作文贴by死皮赖脸的婷婷

lmylacoste

Whether the situation of receiving education is worse currently than in the past, as the speaker maintains? This statement is superficially correct, while a deep scrutiny will reveal the absurdness of it.（好对比，G的经典） I am inclined to stand for the view that education is much more easily to be acquired than before.

In the first place, the improvement of people's attitude toward education enhances an skyrocketing number of individuals to pursue opportunities for education. In the past, governed by the notation that earning money enjoyed the priority over any other alternatives, people tended to work in farmland and manufactory since they became(were 会不会好点，become强调变化) adolescents when it was a great time to absorb knowledge. In contrast, since an increasing number of people are aware of the significance of knowledge and intellectual labor, education is placed considerable emphases on now. Here it is the revolution of people's thoughts that make people easier to get educated today than begone days.

Furthermore, the advances on technology and science as well build a bridge between people and education. Specifically, the computer, valued as one of the most successful invention in the twentieth century, plays an encouraging role on rendering ease to education(rendering在这里是提供的意思吗？我觉得不是特别好，可以delivering ease for/easing vt). On one hand, it effectively save(复数哦) people's time and energy on searching information. No matter when and where, one merely needs to open the search-box and type in keys words, and then all information related will emerge on the screen within seconds, which greatly shorten the time for him or her who used to go to libraries or bookstores to look for information. On the other hand, with the development of internet, the online education has become possible. Currently enrolled in a online course, one is able to learn as do the ordinary students(为什么要倒装，求教！！！) by sitting in front of the computer at home, which is far out of（有远远超出的意思吗，我查了字典，有这意思例句，但没这意思。。。） the imagination of the past people.

Even though the progress on thoughts（是进步的思想吧，但是中心词是progress，应该是thoughts比较好，可以用progressive thoughts/progressive ideas） toward education and learning approach, there is no denying that competitions for chances of education is much more fiercer.（多加r了）So limited（倒装用得好！） the resource of education such as expert professors, classrooms, and even internet together with the growing number of people who demand education that hardship can be faced by students(被动有点矫情了，直接students等will suffer from hardships 比较利落), family and even the whole society. Luckily, the government has realized this quandary.A mint of money is pitched(太高深，求解释！！！) to cultivate more professors, to build more schools and to bring in more teaching equipment, all of which will release the pressure on current educational situations. Besides, certain acts of education are also enacted（enact act 好！！！）to guarantee the rights of citizens to get equal chance of education. In this way, conspicuous is that（是倒装结构吗，没见过不敢说错，求解释！！！）people today are easier to be educated than those in the past.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, it is convincing that people's attitude on education is improved and means to get educated are of greater convenience. With the joint efforts of family, society and the government, people are now easier to become educated than in the past and will be easier and easier in the future.

总结：

Excellent. Not flattering, it’s the best article of TOEFL I have read.

Various vocabulary and the diverse sentence structure, especially the invertedsentence, impress me a lot

婷婷connie

11.08 独立
Whether the situation of receiving education is worse currently than in the past, as the speaker maintains? This statement is superficially correct, while a deep scrutiny will reveal the absurdness of it.（好对比，G的经典） I am inclined to stand for the view that education is much more easily to be acquired than before.

In the first place, the improvement of people's attitude toward education enhances an skyrocketing number of individuals to pursue opportunities for education. In the past, governed by the notation that earning money enjoyed the priority over any other alternatives, people tended to work in farmland and manufactory since they became were (嗯，用were陈述事实更好) (were 会不会好点，become强调变化) adolescents when it was a great time to absorb knowledge. In contrast, since an increasing number of people are aware of the significance of knowledge and intellectual labor, education is placed considerable emphases on now. Here it is the revolution of people's thoughts that make people easier to get educated today than begone days.

Furthermore, the advances on technology and science as well build a bridge between people and education. Specifically, the computer, valued as one of the most successful invention in the twentieth century, plays an encouraging role on rendering ease to education (render在这里是给予的意思，或者这里用easing the education)(rendering在这里是提供的意思吗？我觉得不是特别好，可以delivering ease for/easing vt). On one hand, it effectively save saves(复数哦) people's time and energy on searching information. No matter when and where, one merely needs to open the search-box and type in keys words, and then all information related will emerge on the screen within seconds, which greatly shorten the time for him or her who used to go to libraries or bookstores to look for information. On the other hand, with the development of internet, the online education has become possible. Currently enrolled in a online course, one is able to learn as do the ordinary students(为什么要倒装，求教！！！) by sitting in front of the computer at home, which is far out of more than（额，这里有点chinglish了）（有远远超出的意思吗，我查了字典，有这意思例句，但没这意思。。。） the imagination of the past people.

