jessie的作文帖

loverony713

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-7 16:01
TOPIC: your job has more effect on your happiness than your sociallife doesESSAY:
So precious is hap ...

So precious is happyness that all people in the world arecontinuously seeking for it. When it comes to the cause of happiness, peoplehave a variety of opinions, on a personal level, I select to believe that thereis no better way to obtain happiness than to work hard and gain success. In theother word, I agree that my job has more positive（应该是更多的 happiness） influence on my happiness thanmy social life does.

First and foremost, so of cheerfulness, the more it is given,the more it remains. My job is to analyze customers' financial data andrecommend suitable financial products to them, that is to say, I am responsiblefor helping my customers resolve problems. Last month, one of my customersasked me to help his overseas company get a loan from abroad banks, however theoverseas company does not have any real estate which is a prerequisite toobtain loan from any abroad banks. In order to solve this obstacle, I analyzedall policies of credit commitment in my bank. Finally, I suggested that thecustomer open an letter of financial guarantee from a domestic bank and gainloan from an abroad bank using this guarantee as a collateral. The customersuccessfully copes with such problem because of my advice. This project gave meimmense euphoria.（关于happiness应该再侧重一下） In the contrary, when I undergo some social life such aschatting with my friends, I feel comfort and easy, however, I can't experiencethe same happiness as that in my job. 有一点点跑题 你应该侧重 更多的 快乐

What's more, through my job, my co-workers become my friends,merging social life and work life into one. After graduation, most of myfriends are my co-workers. When facing up to tremendous pressure in the work,we together rise to the occasion and tough it out; When achieving huge success,we embrace each others, laughing and jumping like kids; After working, it is customary for us to go to a bar nearby workplace, drinking beer with the guys.Thanks to my co-workers, I have so much immortal happiness from within. 如果不太深究没什么问题吧 但是我仍然感觉你应该侧重一方面 说工作的好处 是social life带来不了的（其实我真的不知道social life到底指什么具体的...伦家没有感受过...）

Granted, social life plays a crucial role in gaininghappiness since people are prone to living in groups（工作难道就不可以了么？？）. However, people are usedto lose track of time when they participate in social activities（社交活动是不是那种很social的 还是这种和朋友很休闲的？？）. For instance,people tend to be addicted to playing video games with friends, as aconsequence, they usually regret for wasting valuable time. 本文重点是happiness 和浪费时间不一样的概念

Contemplating all these factors, we could easily reach to aconclusion that in comparison to social life, my job plays a more importantrole in making happiness. Not only does my job bring me a cheerful mood butalso it contains various social life.

echosun2002

恩，多谢美眉的修改。我感觉题目说的是对比社交生活，工作对快乐有更大的影响（more effect）并不等同于工作能带来更多的欢乐,所以我的第一个观点是工作带来的快乐是社交无法比拟的，第二个观点是很多社交活动都是基于工作的，因此工作对快乐的影响更大。最后一个让步没有表达清楚，应该再强调一下在社交生活中容易让人失去对时间的控制从而后悔，而后悔则大大降低了社交带来的欢乐。

echosun2002

独立10.08

TOPIC:

some people say that students should study many lessons during a semester, but others say that it is better for students to just take three or four lessons. which do you think is better.

ESSAY:

As we all know students are likely to obtain new knowledgeand abilities by taking lessons in school. Some people always argue that students are supposed to take lessons as more as possible during a semester inorder to be erudite. However, they ignore some key factors which will probably give rise to a failure of learning. On a personal level, I agree that it's worthwhile for students to take three or four lessons during a semester. The reasons are presented below.

First and foremost, there is no doubt that to master newknowledge. Students should spend a long spell of time on learning it. So of newabilities, the more you practice, the more you acquire. According to a study conducted by Academic of Social Science, in generally, people are bound to spend at least 100 hours on learning a new skill then they could have a good command of it. It is universally acknowledged that students who have many lessons will spend much less time on every class than those who just take three or four lessons do. What's the good of learning more but acquiring less?

