Cans的作文贴。目标30。ROCK TOEFL WRITING

pedrohuo

谢谢Carol。改正非常的详细而且有帮助。我都记到本子上了。
想起了电影~哈哈。这句话太可爱了。

N只梨花压海棠

8月31日。写作小分队Cans独立作文改
TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree,people who go out from their villege will be more successful and happier than people who stay in their village?

Many people regard going out of village as the true symbol of success or happy(happiness), and contend that they have reached the next level(upper level能好一些), while others hold the opposite position that where people go cannot decide such things. As far as I am concerned, I definitely fall into the second category(category这词指种类范畴，这里不太合适，建议：perspective), and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, people have various definitions to success. However, most of them are not correct. Have you ever inundated by the crowded flock at the subway? Have you ever breathed the polluted air even as you are jogging? And have you ever been homeless because of the high house rent in the city? (很好的问句)If you have never experienced such things and believe living in the city is success, you are walking on the wrong way further and further. Common sense informs us that the essence of success is to surpass oneself. Thus where people live or where people have been is not the judgment to success. A worker would engage in the construction of city while A farmer can provide thousands of people with the crops he/she cultivate. In a way, they both make the same contributions to humankind. On no account can we only evaluate people with fame and wealth.(这段有着磅礴的气势，精彩精彩)

Apart from the issue about success, happy is another topic deserved to debate. Psychologists classify happy(happiness) into two aspects: intrinsic value and extrinsic value. The intrinsic value no doubt is more pivotal than extrinsic one. People who go out of village, in most cases, aim at extrinsic value-- fame and wealth. Nevertheless, they forget how much stress they face in daily life. When seeing more and more poker faces in the cosmopolitan cities, hardly can we say that they attain true happy. Meanwhile, the extrinsic value getting from others' respects or flatters never lasts long.(这句话要给一下原因为啥不能持续长久) On the contrary, people in the village are able to enjoy the fresh air as well as the warm breeze. Their lives are simple but meaningful.

Admittedly, going out of village enable(s) people to experience modern life. However, a survey conducted by State Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that nearly 60 percent of people   have chosen to return their hometown since 2000. (感觉这个不该有，局限了整个话题) Their attitudes toward life change during these years. That is the reason why I argue that going out of village is not the symbol of success and happy.(这段感觉和前面的内容不太搭，建议：还是从general的角度去出发，可以举中国那个例子，但要加上原因，为啥他们要回来，因为XXX你前面的原因。而不能因为他选择回来，你就支持这个Position)

To sum up, people should listen to the voice deep in their hearts and chasing what they really need. There is no conspicuous relation between success or happy and going out of village.

To pedrohuo


看完阁下的文章之后,觉得前两段的论证鲜明，逻辑清晰，读起来非常地过瘾
下面提几点小建议;
1, 语言上需要更加精炼一些，要是能让句子也出彩那就更好了
2，句式上可以多变换，Erater会识别并且加分
3，good luck

pedrohuo

9月6日。独立作文。

TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

With the advancement of science and technology, humankind has stepped into a new era. The advents of high-tech inventions contribute to the high quality of life. Better medical services enable people to enjoy longevity. However, all these improvements do not come without a price. The world nowadays is facing the following pivotal problems which cannot be solved within our lifetime.

First and foremost, the earth is not able to support so much people. Population explosion has lost its control only within decades. It increases the burden of the earth. A survey conducted by State Statistics Bureau in 2012 indicates that there would be 10 billion people worldwide in 2050 while the earth can only support 6 billion ones, which in turn leads to more social issues. However, for now, the governments all around world do not find out a true resolution. Some countries tend to decree law to control the birth rate while such behave is against humanity. Other countries regard high education as the fundamental key. But it takes a long time to show its advantages.

Apart from population explosion, environment pollution also endangers the world. With the burning of coals and woods, toxic gases have been diffused into the atmosphere. Air pollution is a more and more urgent issue which is harmful to people's health condition. Ironically, people cannot jog outdoors nowadays because of air pollution. Meanwhile, the global warming is increasing the sea level. Numerous places along the sea shore are going to be inundated in the future. Thousands of people would lose their homelands. Moreover, many species have died out  since the 20 century, which breaks the food chain and endangers the balance of ecosystem. The desertification continues to deteriorate because of the disappearance of more and more forests.

