梨花海棠君的作文帖

婷婷connie

8,20 独立 --- your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does


Happiness index（幸福指数^o^）as an eye-catching measurement has ranked all the nations to score the countries' happiness factors. Judging from the cultural value and traits, we can obtain the coincidence that what we consider the country where civilians have more pressure from their jobs has lower happiness index in the investigating from（这个地方不明白，是调查数据吗，among statistics of the investigation） statistics. Biased and Superficial seems（倒装不错，不过前面是两个词，seem不用加s了吧） the judgment made, but the trend could still be speculated through the numbers. I, as a social person, comprehensively combine different "rational" factors with "irrational"ownfeelings, concluding that job apparently has more effect（effects） on happiness than social life, reasons and examinations will be explored to break down the controversial issue.

The first question hanging over my brain is that what takes you more? （第一句通常是TS，建议不要用问句，e-rater可能识别不出来）The job, or your social life? Most people would offer the undeniable answer: yes(这个是选择题，不是是非题啊，答案应该是job~). Of course, the job has occupied more than half of our day time, roughly what we experienced during the working time has twice(加个extent没有直接用twice修饰effect的)effects than the rest of our time, not even the social life time. When on duty, people easily are(换成get，比较动态) in touch with the satisfaction and responsibilities, the two basic needs leading us to be enjoyable. On the other hand, （even if加一个更好）social life in the modern society has crucial position and incomparable effects on leisure time, it still couldn't（could not）decide our related feelings that brought（不形象，用render）by job.

Networking as a heatedly discussed issue in the career area is a important social pattern in during（留一个） the working time. From the ever-increasing stock price of Linkedin, we can reach the previous point of view."We love networking" , this will definitely gain various（这个地方逻辑有问题，后面是agree就是一致的，而various是强调不同，建议去掉，意思已经用后面的in all industries表达出来了） agreements in all industries,. Providing new opportunities and visions in their careers, networking has been one of the new social lives based on the jobs. In addition, the increasing（前面用过了，这里可以换成roaring/skyrocketing）rate of employment, such as in the Europe, would distract the unemployed from their normal（这里normal: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle,用ordinary较好） social life to the job related social activities.

Assuming such a situation, you prefer to enjoy social life rather your job, what will the your life be? Desperate in your professional area, you are easily indulged in the social "intimacy" , luring around and feeling worthless except on the party and on date(直接合并就行，party可能也是和你妹子去的嘛~). What a miserable （少了个名词：life）it will be. Social life to some extent release(releases) people from the pressured(pressured是形容人的主观感受，换成onerous) work but value nothing to make people choke(婷婷不明白这里的用法). The main value of a（不用强调是一只人） human exists in the achievements especially the working achievements, giving up the main value, people will be hysterical（生动！）and lost.

Finally, basing on the evidences supporting the arguments I make, we could inspect that job is more essential in satisfying your own life and creating the successful（感觉这里用successful修饰value不太对，用profound？） personal values. The effects it causes are lasting and extremely ditrimental（这个词貌似用错了？） to one's fulfillment.


Conclusion：抓狂，每次都写这么好！这词汇，嘿嘿，婷婷也小摸的查了好几次字典的说~

1.写的比较有深度，把job中的social life都拿出来了，不错

2.有少量用词不准和逻辑错误

3.继续努力吧~

N只梨花压海棠

8 21独立，早晨梦游起来写的，睡眼惺忪, 发完继续睡去了~瓜瓜同学来狠P！
Distance is aabstract definition on my mind until I left my hometown for university. Livingin my hometown, a small town where people are closely connected with eachother, I made intimate and life-long friends there. When told to say goodbye tomy pals, I was deeply frustrated and desperate to accept such a cruel fact, butwhat makes me relieve is the desire for knowledge and passion for venture in myfuture. Commonly, distance blocks the certain relationships between friends,but from my perspective, not moving to a new city or new country for fearingfor losing friends is a clumsy excuse and coward-style action, render the badeffects. Truth and the evidences proving it would be exposed in the following paragraphsto oppose the issue.

