A95 5.27求狠拍！！！

nocky

The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"A recent national survey found that the majority of workers with access to the Internet at work had used company computers for personal or recreational activities, such as banking or playing games. In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Using electronic monitoring software is the best way to reduce the number of hours Climpson employees spend on personal or recreational activities. We predict that installing software to monitor employees' Internet use will allow us to prevent employees from wasting time, thereby increasing productivity and improving overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

提纲：
1、survey 不科学，C公司不适用
2、monitor 不可行，产生负效应
3、除上网外还有别的行为影响productivity
4、best way
5、improve overall profits

拖拖拉拉写了好长...求狠拍！

By citing a recent national survey which indicates that the majority of workers use internet in their workstation for personal or recreational activities during work time, the vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries made a recommendation to install software to monitor employees’ internet use, as the best way to cut down the non-work-use-time. Moreover, he or she predicted by doing that productivity and overall profits will be increased. This recommendation seems quite reasonable and effective at the first glance. However, after taking a few minutes for a deeper read, we can find it based on dubious assumptions. Thus, before putting into practice, certain questions should be answered, and more detailed information still required.


Since the entire argument is based on a national survey, the inaccuracy of the survey may lead the whole argument into meaningless words. As the detailed content of this survey is unknown in the argument, we may cast doubt on its reliability. Is the selection random, can sampling represents the general situation? Plus, even if the survey is 100 percent scientific, still the overall situation in a state-scale can not represent what is really happening in Climpson. Is it possible that the employees there are all responsible and hard-working, their high moral standard prevent them from wasting time during office - hours? What if they are too busy dealing with taxing work to spend time on personal or recreational issues? The arguer neglects a lot of factors under the surface. Many questions refer to the survey need to be answered in order to make sure the fundament of the recommendation is sound.


Despite the survey issue, the arguer assumes the electronic monitor can be used, and would be useful. Yet the feasibility of installing electronic monitor is uncertain, since it may be defined as an illegal to overly spy and control employees’ personal activities, even during the office-hour.
Regardless of its legality, we have to nevertheless ask if the arguer’s prediction too unilateral. Not to mention the physical pressure increased by electronic monitor, the consequential mental problem may also arise under that tense environment, which will definitely lower the productivity and ruin the relationship between co-workers. Whether the positive effects can overweight the negative sides is remain uncertain. Comprehensive analysis or efficient solutions to the backward effects are indispensable in order to persuade the opponents.


Furthermore, online activity is just one of the many factors that may deteriorate employees’ productivity. The arguer overlooks (or chooses to ignore) other aspects, making the argument lack of credibility. The question is can employer prevent all the behaviors that may cause a drop in productivity? The answer is NO. According to common sense, one door shut, we can just open another. Being prevented from using internet, employees may increase their chat time instead.


Using the word ‘Best’, the argument actually assumes there was no better way to solve this problem. It is unjustified. Setting up a reward & punish mechanism related with salary can be more useful. Since no precedent using electronic monitor or other meanings was offered, further research and experiment still needed. The arguer is too hasty to come to that conclusion, and failed to convince me with little evidence he or she got so far.


Last but not the least, even though the electronic monitor arguer recommend does well in preventing time-waste, and improving productivity, the arguer mentions nothing about the cost of such high-tech facility. What if buying the electronic monitor is high-cost, while the improvement of employees’ productivity is limited, it still necessary? Or what if the electronic monitor can only fit the most advanced computers, while the computers in Climpson are out of date (updating all the computers in the company will of course costs a lot of money)? Moreover, is the productivity the main factor blocks the prosperity of the company? The answer is obvious, but the arguer seems neglects other possible ones, such as the economy condition, market requirements and so on. Under these or other conditions, the prediction about improving overall profits is unrealistic.


In conclusion, the argument is full of holes and assumptions. In order to strengthen it, and make the recommendation more persuasive, the arguer must provide the whole content of the survey, and detailed information about employees in Climpson Industries. What’s more, careful analysis and experiment towards this --- installing of electronic monitor, and other meanings should be done, ensuring its feasibility and efficiency. Finally, accurate calculation involving the total revenue and the overall cost is indispensable.

竹林中人

你的第一段瘦下身吧，你的最后说那句话，无非是说题目的一句不够给力，不必写那么多套话。
we may cast doubt on its reliability. 诸于此类的话完全不必说，直接说怎么不可信就好了

竹林中人

整体上，你的最大问题就是上面提出来的，去掉模板的痕迹

nocky

谢谢点解！我还一直担心没怎么背模板到时词穷呢...现在安心啦~~