写的不好，希望大家指出毛病，群名：轩辕大少

w1998229

8.5Have you ever regretted that you didn’t catch the opportunities?  Have you ever heard that taking action immediately may also give you better results?  Have you known that patience may make sure you do the job properly but never develops creative thinking?  If you have, you will definitely stand on my point that we should take action immediately rather than later.

To begin with, to take action immediately can also let us accomplish the job nicely. Admittedly, patience can make sure we can consider more about the job from different aspects. However, it doesn’t represent that no faults will be made during the work. On the other hand, taking action in the first time can express our original idea about the job, some time may provide us creative ways to finish the job and get better effect. Take me as an example, I am a candid person who always do anything without much consideration, but I can also finish the mission designed to me quickly and properly. I always be appraised by others and response quickly became a merit of me.  Hence, taking action immediately is a way to bring out a good job.

Another equally important point is that taking action without much patience can cultivated us the ability of dealing with emergency situations.  Nothing could deter us from success but a hasten disposition. People who always proceeds before others have the ability to consider things quickly. That means when confronting with the dilemma, they can figure out the way to cope with it and be respected by others. These people have more chance to be a rudder in a team and more likely to seize the opportunities than others. Therefore, taking action immediately may facilitate the cultivation of abilities.

Last but not least, to act at first time, to some extent, means we can have more time to revise our work than others. As mentioned above, patience is not capable of ensuring no faults. Given the same time to do the same job, one who act before others means there is longer residual time than others which could be use to examine his work.  Making less faults than others make us leave a sedulous impression to others and get credence from others. Accordingly, to act immediately is a good way to be successful.

Citing Hu Shi, a celebrity’s sentence “to be a sagacious person, one should always act quickly than others” to support my point, I think to take action quickly than wait may provide us a better result.

w1998229

8.6Under the circumstance of economy crisis, various serious social phenomena come out, such as high unemployment rate, low family incomes, social productivity shrinks and so forth. Confidence of the government wane, people all wants to search a way to extricate them from the mire. Therefore, from my personal view, I think it is necessary for high school students to take a course of basic economy.

To begin with, taking an economy course can improve students’s abilities of other aspects. As we know, economy is such a field that unite math, society, sampling theory and knowledge. Hence no one could learn this well if they don’t have strong background of interdisciplinary knowledge. Students who take this course have to study hard to improve overall abilities. Take me as an example, since I had taken the basic economy course, I passed the exam and got high score, I won the appraise from teachers and was respected by others.

Another equally important point is that some basic economy knowledge can teach us to manage our money properly. Nowadays, our society is characterized by fierce competition, parents live hard to make subsistence, we should cherish the results of parents industrious work. By learning economy, we can find method to use money effective. People who manages their money well often has more chances to be successful in the future. According to a research conducted by a professor of Peking University, Students who takes economy course not only learn how to manage their money but perform well in the daily life. It’s fair to say economy course is capable of giving students numerous advantages.

Last but not least, economy knowledge can satisfy students’ curiosity about phenomena in the society. Why there always is a hiatus between government budget and factual expense? Why we can make a remittence to other country? How can we use our money in hand to investigate to get fortune? If one is craving for the answers of these question, he should take economy course to figure them out. I learned economy, I can use the knowledge to analysis problem myself and get fun.  Accordingly economy is such a field that could interest us all.

Citing Adam Smith, a famous economist’s sentence:“money is nothing but a tool to seek happiness, fortune will come to these people who knows how to use it.”  to support my stance on this topic. I think economy knowledge is the key to unlock the fortune secret, every one should learn it well.

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Have you ever regretted that you didn’t catch the (删去) opportunities?  Have you ever heard that taking action immediately may also give you better results?  Have you known that patience may make sure you do the job properly but never develops creative thinking?  If you have, you will definitely stand on my point that we should take action immediately rather than later.
开头很好没什么可说的简洁明了


To begin with, to take action immediately can also let us accomplish the job nicely. Admittedly, patience can make sure（多次出现，而且还有点拗口 assure guarantee ensure） we can consider more about the job from different aspects. However, it doesn’t represent that no faults will be made during the work. On the other hand, taking action in the first time can express our original idea about the job, （and 没连词怎么就是吧两个句子并到一个主语了）some time may provide us creative ways to finish the job and get better effect. Take me as an example, I am a candid person who always do (does) anything without much consideration, but I can also finish the mission designed to me quickly and properly. I always be appraised by others and response quickly became a merit of me.  Hence, taking action immediately is a way to bring out a good job.
我觉得这段的例子有点牵强，why does accomplishing work immediately result in a nice consequence? 你自己都说了some time，考官完全可以认为 it’s fortunate for you to complete work effectively.

所以说这段例子没有太大的说服力，不过总的来说句子的流畅很好



Another equally important point is that taking action without much patience can cultivated us the ability of dealing with emergency situations.  Nothing could deter us from success but a hasten（这个是动词） disposition. People who always proceeds（是准备用precede？那后面的before 去掉）before others have the ability to consider things quickly. That means when confronting with the dilemma, they can figure out the way to cope with it and be respected by others(没什么练习删去吧). These people have more chance to be a rudder in a team and more likely to seize the opportunities than others. Therefore, taking action immediately may facilitate the cultivation of abilities.

