从7.26开始的写作

heys

fpd 发表于 2013-7-29 20:12
哥们，今天别忘帮我改作文呦~

嗯嗯，不好意思有点混乱了，老是混淆哪个改了哪个没改····

heys

30 July
Independent Writing
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?
  这个超时了啊，写了差不多40分钟····
One of our cheif leders has ever said, "Rejuvenating the nation by science and education." From that time on, a huge amount of resources has been put to improve the education condition, including building more classrooms, estabilishing more institutions, and founding more universities. All these steps contribute to the furture development of our contry, which prove to be very effective. However, a problem arises now,  for some people think the government should spend more on the education of the young because children are the hope of a nation, they deserve the best education, while others firmly believe that universities should receive more help due to those costly programs and buildings. I am in favor of the latter.

On the one hand, universities, considered to be the top level of our education, shuold foucus on the researches and teaching. How can you let a labtory doing high technololgy with worries on the tight budget! Do you think they can make breakthough in this condition？ High technology represents the competition ability in the in international soceity, and it's also the symbol of the power of a country. To do the research needs more than the best professors and excellent student, the top devices are also indispensible. Consequently, they have to build individual  labtories to put the devices. But this devices are often so expensive that  the universities can't afford them at all by the tuitions they receive. This is the time that they need the help of the government. The budget will surely pull them out of the great pressure, thus they professors and students can concentrate on their study. In the time when our country  was founded, people were struggling to fill up their stomach, as a result, no one had extra time to study, and our country was really poor at that time, let alone had the money to do high technolgy research.

On the other hand, the education of the young are not so costly as universities. Government will just help to build the classrooms which are much cheaper than the labtories, or provides the children of appropriate ages with free complusory education, compared with the devices, the total number is not very big. One machine that used to create ion worths millions of dollars at least, whileas the total tuition of all the complusory shools are also millions of dollars. Obviously more money should be spend on the universities.

To draw a brief conclusion, the universities actually needs more money than the young education does for some certaion reason, therefore government should spend more of the budget on the universities rather than the education of the young children.


Integrated Writing：
TPO23

这个也超时了，用了半个多小时···
The point illustrated in the lecture is are totally different what is stated in the passage. The passge gives three explainations on why the yellow cedars are declining, but the lecture cast doubt on all of them.

The first point given by the passage is that insects parasites espcially the cedar bark beetle may cause the decline because they areknown to attack cedar trees and they larvaeeat the wood . However  , the leture  tells us the healthy cedar trees are more resistant to the attack of the insects. In other words, the insects often succeed in attacking ill trees, which will die eventually even if they were not attacked.     
                              
Then the instructor casts doubt on what is stated in the passage, that the brown bears lead to the decline of the cedar trees because bears eat the tree bark. The instructor says that's not resonable for bears only damage a limited number of trees, and that won't result in the decline of one spice.  What's more, the decline of cedar trees happens all over the world, including an island without bears on it.

The final point the passage states is the change of the climate becuse the root system is very sensitive to partial freezing. while the lecture stills gives oppsite explaination on it. Since the weather becomes frezzing, there are less plants dying, but when it bccomes warmer, more plants are dying.

To conclude briefly, unlike the state of the passage, the insects paratises, brown bears and clamite changes are not the reason why the cedar trees decline according to the lecture.

单人房双人床

One of our cheif leders has ever said, "Rejuvenating the nation by science and education." From that time on, a huge amount of resources has been put to improve the education condition, including building more classrooms, estabilishing more institutions, and founding（funding） more universities. All these steps contribute to the furture development of our contry, which prove to be very effective. However, a problem arises now,  for some people think the government should spend more on the education of the young because children are the hope of a nation, they deserve the best education, while others firmly believe that universities should receive more help due to those costly programs and buildings.（due to 后面偏题，原因应紧扣题目要求，具体见总体建议） I am in favor of the latter.

