附件是从EssayEdge.com上摘下的一个MBA申请者的简历样本，关键看以下EssayEdge.com对原简历不足之处的评述，有很多可以借鉴之处，划线部分是我认为的重点：
A Critique of Your Resume:
Dear Will ~
Given your intent to use this resume for admission to an MBA program, I chose a “Professional” format to best display your skills and qualifications. This style employs the Times New Roman font resulting in a document that’s elegant and well organized.
As one admissions director recently wrote:
“Your resume should portray your work and educational history in the way you would present them to a prospective employer…”
Keeping that in mind, I began your resume by placing your most important contact information (phone number and email) flush left and flush right, respectively.
In the body of the resume, I began with a Qualifications summary that briefly summarizes and emphasizes all that you have to offer an MBA Program. In this short paragraph, I described you as analytical and results oriented, “…with proven success in streamlining procedures, improving inventory control, and increasing department efficiency by implementing effective business plans.” (Believe me, this is what hiring managers love to hear). I then wrote, “Currently seeking admission to an MBA program to hone skills that also include research analysis.” I ended this paragraph by listing your technical proficiencies.
I next listed your Professional History. Although you’re a recent graduate, MBA admissions directors are most concerned with proven job performance in their candidates. You have that with Nations Waste Management, Inc.
In that and the Ralston listing, I began each bullet point with the strongest action verb possible, while also revising text for clarity, conciseness, and maximum impact.
For example, you wrote:
“Managed company procurement activities resulting in an improvement in supplier relations and inventory control.”
I revised that to read:
Improved supplier relations and inventory control by effectively managing procurement activities.
You’ll note that I first listed what you did (“Improved supplier relations and inventory control..”), then how you did it (by effectively managing…”). Hiring managers and admissions directors want to know what you did, then how you did it.
In another example, you wrote:
“Analyzed competitive practices and products being developed by the public and private sector, resulting in concrete data on how the Firm’s products compared to any alternatives.”
I revised that to read:
Compiled concrete data on how firm’s products compared to competitors’ by analyzing practices and products being developed by others in the public and private sectors.
Again, what you did (“compiled concrete data…”) should be listed first, then how you did it (“…by analyzing practices and products…”)
I ended your resume with the education section. I listed your Miles Garrison Scholarship here. If that’s incorrect, please let me know.
I did not include any of your extracurricular activities. In a business resume (which admissions directors advise using), interests and activities are rarely, if ever, included.
Your work at Nations Waste Management and Ralston speaks volumes as to your capabilities, including leadership and teamwork. Too, if I had included your activities, the resume would have run to two pages. In the industry, only seasoned professionals with decades of experience are advised to have more than a one-page resume.
All decisions to modify or exclude data were in keeping with the guidelines and standards set forth by the Professional Association of Resume Writers (PARW).
With this resume, you now have a powerful tool that’s well organized and filled with pertinent data, while also being aesthetically pleasing.
It was a pleasure serving you, Will.
Good luck in all your future endeavors.
ResumeEdge Editor
Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW)
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发表于 2004-4-6 13:25:00
