虫子要拿下T——一口啃掉综合写作!!!

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The main idea of the dispute is about the factor which caused the decline of the sea otter. According to the passage, the author points out that compared to the predator effect, she thinks that the environmental pollution leads to the decrease of the sea otter. However, the lecture（用lecturer） disagrees with it. And the professor gives the following three reasons.

First of all, the professor says that the no （dead ）otter on the shore is so strange. And then she provides an assumption that if the otters were not hurt by the predator, there should be a lot of otters on the shore which lives there freely. In fact, there is nothing remain they could find.（这里是污染造成的尸体会存在而被吃了就不存在了额）

Secondly, it is the author's idea that the number of the sea mammals like seals and sea lions along the coast is plunging the same time. Thus, this phenomenon supports the main conclusion of the reading. On the contrary, the professor gives the new clue that it is the orca which could change its diet due to the limited preys that are large enough for it and become the hunter to make the mammals disappeared.（这里面有一个human hunting） In other words, the decrease of these animals could not blame on the environment, but this consequence should be attributed to the hunters.

Last but not least, based on the reason before, the lecture would be in favor of the predation factors compared to the environmental one because the uneven locations of the otters. For example, if the otters were in the unaccessible place, their number will not shrink. And the orca is so large that the entrance could be constrained. On the contrary, if they not live in the shallow, rocky place, they are more likely to contain a limited number because the hunters.（这段不错，不过建议把语言再组织下，毕竟阅卷考试是不看阅读和听听力直接读你文章的额）

听力要加油额亲

klllun

自己提前修改了一点点滴~听力还是不行啊，听了两次才能写全一点点。肿么办啊肿么办

The issue is about whetherless reading on the literature than reading on the other things does less goodon the readers who should cultivate the sense of the culture. The readingpassage is in favor of the idea that literature is more important, and the lecturerdisagrees.

She casts doubt on thereading that only reading literature is critical. And then the professor givesthe explained aboutthe other books, such as creative novels, science, and the political analysiscould also provide the readers lots of intellectual stimulation. So it would betoo suspicious to say that other material is less important than theliterature.

Second, what is poorlyconcerned is that the aspects of the time which used to reading the literatureand of the version which could be written or not. Firstly, because the time islimited, if a people do not read the literature, he or she could spend the time time 而不可以使用the的这个定冠词 on doing other things that lead to the same effect ofthe reading literature. What's more, what if the potential literature readerschoose to listen to abrilliant music 直接使用music 或者a piece of music or watch a good movie? Theprofessor asserts that readers would also benefit from these things that arenot written. In fact, no one have the right to ignore the value of such things.

Last but not least, eventhough the reading claims that it is the fault of audience the audience表达一群人，要加定冠词 who hold a poor sense of book andfinally lead to less good literature being published, it is totallyunconvincing. To take the authors in to consideration, the writer might changethe idea. Based on the information in the literature that is so difficult tounderstand, the readers have no ability to read it clearly. Even the early generationwho read the conventional literature would not have a look at the literaturenewly issued. Thus, the passage has no warranted reason to 【to的用法有问题，与modifier没有连接上】 just blames on the audience instead of the author.

guoyang88

8.13的综合 还没写么 亲 还说给你改呢。

klllun

8.13的综合 还没写么 亲 还说给你改呢。

-- by 会员 guoyang88 (2012/8/14 19:45:20)

嘿嘿 ，是上面那一楼的，13号的作业，自己小小修改了一下的

klllun

14号的作业~
The lecturer casts doubt on the ideas that the passage indicates, and he gives the following three reasons.

First of all, when it comes to the permission to use the portrait, this was useless to justify the person who she is in it. The action of the authorization was taken place in 1882, a time after the Austen's death as long as 17 years. In other words, the Austen's family who gave the permission never had seen her yet. Thus, the words from them could not take in to consideration.

Second, though the face show some resembles in Cassandra's sketch, it is possible that there are some relatives of Austen having the same features that Austen has. Admittedly, he says that Austen has a large family which has so many people that the probability of resemblance is much more higher than others. For example, a nephew named Maria Capion looks like her very much.