Even though the progress on thoughts progressive thoughts（是进步的思想吧，但是中心词是progress，应该是thoughts比较好，可以用progressive thoughts/progressive ideas） toward education and learning approach, there is no denying that competitions for chances of education is much more fiercer.（多加r了）So limited（倒装用得好！） the resource of education such as expert professors, classrooms, and even internet together with the growing number of people who demand education that hardship can be faced by students(被动有点矫情了，直接students等will suffer from hardships 比较利落), family and even the whole society. Luckily, the government has realized this quandary.A mint of money is pitched(太高深，求解释！！！) (投入大量的资金)to cultivate more professors, to build more schools and to bring in more teaching equipment, all of which will release the pressure on current educational situations. Besides, certain acts of education are also enacted（enact act 好！！！）to guarantee the rights of citizens to get equal chance of education. In this way, conspicuous is that（是倒装结构吗，没见过不敢说错，求解释！！！）(是倒装，强调这一个观点已经很明显了)people today are easier to be educated than those in the past.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, it is convincing that people's attitude on education is improved and means to get educated are of greater convenience. With the joint efforts of family, society and the government, people are now easier to become educated than in the past and will be easier and easier in the future.
总结：Excellent. Not flattering, it’s the best article of TOEFL I have read.Various vocabulary and the diverse sentence structure, especially the invertedsentence, impress me a lot
谢谢lmy，改的超好诶，又认识到自己的不足了！共勉~

婷婷connie

11.10 综合
The reading passage contends that the painting is Jane Austen because it was owned by Austen's extended family and it resembles Cassandra's sketch of Austen when she was a teenager. The speaker, however, believes that none of them is convincing by following points.

At first, the writer holds that the claim that the portrait was Austen was endorsed by Austen's family. However, the speaker argues that Austen's family had never seen Austen privately since the use of the portrait was authorized after Austen had been dead for seventy years.  In this way, the endorsement of Austen's family on the portrait is open to question.

Furthermore, the writer asserts that the face in the portrait resembles the one depicted by Cassandra. Yet the speaker casts doubt on this by providing an alternative explanation. The girl was Austen's relative-one of Austen's female cousins or their daughters. Specifically, evidence suggests that it was Mary who is Austen's niece.

Last but not least, the speaker also challenges the evidence which indicates the portrait was painted when Austen was a teenager.  By analysis of the portrait, the particular canvas was sold merely by William in London. The fact is that William did not sell this canvas until Austen was 27 years old. Therefore, the painting cannot be drawn when Austen was a teenager.

婷婷connie

11.10 独立
spending money on traveling＆vacation vs. saving for future

The issue whether people are supposed to spend money on travel or save it for the future has provoked a heated discussion. Standing on this intersection, I tend to have a favorable attitude toward money spent on trips. Points in different dimensions will be illuminated by specific examples to bolster my perspective.

In the first place, travel is one of the optimal approaches to release an individual from working pressure. In current society, even though one has earned much more money than in the past and is no longer concerned with hazards of exposure and starvation, he is unavoidable to potential burden on working tasks and the relationship between others. Thus, it is time to travel. Specifically, a tour to Europe could make one appreciate the bravery of warriors in Rome Colosseo, savor the fascination of Eiffel Towel in Paris and even surprise the mystery of nature in Alps, all of these scenes will let one forget his worries about the reality and infill encouragement in the brain and limps. After an excellent trip, one will be more inspired and devoted on his work. Here travel plays an indispensable role to free people's tension.

The money spent on travel is rewarding for it not only sets us free from the working stress, but also exerts significant impacts on broadening our horizon. In particular, on a trip, chances are great for we to make friends with others with different careers ranging from painter, professor and even philosopher. During the trip, a perspicacious painter is able to share with us his experience to discover the power of the nature and to reveal potential emotions of human beings; a brilliant professor could prod us to realize the essence of knowledge and the importance to pursue for it; additionally a sagacious philosopher can demonstrate the value of life and thus evoke our sympathy towards children in Africa who still live a miserable life. From those wise people, we will benefit from the euphoria of traveling with them but also construct our epistemology and value system.

Admittedly, I concede that, to some degree, it is not prudent to spend all of our money on traveling without considering any possible emergencies. Since nobody could predict the things occurring in the future, we would better set aside a proper part of our salary monthly instead of pouring them on the entertainment activities. On the other hand, we are not necessarily hold over passive attitude towards the probable impending misfortune. With the development of national economy, the government is engaging to invest money on the maintenance of citizens' custodian life. Besides, certain laws and statuaries have been enacted to secure citizens' normal life when something bad suddenly happens. From this aspect, it is confident that as long as we rationally allocate money spent on traveling and with the assistance from the government, opportunities are big that we will live a happier and abundant life.

