twe160，请各位xdjm帮忙修改，谢谢

天上人间

拙作一篇，写得不好，希望各位点评

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-11 2:32:39编辑过]

天上人间

160. If you were an employer, which kind of worker would you prefer to hire: an inexperienced worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a higher salary? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people prefer to hire an inexperienced worker at a lower salary, but others, in contrast, deem hiring an experienced worker at a higher salary as the premier choice and that is also my point. There are numerous reasons why it is better to hire an experienced worker, and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.

The main reason why I agree with the above statement, however, is that an experienced worker can work more efficiently than an inexperienced one. An experienced worker can make more wealth than his salary. It can be given a concrete example when an experienced worker and an inexperienced worker do a same job, it can be turned out that the experienced worker spends less time on it than the inexperienced worker does and doesn’t make any mistakes. Clearly, an experienced worker can do more works in the same time as an inexperienced worker spends.

Furthermore, a more essential factor why I advocate the argument of hiring a worker is that an experienced worker can help maintain the quality of the work or products. Obviously, an experienced worker is familiar with the skill of the work.  Take the case of a thing that when it is urgent to finish the products on time, an experienced worker can help the company to complete the work as quick as possible, but still keep the product in the same quality. An inexperienced worker also can help the company, but he is the fresh man and easy to make a mistake. An experienced worker can help the company to maintain the credit.

In addition, what is worth noticing fact is that an inexperienced worker can waste a lot of time or raw material in learning how to do a certain job. This demonstrates the undeniable fact that when an employer hires an inexperienced worker, he must spend a lot of time training the worker. Usually it takes times and materials for an inexperienced worker to get used to do a certain job. In the beginning, an inexperienced worker doesn’t have any effect but waste the resources.

Of course, choosing an inexperienced worker also has advantages to some extent, such as lower salary. But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of an experienced worker carry more weigh than those of an inexperienced worker. For the reasons presented above, I strongly commit to hire an experienced worker.

hncsxj

以下是引用天上人间在2005-1-9 17:06:00的发言：

160. If you were an employer, which kind of worker would you prefer to hire: an inexperienced worker at a lower salary or an experienced worker at a higher salary? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people prefer to hire an inexperienced worker at a lower salary, but others, in contrast, deem hiring an experienced worker at a higher salary as the premier choice and that is also my point. There are numerous reasons why it is better to hire an experienced worker, and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.

The main reason why I agree with the above statement, however, is that an experienced worker can work more efficiently than an inexperienced one. An experienced worker can make more wealth than his salary. It can be given a concrete example when an experienced worker and an inexperienced worker do a same job, it can be turned out that the experienced worker spends less time on it than the inexperienced worker does and doesn’t make any mistakes. Clearly, an experienced worker can do more works in the same time as an inexperienced worker spends.

Furthermore, a more essential factor why I advocate the argument of hiring a worker is that an experienced worker can help maintain the quality of the work or products. Obviously, an experienced worker is familiar with the skill of the work.  Take the case of a thing that when it is urgent to finish the products on time, an experienced worker can help the company to complete the work as quick as possible, but still keep the product in the same quality. An inexperienced worker also can help the company, but he is the fresh man and easy to make a mistake. An experienced worker can help the company to maintain the credit.

In addition, what is worth noticing fact is that an inexperienced worker can waste a lot of time or raw material in learning how to do a certain job. This demonstrates the undeniable fact that when an employer hires an inexperienced worker, he must spend a lot of time training the worker. Usually it takes times and materials for an inexperienced worker to get used to do a certain job. In the beginning, an inexperienced worker doesn’t have any effect but waste the resources.

Of course, choosing an inexperienced worker also has advantages to some extent, such as lower salary. But if all these factors are contemplated, the advantages of an experienced worker carry more weigh than those of an inexperienced worker. For the reasons presented above, I strongly commit to hire an experienced worker.

写得很好，文章结构清晰，句子流畅。用词有一点点缺乏变化。可以举点例子。加油，稳6分！

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-10 6:27:21编辑过]

天上人间

thank you.

用词确实是我的问题。

请教，我应该怎样举例子呢？

pengstone

请楼主抽空把这两篇分两个贴子发，这样方便搜索和整理，多谢。

hncsxj

例子随便编，只要不离谱，不需要负责的。

Irene_yang

版主好偏心啊，为何不帮我改改作文？

likui

以下是引用Irene_yang在2005-1-11 6:38:00的发言：

版主好偏心啊，为何不帮我改改作文？

每当这个时候，逵逵总会露出塞翁失马的微笑，呵呵，开玩笑~

版主忙吗，有空尽量~

真老九

1. 据新东方老师讲，don't  ,  doesn't 这种类似的表达最好避免，一律分开

2. 注意前后句子的衔接，比如第三段最后一句跟前面联系不够紧密

3. 注意个别重复过多的单词，比如can，有时候可以用may, 有时候可以用be able to等等