写作小分队---一战写作20,目标25，fighting---求拍砖，狠狠拍，别客气呀

ykhjy

pink 同学。。   我没清楚 谁改谁的。  我昨天改了另一个童鞋的综合   我也是先改别人的 再做作业的。。。我错了
蓝色成模版，黄色是原词，红色修改，绿色总结
8.2 it is often not a good thing to move to a new city
or a new countrybecause of the lose of old friends.
There is no doubt that everyone around the world need friends from child to adult. Meantime,living in modern society ,some people have to move to a new city or even a new country due to different reasons. however, true friends will not be lost even though ones【they】 cannot be together everyday. Thus, my view in this case is that immigration has nothing to do with losing old friends. 【首段阐述很清楚，观点鲜明。】
As the old saying goes,“a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I think this is the best answer to the question- who is a real friend. Friendship is an indispensable relationshipbetween people who you can share happiness and pains with. If friends will belost just because they can not get together everyday, I have to point out that they is【are】 not real friends. It is sad but true,so people do not need to worryabout losing such friends.【这一段提出了true friend的概念，与首段对应，提出会因为迁移而失去友谊的不是真正的朋友。我觉得观点很好。但最好举个例子，因为这段说的大部分是你的观点，没有论据，特别是说明为什么因为移民失去的友谊就不是真的朋友。因为按照你的观点，是不是可以类比爱情，因为距离分开的爱情有的是，但是是不是这些都不是真正的爱情。其实是不是有可能爱情真正存在过，只是因为距离产生了很多别的因素。。。友情是不是也是这样？纯属个人观点。总之有个例子会好点】

Moreover,with the development of modern technology, people can keep touch with others mucheasily than ever before. Besides traditional hand writing letters, there are manyother communication methods. the internet is a good point in this case. Through theinternet, people can talk to each other and even see the video at the same timeonly if you get a computer and linked【link the】 internet. 【这一段说明科技的发展让距离不是问题，友情还是可以联系。观点很好，但是要注意指出能方便与旧朋友联系，可以举个例子。】

Furthermore,there are many benefits to move to another city or even country to start a newlife. It is widely accepted that when people move into a new environment, hewill be much more interested in meeting strange people and making new friends.people can also learn how other people live ,which 【is】 a meaningful experience.it is apparent thatthose who often travel to meet different people in different cities orcountries are more widen-sight and 【they always】 develop an excellent communication skills. Themore you get ,the more you can share with your 【old 】 friends.【 which can be very beneficial for strengthen the friendship with your old friends.】【还是那个问题，最好有个能点明与旧朋友的关系的句子】

Although I agree that changing live environment willlose some old friends, I feel that advantages are more obvious. Moving to livein a new cityor country is an good opportunity to meet different people ,make new friend and learn new culture.【我觉得这个结尾有点与你的观点矛盾，因为你支持immigration不会失去旧朋友，而这里说的是living to a new city 的好处比较多。虽然你这里用了although，这一段像是让步，但是结尾不应该全偏向你观点的反面。你可以总结一下，先让步迁移到某个地方某个地方是有可能失去旧朋友，但是你还会拥有很多真正的朋友，而且现在的科技发展，以及在另一个城市生活的经历给了你很多保障 让你和旧朋友交流联系，所以。。。】

pinkyhuayin

8月11日

To improve the quality of education university should spend more money onsalary for professor.
Never does the topic of education fail to fantastic oureyes. When it comes to improvement of the education quality. Some people arguethat university should spend more money on salary for the professor. But, I donot agree with that.

Yet my disagreement does not mean that the important ofsalary should be ignored, but rather included with other indispensable factors,since the salary is a reasonable critia to value the professor’s ability.Education is also a big market, which means “the better job you do ,the higher paidyou get”.  

However, in order to promote the whole quality ofuniversity, there is much to leave. First of all, basic facilities is crucial part,including building schools and dorms, greening the campus, setting up the labsand library, etc. According to a survey conducted by Harvard , student are morewilling to study in good environment. Moreover, the academic atmosphere is keyfactor. There is no doubt that university is the best place to do research forstudent. And the academic atmosphere will attract more student to focus ontheir study and research during the cherish time. Take Jenny, one of my friend,as an example. Her major is Chemistry, and she did not like it much before.However, a big change happened when she got to the university. She did notbelieve how serious her classmates and professor took about the courses, andthen she began to like the class and experiments in the lab. Interactioninfluence each student. Last but not least, the quality of education cultivatenot only elite in specialized region but also a well-round student. Besidecommon course, university should also supply other colorful courses forstudents who is interested in them, such as the piano introduction, speechskill, computer coding. Only the university which can catch up the step of theworld can get a faster improvement than others.