What's more, students can only concentrate on a few oflessons because of limited energy. In addition to classes, so various are assignments and tasks that students ought to do their utmost to finish. For instance, a student who takes a business class will cope with the assignment such as conducting research about the economic situation of the apparel industry in Shanghai. To finish such task, a student has to spare no effort to collect and analyze data, sometimes, they even need to construct a computer model to predict the economic tendency of the industry. However, for our limited energy, we couldn't focus on so many classes and tasks.

Granted, some exuberant students are able to take more than four lessons during a semester. It's arguable that people have different abilities. Thus taking many lessons will do good to some people while do harm to others. For the sake of efficiency, there are several kinds of electives during a semester. So students who can learn more courses could sign up more electives.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach to a conclusion that there is no better way to master new knowledge than to concentrate on it and for students' limited time and energy they'd better take three or four lessons during a semester. After all, we should give priority to the aim that is to strongly acquire new knowledge.

echosun2002

综合10.8

The reading passage argues that it's beneficial to plant genetically modified trees on alarge area. However, the professor holds a totally different view that planting trees with genetic modification might cause a lot of problems. She provides some evidence to support her conclusion.

First, although the genetically modified trees are designed to resistant to one kind of virusinfection, because of their uniform gene, these trees are more susceptible tothe natural disaster. That is to say, when these trees confront with threaten such as the other kind of virus inspect, they will probably be wiped out. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, the passage claims that genetically modified trees can make a great economic benefits to farmers. Nonetheless, the professor refutes the idea completely.According to certain rules, farmers have to pay for the expensive seeds of genetically modified trees instead of collecting tree seeds for free. In addition,because of the first reason the professor conveyed, the farmers are likely to suffer large economic lost.

Third, geneticallymodified trees grow more aggressively, in the other words, they will invade the areas where local wild trees are planted in. As a result, local wild trees will be threatened with these genetically modified trees. This point strongly opposes the final claim in the passage.

Thus, the professor clearly points out the weak links in the passage and convincingly shows that the main topic of the passage is unwarranted.

echosun2002

独立写作10.9

TOPIC: the best way to learn about a foreign country is toread the newspaper and magazines from that country.

ESSAY:
Nowadays, the world has become more and more globalization. So prevalent isinternational communication that it's worthwhile for us to learn more aboutforeign countries. So how can we know about a foreign country effectively andaccurately? Media such as newspaper and magazines from that country seems to bea good method if people are familiar with the local language and culture andthe media is objective and neutral. However, in reality, it's difficult tosatisfy all of the standards addressed above.

In a personal level, I don't think that newspaper andmagazines are the best way to know about a foreign country. The reasons arepresented below.

First and foremost, it's unlikely for people to masterlanguages of every foreign country. Although there is a wealth of articles andstories about the country, owing to the barrier of language, people can hardlyunderstand what the meanings of those articles and stories. For instance, I aminterested in Japan but I cannot understand Japanese. So under no circumstancecould I comprehend what those Japanese newspaper and magazines express. InsteadI read a book named The Chrysanthemum and the Sword written by a socialist ofAmerica. This book is imbued with accurate analysis of Japanese culture,customs and history. From this book, I can know well about Japan and put thecountry in perspective.

What's more, it's universally acknowledged that there is alot riding on the media and in some situation newspaper and magazines no longeract simply as objective and neutral carriers of facts. From newspaper of NorthKorea, we all know that this country is filled with harmony and the people ofNorth Korea are the happiest human in the world. In fact, people who escapedfrom the country tell us different stories. If we believe in that the best wayto know a foreign country is to glance over the local media, we woulddefinitely agree that North Korea is so beautiful that we are supposed totravel there. So what's the good of depending on newspaper and magazines from aforeign country?

