求拍，求指点！Argu 111附提纲！限时失败……

cakeluv

题目（XDF 绿书111）
The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore， a chain of movie－rental stores．
　　"In order to stop the recent decline in our profits， we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten movie－rental stores． Since we are famous for our special bargains， raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits． Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6：00 P．M． rather than 9：00 P．M． and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago． By implementing similar changes in our other stores， Movies Galore can increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices．"
　　Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument． Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted．

提纲
1、利润下降与降低经营费用无直接关系。
2、没告之新措施在downtown store实行后的效果。
3、即便在downtown store奏效，不代表在其他店也一样。
4、除降低经营费用外，还有其他方法提高收入。

正文(共450字)
The owner of Movies Galore recommended in this memorandum that reduce operating expenses could enhance their profits, however, after close scrutinize his/her argument, it is rife with assumptions and holes, hence cannot guarantee the policy he/she recommended would bring about expected outcomes.

First of all, the author argued that reduce operating expenses can stop decline in profits. However, there is no cogent correlation between these two assumptions. Since operating expenses is not the crucial cause due to the decline in profit and there are some other alternative measures can benefit the profit increasing as well. Nowadays, more and more customers abandon the traditional way of watching movie, like go to theater or rent DVD from movie-rental stores. Instead of that, customers prefer to watch movie on internet. Hence, the movie-rental store may develop on-line rental services for the increasing potential customers on net, so that they can explore a new profitable market, as for business, progress toward a new continent is always greater than stand still and defend an obsolete market. What’s more, compared to conduct revolutionary polices in physical store, on-line service is lower cost and more efficient.

Second, the author mentioned that some changes have been conducted in the store located in downtown Marston from last month. And he/she consider about applying similar measures in other stores. Unless he/she offer more specific and statistics data or evidence, we cannot believe in that such changes would contribute to positive effect. Hence we neither know what if the changes are helpful for the store in downtown, nor will it work equally in other stores. Granted that, such changes, like closing at 6:00PM rather than 9:00PM or reducing its stock of out-dated movie, help increasing its profit in downtown store. But, perhaps, it will not work in other stores in different areas. What if a store was in residential community, customers there incline to patronize movie-rental store after job during night, close store at 6:00PM would undoubtedly exclude most of these customers, thus, decrease the profit instead of increasing.

Moreover, without reducing operating expenses, there are some more approaches can also enhance the profit. Besides offering on-line service, which have mentioned previously, add more commercials and improve publicity shall be a reliable option. Because the competition among movie-rental store is getting fiercer gradually, indeed, promotion plays an important role more significantly than ever before.

While the author is well-intention and some of his/her suggestions could possibly help the stores increase profit without jeopardizing their long-held reputation. However, as lack of some solid evidence and some logical flaws among his/her assumptions, the author would not see the results he/she originally expected to.

限时失败，共审题，列提纲，写文章共花45分钟。哎……麻烦大牛痛拍，给个大概分数？弱弱问一句能上4.5吗？

竹林中人

你的提纲很好，语言感觉也很精炼。４．５分这个分数不好说，４分应该是有的

cakeluv

缺点在那呢？逻辑？还是文法？
应该怎么提高？
十分感谢！