Usually, moving toa new country or city means breaking in a strange environment, which is more orless different from your familiar life style in your previous place. Sufferingthe adapting problem and messy settlement at first, people generally couldadjust themselves to the new pattern after a few weeks, In contact with the “new”people around, the new settler could socialize with the new friends in the newplace, new relationships would not influence the existing ones but provide youwith a new chance to share your stories to your new friends. The oldfriendships could be treasured through the new acquaintance because you willmemorize certain old friends when referring to a topic.

The remote electronicaldevices, such as the mobile phone and internet-connected computer, could linkyou with your old friends. Booming as the internet application is , Skype andCamfrog, could realize the face to face online chatting. The old friendshipswouldn’t be undermined via such technology. On the other hand, keeping distinctto some extent could reinforce the friendship in a long-term view to avoid aover frequent communication which could be annoying to both.

In addition, whensteeping into a world, people will experience and explore the things, whichwill be worth being away from friends. Rare are the opportunities for people tofulfill their dreams, missing these chances could cause them to not forgivethemselves especially when they are old. Furthermore, “comfort zone” restrictspeople into an “incarceration” where their visions are limited to the surroundings,sunrise and sunset could be appreciated exotically and spectacularly outsidethe familiar places to avoid pathetic regrets for fear of losing oldfriends.  

Finally, bearingthe cliché of the losing friend’s statement, I engage myself into the beliefthat moving to a new place benefit you in different angles, at the same time,the chance that old friendships become apathetic is gratuitously assumed basedon the evidences and arguments.

瓜瓜不瓜

It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.D/A


Distance is a abstract definition on my mind until I left my hometown for university. Livingin my hometown, a small town where people are closely connected with each other, I made intimate and life-long friends there. When told to say goodbye to my pals（感觉told这个被动用在这里意义不大，pal较为口语化，不推荐）, I was deeply frustrated and desperate to accept such a cruel fact, but what makes（made） me relieve is（was） the desire for knowledge and passion for venture in my future. Commonly, distance blocks the certain relationships between friends,but from my perspective, not moving to a new city or new country for fearing for（of） losing friends is a clumsy excuse and coward-style action, render the badeffects（这个的主语也是not moveing 那一段？感觉离的有点远，而且应该加个and来连接）. Truth and the evidences proving it would be exposed in the following paragraphsto oppose the issue.(it之上一句的but后面的内容，那issue呢？指代不清，建议直接去掉)

Usually, moving to a new country or city meansbreaking in a strange environment, which is more or less different from your familiar life style in your previous place. Suffering the adapting problem and messy settlement at first, people generally could （not）adjust themselves to the new pattern after （utill）a few weeks(+later,感觉改成not...utill...更好一点), In contact with the “new”people around, the new settler could socialize with the new friends in the newplace,（缺少连词） new relationships would not influence the existing ones but（应该要加上also，单单but的话句子的意思不太对劲） provide you with a new chance to share your stories to your new friends. The old friendships could be treasured through the new acquaintance because you will memorize certain old friends when referring to a topic.（建议还是在第一、二句就扔出你的观点，这一段引入有点长了）

（缺衔接）The remote electronical devices, such as the mobile phone and internet-connected computer, could link you with your old friends. Booming as the internet application is , Skype and Camfrog, could realize the face to face online chatting（额= =！adj.+as+subject1+is, subject2+verb 这个句式我也有用，但是根据35好句的意思是：虽然，我把例句附在文章最后）. The old friendships wouldn’t be undermined via such technology（这个木有表达好，建议改成：thank to such technology, the old friendship would not be undermined 。另：IBT writing里尽量不要出现would'nt 这类的缩写）. On the other hand, keeping distinct to some extent could reinforce the friendship in a long-term view to（改成 as it aviods） avoid aover frequent communication which could be annoying to both.

In addition, when steeping into a world, people will experience and explore the things, which will be worth being away from friends. Rare are the opportunities for people to fulfill their dreams, (缺少连词链接两个句子，最简单地加个and)missing these chances could cause them to not forgive themselves especially when they are old. Furthermore, “comfort zone” restricts people into an “incarceration” where their visions are limited to the surroundings,（again！连词！）sunrise and sunset could be appreciated exotically（神马词？   金山词霸查不到-。-） and spectacularly outsidethe familiar places to avoid pathetic regrets for fear of losing oldfriends.