In sum, my view is that  many other elements are superior to theprofessor’s salary to enhance university education, including basic facilities,academic atmosphere and colorful courses.

夏之鱼语

To improve the quality of education, 【加个逗号】university should spend more money on salary for professor. Never does the topic of education fail to fantastic our eyes.【不理解哎】 When it comes to 【the】improvement of the education quality，【改成逗号】some people argue that university should spend more money on salary for the professor. But, I do not agree with that【it】.【蓝色标记处有点Chinglish的感觉，或者不那么简洁】



Yet my disagreement does not mean that the important【importance】 of salary 【rising】 should be ignored, but rather included with other indispensable factors, since the salary is a reasonable critia to value the professor’s ability. 【不理解：我的异议并不意味着提高教师工资是不重要的，而是相比于其他一些必不可少的要素而言，因为工资是一个评价教授能力的合理标准。PS：如果你想表达的意思是：我并不是说教师的工资不重要，只是还有其他更为重要的因素。那么这样改如何：I do not mean to ignore the important role of the professor’s salary totally, since it is also an ideal criterion to measure the professor’s capability. However, when compared with the other indispensable factors, such as…, they are not the preference for the university to invest.】Education is also a big market【baby English而且，和后面的一句逻辑不衔接。大的市场是针对商人而言，而这里想表达的意思应该是工资与努力成正比。】, which means “the better job you do, the higher paid you get”.



However, in order to promote the whole quality of university, there is much to leave. First of all, basic facilities is 【a】crucial part, including building schools and dorms【teaching buildings and dormitories’ equipment_这里应该是facilities的列举而不是措施】, greening the campus, setting up the labsand library, etc. According to a survey conducted by Harvard, student【s】 are more willing to study in good environment. Moreover, the academic atmosphere is 【also a】key factor. There is no doubt that 【the】university is the best place to do research for student【s】【for students to do research】. And the【good ,删去the】 academic atmosphere will attract more student【s】 to focus on their study and research during the cherish time【建议把下划线部分去掉,有道说cherish没有只有V.词性】. Take Jenny, one of my friend【s】, as an example. Her major is Chemistry, and she did not like it much before【表达不对，可以说One year before/when she was in high school】. However, a big change happened【things changed】 when she got【went/attended】 to the university. She did not believe how serious her classmates and professor took about the courses,【it is unbelievable for her to understand how her classmates and professors can be so serious about this subject, but gradually, she also …】and then she began to like the class【es】 and experiments in the lab. Interaction influence each student.【interaction makes the influence between students】 Last but not 【the】 least, the quality of education cultivate【s】not only 【the】elite in specialized region【field。。。感觉region会不会更偏向于地域。。。不确定，仅参考】 but also a well-round【well-balanced】student. Beside common course, university should also supply other colorful【various】 courses for students who is interested in them, such as the piano introduction, speech skill【s】, computer coding. Only the university which can catch up 【要不要加with呀？not sure。。。】the step of the world can 【it】get a faster improvement than others.



In sum, my view is that many other elements are superior to the professor’s salary 【which help more】to enhance university education, including basic facilities, academic atmosphere and colorful courses.



备注：考试时如果有时间建议重点检查名词单复数问题，有些用词不太自如，有点词不达意，语句表达偏向chinglish，可以多背些特别的句式，没把握的长难句尽量不写，句式简单总比意思混了要好些。第二段逻辑性不是很强，其实我还没理解这段在文中所起的作用：如果是观点之一，那它和下面那段的关系式并列还是递进？有点抢了下面观点的感觉。

最后，以上内容仅代表个人观点，多多指教~~^ ^

pinkyhuayin

8.23 综合 tpo 21  

In the lecture, the professorargues that even though there are some benefits, the problems of genetic trees cannot be ignored ,and even overweight its merits..

The first problem theprofessor points out is that genetic trees can survive only in a specificcondition, but do not have ability to fit new atmosphere. Even though they arerough before as the reading indicates. Once the climate changes or a new pestinvades , genetic trees can not adapt to certain changes and will die out dueto their uniform.

Moreover, the professdisputes the statement in the reading that genetic trees will bring greatprofit for tree farmers. On the contrast, the cost of the genetic trees seedsis quiet higher than common ones, and by the laws, farmers also need to payextra fees to companies every years. In this sense, farmers ,who plant genetictrees ,can not make higher profit as the reading mentions.

