新加入的童鞋。。。求带。。。

tsyxyss

22 February [Today]
IndependentWriting:
Which way do you think is the best for astudent to make new friends？
a. joining asports team, b. participate in community activities,c. Traveling

Perhaps, no issue in this world is assignificant to people’s life as friends. Despite various responses, people mayhave the question that which way is the best for students to make new friends.I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that traveling is the best one.

To begin with, teenagers can meet anumber of people from a wide range of places during a trip. The peoplesurrounding you on the trip can be Asian, American, African, etc. Teenagers canexperience a totally different culture and enjoy the fantastic talking with allsorts of people under this circumstance. There must be some people having thesame interest with you because of the tremendous number of people on the trip.So traveling can be the best way for students to make friends.

Furthermore, I have to claim thattraveling is such a excellent way for students to relax themselves that theycan jump from the mundane and stressful study work to find friends they trulylike. In this utilitarian world, even students find friends who can help themimprove their study and do well to their future. Thus, sadly to say, theirfriends hardly make them feel happy but make them more nervous, since they onlyregard their friends as competitors. However, everyone is traveling in order torelax. So, students do not need to worry about those mundane things but seekfor friends they truly like. Therefore, traveling is the best way to seek new friendsin my opinion.

Last but not the least, students can havea good experience with their friends during the trip, which will leave apositive mood in their mind. Statistically speaking, more than half of peoplewill feel less depressive after a outdoor trip. They will remember the first cockcrow,the twittering of birds at dawn, the sight of the rising sun glinting on thetrees and pastures. Students and their friends can enjoy their shortly peacefullife during the trip in this fast-changing world, which will have a good effectmentally.

All in all, from the reasons listed abovethat students can seek friends from a wider range of people, they can jump fromstressful world to find soul friends, and the trip can leave the students apositive mind, I personally suggest that traveling is the best way for studentsto make new friends.

sunchou

2.20独立修改
红色建议，蓝底好
Perhaps, no issue in this world is assignificant to people’s life as friends. Despite various responses, people mayhave the question that which way is the best for students to make new friends.I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that traveling is the best one.

To begin with, teenagers can meet anumber of people from a wide range of places during a trip. The peoplesurrounding you on the trip can be Asian, American, African, etc. Teenagers canexperience a totally different culture and enjoy the fantastic talking with allsorts of people under this circumstance. There must be some people having thesame interest with you because of the tremendous number of people on the trip.So traveling can be the best way for students to make friends.

Furthermore, I have to claim thattraveling is such a excellent way for students to relax themselves that theycan jump from the mundane and stressful study work to find friends they trulylike. In this utilitarian world, even students find friends who can help themimprove their study and do well to their future. Thus, sadly to say, theirfriends hardly make them feel happy but make them more nervous, since they onlyregard their friends as competitors. However, everyone is traveling in order torelax. So, students do not need to worry about those mundane things but seekfor friends they truly like. Therefore, traveling is the best way to seek new friendsin my opinion.

Last but not the least, students can havea good experience with their friends during the trip, which will leave apositive mood in their mind. Statistically speaking, more than half of peoplewill feel less depressive after a outdoor trip. They will remember the first cockcrow,the twittering of birds at dawn, the sight of the rising sun glinting on thetrees and pastures. Students and their friends can enjoy their shortly peacefullife during the trip in this fast-changing world, which will have a good effectmentally.

All in all, from the reasons listed abovethat students can seek friends from a wider range of people, they can jump fromstressful world to find soul（soul做形容词吗） friends, and the trip can leave the students apositive mind, I personally suggest that traveling is the best way for studentsto make new friends.

总结：
一个字，赞。作者的思路十分清晰，而且行文相当流畅。反正我读起来很自然，很舒服，我要好好向你学习。而且你在第三段的环境描写也相当优美动人。赞
只有一点点点建议，就是词汇再丰富些（尽管我觉得已经很丰富了）

tsyxyss

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?

It is importantfor government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for futuregeneration.

Nowadays, there are a burgeoning number of people concerning about the environmental problem of the protection of wild animals and wilderness areas for future generations. As always, there is a solid body of opinion that the protection of wild animals and their habitats will no doubt have a negative influence on the level of economy of a country. On the other hand, some people may debate that if our humans do not protect wild animals and their habitats, the environment deterioration will ruin our economy and our life. I, given the chance, preferto endorse that it is important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future generation.

