TWE006，第一篇练笔请大侠支招！

joanrain

6. If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what

would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

What would be the important thing that I will change about my hometown to

make it better? Undoubtedly I will choose to develop its commercial system.

My hometown locates at a small village of China, it is beautiful in nature

but poor in wealth. Every year a lot of people go to the big cities such as

Shanghai to make a better living, however, they are still very poor and

living a painful life. So, to change its commercial system is my choice.

Hereafter are my points.

First, we have diversified resources such as transportation network and

beautiful senery, so it is possible to realize the dream. The only thing that

we lack is the determination to get it better. People adapt to the opinion

that what they can do is just to grow crops, and they do nothing but playing

cards in their spare time. In fact, almost all young people have gone out of

our hometown and tried to stay in a big city, but in my opinion, they are

somewhat blind-mind. Opportunities occur everywhere as long as one has an

sensitive heart. We can also develop industries in our hometown, or just

exert marketing strategies to attract tourists.

Second, it will be a series change when I have changed the commercial system.

For instance, as factories have been built, people are weathier, we can

afford better education and higher living level. Therefore, people are better

educated, which will bring new profit in return. What's more, children will

be happier because they do not need to sustain the pain for missing their

parents. And then the old people can enjoy their lives instead of groaning

for the society.

So, I strongly believe that my hometown will be one of the best place to live

in the world with the change. Life will never be that hard for everyone. Now

I am in US, but I surely will go back to my hometown. It is the dream of make

this change that keeps supporting me to go ahead.

偶是卡时间在写字板上写的，请高手帮忙修改修改并看看大概能得几分。我3月11就考的说。谢啦！

joanrain

6. If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

What would be the important thing that I will change about my hometown to make it better? Undoubtedly I will choose to develop its commercial system. My hometown locates at a small village of China, it is beautiful in nature but poor in wealth. Every year a lot of people go to the big cities such as Shanghai to make a better living, however, they are still very poor and living a painful life. So, to change its commercial system is my choice. Hereafter are my points.

First, we have diversified resources such as transportation network and beautiful senery, so it is possible to realize the dream. The only thing that we lack is the determination to get it better. People adapt to the opinion that what they can do is just to grow crops, and they do nothing but playing cards in their spare time. In fact, almost all young people have gone out of our hometown and tried to stay in a big city, but in my opinion, they are somewhat blind-mind. Opportunities occur everywhere as long as one has an sensitive heart. We can also develop industries in our hometown, or just exert marketing strategies to attract tourists.

Second, there will be a series of changes when I have changed the commercial system. For instance, as factories have been built, people are weathier, we can afford better education and higher living level. Therefore, people are better educated, which will bring new profit in return. What's more, children will be happier because they do not need to sustain the pain for missing their parents. And then the old people can enjoy their lives instead of groaning for the society.

So, I strongly believe that my hometown will be one of the best places to live in the world with the change. Life will never be that hard for everyone. Now I am in US, but I surely will go back to my hometown. It is the dream of making this change that keeps supporting me to go ahead.

重排了一下版，这样方便看一些

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-2-20 10:40:09编辑过]

joanrain

5555，只有340个字，用word统计了一下

pengstone

你的字数足够了。但俺看完后的感觉是与并不完全符合题目要求。你的论述太宽泛了。如果俺写这个题目，俺会这样写：利用优美的自然风景，发展旅游业，一是可以增加地方收入，二是增加本地人与外界的交流，开放思想。倒数第二段提出在开发旅游业的同时也要注意保护自然环境，防止过度开发。最后进行总结。个人意见，供参考。

joanrain

en，有道理，待会再重新写

joanrain

penstone，我觉得你说的不太对，我想凸现的是

1.可以发展旅游业

2.可以吸引人员回流

因为我觉得其实和外面并不是闭塞的那种，而是通通都跑走了，所以要吸引人回来

至于你的环境保护吗我觉得有些道理

brace

TWE， 只要符合常识就可以， 没有绝对的对和错。