Third, no signature or date could not lead to lack of evidence to show the truth. The professor points out that the stamp on the back of the portrait could provide some extra information about the time. Based on the thing sold by a person, Willian Leg, the conclusion could not be draw that Austen is the character because this man didn't sale the thing until Austen was 27 years old, when she was not a teenager who was depicted as in the portrait any more. So it is unconvincing to predicted that the style resembles to that of Ozias Humphrey, and this work belongs to him.

In sum, the lecturer disagrees with what the passage indicates and gives the warranted reasons.

klllun

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place





As the matter of improvement of life by the science or the technology, I would like to say that the enduring effect would give us a lot of imagination for the future. So we could not come to the conclusion so early, we should expect the major changes would not come yet.

To support my opinion, I will give three reasons.

Firstly, it is unlikely to predict the future things because we are not the god. The world is changing rapidly. Without enough imagination, we have no ability to predict what it would be tomorrow. For example, many years ago, people wanted to be like the birds flying in the blue sky freely. They just dreamed again and again that they had the wings on their bodies and that help them to enjoy the happiness of flying. They thought the magic must be needed, and then the dream would come true. Actually, the new technology of airplane gave an opportunity for people who would like to be like the birds. This invention truly changes the people's life. What a significance improvement you never thought would accomplished by the advanced science. If you lack the imagination, you will not know what significant change will happen in the future. So how can you speak that the most one has been there?

Secondly, the unconvincing saying that the most important improvement has already taken place is weaken by the wrong comparison. Because there is no standard for this comparison, how can you get the conclusion randomly that this technology is more critical than the other one? Lacking of the line to judge the importance of the creation, we could not point out that the idea of light bulb would be less useful than the thought of computer. In fact, light bulb change the living habits of the people, we could work and study at night without sun light. Speak of the computer, it is a fantastic improvement which contributes to our life a lot. Nowadays, nearly any individuals could not work without a computer, the elementary tool for a work.

Last but not least, if the idea that the most improvement is accepted by the majority of people, then the side-effect would appear. Why does this effect show up? Since the people might find there is no motivation to come up with the awesome ideas that bring to the big changes of the technology or science, they would like to try other things more challenge than this. I remember a traditional old saying just show the meaning that only the dissatisfaction leads to the change. What if all the public are satisfied with the science, they would do no effort to make our life better. That will be hurt the development of the science.


Thus, I really believed that not only a most significant improvement has not taken place, but also there will be no best one in our world.

235852140

粉色是错误 蓝色是个人建议
The lecturer casts doubt on the ideas that the passage indicates, and he（这个he没有指代对象，改成the professor）gives the following three reasons. （我认为这段至少应该说一下争论的问题是什么，光说听力反驳阅读应该不够）

First of all, when itcomes to the permission to use the portrait, this（改it） was useless to justify the person who she is in it. （句意不太通，“当什么什么时候，它useless to 判断...”改为The lecture claims that although an edition of A's letters got the permission to use ..., it could not conclude that the person in the painting is A. ）The action of the authorization was taken place in 1882, a time after the Austen's death as long as 17 years.（是70年）In other words, the Austen's family who gave the permission never had(反了， had never ) seen her yet. Thus, the words from them could not take in to consideration. （the words做主语，应用被动，could not be taken into consideration）

Second, though the face show（shows） some resembles in Cassandra's sketch, it is possible that there are some relatives of Austen having the same features that Austen has.(说一下是听力中的内容更好)Admittedly, he says that Austen has a large family which has so many people that the probability of resemblance is much more higher than others.（这里把可能性和others做比较，比较对象不平行，可把others改为 that of others，或者用 the general case更好） For example, a nephew named Maria Capion looks like her very much.（厉害，名字都听出来了，不过我在一个TPO综合写作解析的文档里看到名字的拼写是 Marianne Kempian，外国人的名字不太容易写对，建议不写名字的好）