Granted, there is no denying that newspaper and magazines indeedcontain a lot of information about food, culture and custom of a foreigncountry. Providing that we already master the language of a foreign country andthe media is relatively objective, browsing newspaper and magazines of thecountry could be an effective and convenient way to learn about the country.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach areasonable conclusion that in most of the time it's not the best method for usto read newspaper and magazines from a foreign country in order to be familiarwith the country. Fortunately, owing to the state-of-the-art equipments,nowadays, there are more and more great ways to know about a foreign country.

loverony713

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-9 08:34
恩，多谢美眉的修改。我感觉题目说的是对比社交生活，工作对快乐有更大的影响（more effect）并不等同于工 ...

loverony713

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-9 10:06
独立10.08

TOPIC: some people say that students should study many lessons during a semester, but oth ...

As we all know students are likely to obtain new knowledge and abilities by taking lessons in school. Some people always argue that students are supposed to take lessons as more as possible during a semester in order to be erudite. However, they ignore some key factors which will probably give rise to a failure of learning. On a personal level, I agree that it's worthwhile for students to take three or four lessons during a semester. The reasons are presented below.

First and foremost, there is no doubt that to master newknowledge. Students should spend a long spell of time9spell(固定搭配?) on learning it. So of new abilities, the more you practice, the more you acquire. According to a study conducted by Academic of Social Science, in generally, people are bound to spend at least 100 hours on learning a new skill then they could have a good command of it. It is universally acknowledged that students who have many lessons will spend much less time（why？为什么学多了就会花时间少？这个表述有点歧义 你最好解释一句 ！ 我的理解为学的多复习时间少了？可能你不是这个意思，但是总有人会不知疲倦的学习，所以我觉得时间不是问题。要不然你就解释清楚。） on every class than those who just take three or four lessons do. What's the good of learning more but acquiring less?

What's more, students can only concentrate on a few of lessons because of limited energy. In addition to classes, so various are assignments and tasks that students ought to do their utmost to finish. For instance, a student who takes a business class will cope with the assignment such as conducting research about the economic situation of the apparel industry in Shanghai. To finish such task, a student has to spare no effort to collect and analyze data, sometimes, they even need to construct a computer model to predict the economic tendency of the industry. However, for our limited energy,（其实你还是没说清楚为何energy limited 你只说了要完成task怎么招怎么招 我觉得没有到让energylimited的程度。你可以多说一些事情，用数量多给人一种事情确实多 确实费劲的感觉。或者举自己的例子 体力透支之类的= =） we couldn't focus on so many classes（你这一段并没有说更多的classes） and tasks（没有到so many的程度 你只说了for instance后面一种task）.

Granted, some exuberant students are able to take more than four lessons during a semester. It's arguable that people have different abilities. Thus taking many lessons will do good to some people while do harm to others. For the sake of efficiency, there are several kinds of electives during a semester. So students who can learn more courses could sign up more electives.偏中立观点 在一边倒的作文中尽量不要出现。

Contemplating （不知道这样用对不对）all of these factors, we can easily reach to a conclusion that there is no better way to master new knowledge than to concentrate on it and for students' limited time and energy they'd better take three or four lessons during a semester. After all, we should give priority to the aim that is to strongly acquire new knowledge.

loverony713

echosun2002 发表于 2014-10-10 08:51
独立写作10.9

TOPIC: the best way to learn about a foreign country is toread the newspaper and magaz ...

Nowadays, the world has become more and more globalization（觉得说的有点Chinglish 你可以说 全球化的趋势越来越明显 套用某个高级句型）. So prevalent is international communication that it's worthwhile for us to learn more aboutforeign countries. So how can we know about a foreign country effectively andaccurately? Media such as newspaper and magazines from that country seems to bea good method if people are familiar with the local language and culture andthe media is objective and neutral. However, in reality, it's difficult to satisfy all of the standards addressed above.
In a personal level, I don't think that newspaper andmagazines are the best way to know about a foreign country. The reasons are presented below.

