恶鸟终于开始写作文了。还有十天，希望大家拍砖！辛苦了！~

羊咩咩yw

agree or disagree? If child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies


Who is the person accompany your growth? That must be, despite of some indefinable arrangement, your parents. Therefore, parents are usually regarded as the life guide or the most important teacher（teachers） of children. As we(all) know, children are usually lack of will power. So, as life guides, to help children do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

First and the foremost, one reflection of doing well in school is getting a good mark. In order to get a good mark(貌似有点重复，改为in order to do so你觉得可以吗？), children should spend enough time in learning. In another words, few time can be shared to watch TV programs or movies.（我觉得这里和题目有点矛盾，题目并没有说不让看，而是限时看，所以这个few time用在这可能不太合适，个人意见哟，你在读读看哈~） However, plenty of interesting TV programs and movies like cartoon attract children（这个句子结构好像不太完整，读起来感觉缺什么，你看这样改可以吗，however, children tend to attract from plenty of interesting TV programs, especial cartoons.）. As a child, it is quite difficult for him or her to withdraw these temptations. After spending（和上面的spend有点重复，可以换成devote) too much time on TV programs and movies, Children are not willing to go back to study. Then how can you expect them doing well in school? Accordingly, parents, as adults who knows the harm of wasting time on TV, should definitely limit the hour of watching TV programs and movies.

To study well in school is a reflection of doing well in school(这个TS有点抓不住重点哟~呵呵，个人意见哈). While, in some cases, making friends and built（building） a good relationship net are also another aspect of doing well in school. Children who want to make friends in school need to play with classmates and communicate with them. Usually, school activities supply opportunities to do that. However, children are generally alone when they watch TV programs. And children who spend a lot of time in watching TV programs and movies hardly have extra time to take part in these activities. As a result, they can hardly （重复）get chances to meet new friends, let alone make friends. Therefore, to help children better blend into school life, parents should limits the hours of watching TV programs or movies.

Moreover, watching TV programs or movies are bad for（可以用harm这个词） children’s healthy. Damage to children’s eyesight can hardly be avoided. Furthermore, children would have no time to do sports or go to gym without limit the hour of watching TV or movies. After that, they will never have a good health（这句话说得有点绝对了哟~不利于逻辑连接）. And without a good health, it will be difficult to do well in school. Then, to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies are quite emergency.

Admittedly, some TV programs and movies can educate children in a good way. However, the amounts of these kinds of programs are finite. A lots other activities and learning should be the right way of doing well in school. In a nutshell, parents should limit the hour of watching TV programs or movies to help children do well in school.第一次给你改作文也没熟悉你的风格，总体来说行文逻辑上不错，句子的形式有点单一，有一些重复运用的词汇，呵呵~觉得我改得不对的地方记得要提醒我哟，我们再一起讨论，这样也避免我犯错~~加油

夜游的恶鸟

8月29日
独立
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'.


Many people consider money as an evil which could damage a person’s mind. The proponent of this opinion believes that every problem can be solved without the help of money. However, to improve the quality of education efficiently, I still consider to increase teacher’s salaries is the best way.

First and foremost, teachers are not a teaching machine. They are also human beings. Every person wants to own a better life. To own a better life, people need to earn more money. Therefore, they can buy what they want and cover their payout. If a teacher wants to improve his or her level in education, s/he must spend a lot of time in his/her students. S/he will have no extra time in relax then, not to mention extra gains. However, they have their own children to raise up which could also cost a plenty of money. Once their children need money, they would worry about the tough life. After that, they might not have a good mood to teach. Afterwards the quality of education will definitely decrease. Consequently, we increase the salaries of teachers. Without worrying about their life, they might put 100 percent exertion on teaching. At the meantime, the quality of education will be improved.

Moreover, to teach better, teachers need a better physique. With the increase of salaries, teachers will get more money to be spent in body- building. As we all know, to go to gymnastic will cost a lots money, teachers are not willing to spend money in buying healthier food or on gymnastic. Without a good physique, how can teachers work in education for such a long time? Without spending enough time in paying enough attention to every student, how could the quality of education be improved? Just imagine a teacher get sick because of lacking exercise and nutrient, many classes will be abandoned when s/he is in hospital. This will definitely be bad for teaching. Thus, increasing the salaries can help teachers straightly get a better body. And the quality of education will be improved soon.

Admittedly, a lot of ways to improve the quality of education can be listed out. To increase the salaries is one of these ways, but particularly the best way. In this way, teachers will be more likely to attend some classes to improve themselves. And also, they will be more likely to attend some art galleries, concerts to self-educate. With the improvement of themselves, they will have more ability to educate their students.