Finally, bearing the cliché （神马情况！法语也来啦？！跪。）of the losing friend’s statement, I engage myself into the belief that moving to a new place benefit you in different angles, at the same time,the chance that old friendships become a pathetic is gratuitously assumed based on the evidences and arguments.

梦游时写的确实没有清醒的时候写的好啊。
1.注意  句子+，+（and/ but/ 等conj.）+句子 这个错误有点低级了，重复出现好多次。
2.十、Adj + as + Subject（主词）+ be, S + V~ （虽然...）
例句：Rich as our country is, the qualities of our living are by no means satisfactory. {by no means = in no way = on no account 一点也不}
虽然我们的国家富有，我们的生活品质绝对令人不满意。（摘自35好句）
此用法已经鹤鹤牛津词典认证，放心使用啊哈哈哈

N只梨花压海棠

四篇了，把自己的错误总结一下  经常地逻辑主语搞错，魂淡啊~
（As the issue is caught by such attention, some educators propose to raise teacher's salary, a simple and direct way to propell the process of the quality improvement.粗改，供参考 --- 避免啰嗦的表达方式
  经常性忘记加连词或者把标点改成分号--- 不可饶恕啊
  缩写啊缩写--- 太随便了
  in the investigating from statistics ---- 自己写的，现在想想，这还是人话么== among the statistics from investigations
  increasing--- roaring/skyrocking/climbing/rising
  detrimental--- 傻逼呵呵地记成了重要的
  successful personal value---- 应该是 sucess-orientated personal value- 这样就好了




自我批判：1，态度要认真，最后一篇写得太快了，根本没多想，pal都出来了~
                 2，速度要加快，但是错误，尤其是句式错误不能有，下篇严格下时间
                 3， 词汇上面要更丰满一些，在某些小话题上还需要积累，
                 4，最后一个星期搞个自己的模版
                 5，走了~blessing myself---- something we obtain too cheaply we esteem to lightly

N只梨花压海棠

8 22独立parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently
Educationalmethods, the ever-lasting heatedly discussed issue, has expanded to all the environedareas in our lives. Concerning the future of the next generation, the parentsand public exert great effort to chase the beacon in the mist. During theperiod, the road they embark on is blocked by the topic; children should finishtheir tasks by themselves or via parents’ help. The paradox triggered the stormof arguing and discussing, people falling into it with confusions. Generalarguments and specific examples will be demonstrated in the article to displaythe pros and cons of each way, providing a straightforward process to decidethe better one.

Independent and criticalthinking is always the favorable and essential quality children, for it couldreinforce the process of self-improving that is crucial in the children’sfuture careers. Encouraging children to resolve the assignments independentlycould absolutely train such quality, and what the parents offer is not set mealbut a a la carte. Children could choose their own proble-settled methods whichwill not be limited by the stereotypes. Creative and optimistic will be thechildren to face the challenges when treated in this way. But struck in aproblem in a long time, children could be unconfident and clumsy because notevery one is Einstein, even the genius need the guide from experienced adults. Furthermore,it is not possible to “abandon” their children except worthless words for theparents.

Another considering way,giving the suggestions and directions for the children’s problems, could beless time-consuming and energy-consuming. Children could benefit from such educationalway to explore the uncovered and cultivate their habits and hobbies. Inaddition, children would not be distracted by their own absent-minded  moments but be concentratingon the tasks under the parents’ supervision. Rational seems it is, this methodhas obvious fallacy that could overweigh the advantages rendered by it. “Toteach a man to fish is better than to give him fish.” Children could rely on itever since, they might be dependent in the pattern without their own thoughts.Restricted in their parent’s minds, children could hardly experience the newworld; they will be helpless and desperate when facing the world alone.

Finally, I try to convincemyself to support one way, but I failed. Complex and intricate the issue is.What we have covered and explored is insufficient to conclude, but no mattereach way is necessary to be adjusted by the children’s characters and interests.On the other hand, for different subjects, the educational ways could bemultiple. Touring into the forest with parents’ assistance is a good way to studybiology. Explaining the mathematic formulas independently could be effiencentand unforgettable.