Third, no signature or date could not lead to lack of evidence to show the truth. （没有签名不会导致证据缺乏，听力中应该是有证据的）The professor points out that the stamp on the back of the portrait could provide some extra information about the time. （the time it created）Based on the thing（thing是画布，改the blank canvas）sold by a person, Willian Leg, the conclusion could not be draw that Austen is the character（画线部分应该紧跟在conclusion后面） because this man didn't sale the thing until Austen was 27 years old, when she was not a teenager who was depicted as in the portrait any more.So it is unconvincing to predicted that the style resembles to that of Ozias Humphrey, and this work belongs to him.
（去掉and前的逗号， 因为并列的内容都是predict的内容）
In sum, the lecturer disagrees with what the passage indicates and gives the warranted reasons（加个above）

昨天有个判错了，今天更正来，when it comes to 是固定搭配  我搞错了 嘿嘿 .

winnie98

我第二回给改写作，先帮你大体改改，等晚上有时间再帮你仔细看看O(∩_∩)O

批改：用红色标注错误,蓝色标注没错但改了更好，绿色为批注


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place



As the matter of improvement of life by the science or the technology, I would like to say that the enduring effect would give us a lot of imagination for the future. So we could not come to the conclusion so early, we should expect the major changes would not come yet.

To support my opinion, I will give three reasons.

Firstly, it is unlikely to predict the future things because we are not the god. The world is changing rapidly. Without enough imagination, we have no ability to predict what it would be tomorrow. For example, many years ago, people wanted to be like the birds flying in the blue sky freely. They just dreamed again and again that they had the wings on their bodies and the wings helped them to enjoy the happiness of flying. They thought the magic must be needed, and then the dream would come true. Actually, the new technology of airplane gave an opportunity for people who would like to be like the birds. This invention truly changed the people's life. What a significant improvement you never thought would be accomplished by the advanced science. If you lack the imagination, you will not know what significant changes will happen in the future. Thus, how can you speak that the most one has been there?

Secondly, the unconvincing saying that the most important improvement has already taken place is weakened by the wrong comparison. Because there is no standard for this comparison, how can you get the conclusion randomly that this technology is more critical than the other one? Lacking of the line to judge the importance of the creation, we could not point out that the idea of a light bulb would be less useful than the thought of a computer. In fact, on grounds that (因果关系,加个transition更好) light bulbs have changed the living habits of the people, we could work and study at night without sun light. Speaking of the computer, it is a fantastic improvement which contributes to our life a lot. Nowadays, nearly any individuals could not work without a computer, the elementary tool for a work (work不可数,a去掉).

Last but not least, if the idea that the most improvement is accepted by the majority of people, then the side-effect would appear. Why does this effect show up? Since the people might find there is no motivation to come up with the awesome ideas that bring to the big changes of the technology or science, they would like to try more challenges of other things than those of technology and science(比较级前后要互相平衡,且challenge无adj.词性). I remember a traditional old saying just show the meaning that only the dissatisfaction leads to the change. What if all the public are satisfied with the science, they would do no effort to make our life better. That will harm(hurt一般不能用于指抽象事物) the development of the science.


From what have been discussed above, I really believe (不需用过去时) that not only the most significant improvement has not taken place, but also there will be no best one in our world.




1.整体思路清晰，如果在结尾段能稍微再总结一下前面阐述的理由，然后升华结论会更好。
2.有个别语法错误，注意时态和单复数形式。

klllun

好的好的，谢谢winnie啦~

klllun

TPO 13 8月15日作业

The lecturer points out that the consequence of selling and buying fossils is truly exaggerated. And she gives the three following reasons.

First of all, contrary to the argument in the reading text that there will be less access for the public to view the collections, the professor asserts that actually commercial fossils will lead to more exporture to the audience. Since they could use more place to display the fossil like public school, which have no access to show the fossil before.

Secondly, the lecturer contends that the experts will not miss out on any potentially critical discoveries because when the private buyers get their collection, they would like to ask someone who knows how to identify the fossil scientifically for help. Thus, it is unconvincing to say that the crucial information about the fossils would be missed out.

Third, it is very important that the total number of the fossils could be studied. According to the passage, it suggested that the destruction of the fossils might take place. However, if there is no enough sample of fossils, then what the people could study is very limited. In other words, the professor says that the scientists need more fossils be found, and compared to the fossils completely undiscovered, they could expect the fossils go discover. Plus, the commercial fossil collectors always come from the scientific organization or universities, how could them be not professional?

Thus, the outcome of commercial fossils is certainly exaggerated by the passage.