互改小组——tao作文贴

taoava

写了几篇作文 期望各位大仙 牛人帮忙改下,小弟特别感谢,本人作文不行要考试了,谢谢各位好人,顺便问下怎么上传word版本？作文字数一般写多少比较好考试时候？



ARGUMENT9旧1
     In this argument the author opening a store in selling health food and other health products in Plainesville would be very successful, to support this recommendation the author cites the following facts about Plainesville (1) sales of exercise shoes and clothing are at “an all-time high” (2) the local health club is more popular than ever and (3) the city’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness program. However, these conclusion is not persuasive because the author relies on an unreliable assumptions.

First, stores sell running shoes and running clothes, in fact, used by people to run and exercise in. This fact cannot indicate that Plainsville residents will interest health products, perhaps, that a fat man who buys a sports ensemble vowing to turn over a new leaf, only to discontinue his exercise regime within a week is almost a cliché in popular culture. In addition, strong sales of running shoes and exercise clothing not necessarily indicate that Plainesville residents would be interested in exercising. Even if, Plainesville residents interested in exercising, but it happens to be fashionable at the moment, or inexpensive compared to other types of clothing.

Secondly, club members live in an area of Plainsville near feasible sites of a Nature’s Way stores, perhaps the club primary appeal is a single meeting place and that members have little interest in a healthy life style. Besides, even if the club’s members would buy some health food or health product, these members might be insufficient in number to ensure a profit for the store, exclusively, considering other health stores in the Plainsville.

Finally，the facts that schoolchildren will be potential customers in Plainsville accomplishes nothing toward bolstering because these children might be not old enough to make buying products. The arguer fails to consider other factors in schoolchildren, perhaps that a certain fitness program is mandatory for Plainsville’s. After all the children all participate in a fitness for life program. It were entirely too optimistic to think that all  the children will continue being fit for life after they leave school .School children are required to participate in a great many activities, such as chemistry, piano ,calculus. Besides, the author lacking evidence to conclude children health interest might change overtime.

In sum, this argument is unpersuasive as it stands, to be more convincing, the author should provide clear evidence that the sample is both sufficient in size and representative. Plainville residents who buy and wear exercise apparel, and especially the health club’s members, do in fact exercise regularly, these people who regularly are also interested in buying health food and health-related products at a Nature’s Way store. To better assess the recommendation, I would need to know why Plainville’s health club is popular and whether Plainville contain more health clubs. I would also need to know what competition Nature’s Way might be face in Plainville.

taoava

不胜感激

enkyklios

水平不高，就帮你修改一下第一句吧

According to the author , a store selling health food and other health products in Plainesville would be very successful, to support this recommendation the author cites the following facts about Plainesville

Accordig to the author , it would be successful to open a store selling ……

taoava

是的水平不高,可以说说你们怎么准备的作文的吗 ,语言怎么办?  谢谢大家,狠批吧