On the one hand, universities, considered to be the top level of our education, shuold foucus on the researches and teaching. How can you let a labtory doing high technololgy with worries on the tight budget! Do you think they can make breakthough in（under） this condition？ High technology represents the competition ability in the in international soceity, and it's also the symbol of the power of a country. To do the research needs more than the best professors and excellent student, the top devices are also indispensible. Consequently, they have to build individual  labtories to put the devices.(多余) But this devices are often so expensive that  the universities can't（cannot） afford them at all by the tuitions they receive. This is the time that they need the help of the government. The budget will surely pull them out of the great pressure, thus they professors and students can concentrate on their study. In the time when our country  was founded, people were struggling to fill up their stomach, as a result, no one had extra time to study, and our country was really poor at that time, let alone had the money to do high technolgy research.( 段落的分析，让人找不到脉落)

On the other hand, the education of the young are not so costly as universities. Government will just help to build the classrooms which are much cheaper than the labtories, or provides the children of appropriate ages with free complusory education, compared with the devices, the total number is not very big.(可以改为两句话) One machine that used to create ion worths millions of dollars at least, whileas the total tuition of all the complusory shools are also millions of dollars. Obviously more money should be spend on the universities.()

To draw a brief conclusion, the universities actually needs more money than the young education does for some certaion reason, therefore government should spend more of the budget on the universities rather than the education of the young children.

总体的建议：
我觉得你的文章写跑题了。题目是：

Forsuccessful development of a country, （这是题目限定的论证角度）should a government focus its budget moreon very young children education rather than on universities?题目已经限定，政府是否应该给予财政支持，应该起决于支持的对象是否对国家发展有利。对国家发展有利的，国家就支持；对国家发展无益的，政府就不支持。
而你这的这篇文章，论证的角度在于，比起孩子的教育，大学教育需要更多的经费，所以政府应该更关注大学教育。我个人觉得，不符合题目的要求。
以上系个人意见，欢迎共同探讨！

junanita

亲~ 别忘了帮我改30号的作文哦

applesoforever

The points illustrated in the lecture is(删) are totally different what is stated(with those points stated) in the passage. The passge gives three explainations on why the yellow cedars are declining, but the lecture casts doubt on all of them.

The first point given by the passage is that insects parasites espcially the cedar bark beetle may cause the decline because they areknown to attack cedar trees and they(their) larvaeeat the wood . However  , the leture  tells us the healthy cedar trees are more resistant to the attack of the insects有待商榷). In other words,the insects often succeed in attacking ill trees(这个没问题), which will die eventually even if they were not attacked(文章没说).     
                              
Then the instructor casts doubt on what is stated in the passage, (移到cedar trees后面并将what 改成which)that the brown bears lead to the decline of the cedar trees because bears eat the tree bark. The instructor says that's not resonable for bears which only damage a limited number of trees, and that won't result in(to) the decline of one spice.  What's more, the decline of cedar trees happens all over the world, including an island without bears on it.

The final point the passage states is the change of the climate becuse(because) the root system is very sensitive to partial freezing. while the lecture stills gives an oppsite explaination on it. Since the weather becomes frezzing, there are less plants dying, but when it bccomes warmer, more plants are dying.

To conclude briefly, unlike(换个词？) the state(statement) of the passage, the insects paratises, brown bears and clamite changes are not the reasons why the cedar trees decline according to the lecture.

继续努力加油~~

heys

改变 发表于 2013-7-27 10:53
We are required to havemore and more abilities just like being able to adapt to the chaging（changin ...

我觉得我应该去面壁因为过了这么多天我才修改自己的稿子···不好意思可能又要麻烦你帮我看一遍了···
We are required to have more and more abilities ---being able to adapt to the  changing environment or getting as much knowledge of the field we are in  as possible to reach the so called  success.  While they are  both very important aspects on the way we are fighting, I have to say that  having the ablitiy to adapt to the circumstances that are always changing is more essential because of the complex society we are living in and the raipd development of all the innovations around us, therefore we need to learn how to survive in such a complicated environment  if we want ti to lead a betterlife