In a nutshell, with the increase of salaries, teachers can be encouraged to spend more time and pay more attention on their students. They would be more willing to prepare for class. Therefore, the education quality will no doubt be improved. We can consider increasing teachers’ salaries as the best way of improving the quality of education without hesitate.

陈喵喵holdon

8月29日
独立
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'.


Many people consider money as an evil which could damage a person’s mind. The proponent of this opinion believes that every problem can be solved without the help of money(这话感觉逻辑有点不通畅.所有问题没了钱都可以解决?应该是有了钱也不一定能解决..). However, to improve the quality of education efficiently, I still consider to increase teacher’s salaries is the best way. (恶鸟你把大背景放在对钱的讨论上了,私以为这个作文题做好把大背景放在教育质量上比较顺畅,个人观点..如果像你这样先讨论钱再引出主题的话最好中间过渡一下..不然有种好大一个主题突然缩小的感觉..而且这个方面跟钱一般意义上也没有直接关系..)

First and foremost, teachers are not a teaching machine. They are also human beings(老师是人不是机器,这两句话可以连起来,两个单句写有点...). Every person wants to own a better life. To own a better life, people need to earn more money. Therefore, they can buy what they want and cover their payout. If a teacher wants to improve his or her level in education, s/he must spend a lot of time in his/her students. S/he will have no extra time in relaxthen, not to mention extra gains. However, they have their own children to raise up which could also cost a plenty of money. Once their children need money, they would worry about the tough life. After that, they might not have a good mood to teach. Afterwards the quality of education will definitely decrease. Consequently, we increase the salaries of teachers. Without worrying about their life, they might put 100 percent exertion on teaching. At the meantime, the quality of education will be improved.(这一段其实思路很清楚,但是由于单句太多,论述形式有点重复让人觉得有点罗嗦.)

Moreover, to teach better, teachers need a better physique. With the increase of salaries, teachers will get more money to be spent(直接to spend就可以了, money可以这么用)in body- building. As we all know, to go to gymnastic will cost a lots money, teachers are not willing to spend money in buying healthier food or on gymnastic. Without a good physique, how can teachers work in education for such a long time? Without spending enough time in paying enough attention to every student, how could the quality of education be improved? Just imagine a teacher get sick because of lacking exercise and nutrient, many classes will be abandoned when s/he is in hospital. This will definitely be bad for teaching. Thus, increasing the salaries can help teachers straightly get a better body. And the quality of education will be improved soon.(举个实例吧?)

Admittedly, a lot of ways to improve the quality of education can be listed out. To increase the salaries is one of these ways, but particularly the best way. In this way, teachers will be more likely to attend some classes to improve themselves. And also, they will be more likely to attend some art galleries, concerts to self-educate. With the improvement of themselves, they will have more ability to educate their students.

In a nutshell, with the increase of salaries, teachers can be encouraged to spend more time and pay more attention on their students. They would be more willing to prepare for class. Therefore, the education quality will no doubt be improved. We can consider increasing teachers’ salaries as the best way of improving the quality of education without hesitate.

-- by 会员 夜游的恶鸟 (2012/8/30 16:48:00)

缺少例子.. 建议阐述论点的时候可以试试看先综述,再细节展开..
虽然感觉恶鸟的观点还是挺明确的,但是单句太多形式太单一,有时候几个单句表达的意思也有点赘述..
以上是我个人感觉..有什么想法我们再讨论~
PS 恶鸟也是9.1/2这周考吗?一起的哈..加油！

夜游的恶鸟

8月29 综合
TPO3

The lecture mainly talks about a paint of Rembrandt. It said the paint if not paint by Rembrandt and illustrate three reasons. The fur collar cannot be afford by the woman in the paint, the light and shadow do not fit together, and the wood panels are glued together. However, the speaker does not stand up for the opinion of the lecture in these three aspects.

First and foremost, the speaker support an examination of the painting that the fur collar wearing by the woman are painted by some other painter several years after Rembrandt painted the original one. Which well explained why this luxurious fur collar is not afforded by the woman who is just a servant.

For the second reason supported in the lecture, the speaker figure out that the woman wears a light color cloth in the original paint, the face is illuminated by the reflection of the light clothes.

Thirdly, the speaker said that the added wood panel is also because of adding a fur collar to the paint. Before added the fur collar, this panel is made of one piece of wood. Moreover, examination also point out that the wood comes from the same tree with another paint of Rembrandt.

