argument 25 求点评

dedede1

       It might seem reasonable, at first glance, to agree with the argument in application for a small business loan that a jazz club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that determination, we need to know more and then analyze what we learn.
      The first piece of evidence we need to evaluate this application’s argument is the reason why the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. It could be that the rent in the center of city is too high to have any benefits. It also could be citizens think such a club is too noisy. If these are the reason why the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, it would certainly weaken application’s argument.
    The second piece of evidence we need to know to evaluate this argument is whether over 100000 people who attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival all came from Monroe. Since it is an annual festival, the people could come from all over the world and come only once a year. If most of them are from all over the world, they won’t be potential customer for the jazz club and the argument will be weakened. But if most of them who attended jazz festival are local people, then the argument will certain be strengthened.
    Another piece of evidence that might help us to evaluate this argument is the reason why  the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is “jazz Nightly”. It could be its DJ is humor so audiences listen to this program to have some fun. Or it could also be other radio programs are so boring and audiences have to listen “jazz Nightly”. If these are the reason why “jazz Nightly” is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe, then they certainly will weaken the argument. However, the reason could also be audiences love jazz music so that the program is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe. If this is the reason, then in this case it would strengthen the argument.
What’s more, instead of a nationwide study, we need to know how much did a typical jazz fan spends in Monroe per year on jazz entertainment and the survey has better be done recently.
        To sum up, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to know the reason why the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, how many local people attended the annual jazz festival last summer , the reason why “jazz nightly” is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe and a study about how much did a typical jazz fan spends in Monroe per year.
word 468

普渡哥

很多语法问题，比如

Another piece of evidence that might help us to evaluate this argument is the reason why  the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is “jazz Nightly”.

help someone do sth


a study about how much did a typical jazz fan spends in Monroe per year.

did  someone spends..

dedede1

谢谢普度哥啊。。。

竹林中人

第二段可以更充实些，段内衔接更紧凑些