求拍ISSUE 30，想檢測一下思路作法是否正確，萬分感激。

wong928

大家好，小弟第一次作GRE 的文，想檢測一下思路和作法是否正確。希望大家能盡量給我詳細意見，因為不想從此用了錯的方法，走錯的路，起步點是十分重要的；感謝你們 (由於第一次作，我沒有限時，作了50分鐘，實在很慢，有待改善)

30 Teachers' salaries should be based on their students' academic performance.

Pedagogical professions, as opposed to profit oriented professions such as sales person, often receive their salary based on senior status. To put it, the longer one has been in the industry and the more teaching experiences one has, the higher his/her income would be. Admittedly, this mechanism of income allocation contains many insufficiencies and deficits. The stable income teachers secure every single month can sometimes foster sloth and lack of determination, though attracting many elicits to partake into such profession given the stability. One would propose that we should introduce the performance based income system that in all ways resembling the commission system that utilized in many business operations. Financial incentives, without many doubts, would enhance one’s motivation therefore prompt one’s performance. However, we should be cautious about the questionable generalizability when such income system is being applied in the teaching professions.


Doubtlessly, the ultimate aim of education lies on training highly intelligible individuals that can potentially and eventually contribute to the society. This is also one of the very promising and viable ways to substantiate economic prosperity. Without many concrete indicators, academic ability therefore serves as a reliable and objective indicator to gauge whether an individual could fulfill such desirable expectation in distant future. Therefore, academic success has long been emphasized in school system, especially in Asian countries such as China and Hong Kong. Some even go so far to the extent of neglecting the genuine reason for one to learn- the pursue of truth and knowledge. Academic records and results in public examination seems to shadow this overarching goal of education. Should teaching profession or educational policies makers, who supposedly process superior insight and learning passion than most of the general public, uphold the same distorted value that prevailing in the society? Should they also collaborately commercialize and taint the once pure education system? From a moralistic but not materialistic point of view, the answer should certainly be no. A teaching profession should never bow to external, monetary incentives and should serve as a final guard of the philosophy of education.


Furthermore, academic performance is a relative and subjective variable in which every attempts to quantify and objectively measure it would deem arbitrary. Exterior indicator such as test score can only partially reflect one’s alleged academic performance. Objective test score might be mediated by many factors such as students’ motivation and cultural background. For instance, it was used to believe the IQ scores of black people were lower in average than white people. Such a conclusion of course has been later proven erroneous due to the ignorance of cultural influence. The test contents or even instructions on the former IQ tests were poorly understood by black people therefore their performances have been largely underestimated. This is only one example that dissolve the credibility of alleged academic performance. If a definition of academic performance must be postulated, it must necessarily be broad and reflecting unmeasurable factors such as creativity and critical thinking ability. As academic performance cannot be objectively determined, the salaries of teaching professions cannot be determined by such abstract factor also. Moreover, if the salaries of teaching professions are contingent upon alleged academic performance, it might be reasonable to expect that academically disadvantageous people, such as mental retarded, would be largely underserved since they might hardly achieve it.


In sum, I do not agree that the salaries of teaching professions be determined by so called academic ability. Learning or education should be an end in itself; relating it to monetary incentives could potentially contaminate and undermine the pure nature of it.

竹林中人

The stable income teachers secure every single month can
感觉LZ的思维发散了，写的内容就显得宽泛了点，最好限制到话题所包含的内容，就是教师的工资该以什么为标准？题目中的这种标准有何好处，有何坏处，然后有何改进的措施，AW越具体越好，不要过多的个人化的观点，以推理分析为主，距离为辅。

wong928

The stable income teachers secure every single month can
感觉LZ的思维发散了，写的内容就显得宽泛了点，最好限制到话题所包含的内容，就是教师的工资该以什么为标准？题目中的这种标准有何好处，有何坏处，然后有何改进的措施，AW越具体越好，不要过多的个人化的观点，以推理分析为主，距离为辅。

-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/9/25 22:49:35)

好的,,.. 就是愈具體愈好 不要寫抽象的東西吧??  因為題目沒叫我給suggestion 所以沒有寫改進的措施....

wong928

頂一下