argument 5

小小林

这是写的第一篇，求指教，谢谢~


In this argument  the editor of Balmer Island Gazette comes to aconclusion that in ord to diminish the number of accidents involving mopeds andpedestrians,Balmer Island’s town council need to limit the number of mopedsrented by the island’s moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per dayduring the summer season. To justify the conclusion the editor points out that throughthe limint of rental,the town council will attain the 50 percent annualreduction in moped accidents. The editor also cites that the neighbor island ofSeaville whose town council enforced similar limints on moped rentals reachedthe effect last year.  The argument iswell presented and appears to be relatively sound at firstglance.however,closed scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincingon several aspects .
To begin with,The argument unfairly claims that by liminting thenumber of mopeds rental will make the same reduction of accidents.There is noevidence to prove that the number of accidents will be necessily reduced byliminting the number of moped rental. It is quite possibl that driver’s usual carelessness lead to this situation,orperheps it is caused by the pedestrians break the trafficrules,or Since the argument fails to account for the alternative reason forcausing the accident.
In addition, the argument commits a false analogy in assumingthat the method that liminting the number of moped rental have been taken inSeaville will achieve the same effect in Balmer.However, It is quite possiblethat there are some differences between seaville Island and BamlerIsland ,likethe various geographical conditions,or different traffic equipments,ordisparate population.
Finally,even though the method that liminting the number odmoped renred is reasonable.however,is it really effective?It is quite possible thatthe residents complain to the inconvenience to take a bus,alsoperhaps that will reduce the businessman andtourists from the otherregions,thus it will generate a negative influence on the native economy.sincebefore a general evaluation,the author can not simply reproduce the messure,itis likely that there are still have many other solutions
To sum up, the author fails to substantiate the conclusion.Tostrengthen thus argument the author need to account for the alternative reasonfor causing the accident .   To betterassess the argument the author also need to compare the different circunmstantial between the Seavill island andBalmer island .moreover,the author need to make a general evaluation,not justsimply reproduce,and take more effective messure to solve it.

普渡哥

第一句，come to conclusion 少了the

普渡哥

During the summer seaon写得很有问题。感觉作者不怎么搞得清楚the的用法。英语基本能力要加强

小小林

谢谢~我就是记住很差，会努力的。

小小林

基础   打错了。。。

竹林中人

你的第一段太不精简了，你有必要概括性地复述题目的依据。
关于你中间的三个质疑点，我觉得分析并不很透彻，你只是指出问题，然后指出还有其他可能，你有必要指出质疑点的可能性假设，或者说是错误的病因，然后再给出其他解释.

小小林

恩恩 谢谢 ~ 是不是太失败了~我也觉得写的很乱 可是不知道怎么提高啊~

竹林中人

恩恩 谢谢 ~ 是不是太失败了~我也觉得写的很乱 可是不知道怎么提高啊~

-- by 会员 小小林 (2012/5/14 23:27:41)

不急，慢慢学习着写，语言上写的时候多多揣摩，思路发散尽量做到辩证深入，知其然，更要知其所以然