To begin with, one of the demerits caused by the ignorance of the protection our wild creatures and their living space is that the desertification, much more flooding and other climate deterioration wreak havoc in our earth. Statically speaking, eighteen percent of the territory in Chain has become desert, most of which is prairie previously. The reason why such a wide range of place became desert is the over grazing and the over hunting of wild animals, especially the wolf in the prairie which is the primary predator of the sheep and cattle. The less the number of wolf is, the greater amount of grassland will be destroyed, since the nomadic like other people in this modern world only focus on the economic and utilitarian purposes neglecting the safety of the environment. What is worse, the government often has to spend a large sum of money managing environment problems every year. So it is significant for government to protectour animals and their habitats.

Moreover, another detrimental point of neglecting the protection wild species and their living area is that our scientists will lose enormous study resources, as agrowing number of species of flora and fauna come into extinction. As we all know, many species now living in the planet is very ancient animals or plants, which may maintain for billions of years. All of those species, which often arevulnerable, are extremely valuable sources for the academic study in certain fields, like the botany and zoology. Thus, if our humans do not pay attention to protecting them, they must come into extinction for a few hundred years.Therefore, our government cannot abandon the idea to protect our wild animals and the wilderness places.

Admittedly, agovernment cannot throw the economic and technology goal as the world kicksinto high gear. Nevertheless, a rational and reasonable criterion to value a good government should not abandon the vital thing to protect our environment but include along with other indispensible factors, such as the level of the economy and the improvement of the infrastructure.

All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for future generation.

xeyyxzty

Nowadays,there are a burgeoning number of people concerning about the environmental problem of the protection of（个人感觉有点问题哈~environmental去掉可能会好一些） wild animals and wilderness areas for future generations. As always,there is a solid body of opinion that the protection of wild animals and theirhabitats will no doubt have a negative influence on the level of economy of acountry. On the other hand, some people may debate that if our humans do notprotect wild animals and their habitats, the environment deterioration willruin our economy and our life. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that itis important for government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas forfuture generation.

Tobegin with, one of the demerits caused by the ignorance of the protection ourwild creatures and their living space is that the desertification, much moreflooding and other climate deterioration（这是什么意思呢~extreme weather比较好吧~personally哈） wreak havoc in our earth. Statically speaking, eighteen percent ofthe territory in Chain has become desert, most of which isàwas prairie previously. The reason why such a wide rangeof place became desert is the over grazing and the over hunting of wildanimals, especially the wolf in the prairie which is the primary predator ofthe sheep and cattle. The less the number of wolf is, the greater amount ofgrassland will be destroyed, since the nomadic,like other people in this modern world, onlyfocus on the economic and utilitarian purposes,neglecting the safetyàprotection of the environment. What is worse, the government often has to spend a largesum of money managing environment problems every year.（不是很明白这句话的作用哈，是说为了保护环境而花了很多钱？可是貌似和论点没什么联系吧…而且和后面的也不是很配合哈） So itis significant for government to protect our animals and their habitats.

Moreover,another detrimental point of neglecting the protection wild species and theirliving area is that our scientists will lose enormousstudy resources, as agrowing number of species of flora and fauna comeinto extinction. As we all know, many species now livingin the planet isàare very ancient animals or plants, which may maintainàhave survived for billions of years. All ofthose species, which often are vulnerable, are extremely valuable sources forthe academic study in certain fields, like the botany and zoology. Thus, if ourhumans do not pay attention to protecting them, theymustàprobably will come into extinction foràin a few hundred years. Therefore, our government cannotabandon the idea to protectàof protecting our wild animals and thewilderness places.

Admittedly,a government cannot throw the economic and technology goal as the worldkicksinto high gear. Nevertheless, a rational and reasonable criterion to valuea good government should not abandon the vital thing to protect our environmentbut include along with other indispensible factors, such as the level of theeconomy and the improvement of the infrastructure.

All inall, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is importantfor government to protect wild animals and wilderness areas for futuregeneration.

不好意思回复的实在有些晚~

连词，副词什么的很多很好~向同学学习
同学的长句子让小女子非常敬佩~但是...但是...还是长短句结合比较好吧，比较有节奏感哈
还有就是感觉论点不是很由说服力哈~你的主要论点是环境问题、科研价值是吧~可是貌似第一个中你的重点放在了前期的破坏上，个人认为应该说一下破坏后的严重后果比较好，然后才能突出protection的重要性哈~第二个感觉说的有点狭窄哈，不一定是活化石之类的古董才有价值，biodiversity什么的，基因啦，随便编一下还是可以的~
好吧，熊熊说的比较多，同学挑你觉得合适的听就好~其他的觉得不对的话无视就好~

P.S.   那个貌似很法语的a带一个音节是-->哈，格式混乱了~不改了，对给你带来的麻烦表示抱歉
         还有不要鄙视我啊~我的作文还没有写呢...明天吧，如果有时间麻烦你帮我看一下，当然也可以再次无视我...拖了这么久都不好意思了

tsyxyss

xeyyxzty 发表于 2013-3-27 22:07
Nowadays,there are a burgeoning number of people concerning about the environmental problem of the p ...