夜游的恶鸟

第一篇综合怎么写的这么恶心……

陈喵喵holdon

8月29 综合
TPO3

The lecture mainly talks about a paint of Rembrandt. It said(时态和前面的talks about不统一)the paint if not paint(painted) by Rembrandt and illustrate three reasons(这句话是想表达reading里面的内容吗?..按前面的意思顺下来好像是说讲座的内容，但是看意思又不像..前半句话的表达我有点没明白..). The fur collar cannot be afford by the woman in the paint, the light and shadow do not fit together, and the wood panels are glued together. However, the speaker does not stand up for the opinion of the lecture in these three aspects.

First and foremost, the speaker support(supports)an examination of the painting that the fur collar wearing by the woman are painted by some other painter several years after Rembrandt painted the original one. Which well explained why this luxurious fur collar is not afforded by the woman who is just a servant.

For the second reason supported in the lecture, the speaker figure out that the woman wears a light color cloth in the original paint, the face is illuminated by the reflection of the light clothes.(再强调下反驳了reading比较好?)

Thirdly, the speaker said that the added wood panel is also because of adding a fur collar to the paint. Before added the fur collar, this panel is made of one piece of wood. Moreover, examination also point out that the wood comes from the same tree with another paint of Rembrandt.

-- by 会员 夜游的恶鸟 (2012/8/30 18:28:39)

基本信息挺准确的.. 综合应该比较看重对信息的把握和描述吧..我在准确方面还要像恶鸟学习啊..
语句上如果能更突出speaker反驳reading就更好了..(个人感觉哈) 貌似也改不太出来..

夜游的恶鸟

基本信息挺准确的.. 综合应该比较看重对信息的把握和描述吧..我在准确方面还要像恶鸟学习啊..
语句上如果能更突出speaker反驳reading就更好了..(个人感觉哈) 貌似也改不太出来..

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/30 20:47:48)

我表达的太粗糙了，speaker和reading之间的反驳都没说出来。确实好像整个都像一些片段。谢谢喵~下次我努力写的流畅完整一点

夜游的恶鸟

第一次给你改作文也没熟悉你的风格，总体来说行文逻辑上不错，句子的形式有点单一，有一些重复运用的词汇，呵呵~觉得我改得不对的地方记得要提醒我哟，我们再一起讨论，这样也避免我犯错~~加油

-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/29 16:15:38)

谢谢，句子单一确实是我的大毛病。我得去看看语法书，再找些难句看看，还有什么别的建议可以提高一下呢？~~~词汇量太低了总是容易重复……早没有回复，因为我每次打开都是第一页，不知道翻页了呢~~嘿嘿

夜游的恶鸟

8月31 综合 TPO5

In the lecture, the speaker illustrates three points that few fire places, undiscovered maize, and no building material, contradicting to the three theories that are demonstrated in the passage.

According to the passage, the first theory holds that hundreds of people would live in the Chaco structures, i.e. the Chaco were purely residential as it looks like a recent apartment. The lecture, by contrast, suggests that it would never be a residential apartment as few fire places are found in the Chaco. Only a fire place is found in the largest room which could just be used for one family rather than hundreds of people as it is said in the passage.

The speaker deputes the second theory in the passage that the Chaco structures were used to store food. The theory holds that the great houses are suitable for storing maize, the main crops of the Chaco people. However, the lecture contends that no maize is discovered. Therefore, the houses cannot be used to store food supplies.

Finally, the speaker figures out to be used as a ceremonial center, large amount of building material should be found close to the house. While, the pile of old material are not enough and put random that cannot be used to build such a house to hold any ceremony. Although, people who hold the third theory considered that such ceremonies might be to be hold in the Chaco houses in the passage.

Thus, it can be inferred that the speaker challenges the passage by giving reasons as to why he thinks the theories in the passage are not fully improves.

夜游的恶鸟

9月1  综合 TPO6

In the lecture, the speaker illustrates her reasons to contradict to the problems about online encyclopedias that demonstrate in the passage.

According to the passage, a lot of errors might be concluded in the online encyclopedias as it is not written by academic writers. The lecture, by contrast, supports that it is understandable for an encyclopedias to contain some mistake, by the reason that the traditional encyclopedias cannot avoid mistake in 100 percent.

The speaker also deputes the problem posted in the passage that the online encyclopedias might be changed in an impropriate way by some unscrupulous users or hackers, which will be bad for unsuspecting users. However, the speaker contends that two strategies have been done to avoid damage to online encyclopedia. One is to put crucial facts in an article which is only-read format. And another is to have special editors to monitor changes to the articles.

Finally, a large space, according to the lecture, can be used to hold numerous of information for online encyclopedias. Therefore it could be easily to solve the problem that which facts should be chosen to put into the encyclopedias, without ignoring any interest of each person. Meanwhile, same facts are not put in the traditional encyclopedia because of the lack of space.

Thus, it is inferred that the speaker in the lecture challenges the three problems supported in the passage by giving reasons above.