这一段显得单薄，说明培养出里紧急事务能力的就两句话，而有了能力的好处确有三句话，如何培养的貌似没有说清楚。



Last but not least, to act at first time, to some extent, means we can have more time to revise our work than others. As mentioned above, patience is not capable of ensuring no faults. Given the same time to do the same job, one who act before others means（这个means 也用了很多次了 reflects represents embodies） there is longer residual time than others which could be use to examine his work.  Making less faults than others make us leave a sedulous impression to others and get credence from others. Accordingly, to act immediately is a good way to be successful.

Citing Hu Shi, a celebrity’s sentence:“to be a sagacious person, one should always act quickly than others” to support my point, I think to take action quickly than wait may provide us a better result.



Tips

结构清晰总分总掌握的很好，尝试高级词汇



语言需要再精炼，相同用法多次出现



推理论证需要更深入，阐释不是很明确



长句过多，有点绕口



定语从句的事态要好好注意一下

GWinner

我来拜读文章了^^

生病所以停了两天没写...明天开始继续作业~没事儿的话可以去我那帮我指点指点!

加油~

lemonyhu

8.6

Under the circumstance of economy crisis, various serious social phenomena come out, such as high unemployment rate, low family incomes, social productivity shrinks and so forth. Confidence of the government wane, people all wants to search (search for?)a way to extricate them from the mire(这个mire 我看主要用在文学里~不知道会不会有点大了呢~但是这个句子的意思很棒). Therefore, from my personal view, I think（有了from。。。view，省去I think更简洁） it is necessary for high school students to take a course of basic economy.

To begin with, taking an economy course can improve students’s（students’） abilities of other aspects. As we know, economy is such a field that unite math, society, sampling theory and knowledge. Hence no one could learn this well if they don’t have strong background of interdisciplinary knowledge. Students who take this course have to study hard to improve overall abilities. Take me as an example, since I had taken the basic economy course, I passed the exam and got high score, I won the appraise（appreciation？） from teachers and was respected by others.（一般was和won这两个是不能平行的，可以再was前面加I~）

Another equally important point is that some basic economy knowledge can teach us to manage our money properly. Nowadays, our society is characterized by fierce competition, parents live hard to make subsistence（用词很好~~~但是我google一下只有三千多条感觉不是很常用）, we should cherish the results of parents industrious work. By learning economy, we can find method to use money effective. People who manages（是不是要用manage？） their money well often has more chances to be successful in the future. According to a research conducted by a professor of Peking University, Students who takes economy course not only learn how to manage their money but perform well in the daily life. It’s fair to say economy course is capable of giving students numerous advantages.

Last but not least, economy knowledge can satisfy students’ curiosity about phenomena in the society. Why there always is（there is always） a hiatus between government budget and factual expense? Why we can（can we） make a remittence？ to other country? How can we use our money in hand to investigate to get fortune? If one is craving for the answers of these questions, he should take economy course to figure them out.（Since） I learned economics, I can use the knowledge to analyze problem myself and get fun. Accordingly， economy is such a field that could interests us all.

Citing Adam Smith, a famous economist’s sentence “money is nothing but a tool to seek happiness, fortune will come to these people who knows how to use it.” to support my stance on this topic. I think economy knowledge is the key to unlock the fortune secret, everyone should learn it well.

LZ的展开三点很棒~我个人就想不到三点~

LZ尝试了一些新词很句式，有一些有点小问题~~~红色的都改出来了

绿色的是我认为好的句子~

有一些搭配不太恰当，LZ可以写的时候去google 一下~~

然后我的文章页写完了希望LZ多提意见

另外你是怎么想到那么多点的呀呵呵呵

w1998229

8.10 rock writing
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree? 这个该死的作文题目让我没办法用我最擅长的让步方式啊，蛋疼疼疼疼疼！！！！还有批改我作文的同学留下作文的帖子的地址，我会帮忙改的，前几天去医院了，偷个懒！

Have you ever regretted that you hurt somebody by impolite action? Do you know polite manners stands for one’s moral qualities? Have thought of that to keep peaceful, we should respect each other? If your answer is yes, you will definitely stand on my point that we should not be impolite to others.
To begin with, we must admit that good impressions are very important for making friends. Going on from this premise, polite manner is indispensible in our daily life. With the advent of peaceful epoch, our society accentuates moral qualities of people. To be polite to others helps us win others’ respects and make friends with people. More friends could provide us more ways to be successful in the future. Take me as an example, communicating with others in good manners made me be appraised by others and I received political patronages from my friends when compete with others.


Another equally important points is that to be polite to others makes us deal with problems in a relatively easy way, to some extent, reduce time on it. When we confront with dilemma, the first response comes to mind is to critic others to cause this situation. Problems seldom are solved when wasting time on figuring out who is responsible for this situation. However, a polite manner makes us negotiate with each other properly and shorten the time on it.  According to a research conducted by professor of Peking University, A team with friendly environment works much efficiently than the team that impeachments often occur. Hence, a polite manner is very important in a daily life.

Last but not least, impolite action often affect one’s long-term development. Admittedly, being angry to others may let others be afraid of you in an instant time, it seems you win them superficially. However, it doesn’t represent that others approval you from their minds. If we always do so, we will lose credence from other people and leave others bad impression. A statistics shows people who always complain about others have less friends that those who is amenable in a team. People with polite manner have more chances to be a rudder in a team and win supports from others. Accordingly, polite manner is cornerstone of our success.

Citing Hu Shi, one celebrity’s sentence:“ If you want others to respect you, you should be polite to others first” to support my stance on this topic.  I think it’s incorrect to be impolite to others.