselves and enjoy everyday studies.

总觉的TWE心里没底,时间也不够用，拜托大家帮忙改改了

              谢谢

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-3-5 14:40:31编辑过]

nuli

拜托大家帮我看看,TWE137

Do you agree or disagreewith the following statement? High schools should allow students tostudy the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons andexamples to support your opinions.

Withthe growing prosperity of our society, we have walked into a world thatis full of diversities. Accordingly, there is an expanding need ofpeople who master (have mastered) different skills. This increasing tendency leads tovarious courses that are provided by schools. Recently, however, thereis a public controversy about the issue that whether high schoolsshould allow students to study the courses that students want.

Basicto the perseverance and insistence is students’ interest in thesubject(?). The interest is to a people’s (person's) career what the engine to amachine. The enforcement of learning a class will bring a boring feeling and even hate (改为 a bored and even hated feeling 好像对称点，hated不知对不对?). For instance, when I was in high school, Idisliked math very much, but still I have (改为had) to study it everyday becauseit was compulsory . In retrospect, those days were really miserable tome. <Spending such a long time to deal with the math problems made meinsane. In contrast, I cannot still get a good mark on it.> (这两句连起来逻辑好像不对,我改为I spent a long time on dealing with math problems whichhad made me insane, whereas  I still cannot get a good mark on it.)And thisphenomenon happened to most all my classmates (most of my classmates或most classmates). It is so (改为too) difficult to(加上 be)good at something if one doesn’t enjoy it form (from) the bottom of the heart.

What’smore, sometimes, it is a wide range of knowledge that determineswhether we have competitiveness (are competitive) in the world filled with (full of) fiercecompetition. The information between (改为Having knowledge in) various realms can expand people’shorizons and increase (their) self-confidence. At times, a student isparticularly popular and respected by classmates if he isknowledgeable. An exporting company, Say, wants to employ a stuff (staff),(加上and if) aman with (改为has) (加上 the) knowledge of both economic (economics) and law (加上, he will )apparently has (改为have) much moreprivilege (改为chances)  than somebody who just masters one. And

Takinginto account all these factors, <as far as I am concerned,>(改为I think) it isessential for schools to allow students to study the courses they wantto study. This will give them greater opportunities to enhancethemselves and enjoy everyday('s) studies.

SarahGao

太感谢nuli大大了,帮我找出了好多错误呢  看来我的确要加油改进了

nuli大大,Basic to the perseverance and insistence is students’ interest in the subject 我是想用倒装句,正常语序是Students' interest in the subject is basic to the perseverance and insistence.我想表达的是学生的关于学科的兴趣是他们能持之以恒学习的基础.你看怎么说比较好呢 ?

再次多谢了^-^