Dixie加入写作小分队啦……10月13号求25！欢迎修改～

raulaven

因为前两次作文分数都很低，所以这次下决心突击作文啦，争取不要再拖后腿。本人英语水平一般，还是求狠批啊，请大家多多指出我的问题，我相信自己还是会有很大进步的～～～谢谢啦

raulaven

10.5    Do you agree with the view point that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The chance of receiving education is considered a fundamental right of human beings in the 21th century. Naturally, the discussion of whether there is an obvious change about difficulty level of receiving education attracted many attentions from people of various walks of life. After comparing with the past, I completely agree that people are now easier to become educated than yesterday, and my view will be confirmed as following discussions
First of all, we find evidence that many countries have already annulled the tuition of education, even in many developing countries. It apparently indicates how knowledge plays a crucial role in our whole society. Take China as an example, since last century, The country spared no effort to reduce the population of illiteracy. Many proposals are been implemented in succession and they have a great influence on the public quality. Thus, compulsory education make dream of every child can go to school comes true. I think it has significance for the individual education equality.
Moreover, according to the Maslow’s theory, the needs of hierarchy, after been satisfied with physical needs, people would like to get more knowledge to fill up their empty heart in order to gain self-achievement. Likewise, the pressures of current social are also a motivation impetus us to become educated. Only the people master a technical skill can be survived in the intense competition. Above these two facts, it’s no doubt that the needs of knowledge, the needs to be educated are necessary in both mental and practical demand.
Also, on no account can we ignore the advantages of information era. The faster information transmission, the much more convenient search modes make our life easier to be educated. For example, we can download the internet courses which is convenient to operate and less to pay comparing with going to class. Leaving aside the quantity of the education, the former one has advantage of efficiency, especially is beneficial for the ones who do not have enough time for classes.
Admittedly, too many flaws in education system still exist, and too many education aids are urgently needed in remote region. Based on the facts of effort of country, human beings’ spiritual demands, the pressure of whole society, and the benefit of convenient sources, it is safe to say that people living in the present is much more fortunate than those living in the past in the field of education.

raulaven

10.6 2.    It is more important to choose friends that can have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

Friends are the people who have more or less relationship of affection with us, they share our happiness, participate in our plight, make you laugh and wipe off your tears. Nonetheless, there are different kinds of friends in our social activities; some of them only intend to have fun with us, while others are willing to help us when we are in predicament. As far as I concerned, I would like to choose friends who are generous to help instead of ones treat you as a tool of entertainment.
First of all, everybody feel upset some days. Nothing is more important than friend’s aid. Even if they do not help you with some practical supports, they can sit beside you and give you warmth which would guarantee you have nerve to gain the breakthrough. There was an unfortunate experience to me, I treated a group of people as my friend, we always had fun and danced till the morning life, I felt I opened my heart to them; however, I encountered difficulty and I lost much money one day, I wanted to call those so called friends, they just found various excuses to refuse me, it was a woe.
In addition, people who are helpful should be mature than those only want to have fun. Making friends like this would be beneficial for your attitude of life. Take me as an example, my friend Isaac, who have perceive the world in a different way of me, we always dispute some issues, however it not only does not impede our affection, in opposite, it helps us both growing up. By learning from their good personality, a beneficent heart, we will easier to find the truth of life.  
Last but not the least, comparing to the transient relationship, people who are willing to help you would set up a much more stable relationship.
It is the universal knowledge, the friend accompanies you to the end won’t say no to your any requests. They will care about you spontaneously and treat you like their family.
In sum, choosing friends should be cautious. Based the reasons that friends who are willing to help you will give you spiritual support, and a right life path, a steady relationship, it is safe to say that choosing friends like this would be a fortune in your life.

