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Louiswt

TWE023: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think that is a good idea.

Nowadays, the phenoment that numerous teenagers have jobs when they are still students attracts genernal public’s attention. At the same time, the question that whether students have jobs is a good idea or not was held and prevailing. In my opinion, I really consider it a good idea. I would like to raise three reasons to explain my view.

First of all, the teenagers should learn how to be frugal. From nineteen century on, people become increasingly rich, their lives are full of colors, so they want children to have perfect lives by supplying unreasonable monry. Hence, so rich are the children that they even don not know how to spend less money on meaningless things. If they have to work for money, they will kown that monry is trade by hardwork.

Then, working can make teenagers adjust to society. Whith the economy developing, the competition becomes increasingly fierce. The teenagers, who grow up in the shadow of their parents without any tribulation, cannot adjust to the competitive society at first. Once without their parents, thry will be extraordinarily depressed. Do not they have some jobs when they are students, they would not get used to it.

In addition, teenagers can make some money from working. Not all the families are rich, some of them are so poor that cannot afford their fee. In that stituation, the students can earn some money to help themselves.

Admittedly, some disadvantages exist. Teenagers are in the age of studying, they should not spend too much time on working. There is some phenoments that some students work in restaurat ten hours a day without going to school. Considering this, I think the government should make a law to circlescribe the work of teenagers.

To sum up, it is a good idea that teenagers have jobs while they are students. In that, they can ajust to society more quickly, be more frugal and earn money to affod their study.

soaring

以下是引用Louiswt在2004-11-15 22:28:00的发言：

TWE023: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think that is a good idea.

Nowadays, the phenoment that numerous teenagers have jobs when they are still students attracts genernal public’s attention. At the same time, the question that whether students have jobs is a good idea or not was held and prevailing. In my opinion, I really consider it a good idea. I would like to raise three reasons to explain my view.

First of all, the teenagers should learn how to be frugal. From nineteen（the nineteenth） century on, people become increasingly rich(这样的表达不好) , their lives are full of colors, so they want children to have perfect lives by supplying unreasonable monry（这句表述欠妥当，泰中文化，可以考虑用so... that...句型。）. Hence, so rich are the children that（没有必要这么用） they even don not know how to spend less money on meaningless things（逻辑问题，在没有意义的事情上就不要花钱啦）. If they have to work for money, they will kown（单词拼写错误：would know） that monry(money) is tread(这个词用得不好，太商业化) by hardwork.

Then, working can make teenagers adjust to society. Whith（With） the economy developing（development of economy）, the competition becomes increasingly fierce(楼主很喜欢用increasingly) . The teenagers, who grow up in the shadow of their parents without any tribulation, cannot(太武断) adjust to the competitive society at first. Once without their parents, thry（they） will be extraordinarily depressed. Do not they have some jobs when they are students, they would not get used to it.（不明白）

In addition, teenagers can make some money from working. Not all the families are rich, some of them are so poor that cannot afford their fee（语法问题，缺主语）. In that stituation, the students can earn some money to help themselves.

Admittedly, some disadvantages exist. Teenagers are in the age of studying, they should not spend too much time on working. There is some phenoments that some students work in ^ a restaurat ten hours a day without going(rather than go) to school. Considering this, I think the government should make a law to circlescribe(拼写！) the work of teenagers.

To sum up, it is a good idea that teenagers have jobs while they are students. In that, they can ajust to society more quickly, be more frugal and earn money to affod their study.

1.拼写有严重错误！

2.结尾弱

3.语言还要好好练，很多中文化表达。

我记得给过楼主建议，不知道楼主仔细看过没有。

结构方面不是问题，楼主参见一下置顶的帖子，看看别人的作文，对照修改自己的

一定要吃透~

加油~！

Louiswt

多谢MM 我打字有问题....幸好不是机考.

我会看看顶置文章的了 多谢指点....

soaring

Louiswt

MM我改了一下 你帮我看看有没什么大问题

Nowadays, the phenoment that numerous teenagers have jobs when they are still students attracts genernal public’s attention. At the same time, the question that whether students have jobs is a good idea was prevailing. In my opinion, I really consider it a good idea. I would like to raise three reasons to explain my view.

First of all, the teenagers should learn how to be frugal. From the nineteenth century on, people become so rich that they want their children can have perfect lives. Hence, so much money do the parents supply that make the children do not know how to use it more reasonablly. If they have to work for money, they will know that monry is gained by hardworking.

Then, working can make teenagers adjust to society. With the development of economy, the competition becomes more and more fierce. The teenagers, who grow up in the shadow of their parents without any tribulation, may not adjust to the competitive society at first. Once without their parents, they will be extraordinarily depressed. If they have some jobs when they are students, they would get used to it much fastser.

In addition, teenagers can make some money from working. Not all the families are rich, some of them are so poor that cannot afford their fee. In that stituation, the students can earn some money to help themselves.

Admittedly, some disadvantages exist. Teenagers are in the age of studying, they should not spend too much time on working. There is some phenoments that some students work in restaurat ten hours a day rather than go to school. Considering this, I think the government should make a law to circlescribe the work of teenagers.

To sum up, it is a good idea that teenagers have jobs while they are students. Not only they can ajust to society more quickly, but also they can be more frugal and earn money to affod their study.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-11-16 18:18:05编辑过]