你说的很中肯啊，非常感谢啊。。。。

tsyxyss

31 March 「today」
Independent Writing：
Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one do you agree with？

In this information age, there is a burgeoning number of people concerning about the problem whether our government should spend more budget on the development of computer technology. As always, there is solid body of opinion that our government should pay more attention on fundamental things, especially our infrastructure and education development. On the other hand, some people may argue computer the chnology is so significant in this ever-changing world to have a vital effect on a wide range of field. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that our government should focus on more basic needs.

To begin with, governments' top priority should always be satisfing the basic needs of all of people. Currently, there are still a number of people struggling in poverty. For those people who lack of basic living necessities, what the most urgent thing is to solve the subsistence problem. Since most of people in our country are still extremely poor, they will hardly enjoy the benefit from the development of computer technology, which is the privilege of wealthy people. Our government should not settle for a country where a shrinking number of people do really well, while a growing number of people hardly get by, but build a society where everyone get a fair shot and everyone does the fair share.

Aside from the subsistence problem, another crucial point is that ecological environment deterioration wreaks havoc on our country, posing a threat to all species including humankind. For example, desertification, statically speaking, has already affect eithteen percent territory in China, leading to the consequence that framers have no place to plant and ranchers have no place to graze. No doubt this is a restrict factor of the social and economic development in a country. Therefore, our government should spend more budget on the environmental preservation.

Last but not the least, all countries ought to provide adequate financial resources to assure the next generation having a better education. There is no issue as significant to a country's prosperity as the youth, since the young man has a glorious future before him but the old one only has splendid feats behind him. At present, if there is no investment from our government, enormous children cannot have an opportunity to go to the high school, even the elementary school. Thus, it is vital for our government to ensure that everyone can persue and fulfill his educational goal by the means of increasing the educational investment.

All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that more money should be spent on more basic needs by governments.

scartter

首先先给楼主道歉，回的比较晚因为今天一天课。sorry.。。。


31 March 「today」Independent Writing：Some people think that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which one do you agree with？In this information age, there is a burgeoning number of people concerning about the problem whether our government should spend more budget on the development of computer technology. As always, there is solid body of opinion that our government should pay more attention on fundamental things, especially our infrastructure and education development. On the other hand, some people may argue computer the chnology is so significant in this ever-changing world to have a vital effect on a wide range of field. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that our government should focus on more basic needs.To begin with, governments' top priority should always be satisfing the basic needs of all of people. Currently, there are still a number of people struggling in poverty. For those people who lack of basic living necessities, what the most urgent thing is to solve the subsistence problem. Since most of people in our country are still extremely poor, （这一句感觉和上一句的的主体一样，所以再加上显得有点重复，如果直接连上下面的观点会感觉不累赘。可以用一个连接词连起来）they will hardly enjoy the benefit from the development of computer technology, which is the privilege of wealthy people. Our government should not settle for a country where a shrinking number of people do really well, while a growing number of people hardly get by, but build a society where everyone get a fair shot and everyone does the fair share.Aside from the subsistence problem, another crucial point is that ecological environment deterioration wreaks havoc on our country, posing a threat to all species including humankind. For example, desertification, statically speaking, has already affect eithteen percent territory in China, leading to the consequence that framers have no place to plant and ranchers have no place to graze. No doubt this is a restrict factor of the social and economic development in a country. Therefore, our government should spend more budget on the environmental preservation.Last but not the least, all countries ought to provide adequate financial resources to assure the next generation having a better education. There is no issue as significant to a country's prosperity as the youth, since the young man has a glorious future before him but the old one only has splendid feats behind him（since之后这一句有点不太懂，since 之后如果是上一句的原因的话since是不是该放在前面？）。 At present, if there is no investment from our government, enormous children cannot have an opportunity to go to the high school, even the elementary school. Thus, it is vital for our government to ensure that everyone can persue and fulfill his educational goal by the means of increasing the educational investment.All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that more money should be spent on more basic needs by governments. （结尾相对于较长的开头显得有点仓促。）


哇哇哇，我觉得楼主写得好好，观点很鲜明，文章结构也很好，句型和词汇也很多变，所以我也没什么可以改的，改的不对的地方希望楼主体谅一下~~~学习了很多，楼主能留个qq号给我吗，我想有问题请教一下你，可以吗？谢谢啦~~~~

tsyxyss

scartter 发表于 2013-4-1 21:57
首先先给楼主道歉，回的比较晚因为今天一天课。sorry.。。。

1468116642....回的太晚了，我英语也很垃圾的说

tsyxyss

5 April「Today」
IndependentWriting：
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement:
The public neednot to pay for public transport.

