独立：20年后人们有更多的休息时间

angla

快累死了。。。。终于改完

sclovexj

925 独立by re
most people do not count on government for help because they think that it is always better to either do things on their own or to ask for help from their family.


The irreplaceability of government is undeniable, which keep the whole society in the right track. However, what kind of role our government plays in our daily lives? One thousand people, one thousand Hamlet. （s？）We need government, but, sometimes, the government seems to have a long distance from the ordinary people. Therefore ,some people claims that we couldn’t count on the government instead of doing things by ourselves. As far as I’m concerned, it is too exaggerated to get this conclusion. Every government has their own complicated properties and it is necessary to discuss depending on different situation.

In one hand, the government plays extremely crucial roles （去掉s？）in the society, which include in policy area, economic area, judicial field, etc. An example that aptly illustrate （加s？）this point will be that, without the help of government, the order of society will be in trouble , crimes will not be punished, the price of the market will lose control, and most hospital（加s？） and school will close down ,and consequently everyone will fail （fall or fail？）into panic. In view of this, in fact, there are thousands of things we have to count on our government. Moreover, the government which aggregates the power of all people, can finish some huge projects that individuals cannot do, such as building bridge, railroad, and airport. Even though you own billions of money, the huge expenses of these structures are too high to afford. Besides, the government is the guarantee of a country’s security. Whether or not a government has power is determined not only by economic strength, but also by military. In this case, a powerful government is an important ingredient to make its people live in peace and order. Considering all the factors above, can we still insist （后面加on？）the wrong idea that we cannot depend on government at all?（题目是许多人不依靠政府，而你这句话比较绝对）

In another hand, admittedly, the most things that we come across in our daily lives can be solved only by ourselves. For example, the dream job can be only attained by virtue of tenacity and hardworking. If you just sit before the gate of government to ask for a job, I believe what you finally wait for is just two policemen. Even so, the government at least ensures that everybody has his power to pursue his dream, and try to build a better system to assist everyone.

In conclusion, a lot of details in our daily lives, which have been mentioned （在文章中只有两个方面，没有提及更多细节，何来已经提到了？）in this passage are all compelling justification for the necessity of government and dependency of ordinary people.
1文章结构组织合理连贯，有内容，从正反两方面论述，
2中国式表达明显，建议可以穿插用复合句，转换句式
3单复数要注意错误较多，会影响分数

amylala3

给自己做个纪念