Argument 126求拍求指导求建议

小小游儿

Argument 126

The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.

"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a 500-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, to improve productivity, Acme should require all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."



Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



字数:不足500时间:45min这篇argu存在的问题很多很多,我只挑了比较好写的一些,限时写了,我自己感觉逻辑没有罗列好,请大家狠狠拍吧.

提纲:1.调查不具有代表性和可信性

2.阅读越快并不代表收获的信息量越大;那个升职graduate可能是因为本身的优秀而不是课程

3.课程的花费对于一个公司并不一定是一笔划算的费用

写作:

The argument is well presented and appears to be relatively sound at the first glance, the author concludes that Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course. However, a close scrutiny about the argument will reveal that several specific evidences should be added in order to make the argument to be more cogent and persuasive.



To begin with, the survey must be shown to be reliable before I can accept any conclusion based upon it. In order to establish a strong correlation between productivity and the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course, the survey’s sample must representative of the overall companies. Moreover, the term ”many” is far too vague to allow for any meaningful conclusions. If “many” amounts to an insignificant percentage of companies, then the finding is of little use in identifying the conclusion. To better evaluate the argument, the author should provide more specific evidences.



Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. It is entirely possible that you will become quite confused and absent critical thinking with faster reading, then you might not absorb useful information. To make his assurance eloquent, he must provide more specific evidences to consummate his argument. In addition, the author sets a graduate who rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year for example, however, a direct correlation between the course and the promotion does not necessarily prove that the former cause the latter. The author must eliminate the possibility that the graduate is eloquent and with outstanding ability.



Thirdly, the author indicates that the expense of Easy Read course is effective when refers Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee-a small price to pay when considering the benefits. However, some specific evidences must be provided. If Easy Read course’s authenticity is not justified, the course is not only a waste of time but also a waste of money. Futhermore, if Acme Publishing Company owns thousands of employees, the expense does not mean a small price.



Finally, while it is true that it is attractive to the employees when refers the course including in a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription, it is not true to employers. It is entirely possible that the boss notice the short-term profits, whereas the course may be favor of long-term reserves of manpower nevertheless. To draw a better conclusion, the author should justify the Easy Read course can produce short-term benefits of a company.



To sum up, the argument is far from powerful enough to substantiate that Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of employees to take the Easy Read course. In order to draw a better conclusion, the author should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive and take every consideration into account.

普渡哥

觉得第三点很牵强。

竹林中人

The argument is well presented and appears to be relatively sound at the first glance, the author concludes that Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read course. 作为两个独立的句子，没有任何的连接词，中间用逗号是不对的。
第三点，你可以重点质疑下benefit，因为题目中没有明确交代benefit是怎么样的，或者没有一个量化的结果，这样就不能与投入的资金进行比较，其实是最后一点有点不充分，我不太明白在说什么

小小游儿

谢谢普渡哥和竹林, 我修改.问个问题,关于引号的使用,左右的空格是怎么空呢?

竹林中人

谢谢普渡哥和竹林, 我修改.问个问题,关于引号的使用,左右的空格是怎么空呢?

-- by 会员 小小游儿 (2012/4/26 12:58:14)

打完符号之后空格

竹林中人

左边的可以不空