In this age, thereare a burgeoning number of citizens concerning the problem whether the publicshould pay for public transport. As always, there is a solid body of opinionthat our public transport fee should be free to reduce our citizens' pressure.On the other hand, some people may argue that it is our responsibility to payfor public transport. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that the publicshould pay for public transport.

To begin with, ademerit of no public transport fee is that most of employees working in publictransport will no longer have passion to work hard, since they will get thesame amount of money no matter how much energy they contribute to the work.Just like in the equalitarian society, everyone gets the equal payment regardlessof his or her feats. Consequently, the economy in such a society maintains aconstantly low level. And the level of the economy in transportation will notbe very high, too. In addition, less enthusiasm will lead to a growing numberof accidents, because drivers may pay more attention to listening to radio orreading newspapers instead of driving. Therefore, the mortality maysignificantly increase due to the free ride.

Moreover, anotherdetrimental factor no public transport fee will causes is that more and moredwellers in a city will choose to take bus or subway,  leading to a more crowded environment in busand a higher rate of theft in public transport. There is no better example toillustrate this point than mine. In 2008, the government introduced the policyto reduce the public transport fee in Beijing, causing that it used to be astruggling experience to go to school in crowded bus every day. And morethieves will have opportunities to steal others' belongings in such a crowded environment.So the rate of theft in public transport must increase dramatically.

Last but not theleast, the policy that citizens will not pay for public transport at all willmake other industries shrink. Without paying for anything for the publictransport, enormous people will not drive cars but take the bus or subway towherever they want to go. Automobile industry, a high productive industry, mayalso shrink for the reason of fewer citizens willing to buy cars, which areextremely expensive.

All in all, fromthe reason listed above, we can clearly see that the policy that people do notneed to pay for the public transport may cause catastrophe risks in a widerange of fields. Therefore, the public needs to pay for public transport.

viviyl

Inthis age, there are a burgeoningnumber of citizens concerning the problem whether the public should pay forpublic transport. As always, there is a solid body of opinion that our publictransport fee should be free to reduce our citizens' pressure. On the otherhand, some people may argue that it is our responsibility to pay for publictransport. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that the public should payfor public transport.

To begin with, a demerit of no public transport fee is that most of employeesworking in public transport will no longer have passion to work hard, sincethey will get the same amount of money no matter how much energy theycontribute to the work. Just like in the equalitarian society, everyone getsthe equal payment regardless of his or her feats. Consequently, the economy insuch a society maintains a constantly low level. And the level of the economyin transportation will not be very high, too. In addition, less enthusiasm willlead to a growing number of accidents, because drivers may pay more attentionto listening to radio or reading newspapers instead of driving. Therefore, themortality may significantly increase due to the free ride. (我觉得那些服务于公共交通行业人的工资好像不像销售一样多劳多得有提成神马的，毕竟是公共服务业，政府出钱。我觉得说人们不为打车买单就会使得政府收入变少，从而工资变少这样打击员工积极性更好~)

Moreover, another detrimentalfactor no public transport fee will causes(cause)is that more and more dwellers in a city will choose to take bus orsubway,  leading to a more crowded environment in bus and a higherrate of theft in public transport. There is no better example to illustratethis point than mine. In 2008, the government introduced the policy to reducethe public transport fee in Beijing, causing that it used to be a strugglingexperience to go to school in crowded bus every day. And more thieves will haveopportunities to steal others' belongings in such a crowded environment. So therate of theft in public transport must increase dramatically. (小偷这个论据太间接了，个人意见哈~)

Last but not the least, the policy that citizens will not pay for publictransport at all will make other industries shrink. Without paying for anything for the publictransport, enormous people will not drive cars but take the bus or subway to whereverthey want to go. Automobile industry, a high productive industry, may alsoshrink for the reason of fewer citizens willing to buy cars, which are extremelyexpensive.

All in all, from the reason listed above, we can clearly see that the policythat people do not need to pay for the public transport may cause catastrophe(catastrophic) risks in a wide range of fields.Therefore, the public needs to pay for public transport.

行文流畅~语法用词都挺不错的~加强一下论证~