婷婷connie

8.22改文
8 22独立parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently


Educationalmethods, the ever-lasting heatedly discussed issue, has expanded to all the environedareas in our lives. Concerning the future of the next generation, the parentsand public exert(最近发现cast这个词也挺好~)great effort to chase the beacon in the mist（形象的比喻）. During theperiod, the road they embark on is blocked by the topic（这句话不是很明白，求解释）; children should finishtheir tasks by themselves or via parents’ help. The paradox triggered the stormof arguing and discussing, people falling into it with confusions. Generalarguments and specific examples will be demonstrated in the article to displaythe pros and cons of each way, providing a straightforward process to decidethe better one显得好有逻辑的说~）.

Independent and criticalthinking is always the favorable and essential quality (of) children, for it couldreinforce the process of self-improving that is crucial in the children’sfuture careers. Encouraging children to resolve the(可以去掉) assignments independentlycould absolutely train such quality, and what the parents offer is not set mealbut a carte. Children could choose their own proble-settled（problem-settled）methods whichwill not be limited by the stereotypes. Creative and optimistic will be thechildren to face the challenges when treated in this way. But struck（stranded） in aproblem in a long time, children could be unconfident and clumsy because notevery one is Einstein(这句是做什么成分？), even the genius need the guide from experienced adults. Furthermore,it is not possible to “abandon” their children except worthless words for theparents.

Another considering way,giving the suggestions and directions for the children’s problems, could beless time-consuming and energy-consuming.（这个地方要强调一下小孩省时省力了？） Children could benefit from such educationalway to explore the uncovered （这里少了一个名词）and cultivate their habits and hobbies. Inaddition, children would not be distracted by their own absent-minded moments but be concentratingon the tasks under the parents’ supervision. Rational seems it is, this methodhas obvious fallacy that could overweigh the advantages rendered by it. “Toteach a man to fish is better than to give him fish.” Children could rely on it ever since（用could怪怪的，改成if children rely on it ever since）, they might be dependent in the pattern without their own thoughts.Restricted in their parent’s minds, children could hardly experience the newworld; they will be helpless and desperate when facing the world alone.

Finally, I try to convincemyself to support one way, but I failed.Complex and intricate the issue is.What we have covered and explored is insufficient to conclude, but no mattereach way is necessary to be adjusted by the children’s characters and interests.On the other hand, for different subjects, the educational ways could bemultiple. Touring into the forest with parents’ assistance is a good way to studybiology.Explaining the mathematic formulas independently could be effiencent(efficient) and unforgettable.


Conclusion：同样抱着欣赏的态度啊~此乃美文也

1.海棠的比喻用的超级好！

2.冠词问题，之前上课听老师说过，the表特指，a表泛指，后面接单数；如果是复数的话，通常什么都不加。

It's a ladder used to ascend a tree, it's a kind of tool of ascent that's a kind of a tool for getting fruit.这是用来爬上树的梯子，是一种上升的工具,也是用来摘果子的。

The radius of the orbit, the energy of the system and the velocity of the electron, I am just going to present you the solutions.是轨道的半径，系统的能量,以及电子的速度，我接下来会给你们讲解其方程的解法。

3.很喜欢那个time-consuming and energy-consuming的观点

4.fighting

N只梨花压海棠

8月30独立，好久没写了，手生，边扯淡边写的，写了一个多小时，愁!


When the main westernauthorities emphasized on the ideology of democracy, the public was called upon to contribute themselves to vote for the relatively “fair” tax policy.Burdened by the bright future has been promised to the dwellers previously andthe “golden rule” admitted by the multilateral politic powers, government hasattempted to exploit effective proposals to benefit the civilians. Generalarguments and specific examples would supposedly be displayed to demonstratethe direction of the judgment which is relevant to the construction of art museumsand music performance center or of recreational facilities.

Standing on differentdimensional mountains, you could view various scenes. From the normal civilianperspectives, art museums and music performance provide them with the chancesto be drowning in the cultural pool to experience the depictions of the creaturesand characters from the great painters in the world or to enjoy the serendipitiesgifted by God which are created by amazing musicians. Furthermore, the artmuseums and music performance centers could cultivate the civilian’s intereststo arts through touring to such places. Adopted by the novels and stories from the ancestors, music and arts inanother way spur people to learn literature from native writers. What a amazingthing it is that people on the street chat with others with the topic of Shakespeareor Henry Thoreau and their articles. Hence, the national values and beliefscould be heritaged by the next generations.