Furthermore, the reading passageclaims that genetic trees can replace wild trees for demanding of wood, andrare trees can be protected. The professor disagrees with this view. Becausegenetic trees are always planted among native trees, and they more competitivethan native trees in live;">absorbing sunlight ,water and nutrition. Thenative trees are threatened by fast growing genetic trees.

pinkyhuayin

tpo22

The reading passage claims that ethanol fuel can not replace gasoline due to production of carban dioxide ,threaten  to animal foods and less competetive price,the professor disputes the these three theories.


The first statement the professor uses to debate the reading is that the ethanol fuel do produce carbon dioxide,but also  react with the carbon dioxide. The ethanol fuel is made from crop-corns,which absorb carbon dioxide during their growing process. In this sense, ethanol fuel performs better than gasoline in global warming problem.


Moreover,the reading passage argues that the ethanol fuel will take the plants for animals,which leads to the lack of a substantial source of food for animals,while the professor points out that the plants to produce ethanol fuel is not suitable for animals to eat at all. Therefore, the development of ethanol fuel do not influence livestock keeping.


Furthermore, the professor admits that currently,ethanol fuel is supported by government subsidies as the reading indicates,so they have a low price to compete with gasoline.However,according to a survey,as the mass production of ethanol fuel manufactured increases three times, the price will reduces forty percents totally. Which means ethanol fuel can competet with gasoline without the help from the government.

小兔爱twins

In the lecture, the professor argues that even though there are somebenefits as the passage mentioned（最好能能提到reading，反正反复强调阅读和听力矛盾就对了）, theproblems of genetic trees cannot be ignored ,and even overweight its merits.

The first problem the professor points out is that genetic trees cansurvive only in a specificcondition, but do not have ability to fit newatmosphere. Even though they are rough before as the reading indicates. Oncethe climate changes or a new pestinvades , genetic trees can not adapt tocertain changes and will die out dueto their uniform.

Moreover, the profess disputes the statement in the reading thatgenetic trees will bring greatprofit for tree farmers. On the contrast, thecost of the genetic trees seedsis quiet higher than common ones, and by thelaws, farmers also need to payextra fees to companies every years. In thissense, farmers ,who plant genetictrees ,can not make higher profit as thereading mentions.

Furthermore,the reading passage claims that genetic trees can replace wild trees fordemanding of wood, and rare trees can be protected. The professor disagreeswith this view. Becausegenetic trees are always planted among native trees, andthey more competitivethan native trees in live;">absorbing sunlight ,water and nutrition. Thenative treesare threatened by fast growing genetic trees.

没有什么大问题~~ 加油哦~~

ykhjy

tpo22  修改~蓝色good  黄色需修改  红色我改的 绿色批注建议

The reading passage claims that ethanol fuel can not replace gasoline due to production of carban dioxide ,threaten [这个不是 noun] to animal foods and less competetive price[不是很准确，因为现在价格还是有竞争力的，文中说的是未来。可以加个 in the future.lz这里是个创新，不过保守来说，直接说有仨问题会避免以偏概全。], [yet 两个谓语，别忘了连词] the professor disputes the these three theories.


The first statement the professor uses to debate the reading is that the ethanol fuel do [这个是不是该用does，因为看文中ethanol fuel 后面跟的是单数形式的动词，如果不确定，建议用另一种方式，比如说although、it is true that 之类的]produce carbon dioxide,but also  reacts[这里是什么 react with CO2？如果是ethanol fuel 可能不太准确，应该是growing process of plants把] with the carbon dioxide. The ethanol fuel is made from [plants such as] crop-corns,which [can] absorb carbon dioxide during their growing process. In this sense, ethanol fuel performs better than gasoline in global warming problem.


Moreover,the reading passage argues that the ethanol fuel will take the plants for animals,which leads to the lack of a substantial source of food for animals,while the professor points out that the plants to produce ethanol fuel is not suitable for animals to eat at all. [这里信息不是很准确哈，animals不能吃的是parts of plants，应该是植物的一部分把]Therefore, the development of ethanol fuel do not influence livestock keeping.


Furthermore, the professor admits that currently,ethanol fuel is supported by government subsidies as the reading indicates,so they have a low price to compete with gasoline.However,according to a survey,as the mass production of ethanol fuel manufactured increases three times, the price will reduces forty percents totally. Which means ethanol fuel can competet with gasoline without the help from the government.[最好细节再多一点，比如因为demand的上升，production就会上升。。。]


【整篇文章，结构挺清晰的。需要注意的是信息的准确性。有些可能是表述的问题。有问题欢迎讨论~~加油加油】