There is no doubt that the society never stops functioning, just like an endless river which never stops running. We are either forced to adapt to it orfit it willingly. There is a story. A girl is very dissapointed beacuse she cannot gat along well with the workmates, as a result, she can only focus on her working. She is almost at the edge of crashing. Her father tells her," If you put the carrots into the boiling water, they'd be soft, if you put the eggs into it,they will harden from the inside and you can easily break it, but if you put some coffee beans into it, a cup of coffee is made.Which one do you prefer?" In this story, the coffee beans obviously represents the kind ofperson who are willing to keep a pleasent relationship with the persons whose paths have ever crossed with him,resulting in a wonerful cup of coffee, he keeps the special part in hispersonality when adapting to the circumstances  perfectly. The girl is centainly has good knowledge of her job, but the society is not school, she can't treat the fact properly, of course she is in trouble. If she can't make adjustments, she will surely fail on the way to success.  Seen from the story , how significant it is for us to adjust ourselves to the society, otherwise we would be defeat by it and lose the most unique part inside ourselves.

To conclue, mastering the knowledge of the field we are in is the most basic request for a person,what's more, we can learn what we need after we enter the field as long as weare capable of fast learning. The most essential thing is that we are trying to adapt to the pace of the society all the time, or we can never succeed.

heys

fpd 发表于 2013-7-28 17:55
TPO26  LECUTURE 1    business

People who develop many different skills are more successful than peo ...

People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only.
今天不写了，专门改自己以前的作文，可能又要麻烦你帮我看看了哦···不知道有没有进步···

In this fiercly competitive society, one skill cannot guarantee us success any longer. Some people argue that those who develop many different skills will be more successful than those who focus on one skill only. I am personally inclined to their opinion because time has changed, and we have to master several skills if we want to find a satisfying job, let alone to be successful.

As a college student majoring in accounting, I have to say it's really a skillful work. If you learn very well about one special skill, will it guarantee you a high salary job? Not exactly. Why? Because there are thousands of high school students and people who don't have a job studying accounting in the numerous educational organizations, and they are hoping to find a job with lower salary than us college students. It's now very clear that we are forced to acquire more skills to make ourselves more competitive in order to win the first round of the competition--- getting a job. Therefore, many of my classmates study economics or develop language skills, for instance, English or French at the same time. Economics has something to do with accounting for it has decisive influence on how and where the enterprise will go. Excellent and fluent English and French, of course, can make them stand out if they want to get a job in those companies which deal with foreign companies.

It is the only the first step. There is still a long way to success. After you enter the company,  you start a new beginning, there are only two results ---winning or losing. Doing your work well when you are a freshman)means you are required to be capable of typing when your boss asks you to do so, or you should know how to use the Word and Excel  to solve the problems in your work. If you are lucky enough, you are promoted to department manager. Now the position drives you to learn something about the management knowledge. Meanwhile, more information is sent to you and you should distinguish which is useful ----more skills are needed at present. Maybe you are successful now in other people's eyes.

Judging from this kind of work, we may find more than one than one skill is required if we want to stand out among people. In fact, other jobs are all similar to accounting from the aspect of finding a job and getting the chance to promotion. I firmly believe that the only the man who develops many different skills will be more successful.

heys

mk314400 发表于 2013-7-29 20:05
28 July
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?
高薪没什么假期的工作与很多假期工资不高 ...

28 July Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? 高薪没什么假期的工作与很多假期工资不高的工作，哪个好？为什么？ 嗯嗯，谢谢指导哦~这是我改了的作文~不知道有没有强一点···· Looking for a satisfying jobseems to be thehottest issue in the society recently. Eventually we recognize what we have done for the past twenty years contributes to one goal --- findinga job with high salary in a big city. With nohesitation, I prefer to the job with high salary and little vacation to a job with low salary and plenty of vacation. My reason is that we need the salary to raise the family. We have been told by parents to save money in case of accidents, consequently we need a high paid job.The price of everything is going up rapidly, but the salary is increasing slowly. We don't know when we can't make ends meet,when we are seriouslyill,  when we are fired by our company due to theeconomy crisis. Once we are fired, we have no money. If the prices continue going up, we may have a tighter budget. Therefore we all want to earn as much money as we can. I know a relative who works in a company on weekdays, and works for a small shop as anaccoutant at weekends. He is the vice department manager and earns more than many workmates do. However, he is still not satisfied with the present earning as he hasn't married yet, his girlfriend won't marry him unless he has a house and a car.It’s no longer surprising news that a girl doesn't marry a boy because the boy can't afford to buy a new house. This worries him a lot,so he does two jobs at the same time. He tells me if he can be promoted tothemanager, he would quit the job of accounting since the manager's salary will be much higher than now, so he needn'tbe so tired all day along. To make more money, we are willing to sacrifice our vacations. In my country, this situation is almost the same to every hardworking young men and women who are not from the rich families. Even the married couplewill undoubtedly choose a high paid job for they have kids and parents to feed,or else they should be very careful with every penny they spend since any small disease will destroy the finance of the family. Atthe same time,they want to give their kids the best education, which means alarge amount ofmoney is required to send the kids to the best kindergarten,the best highschool, and so on. Additionally, when the parents get older, they are easier to suffer from diseases even cancer. A life will go if they can afford the treatment fee. That's why we prefer high salary to vacation. Life is full of uncertainty, we have to make  best preparations before it's too late. We have to make sacrificeif we desire to get more, just like giving and receiving are two sides of a coin. Since we want to live with comfort and security, we can't enjoy  as many holidays as others do. For the benefit of the happiness of all family members, I will choose to get a job with high salary even with little vacation.