First and foremost, it's unlikely for people to master languages of every foreign country. Although there is a wealth of articles andstories about the country, owing to the barrier of language, people can hardlyunderstand what the meanings of those articles and stories. For instance, I aminterested in Japan but I cannot understand Japanese. So under no circumstancecould I comprehend what those Japanese newspaper and magazines express. Instead I read a book named The Chrysanthemum and the Sword written by a socialist ofAmerica. This book is imbued with（字面意思理解 不知道用在这是是否合适） accurate analysis of Japanese culture,customs and history. From this book, I can know well about Japan and put thecountry in perspective.

咋说呢 你的主题句说的是不可能掌握所有的外国语言，本段的末尾是你通过别的外国语言的书了解到了某个国家。这一段可以再完善一些吧？

What's more, it's universally acknowledged that there is a lot riding on(?) the media and in some situation （少个连词？）newspaper and magazines no longer act simply as objective and neutral carriers of facts. From newspaper of NorthKorea, we all know that this country is filled with harmony and the people ofNorth Korea are the happiest human in the world. In fact, people who escapedfrom the country tell us different stories（重点就在这个different story 你咋就不多解释几句呢！！！）. If we believe in that the best wayto know a foreign country is to glance over the local media（比如？ps 你觉得北京晚报 和人民日报说的不一样么？我觉得这一点我不是很理解）, （加一句 如果local这么说 然后）we woulddefinitely agree that North Korea is so beautiful that we are supposed totravel there. So what's the good of depending on newspaper and magazines from aforeign country?

Granted, there is no denying that newspaper and magazines indeedcontain a lot of information about food, culture and custom of a foreigncountry. Providing that we already master the language of a foreign country andthe media is relatively objective（赶脚着这不是让步的味... 让步是那种自我驳斥的感觉。我觉得你可以说， 报纸可以provide XXX，但是电影也能provide XXX，反而更好地能体现XXX）, browsing newspaper and magazines of thecountry could be an effective and convenient way to learn about the country.

Contemplating all of these factors, we can easily reach areasonable conclusion that in most of the time it's not the best method for usto read newspaper and magazines from a foreign country in order to be familiarwith the country. Fortunately, owing to the state-of-the-art equipments,nowadays, there are more and more great ways to know about a foreign country.

echosun2002

多谢提醒，花了点时间终于搞清楚让步段该怎么写了

echosun2002

Which way would you like to take to improve your health?
A eatmore healthy food
B do more exercise
Creduce stress

As the modern society develops, people have undergone tremendous pressure from various directions and been tempted by sufficient gourmet food. Apparently, the viewer is not aware that we will lose track of body weight. So it's very important for us to keep fit. On a personal level, exercising does a great deal to improve my health.

In the first place, it's arguable that doing exercise enables people to relieve stress. Without pressure people will be more close to health.There is no better way to relax myself than to do exercise. Every week, I continuously participate in the class of Latin dance. Music of Latin dance is imbued with enthusiasm and energy. As long as the music starts, I can indulge myself in dancing. After two hours practices, under no circumstance could I feel any pressure although so tired am I that I can hardly stagger to my feet.Moreover, communicating with people who exercise together is a good way to reduce fatigue. After class, it is customary for us to discuss the dance moves and correct the mistakes. Some people would like to perform a phrase of dance.The others will encourage them by applauding. How happy time we have! From exercise, not only do I reduce pressure but also I obtain a wealth of happiness.

In the second place, there is no denying that keeping exercise will do good to our health.Because exercise could boost blood circulation and fuel a lot of extra fat. According to the study conducted by Academic of Social and Science, the amount of calories that burned up when people sport is two times the amount of calories that fueled in daily life. It's universally acknowledged that extra fat is closely related to disease such as obesity and diabetes. In addition,exercise plays a crucial role in keeping slim figure. As we all know that people with slim figure seem to be more attractive and graceful. For the sake of health, people are supposed to spare no effort to do more exercise.

Given all of these factors I have outlined above, we can easily reach a reasonable conclusion that the optimal access to health is to do more exercise. The more we exercise, the more we will be healthy. If  people pay more attention to exercise, they will be more healthy. As a result, the cost of medicine will be dramatically reduced and our society will be full of cheerfulness.