勤能补拙，再添一篇 TWE 023，请千万帮我看看

Caroline1118

这片写的时候只有300字不到，自己改的时候可能加了点字吧。 这片写的不好，最后一点理由想不出什么例子来，请大家帮忙想想，谢谢！

023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Should teenagers have part-time jobs while they are still students? People who criticize this idea argue that part time job occupied too much time of students and thus has a bad influence on their studies. However, as far as I am concerned, to work adequately after school will be a good idea for most teenage students. My reasons to advocate this idea are as follows.

To begin with, part time work is a good change of pace for those suffer from the heavy load study. It is neither a enjoyable nor scientific study method to read the text books all the time. A smart student knows that his study will benefit from working properly.  For example, a job in school's sport center not only is good for their health, but also provide them a chance to communicate with other students and make new friends; Similarly, by working as a private teacher and teaching several younger children, students gain opportunities to go over their own knowledge again. Therefore, an adequate part time job won't interfere students normal study time, on the contrary, it helps students to study more efficiently.

Another reason why I give my preference to work after school is because students can earn some income from these jobs. By this way they are able to afford part of their daily expenses, such as some stationeries, books or even some favorite toys. You can imagine how proud a teenager would be if he could finally spend his own money. This will help them to be more independent and therefore undoubtedly contribute to building the complete personality.

Last but not least, working after school also teaches a student how to manage his time for both work and study. He will have to learn how to save time from playing, how to study more efficiently and how to arrange time more reasonably. As we know, the ability of managing time is an important skill for people's work and study in the future.

All in all, to work a part time job is a good thing for most students. From their job they help them to study more efficiently, give them a chance to earn money and teaches them how to manage time. If well arranged, students will benefit a lot from their part-time jobs.

phoenixbad

已经很8错了,我很赞

helenehou

Very well organized, and the argument is very powerful. some minor changes in grammar.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Should teenagers have part-time jobs while they are still students? People who criticize this idea argue that part time job occupied too much time of students and thus has a bad influence on their studies. However, as far as I am concerned, to work adequately after school will be a good idea for most teenage students. My reasons to advocate this idea are as follows.

To begin with, part time work is a good change of pace for those suffer from the heavy load study. It is neither a enjoyable nor scientific study method to read the text books all the time. A smart student knows that his study will benefit from working properly.  For example, a job in school's sport center not only is good for their health, but also provide them a chance to communicate with other students and make new friends; Similarly, by working as a private teacher (tutor might be more suitable) and teaching several younger children, students gain opportunities to go over their own knowledge again. Therefore, an adequate part time job won't interfere students normal study time, on the contrary, it helps students to study more efficiently.

Another reason why I give my preference to work after school is because (that )students can earn some income from these jobs. By(In) this way they are able to afford part of their daily expenses, such as some stationeries, books or even some favorite toys. You can imagine how proud a teenager would be if he could finally spend his own money. This (what does this refer to? is it something appeared in the previous text?) will help them to be more independent and therefore undoubtedly contribute to building the complete personality.(the building of )

Last but not least, working after school also teaches a student how to manage his time for both work and study. He will have to learn how to save time from playing, how to study more efficiently and how to arrange time more reasonably. As we know, the ability of managing time is an important skill for people's work and study in the future???.

All in all, to work a part time job is a good thing for most students. From their job they?(what does  they refer to?) help them to study more efficiently, give them a chance to earn money and teaches them how to manage time. If well arranged, students will benefit a lot from their part-time jobs.