TWE024,诚请大家帮我修改！

numberX

24. A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why.

One of my friends living in my hometown, a small town, is planning to move to the Beijing where I am living now. She thinks I have lived there a few years and acquaint myself with the circumstance, so she wants me to give her some advices, let her know what her would like or dislike about the city. After pondering factors, I summarize that she may like the city’s sceneries and opportunities provided by countless companies, but she might hate the traffic which always busy from drawn to dark and bad weather.

The sceneries are one thing that she likes. Beijing has a longer history than most of the cities in China, and it preserves some historical marks that differ from my hometown; the friend of mine is a tour fan that she must love these things. I believe after her move to Beijing, she will visit each place every weekend, such as the laceName>SummerlaceName> laceType>PalacelaceType>, the laceName>ImperiallaceName> laceType>PalacelaceType>. These places would give her cultural ethos which can never feel in my hometown.

In Beijing there are countless companies providing unnumbered positions to people who are eager to achieve one’s goals. My friend is an aspiring youth that she dream one day have own company. Moving to Beijing, she has chance to join in any company where she can learn experience which can not study in home for the future intend.

Although Beijing has many advantages she may likes, there also has some problems which she might feel uncomfortable, such as the busy traffic and awful weather. My hometown, no busy traffic and no many people, is a quiet place. When she comes Beijing she may feel very can not fit in it. Every morning when she opens her eyes and then goes to office, if coming across a traffic jam, the mood fall down and the boss might anger with her.

All in all, the good sceneries, many opportunities and so on are far beyond the bad ones, my friend will love Beijing although there are some bad aspects.

skyisblue_li

hate the traffic which always busy from drawn to dark and bad weather （heavy traffic jam everyday）

Beijing has a longer ( more glowing) history than most of the cities in China

These places would give her cultural ethos which can never feel (be felt) in my hometown.

Unnumbered------innumerable

no busy traffic and no many people-----which has not traffic jam and less people than Beijing

quiet---comfortable

hncsxj

建议2，3，4段的第一句在推敲一下，用复杂句写。全文简单句太多，且句式少变化。词汇也比较单一。多练，没有问题的！看看人家的模板，主题句和首段，末段的写法。

改一下第一段：

Living in a small town for a couple of years, Susan, one of my friends is thinking about moving to Beijing. She asked me for some advice, because I have lived in this prosperous metropolis for a long time. According to my personal experience and individual preference, Beijing is a city full of opportunities and accompanied with some unavoidable urban problems. I would like to reason and present examples as follows.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-12-29 21:43:01编辑过]

numberX

谢谢版主，一定努力

soaring

以下是引用hncsxj在2004-12-29 21:40:00的发言：

建议2，3，4段的第一句在推敲一下，用复杂句写。全文简单句太多，且句式少变化。词汇也比较单一。多练，没有问题的！看看人家的模板，主题句和首段，末段的写法。

改一下第一段：

Living in a small town for a couple of years, Susan, one of my friends is thinking about moving to Beijing. She asked me for some advice, because I have lived in this prosperous metropolis for a long time. According to my personal experience and individual preference, Beijing is a city full of opportunities and accompanied with some unavoidable urban problems. I would like to reason and present examples as follows.

高见~~

numberX

Living in a small town for a couple of years, Susan, one of my friends is thinking about moving to Beijing. She asked me for some advice, because I have lived in this prosperous metropolis for a long time. According to my personal experience and individual preference, Beijing is a city full of opportunities and accompanied with some unavoidable urban problems. I would like to reason and present examples as follows.

The sceneries are one thing that she likes. (What may make her love Beijing are the beautiful prospect to which other cities can not compare.) Beijing has more glowing history than most of the cities in China, and it preserves some historical marks that differ from my hometown; the friend of mine is a tour fan that she must love these things. I believe after her move to Beijing, she will visit each place every weekend, such as the laceName>SummerlaceName> laceType>PalacelaceType>, the laceName>ImperiallaceName> laceType>PalacelaceType>. These places would give her cultural ethos which can never be felt in my hometown.

In Beijing there are countless companies providing unnumbered positions to people who are eager to achieve one’s goals. (Anyone who are ambitious to get success always come to Beijing, because Beijing not only the politic capital of China, but also the economic center, There are countless companies both domestic and overseas providing unnumbered positions to them.) My friend is an aspiring youth that she dream one day have own company. Moving to Beijing, she has chance to join in any company where she can learn experience which can not study in home for the future intend.

Although Beijing has many advantages she may likes, there also has so many problems which she might feel uncomfortable, such as the busy traffic and awful weather. My hometown, which has not traffic jam and less people than Beijing, is a comfortable place. When she comes Beijing she may feel very can not fit in it. Every morning when she opens her eyes and then goes to office, if coming across a traffic jam, the mood fall down and the boss might anger with her.

All in all, the good sceneries, many opportunities and so on are far beyond the bad ones, my friend will love Beijing although there are some bad aspects.

按照 hncsxj 说的，我把文章修改了一下，但是第四段和尾段还没有修改，请大家先帮我看一下修改的地方可以吗？