In sum up, from what has been discussed above, it is time to applaud for the money used on traveling since it does lift burden on us and enable us to contact with elites. If we could spend money on traveling with reasonability, a brighter future certainly is around the corner.

婷婷connie

11.10 综合 TPO12
The reading passage contends that ifthe painting is Jane Austen because it was owned by Austen's extended family and it （the portrait）resembles Cassandra's sketch of Austen when she was a teenager. The speaker, however, believes that none of them is convincing by following points.



At first, the writer holds that the claim that the portrait was Austen was endorsed by Austen's family. However, the speaker argues that Austen's family had never seen Austen privately since the use of the portrait was authorized after Austen had been dead foralmost seventy years.  In this way, the endorsement of Austen's family on the portrait is open to question.



Furthermore, the writer asserts that the face in the portrait resembles the one depicted by Cassandra. Yet the speaker casts doubt on this by providing an alternative explanation. The girl was Austen's relative-one of Austen's female cousins or their daughters. Specifically, evidence suggests that it was Mary who is aAusten'sdistanceniece.



Last but not least, the speaker also challenges the evidence which indicates the portrait was painted when Austen was a teenager.  By analysis of the portrait, the particular canvas was sold merely by William in London. The fact is that William did not sell this canvas until(when听力材料中 采用原文的词汇 貌似会得到比较高的分数) Austen was 27 years old. Therefore, the painting cannot be drawn when Austen was a teenager.我觉得有点问题 最后一个观点更强调的是年龄时间的不搭 最好说一下.

婷婷connie

11.10 独立
spending money on traveling＆vacation vs. saving for future



The issue whether people are supposed to spend money on travel or save it for the future has provoked a heated discussion（你好喜欢 heated啊^^）. Standing on this intersection, I tend to have a favorable attitude toward money spent on trips. Points in different dimensions will be illuminated by specific examples to bolster my perspective.



In the first place, travel is one of the optimal approaches比我的高级好多啊to release an individual from working pressure. In current society, even though one has earned much more money than in the past and is no longer concerned with hazards of exposure and starvation, heis unavoidable to potential burden on working tasks and the relationship between others. Thus, it is time to travel. Specifically, a tour to Europe could make one appreciate the bravery of warriors in Rome Colosseo, savor the fascination of Eiffel Towel in Paris and even surprise the mystery of nature in Alps, all of these scenes will let one forget his worries about the reality and infill encouragement in the brain and limps.（这里想表达哦大脑和四肢的意思）（是非常好的词呢 还是 用的不是很恰当 我就confused）After an excellent trip, one will be more inspired and devoted onto（devoted to do 没有on 的用法）his work. Here travel plays an indispensable role to free people's tension.



The money spent on travel is rewarding for it not only sets us free from the working stress, but also exerts significant impacts on broadening our horizon. In particular, on a trip, chances are great for weus（us） to make friends with others withother people who have有点重复吧 换个介词 different careers ranging from painter, professor and even philosopher. During the trip, a perspicacious painter is able to share with us his experience to discover the power of the nature and to reveal potential emotions of human beings; a brilliant professor could prod us to realize the essence of knowledge and the importance to pursue for it; additionally a sagacious philosopher can demonstrate the value of life and thus evoke our sympathy towards children in Africa who still live a miserable life. From those wise people, we will benefit from the euphoriaof traveling with them but also construct（reconstruct）our epistemology and value system.



Admittedly, I concede that, to some degree, it is not prudent to spend all of our(去掉our怎么样)money on traveling without considering any possible emergencies. Since nobody could predict the things occurring(what will happen) in the future, we wouldhadbetter？讨论一下这里 set aside a proper part of our salary monthly instead of pouring whole of them on the entertainment activities. On the other hand, we are not necessarily hold over passive attitude towards the probable impending misfortune. With the development of national economy, the government is engaging to invest money on the maintenance of citizens' custodianquotidian life不知道这么用对不对. Besides, certain laws andstatuariesstatutes（这词用的？不明白为什么放这里）have been enacted to secure citizens' normal life when something bad suddenly happens. From this aspect, it is confident that as long as we rationally allocate money spent on traveling and with the assistance from the government, opportunities are big that we will live a happier and abundant life.这段就没前两段 思路清晰 逻辑 也有点~~~



In sum up, from what has been discussed above, it is time to applaud for the money used on traveling since it does lift burden on us（on us what ） and enable us to contact with elites. If we could spend money on traveling with reasonability, a brighter future certainly is around the corner.(让我想到了爱转角哈哈)





Conclusion

1 我很压力啊 不知道 怎么改 有的词 我没用过 也不能准确指出 你应该怎么写

2 我觉得 你比原来 写的说理性 更强啦~~fighting

3 有的搭配注意一下 就更好啦 ~~下次祝你作文满分哦 ~~