eone1025

bonnenuit

“Life is short, enjoy more”. This is a famous slogan from an advertisement in 2010. Since I have been working for two nearly years, I couldn’t agree more on the statement that spending money on traveling and vacation is better than saving for future, due to several reasons below.


Firstly, the destination where you want to arrive （in） may not be waiting right there for you. Some places of interest may be（have been比较好) replaced by modern constructions, such as the Three Gorges Dam , it does bring us some convenient（convenience） in（on) living aspects, nevertheless we can never go there to visit, for instance, the temple of Zhangfei, which is (was,因为这个张飞庙已经没了，用过去式好）worshiped by the local natives. Besides, as it is known to all of us, the global warming is changing our environment from day to day. Some places of interest （have been)vanish(ed) even before we have (a)chance to be there. It’s worthy to spend money to travel to visit (traveling and visting)such places while you have money and time, to admire such wonderfulness of nature.


Secondly, travel can exaggerate one’s field of vision. Every detail in the journey can be a precious experience in the future. In some way, this is one fortune compared to real money. For me myself, I have been to the Phoenix Town for a visit. We didn’t make a plan before we set off. That was really a disaster-travel. We have(去掉have,这个不是延续性的动作) missed the train, lost the wallet or even almost get（got) lost in a original meadow. It was luckily(lucky) that we found our way out by our accurate sense of direction. We have learnt from this experience that everything should be planned well before your perform(ce). I think this can help me to avoid squandering time and money during my future business.(这个例子不是很convincing，这个例子只是说要在旅行前计划好，而没说为神马花钱旅行好）


Last but not least, things like saving money for future, I cannot take it（things，改用them) into life-plan consideration. Money is one kind of flexible control substances. You can either borrow （the)money from the bank or family, even from your friends(改成not only...,but also....句式好一些） Admittedly it is necessary to save money, giving up the chance to enjoy your life rather to be a miser is unreasonable, however(这句话太中式英语）.


In conclusion, traveling worth much more than saving money for future. You learn a lot from a journey but remain the same while you choose to stay at home in order to save money(这句话很费解，没懂神马意思）.

你的基本语法有待提高啊！
时态问题很多，有的句子写的太中式英语了
例子也不是很convincing

先从基础做起吧
多背点单词 多看点基本语法
这样才会有提升

eone1025

谢谢这么仔细的批改！
我想请问一下中式思维是指什么？表达的问题吗？还是文章的构造？能举一个句子表现一下吗？
我每一篇都被说中式思维啊！！但是我看不出来啊！！很忧伤的这样子！！