Chasing the beacon in themist, the opponents criticize the arguments above that overstate the value ofthe art and music. Gratuitous assumptions made by the proponents mislead themto embark on the wrong crossroad. Great expenditures and time cost by buildingthe impractical arts, the “realists” prefer to urge the government to spend thetaxers’ money on the facilities that are closely associated with their lives.Building the recreational facilities supposedly fulfill the demand of mostpeople especially the avid people who regularly exercise outdoor. It is nodenying that people would be inclined to exercise via the superior facilitiescompared to the previous ones. Rational is the logical chain that health andstatus of the dwellers would be better. Especially, the ever-increasingcontemporary diseases and obsesity disturb modern people’s livies. Encouragingthem to go out and breathe the fresh air could be a fundamental problem that isindispensible to be settled by the government/

What the issue provides isnot a set meal but a a lar carte, policy maker should be clam to ignore themania of the discussion. No matter the artistic buildings or the recreationalfacilities could rendor the impacts based on the decisions. The governmentshould cope with the controversial problem through analyzing the currentsituation and future development of the cities. Take an imaging example. If,the image of the city is the historic city, advocating the local arts and musicis the buckle to the belt, and vice versa.  

steigen

When the main western authorities emphasized on the ideology of democracy, the public was called upon to contribute themselves to vote for the relatively “fair” tax policy.（背景引入很深入啊，值得学习）Burdened by the bright future has been promised to the dwellers previously and the “golden rule” admitted by the multilateral politic powers, government has attempted to exploit effective proposals to benefit the civilians. General arguments and specific examples would supposedly be displayed to demonstrate the direction of the judgment which is relevant to the construction of art museum sand music performance center or of recreational facilities.（开头好有感觉啊，紧密和社会联系在一起）

Standing on different dimensional mountains, you could view various scenes.（好比喻）From the normal civilian perspectives, art museums and music performance provide them with the chances to be drowning in the cultural pool to experience the depictions of the creature sand characters from the great painters in the world or to enjoy the serendipities gifted by God which are created by amazing musicians. Furthermore, the art museums and music performance centers could cultivate the civilian’s interests to arts through touring to such places. Adopted by the novels and stories from the ancestors, music and arts in another way spur people to learn literature from native writers. What an amazing thing it is that people on the street chat with others with the topic of Shakespeare or Henry Thoreau and their articles. Hence, the national values and beliefs could be heritaged by the next generations.

Chasing the beacon in the mist, the opponents criticize the arguments above that overstate the value of the art and music. Gratuitous assumptions made by the proponents mislead them to embark on the wrong crossroad. Great expenditures and time cost by building the impractical arts, the “realists” prefer to urge the government to spend the taxers’ money on the facilities that are closely associated with their lives. Building the recreational facilities supposedly fulfill the demand of most people especially the avid people who regularly exercise outdoor. It is no denying that people would be inclined to exercise via the superior facilities compared to the previous ones. Rational(缺少名词) is the logical chain that health and status of the dwellers would be better. Especially, the ever-increasing contemporary diseases and obsesity(???) disturb modern people’s livies(lives). Encouraging them to go out and breathe the fresh air could be a fundamental problem that is indispensible(indispensable) to be settled by the government/

What the issue provides is not a set meal but a a lar(???) carte, policy maker should be clam to ignore the mania of the discussion. No matter the artistic buildings or the recreational facilities could rendor(render) the impacts based on the decisions. The government should cope with the controversial problem through analyzing the current situation and future development of the cities. Take an imaging example. If, the image of the city is the historic city, advocating the local arts and musicis the buckle to the belt, and vice versa.(后两个句子可以整合在一起吧，总结做的很精彩)

批改过程中让我学到了很多，思路也很开拓，比喻还有最后总结升华也都很有特点。
不足的地方就是，有些拼写错误啊，多注意就好了，还有看了一下字数上快要500多字了
其实作文在350-450之间是最好的了。 但是还是蛮佩服的，能有这么多可写~  

N只梨花压海棠

8月31日 独立， 打字速度严重下降，半个小时才写了不到450字，郁闷
What we have observed inthe reality and from the success-orientated books occasionally introduce thesuccessful story of a small villager, attracted by this achievement, we admire himand constitute such a biased ideology. People who go out from the born villagewould gain greater achievements and happiness. There is an deficiency to connectthe logical loop. Superficial and insufficient evidences will be disputed inthe following parts of the articles to argue the right direction of the issue.