In addition, resource exhaustion baffles human beings. When time came into the industrial age, people started to exploit coal and petrol for achieving economic benefit. Although the utilization of such nature resources contributes a lot to the modern society, they are already on the verge of exhaustion. Aiming at solving the resource issue, governments finance more and more research institutes to develop new energies. Nevertheless, all these new energies such as solar energy and wind energy cannot come into use widely because of technological and .practical issues. Thus there is a long way in front of humankind to discovery new resources.

To sum up, people have to spare no efforts to keep on working for these pivotal problems: population explosion, environment pollution and resource exhaustion. Maybe we could not see these achievements within our lifetime. But we believe that with the intelligences of human beings the world would have a bright future.

pedrohuo

9月8日。独立作文。
TOPIC：The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.D\A

Aiming at high benefits, more and more companies concentrate on inventions of hi-tech products, which in turn leads to an increasing demand of qualified employees. Thus these companies start to spend large amount of money to improve the skills of their employees, and regard it as the pivotal investment of their companies. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, improving the skills of employees enables them to work more efficiently. One adept after a long term training would pay more attention to the details of his/her working tasks, and avoid repeating the blunders that he/she did in the past, while a new employee without training are confronting a long way in front of him/her to accumulate such experience. As known to us all, each project has its own deadline. To accomplish it perfectly within limited time, companies have to improve the skills of their employees.  A survey conducted by National Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that employees who have finished training courses are able to finish 20 percent more works within one week than the untrained ones. That would explain the phenomenon why more and more are willing to invest on training.

Apart from high working efficiency, improving the skills of employees enhances the connection between companies and employees. Through training, companies would show their care about each individual, which obtains the respect from employees. After improving their own skills, employees would be more confident and loyal to firms. They no longer worry about being fired because the companies have invested too much on them. Meanwhile, trainings enable employees to have a clear plan for the further development of their careers. For instance, I was a software engineer of a database company two years ago. After improving my skills, I am able to become a consultant focusing on business intelligence in the end. Such training convinces me that I can make more contributions to my company.

Admittedly, investing on infrastructure or advertisements are also important. The former one would improve the working environment while the last gets products known to people. However, common sense informs us that individual is the basic of each company. Improving the skills of employees is raising the benefits of company.

To sum up, improving the skills of employees provides firms with high working efficiency and better connection between firms and employees.  Regardless of the basic needs and functions of individual, standing out in certain industry for one company would be an impossible mission.

E月羽

Aiming at high benefits, more and more companies concentrate on inventions of hi-tech products, which in turn leads to an increasing demand of qualified employees. Thus these companies start to spend large amount of money to improve the skills of their employees, and regard it as the pivotal investment of their companies. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement, and points below support my opinion.

First and foremost, improving the skills of employees enables them to work more efficiently. One adept after a long term training would pay more attention to the details of his/her working tasks, and avoid repeating the blunders that he/she（he or she 写全称） did in the past, while a new employee without training are confronting a long way in front of him/her to accumulate such experience. As known to us all, each project has its own deadline. To accomplish it perfectly within limited time, companies have to improve the skills of their employees. A survey conducted by National Statistics Bureau of China in 2012 indicates that employees who have finished training courses are able to finish 20 percent more works within one week than the untrained ones. That would explain the phenomenon why more and more（加个enterprises 会比较好） are willing to invest on training.

Apart from high working efficiency, improving the skills of employees enhances the connection between companies and employees. Through training, companies would show their care about each individual, which obtains the respect from employees. After improving their own skills, employees would be more confident and loyal to firms. They no longer worry about being fired because the companies have invested too much on them. Meanwhile, trainings enable employees to have a clear plan for the further development of their careers. For instance, I was a software engineer of a database company two years ago. After improving my skills, I am able to become a consultant focusing on business intelligence in the end. Such training convinces me that I can make more contributions to my company.

Admittedly, investing on infrastructure or advertisements are also important. The former one would improve the working environment while the last gets products known to people. However, common sense informs us that individual is the basic of each company. Improving the skills of employees is raising the benefits of company.

To sum up, improving the skills of employees provides firms with high working efficiency and better connection between firms and employees. Regardless of the basic needs and functions of individual, standing out in certain industry for one company would be an impossible mission.

逻辑非常好，表达多样 ，perfect