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能抽空帮我看看吗?这是我的第一篇.期待你的评价.

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楼主
发表于 2004-9-21 22:31:00 | 只看该作者

能抽空帮我看看吗?这是我的第一篇.期待你的评价.

AA46


In this argument, the author concludes that the payment of advertising should be keep pace with the profit they make each year for purpose that such strategy can motivate their advertising agency to perform better. To support this argument the author cites the comparison of the two restaurants' total profits, showing that the author's restaurant has a lower total profit than those of Street Eats. To further drew his conclusion, the author use the facts that they spent almost as much on advertising as their main competitor, and  their competitor has fewer restaurants than they do. A deeper view of this argument may lead to two fundamental fallacies.


What comes first is that, the more payment on advertising and the more number of restaurants do not have a positive connect with the profits of the rattans, a point the author assumes gratuitous in the argument. Although more advertising may make the restaurants well-know, and superficially more restaurants mean more total profit, it is not necessarily the restaurant will earn more unless other factor such as the better service, the location of the restaurants and the taste of the fast-food are concerned.



      In addition, the author makes the casual oversimplication over the relationship between the motives of advertising agency and the amount they pay. In factor, it


is the case that when the profits reduce, and they cut the payment of advertising correspondingly, so the agency may perform worse for the lack of money to behavior better consequently.


      

In conclusion, the author neglects some essential elements to substantiate his argument. If the author take more things other than the amount of payment on advertising and the number of restaurant that could result in the increase of profit into account and design more efficient strategy to motive the performance of the agent, this argument may become more convincing.

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2004-9-21 22:34:00 | 只看该作者

格式有点乱,是因为粘贴上去的时候没处理好

希望有时间的XDJM给我点意见

让我知道我现在处于什么样的水平,什么地方是要改进的

谢谢了~~~!!!

板凳
发表于 2004-9-22 00:41:00 | 只看该作者

先提两点基本要求吧。

1.  最好能把题目附在帖子里面, 很多朋友都考过了,手上未必有AWA的题目。

2. 希望配合按置顶的帖子要求的发帖格式。 楼主可能是新来的,不知道。参见:http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=26&ID=57832&page=1

请楼主修改一下, 点击一楼的右下角的编辑。

基本看了一下。

1. 有些基本的语法错误, 这个一定要避免。

2. 总体语言水平可以。 但是,很显然楼主偏爱长句子。对于长句子的把握,我曾经在AWA TWE的一篇文章中有提到。 建议看看。

3. 中间论述部分有点单薄, 比较头尾而言。

相信如果不断练习的话,上5.0-5.5应该问题不大。

地板
 楼主| 发表于 2004-9-22 11:59:00 | 只看该作者

刚刚来不懂规矩不好意思

我下29号就要考试了

可是才刚刚准备作文

并且打字速度也是问题

谢谢你的建议和鼓励!

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