默存追日 作文贴

nirvanababy

红色改错，蓝色疑问或建议，高亮是写得很好的。

The issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a highly controversial peg to hang on. During the more and more tanglesome time, the gap between different kinds of people is largening. Completing the whole process of educating at least needs three subjects-educator, learner, and educational media. To make the issue more sense（sensible）, we should discuss the topic from different perspectives that deeply affect the topic.
Everyone would admit the fact that the training process of educators is better off. The pre-educators have been selected under the increasing improvement of the national quality. This satistactory（satisfactory）fact would partially improve the efficiency of education prominently, because the improving of educators quality will definitely make the transmission of education more efficacious.
Learining（Learning）, as the name indicates, has lot many meanings as to which source one would choose to understand things of his own interest. Speaking of interests, modern people gradually lose veracious autognosis, because material desire and peer pressure distort people’s values. So many poor modern people cannot find their real interests. Therefore, they maybe(may be) majoring in fields that they are not really into. The tragic result must affect the efficiency of education.
Needless to say that the highly developing of material world improves the conditions of our modern education, we could deliver the knowledge more efficient by current educational media. For instance, the amelioration of educating infrastracture lessens the bad interruptions brought by physical environment during the process of education. The improvement that resource allocation becomes more balanced also adds advantages to the system of education.
Summing up the above, we should analyse the issue case by case that people are now easier to become educated than in the past.（感觉有点冗余，本来分析的就是issue case，为什么还要by caseXXX来分析issue case，如果要这么写一般是通过一个case来分析一个问题）The development of world brings the better educators and environment of education with no doubt. However, due to the rapid changing of the society, the continuous inflation of lust and pressure makes people more difficult to find the real interests and makes learners more difficult to keep tranquil during the procedure（procedure一般是手续程序之类的，建议用process较好） of learning.

文章比较新颖，是从三个方面来分析的，有立论也有驳论，句子和用词都有深厚功底。但是鉴于文章末尾强调的是“选择困难”，即驳论的部分，建议3、4段换位置，文章整体从支持到反驳，感觉逻辑更清晰，也更有说服力一点。

默存追日

红色改错，蓝色疑问或建议，高亮是写得很好的。

The issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a highly controversial peg to hang on. During the more and more tanglesome time, the gap between different kinds of people is largening. Completing the whole process of educating at least needs three subjects-educator, learner, and educational media. To make the issue more sense（sensible）, we should discuss the topic from different perspectives that deeply affect the topic.
Everyone would admit the fact that the training process of educators is better off. The pre-educators have been selected under the increasing improvement of the national quality. This satistactory（satisfactory）fact would partially improve the efficiency of education prominently, because the improving of educators quality will definitely make the transmission of education more efficacious.
Learining（Learning）, as the name indicates, has lot many meanings as to which source one would choose to understand things of his own interest. Speaking of interests, modern people gradually lose veracious autognosis, because material desire and peer pressure distort people’s values. So many poor modern people cannot find their real interests. Therefore, they maybe(may be) majoring in fields that they are not really into. The tragic result must affect the efficiency of education.
Needless to say that the highly developing of material world improves the conditions of our modern education, we could deliver the knowledge more efficient by current educational media. For instance, the amelioration of educating infrastracture lessens the bad interruptions brought by physical environment during the process of education. The improvement that resource allocation becomes more balanced also adds advantages to the system of education.
Summing up the above, we should analyse the issue case by case that people are now easier to become educated than in the past.（感觉有点冗余，本来分析的就是issue case，为什么还要by caseXXX来分析issue case，如果要这么写一般是通过一个case来分析一个问题）The development of world brings the better educators and environment of education with no doubt. However, due to the rapid changing of the society, the continuous inflation of lust and pressure makes people more difficult to find the real interests and makes learners more difficult to keep tranquil during the procedure（procedure一般是手续程序之类的，建议用process较好） of learning.

文章比较新颖，是从三个方面来分析的，有立论也有驳论，句子和用词都有深厚功底。但是鉴于文章末尾强调的是“选择困难”，即驳论的部分，建议3、4段换位置，文章整体从支持到反驳，感觉逻辑更清晰，也更有说服力一点。

-- by 会员 nirvanababy (2012/6/10 14:56:03)

谢谢细心改正！

typo总是很多，小问题总是花费同学们的时间，下次自己先check一遍，辛苦了！