heys

单人房双人床 发表于 2013-7-31 11:58
One of our cheif leders has ever said, "Rejuvenating the nation by science and education." From that ...

谢谢指正，我来修改自己的作文啦~请再次指教哦~
One of our cheif leders has ever said, "Rejuvenating the nation by science and education." From that time on, a huge amount of resources has been put to improve the education condition, including building more classrooms, estabilishing more institutions, and founding more universities. All these steps contribute to the furture development of our contry, which prove to be very effective. However, a problem arises now,  for some people think the government should spend more on the education of the young because children are the hope of a nation, they deserve the best education, while others firmly believe that universities should receive more help due to the essential role they play in the successful development of our country. I am in favor of the latter.

On the one hand, universities, considered to present the top level of our education, shuold focus on the researches and teaching. How can you let a labtory doing high technololgy with worries on the tight budget! Do you think they can make breakthough under this condition？ High technology represents the competition ability in the in international soceity, and it's also the symbol of the power of a country. In other words, the research affects the speed of the development of our country. What;s more, it also have an effect on what position our country may get in international stages because only countries which master the highest technology have the right to determine what they can do and what others cannot do. In fact, more should be spend on universities though the process of the successful development. In order to do the researches, more than the best professors and excellent student are needed, the top devices are also indispensible.  But this devices are often so expensive that  the universities cannot afford them at all by the tuitions they receive. This is the time that they need the help of the government. The budget will surely pull them out of the great pressure, thus the professors and students can concentrate on their study.

On the other hand, the education of the young are not so costly as universities. Government will just help to build the classrooms which are much cheaper than the labtories, or provides the children of appropriate ages with free complusory education. Compared with the devices, the total tuition is not very big. Meanwhile, parents are matters much more on the growth of infants, the government can't help them effciently.

To draw a brief conclusion, the universities actually have strategic roles in the process of successful development of our country, and they need more money than the young education does for some certain reason, therefore government should place more of the budget on the universities rather than the education of the young children.

cpuuu

In the lecture, the professor completely refutes what stated in the reading passage. It is said in the lecture that buzzers don't mislead the costumers. However, the writer arrests that buzzers have already generated a lot of probelms and caused many critics from the public.

  First of all, the speaker thinks that buzzers are the people who have really used this production. The speaker also thinks the phone service he used is good. In contrast, the reading passage believes that we should know whether the promoters are the people who are being paid to praise. So, the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading.

  Second, the speaker discusses the consumers would not believe all what the buzzers said, they make their decision on own experience, like how long the buzzers have been using this. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that the buzzers just pretend to the common individuals may lead the consumers to adopt their endorsements less critically.

  Finally, the speakers raises the issue that being a buzzer will not cause some bad effect on his or her social reationship. On the other hand, it will open a new way to earn trust by people. This point disagrees with that the buzzers incidence will cause us to become less trustful as a rule demonstrated in the reading.
  
  In a summary, all above mentioned reasons of the lecture illustrate that the professor disagrees with the point  
  能不能帮我看看这篇，求lz帮助下啦