wsywsy1

10.5 Do you agree with the view point that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The chance of receiving education is considered a fundamental right of human beings in the 21th century. Naturally, the discussion of whether there is an obvious change about difficulty level(difficulty 和 level都是名词) of receiving education has attracted many attentions from people of(个人觉得应该是among peoplefrom) various walks of life. After comparing with the past, I completely agree that people are now easier to become educated than yesterday, and my view will be confirmed as following discussions
First of all, we find evidence that many countries have already annulled the tuition of education, even in many developing countries. It apparently indicates that how knowledge plays a crucial role in our whole society. Take China as an example, since the last century, The country spared no effort to reduce the population of illiteracy. Many proposals are been（have been） implemented in succession and they have a great influence on the public quality(可删). Thus, compulsory education make dream of every child can go to school comes true（有点问题，亲是想说这种教育让孩子们上学的梦成为现实么？貌似改成这样可以：education realizes the dream of a child who wants to go to school）. I think it has significance(is significant) for the individual education equality).(删)
Moreover, according to the Maslow’s theory, the needs of hierarchy, after been satisfied with physical needs,（这句话有语病）people would like to get more knowledge to fill up their empty heart（不太理解） in order to gain self-achievement. Likewise, the pressure of current social are（is） also a motivation impetus(两个都是名词) us to become educated. Only whenthe people master a technical skill can be(they) survived（删） in the intense competition. Above these two facts, it’s no doubt that the needs of knowledge, the needs to be educated are necessary in both mental and practical(亲是想说精神上和肉体上的嘛？) demand.
Also, on no account can we ignore the advantages of information era. The faster information transmission（两个名词）, the much more convenient searching modes make our life easier to be educated. For example, we can download the internet courses(亲是想说网络课程吧。是online course) which is convenient to operate and less to pay comparing (compared）with going to class. Leaving aside the quantity of the education（没明白什么意思。。）, the former one删 has advantage of efficiency, especially it is beneficial for the ones删 who do not have enough time for classes.
Admittedly, too many flaws in education system still exist, and too many education aids are urgently needed in the remote region. Based on the facts of effort of country, human beings’ spiritual demands, the pressure of the whole society, and the benefits of convenient sources, it is safe to say that people living in the present is much more fortunate than those living in the past in the field of education(可删).






亲~ 要注意单词的词性，还有冠词的使用，文章还出现一些语法错误需注意嗷
改得不好，见谅~
（PS，还有10.5的作业是，家庭对个人成功有没有帮助。。。)

raulaven

刚开始练习错误很多，谢谢你指出这么多错，回去改啦～～～

GWinner

10.6 2.    It is more important to choose friends that can have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.
貌似10.6的作业不是这个题目吧....> <
精彩错误修改建议综合
Friends are the[是不是不用加the了?] people who have more or less relationship of affection with us, they share our happiness, participate in our plight, make you laugh and wipe off your tears.[写的好温馨~] Nonetheless, there are different kinds of friends in our social activities; some of them only intend to have fun with us, while others are willing to help us when we are in predicament. As far as I concerned, I would like to choose friends who are generous to help instead of ones treat you as a tool of entertainment.

First of all, everybody feel upset some days. Nothing is more important than friend’s aid. Even if they do not help you with some practical supports, they can [at least]sit beside[next to] you and give you warmth which would guarantee you have nerve to gain the breakthrough.[这句写的有点chinglish了] There was an unfortunate experience to me, I treated a group of people as my friend, we always had fun and danced till the morning life, I felt [that]I opened my heart to them; however, [when]I encountered difficulty andI [有点罗嗦,可以去掉]lost much money one day, I wanted to [and]call those so called friends, they just found various excuses to refuse[and refursed to help] me, it was a woe.

In addition, people who are helpful should be mature than those [who]only want to have fun. Making friends like this would be beneficial for your attitude of life. Take me as an example,[句子结束,用句号]my friend Isaac, who have perceive the world in a different way of[from] me, we always dispute some issues[with me],[这里用句号] however it not only does not impede our affection, in opposite, it helps us both growing up. [这里似乎少了逻辑性的连接,导致后面的their没有所指,让人读起来不通畅]By learning from their good personality, a beneficent heart, we will easier to find the truth of life.
[这段里面的例子和所叙述的论点感觉不是很对应,如果想要强调从成熟的朋友那里可以提升自己的生活境界,那么就不应该在例子里面说it helps us both growing up,而应该说一说自己从那些dispute里面获得了什么]  

Last but not the least, comparing to the transient relationship, people who are willing to help you would set up a much more stable relationship.
It is the universal knowledge,[there is an old saying goes that] the friend accompanies you to the end won’t say no to your any requests.[any of your requests] They will care about you spontaneously and treat you like their family.

In sum, choosing friends should be cautious. Based[+on] the reasons that friends who are willing to help you will give you spiritual support, and a right life path, a steady relationship,[这个并列有点别扭...不知道是不是我理解错了? 如果并列的话,应该是A, B and C结构] it is safe to say that choosing friends like this[friends who are always willing to help]would be a fortune in your life.

文章是五段式, 结构没有问题, 但每段的内容感觉不够丰富, LZ对例子的叙述比较啰嗦, 句型有些单一.
第二个论点的例子用的感觉不太恰当, 略改一下靠一下主题就好^^
第三个论点感觉有些单薄, 如果不举例子的话, 说理论证应该再充分些

LZ还需要提高运用句子的能力,让句式和词汇都丰富起来!!

我们加油!!!!

raulaven

谢谢你～～～我会注意的！回去好好改去

raulaven

亲，帮忙告诉我看哪本书能丰富句型 啊~~~