First of all, a questionhanging over my head, what is success and happiness. Finding a torch in thedark, socialists have explored various situations and scenarios to figure outthe answers. Unfortunately, unknown the certain answer, no one could define thesuccess and happiness, but from the experience and demonstrations given by the investigations,success and happiness have a fundamental issues, that is do what you want.Imagine you are born as a empire with silver spoon, you could enjoy all the “wonderful” amusement all over the world but you couldn’t do your favorite things, it ispathetic and miserable. In the same pattern, devoting one’s willingness toachieve success would not result in the happier life but cause a hysterical anddesperate life. Therefore, irresponsible it is to assert that village peoplecould not achieve the same success and happiness as people who go out.

Generally, when speaking ofthe achievements that one gains, people are usually “blind” to see his hardworkingand ethical dilemmas. Behind the fame and fortune, the man who is successful islagged by such “heavy things” to conduct his duties, he would get happinessuntil he esteem the “heavy things” as his own destiny. Obviously, this is gratuitouslyassumed.

Finally, People who go outof the villiage to experience the outdoor world might be influenced by the distractionsand temptations outside. Even though they have more opportunities in themotroplicians, they will be easier to lose themselves to the unexpectedsituation without any trusted teamworkers. On the other hand, people who stayin the village could concentrate on what they do, if they seize one chancegifted by god, they could be successful too with the help of their families andfriends.

Even the whole society hasemphasized on the value of the vision which could only be gained through goingoutdoor, I hold the point of view that staying in own place could also renderthe successful life. But one’s destiny is decided by multiple factors, youcouldn’t rely on one, choosing your own comfort zone and enjoy your life couldbe the ideal and rational choice.

pedrohuo

What we have observed in the reality and from the success-orientated books occasionally introduce the successful story of a small villager, attracted by this achievement, we admire him and constitute such a biased ideology. People who go out from the born village would gain greater achievements and happiness. There is an(a) deficiency to connect the logical loop.Superficial and insufficient evidences will be disputed in the following parts of the articles to argue the right direction of the issue.（请教海棠兄。这个是模版么？感觉这句很好）

First of all, a question hanging over my head, what is success and happiness. Finding a torch in the dark, socialists have explored various situations and scenarios to figure out the answers. Unfortunately, unknown the certain answer, no one could define the success and happiness, but from the experience and demonstrations given by the investigations, success and happiness have a fundamental issues, that is do what you want. Imagine you are born as a empire with silver spoon, you could enjoy all the “wonderful” amusement all over the world but you couldn’t do your favorite things, it is pathetic and miserable. In the same pattern, devoting one’s willingness to achieve success would not result in the happier life but cause a hysterical and desperate life. Therefore, irresponsible it is to assert that village people could not achieve the same success and happiness as people who go out.

Generally, when speaking of the achievements that one gains, people are usually “blind” to see his hard working and ethical dilemmas. Behind the fame and fortune, the man who is successful is lagged by such “heavy things” to conduct his duties, he would get happiness until he esteem the “heavy things” as his own destiny. Obviously, this is gratuitously assumed.

Finally, People who go out of the villiage(village) to experience the outdoor world might be influenced by the distractions and temptations outside. Even though they have more opportunities in the motroplicians(metropolitans), they will be easier to lose themselves to the unexpected situation without any trusted team workers. On the other hand, people who stay in the village could concentrate on what they do, if they seize one chance gifted by god, they could be successful too with the help of their families and friends.(这段例子对我启发很大啊。太好了。我写的时候实在想不到例子了。所以最后观点段写的特差)

Even the whole society has emphasized on the value of the vision which could only be gained through going outdoor, I hold the point of view that staying in own place could also render the successful life. But one’s destiny is decided by multiple factors, you couldn’t rely on one, choosing your own comfort zone and enjoy your life could be the ideal and rational choice.

海棠的作文功底比我高很多。用词丰富。独立主格句式信手拈来。都是我需要学习的。除了几个拼写错误。真没发现什么问题。